Happy Holidays!

Christmas went well. Kinda. Dane is a Christmas Day opener and I am a Christmas Eve opener. Now on most things Dane just lets me do whatever cause I tend to be pushy like that. Though that is slowly changing (I seem to morphing into more of a submissive role these days and loving it!), I still fight for what I want pretty ruthlessly. So the C-day/C-eve thing has been a HUGE battle since the inception of our relationship. Historically the issue has been "resolved" by: if we were in SLC w/ D's mom - we did it C-day and I was a little bummed, but come on - it's still Christmas, right?! Then if we were in CO - we celebrated on C-eve. So this has worked thus far but now we are on our own. We are not going to SLC or CO for the holidays and so an ongoing argument has ensued over when Cmas opening would take place. The reason this is a fight is because Dane is actually fighting for this rather than letting me win, which is fine. Dane doesn't slap down his man card often at all. In fact, when he slaps it down, that's the end of the convo/fight/whatever. And he slaps it down so rare that I don't mind shutting up when he pulls it out. But this time I wasn't going for it. To date I have never fought back on a man card but Cmas is very important to me. Well - to make a boring story long, my mom said, when she saw the presents under our tree, "it's going to take you two days just to get through all this!". At that point there was a loose discussion and somehow in the fray it was decided that Dane and I would open "half" our presents on C-eve. Up till now when it was suggested we do "half" it was always I open all my gifts on C-eve, which is not fun for me because I get off on the giving part and the funny stories surrounding the gifts. In this scenario, we would just open "half".

So C-eve comes around and Dane and I laze about the house in sweats, eat snacks, make cookies, watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose - the usual holiday stuff. At 8:00 we decide to start opening gifts but a fight develops as to what is considered "half". After a heated discussion, Dane comes up with the brilliant idea to play a game. Using the cards and dice from Cranium, we are to answer questions in order to open a gift. If we guessed wrong, the present would be out of commission for the rest of the night. If we guessed right, we could open a gift or sacrafice our gift to "save" a discarded gift for the other to open. We did other things too like a "blue" roll/card would earn another gift, a Club Cranium seal earned another gift, a "purple" roll meant the non-opener got to pick the gift instead. So what could have been a boring "okay now you open your gift - yeah - now I'll open mine." turned into an awesome game with acting, sculpting, word games, etc. We only opened about 1/3 the gifts in the four hours we were playing, but it was a great time. We now have our new tradition.

As for gifts, I got my usual fray of gift cards - AWESOME! And a ton of other great toys, clothes, books, shoes, games, puzzles, etc. But the most wonderful, most surprising gift was a three tiered diamond heart and white gold necklace. It's beautiful - it looks like it belongs to a heiress or something. Dane said that I have the best luck w/ necklaces (not losing them or the stones in them) so that's why he chose it. I told him I am only to wear it when supervised. Dane got a whole bunch of stuff but the best stuff is somewhat private, though extremely fun in nature. He got the biggest kick out of the light up boobie and bikini butane lighter I got him.

The rest of the weekend was spent playing games with Nick and Mog. It seems so juvenille but it is true - Dane and I have more fun chilling at home w/ our 17 year old neighbor and our 30-something virgin (in every way from sex to beverages) than we do going out and getting crazy. I should rephrase that. We enjoy staying home on a regular basis so that when we go out, it makes it that much more fun.

No plan for new year's yet though we might cab it down to Daman's for food, fun, and spirits. We'll see. The other plans include sushi at Tuna House (walking distance), downtown extravaganza, mystery plans - who knows. Whatever we do, it should be a lot of fun!

U2 ROCKS!

So I had the time of my life in PDX w/ Jojo! We were so close to U2 I could have thrown my cell phone at them! They put on the best concert ever! My voice is still cracking I was screaming so loud and hard! OMG - just awesome! Jojo and I had about four beers while there - which isn't a lot untill you figure that we had no food in our bellies and each beer was 20 ounces. Put that way it explains why we were a bit tipsey (okay a LOT tipsey). We left the Rose Center and didn't even discuss which direction to go, we just decided our hotel was in "that" direction and walked there. An hour and a half and two miles later we discovered we weren't in Kansas anymore and no where near our hotel so we threw in the towel and called a cab. Jojo was smart in our soberness to grab a cab card from the cabbie who took us to the concert. We had a blast though - at one point we got into a hissy fight, though we are now unclear what we were originally arguing over, but we decided that whatever our strife was it was only going to be settled by a thumb wrestle. So there we were at midnight, in the drizzly Portland city under a street lamp on NW Northrup and NW 19th duking it out with our thumb war. I believe Jojo won.

Mom's visit here was awesome though let me tell you what happens when you put my travel luck together w/ Mom's travel luck - catastrophe!! We drove the 3 hours to Leavenworth to see the World Renowned lights, we were told "you will not be disappointed". And guess what. Apparently the "Ice Festival" was to take place on Saturday and while we were there on Friday, the streets/vendors were mandated by the Chamber of Commerce to keep their lights off so the lighting festival on Saturday would be "virgin". Mind you, the lights are on and have been on every day since Thanksgiving. Just Friday, the 16th they were off. Can you believe that sh*t?! WTF!! Other than that it was fun. Messiah was great, always a treat. We made cookies and shopped and had fun.

The kittens are almost 100% healthy. I was surprised to learn they are already over 3 months old and altered! Vets can alter cats at 1 and half pounds these days!! Shocking but necessary. So we get them over Christmas but probably not through the new year. Boo hasn't talked to us since we got the kittens. We tried introducing our cats to them last night but that went over like a lead ballon.

Work is going well - in fact I should be doing that right now but you know. :-) My review went swimmingly - I'm happy but only briefly as I only have 15 working days to close November and December - yikes! I guess that's what I get for joining the real world. I'm in the C-I-T-Y now!!

Amy is visiting in January - hello AWESOME!!!! I can't wait to show her off and around. There are a ton of veggie places here that I know she will love. Not to mention fun things to do on a normal basis! Steven will be in town next weekend for the new year, it will be nice seeing him. I can tell he's changed a lot. I imagine I would too if I were in his shoes. I can't wait to see him.

And - the best news! So Dane has been taking classes for and trying to get his certification for Remedy. This is a covetted cert as it takes well over $10,000 to obtain and you have to have company sponsorship. The classes and exams are brutal - I liken it to the CPA exam for accountants and the bar exam for lawyers - for him this is IT. So while Mom was here, he was taking the final exams and application presentation. He was worried and fretful that he wouldn't pass. He thought for sure that he would be either taking it again or barely squeaking by. Well - on Tuesday he got word from Remedy that not only did he pass, he passed with the highest score ever recorded in Remedy history!! Not in his company, IN THE ENTIRE WORLD OF REMEDY!!!!!! He got a 97.5%!! Can you believe that?! Awesome! My mom and I asked him what sort of laziness did he possess to screw up and not get 100%. Hee hee. So Dane is absolutely gleeful. Then, as if that wasn't good enough, on the same day he went go-karting w/ his colleagues at WaMu and won 1st place complete w/ trophey. And if that wasn't all he needed - his boss emailed him yesterday and said "your annual review is in January and your salary review is in April - let's combine the two and meet on Jan 3rd". I AM SO PROUD OF MY HONEY!!!!!

We went to the Melting Pot last night to celebrate our greatness (okay mostly his because I don't feel so great these days) and had a wonderful time. We are so happy. I can't wait to spend this Christmas alone w/ my honey. BEAM!!!!

KITTENS!!

These are our kittens!! We are foster parents for the Seattle Humane Society and we picked up a litter of sick kittens on Saturday. It's really quite sad actually. They all have eye infections, colds, and are getting over gardia (sp?). The two girls (the ones in the hammock) are the worst - their eyes are crusty and inflamed but the boys are doing well. We have to give them cold medicine and eye goop twice a day, so Dane and I are up early and late each day/night. So far they are staying in the spare bedroom right next to ours- we decided we wanted to hear if anything was going awry and it will be nice for our guests to have a room that is private (ie: downstairs).

Speaking of guests, my mom is arriving this Thursday!! We are taking her to Mizo - Japanese Steakhouse which is a hibatchi style steakhouse near the airport for her birthday. Then I am taking off work early on Friday and we are driving two hours into the Cascades to the Bavarian town Leavenworth (LW). I'm told LW has a Christmas/holiday light display that is ranked one of the top in the nation. Saturday we will make cookies and take the kittens for a check up then go to Handel's Messiah symphony. Sunday I'm taking her to Pike Place Market and West Lake Center. She leaves Monday which is when Jojo and I will leave for PDX to go see U2 in concert at the Rose Garden - I'm so excited it hurts!!

I'm also extremely stressed. I have to close October and November for my six corps by this Friday. At this point it will be impossible. I really didn't know what I was getting in to when I accepted this job. I do love it though - the strain is exciting because I know I will not be reprimanded or scolded for not having my stuff done. I'm granted a lot of lee-way and my trainer and peer Heather has been oh-so-patient with me. She will cover any of my slack - I totally owe her lunch. :-)

Other than the kittens, preparing for Mom to come to town, and work there isn't much to report. However, I would like to say how much I absolutely, completely, and udderly, irrevokably love love LOVE my Dane. Watching him with the kittens has made me fall in love with him all over again. This started out being my "monkey" but he totally loves animals, especially cats. He cares for those kittens so much! He helps me medicate them, helps me spend time with them, feed them, clean them, everything. He even helped me purchase supplies and stuff for them. I think about what other guys in my past would have done and they don't even compare to Dane. They would have been irritated or indifferent, not the kind, compassionate soul Dane is. Another reason I love Dane = I'm totally stressed about cleaning the house for my mom and having time to close the books at work and drive my car up the 40% grade downtown Seattle hills, and what to eat, and what about the girl kittens, and this and that. And he calms me down - always. I picked him up today and he had a Starbucks to "help me get up those hills". I came home to clean and he grabbed the mop and bucket without me saying anything. I decide to starve till my work gets done, he brings me nourishment. Then, as if that wasn't already enough, he says to me "You know - why don't we just get a maid. Then you don't have to worry about cleaning." *mouth drops open* Wow. Just wow. Want another reason? He has totally helped w/ all the Christmas stuff right? AWESOME. But now he and I are making a gingerbread house together. What guy would do that?! Few that I have been with! Except we are both perfectionists and he's not putting the frosting on neatly and I'm not "holding the roof it in the right place." It's funny the things we are obsessive-complusive about.

Well - we are off to decorate the gingerbread house - maybe it will make the blog cut. HA!

Where Birds Go to Die

Dane has always wondered - where do birds go to die? He remarked that you see thousands of live birds but comparatively low amounts of dead birds. Therein lies the question - where do birds go to die? As many of you may know - I have a complete and entirely irrational "thing" about birds. Don't know why, I just do. They always sit in large packs, just sitting, just doing NOTHING! As my long-ago friend once pointed out "they are plotting". I can tell you all the places the birds are here in WA - they are on the booies, on the 3 highway signs for Exits 2A and 2B plus the ferry sign, on the power lines by the Pacific Rim (the lines run BLACK with birds - I'm not lying!), and on the perimeter of the old, abandon brick building off I-5. And they are there everyday. Sitting. Waiting. All facing the same direction day in day out. Everyday. Sitting.

Clearly I need help, but let's not digress. So yesterday Dane drops me off and we see a crow picking at something that is determined to be the right wing of a bird - hello GROSS! But whatever, as Nigel says on Finding Nemo "birds gotta eat, fish gotta swim, right?" So today I'm walking to work and see another crow (probably the same cannibal) picking at something. When I walk next to it I see that it is the spine, breast bone and both wings of a bird hollowed out with bits of bloody, meaty flesh and full feathered wings. DISTURBING. So I take a picture with my phone and send it to Dane, answering his question - where do birds go when they die - they get eaten by other birds on the spot.

OMG - so I totally had this great metaphor for this story and I EFFING lost it in telling the damn thing! *smacks head* D'oh!!

Well the thing that is on my mind is old friends and altercations. Dane and I were talking about a friend of his that was a lot of fun and we had good times with. There was a falling out and we didn't talk for a while, but now that's all water under the bridge. Dane and him talk now, but it is always at bay and their friendship will never be the same. So naturally I thought of my friend divorces. *sigh* I don't take (never did) these divorces lightly and at times the aftermath wears on me. So often I've wondered how these people are, if they wonder about me, how things could have been, and "what if". I think about how things played out and what that means now.

More than anything I realize my mistakes. I realize that I didn't handle things well. I was a coward in many cases - most all of them. I sit here and wish I could talk to them, put a bandaid on "us" and make it better but I'm even too much of a coward for that. What was it - the lion on the Wizard of Oz that wanted courage? That's me. Actually if there was a combo WOO character that lacked all three, the courage, the heart and the brain - that would be me. Wait - there was one - the Wicked Witch of The West....Ironic that I live in the West? NO! Coincidental that my friends call me to sing the WWTW theme song? NO! (Actually ladies - that was funny and I still maintain that that would be my theme music if I could have theme music). I realize that I was very immature in my relationships. I realize that I had an agenda that including proving myself to be right all the time, proving to others that I know what I'm talking about (I don't), and that their ways are wrong (because mine are so right - *sarcasm*). I really lament how things turned out and wish I could go back and click "undo". The trouble is I can't.

What I have learned is to be cautious in my new relationships. I hesitate to say much to Jojo for fear that I will offend her or squander her budding relationship with her partner. I'm so afraid to say anything that it almost seems like I'm not listening - at least if I were her I'd feel like I was being blown off. Thing is - I think she's doing great and all her concerns are valid, run-of-the-mill issues that will blow over like a small storm. But I can't say that her problems are small and will fix themselves when it's very obvious that they aren't small at the time and she is in need of fix, even if that's just a friend smiling and saying "it will be okay". I just feel so confused. I'm torn by the thoughts and expressions of the friends in my past and the compassionate desire to help a friend a need. To be protective and comfort her. I'm so afraid I'll say the wrong thing and hurt her or she will have resentment for me that will take the shape of "F U C" months from now. I never want that again! I never wanted it to begin with! I'm anguished that I ever caused anyone so much grief! I'm so afraid to speak, I don't say much at all.

I am learning that silence really is golden. Even though at times I feel like I could be contributing more, I keep silent. Or try to anyway. Sometimes it's a losing battle for me.

I guess the bottom line is: I have deep remorse for how I've divorced some of my friends in the past. I wish I could find a good way to express myself without pushing the boundaries, coming off defensive, or pressuring them into any sort of obligation. Maybe a letter, but I don't have their addresses. Email is....email is on the fence for me, though that may be my only medium. Perhaps on Christmas Eve when I'm drunk with generous spirit and goodwill towards men/women I will send an email 'o oops. Till then, I'll rack myself with guilt and come up with more ways to prevent another divorce.

To all my friends and family who have ever experienced a divorce, of any kind or color, I'd like to say that I sympathize with the pain you must feel. And I only feel it on a very small scale - I cannot imagine the excruciating process of a formal severance. Stay strong friends! I, too, will try to stay strong.

Under New Management

HA! I had to laugh at my own joke about technical difficulties and "our executives" in meetings to discover resources and how to manage time better. That cracks me up.

Well I've had a great weekend! After work on Friday, Dane and I went to the Westlake Shopping Center. For those outta-towners, WLC is like a HUGE mall downtown. I hesitate to compare it to the 16th Street Mall in Denver but WLC could be considered a cousin of 16th Street. WLC is larger, covering about 6 square city blocks or so (it's not a perfect square). The streets are coblestone and the sidewalks are marble in places. It's an experience on any normal night, but Friday was host to a Christmas Caroler (sp?) sing off! Every 40 feet a group of carolers were singing! The streets were blocked off and there were thousands of people - so many that the police were directing the crosswalks and traffic. We got our shopping done and then it was off to home where it was warm and cozy with friends and fun. I'm addicted to the game Settlers of Catan. We stayed up till two playing other games and chatting.

Saturday Dane and I separated and went Christmas shopping for each other and a few others on our list. I got most of my shopping done and even found an interesting store right in my neighborhood but I can't say - prying eyes might spoil the surprise. *wink* But when in the store I got a call from my lovely friends Sarah and Rhi in Colorado who never forget to remind me when they think of me. If I called them everytime I thought of them or was reminded of something we did or when I missed them then I would never get off the phone! Yes, it's always nice to hear from my CO friends. I've prepared for the worst which is people just forget about you, outta sight - outta mind, so I honestly expected that from everyone. Then I quickly realized, a realization that I've had MANY times but somehow never get the message, that my friends in CO are treasures and they aren't going to simply vanish just because I'm not there in physical body. Bless you lovely Colorado Cuties! :-)

Of course there is my wonderful blessing of a friend here in WA - Jojo. She lost her cell phone on Friday night so when she didn't call, I figured she got busy. By Saturday night I was worried. I left her a message and hoped for the best. After Dane and I shopped our tails off and ate dinner at Daman's we decided it was time to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - by far the best of the 4 movies! Once home we stumbled on Jojo's present to us - the poor thing couldn't call me cause she didn't know my number so she drove down to see me and drop off some cookies she made earlier that day when she was visiting another friend in the area. HOW SWEET! Turns out she has a PDA through her new j-o-b and I was able to call her on that and talk for a couple hours before bedtime - it was an amazing conversation. I am truly lucky to have found such a wonderful friend so quickly here in WA.

Sunday was spent doing homework, making and mailing holiday newsletters. I realized today in a cold sweat that I used the wrong word. I said C&C was a right-to-die activist organization. D'oh!!! I meant to say and I thought I put advocacy. Oh well. There are only a few people who will notice and of the few that do, there is only one person I can think of that will contact me solely to say "YOU MADE A MISTAKE!!" Oh well, when that happens I'll say "Good catch! Thanks!" and let it go, nothing I can do now. *smacks forehead*

Yesterday was AWESOME!! I went to a local Greek restaurant w/ Jojo and 2 mintues turned into 4 hours of chatting! I swear - this girl is a treasure. ALL of my girlfriends are treasures - Peck, Amy, Sarah, Rhi - they mean so much to me, I couldn't live and be happy or complete without each and every one of them. And it is so nice to add another unique, beautiful individual to my full house of amazing friends. I really am the luckiest girl in the world! Between my beautiful babes and my magnificant Mr. Man - life is good.

And of course there are my CATS! I went to the Seattle Humane Society tonight for my volunteer orientation. I will become a foster parent within the month. Rhi's room will be transformed into the foster kitty's room. I can't wait.

Work is good - I spend every morning putting out fires and if I'm lucky I can get to my routine tasks in the afternoon. I am supposed to close October and November in a week and a half. I have no idea how to do this "the Salvation Army way" and I'm ladden w/ other chores and the audit. And my review depends on it. It has been such an adjustment for me to switch to such a large company. I feel like no matter how productive I am, I get nothing done. I know I won't be docked for not getting this stuff done, but I want to have it done so I look good. It may mean that I have to work a little bit on Sunday this weekend or work late next week. I'm preparing for my final in the Constitution class and I need to prepare for my mom's visit. Plus Dane's holiday party is this weekend. Busy busy busy for Miss Crystal. I'm glad I got most of my shopping done already otherwise I'd never have time to do it.

Going to see Narnia this Friday - CAN'T WAIT!!!!! Other than that all is well in Washington. Stay tuned for more updates as interesting stuff happens.

**STATIC**

Please be patient while we experience technical difficulties.....Stay tuned!

Woe to Me

I am sick. I have a head/chest cold from hell. I don't have health insurance or paid sick time. *sigh*

Woe to me.

My homework sucks. It's about law and the Constitution, you'd think I'd ace it but I am all doped up on cold relievers and pain killers to do any good.

Woe to me.

I missed going to see Delilah dance with Jojo - I was REALLY looking forward to that.

Woe to me.

I am so consumed with losing weight and being obese that I have begun to dream about it every single night to the point of delirium.

Woe to me.

My CD matures today. All $10,500. All of it will go to pay off debt. All of it.

Woe to me.

I gave in on Friday and smoked cigarettes. Like 5 in a row. I'm sure that helped my chest cold.

Woe to me.

I am in a terribly grumpy mood and this blog is perhaps the most pathetic blog entry I've ever typed.

Woe to me.

Thanks

I give thanks for (in no particular order):

Dane
kitty kats
compassion
string cheese
painting
mountains
Victoria's Secret
Isis
Fuddruckers
honesty
lilacs
old friends
new friends
spirit
soul
Mrs. Fields
yoga
Eckhart Tolle
credit cards
Mom & Dad
toothpaste
Moab
PETA
Midol
naps
siblings
IRA
humility
Grandparents
Veterns
butter
experience
make up
passion
combo fried rice
conservation
purified water
love
STARBUCKS!
soy
preservation
music
movies
games
*explicit*
beauty
change
life
vodka
happiness
rainbows
rain
green
sea critters
home
health
travel
dance
Dan Brown books
hammocks
pedicures
friendship
wireless internet
sushi
hugs and kisses

Just a few things I am thankful for. :-)

180 Degrees

I have two very different friends in Seattle. And that's it. *smirks* Laura Rose - the creative, talented artist (as in dance, interpretation, costume, human modification, make-up, etc.) who lives on her own beat to her own tune. And Johanna - the creative, talented career-woman. I adore both women as they both have specific roles that they fill for me. However, Jojo and I are very much alike in many ways. She's a lively, outgoing, strong, independent woman who has her sh*t together despite hiccups and a past that would bring down any strong horse. I admire her courage and endless hope and passionate love. She reminds me of myself in that she has many, many friends here and stretches herself thin attempting to nourish each of her relationships. She is ALWAYS meeting with someone somewhere, and quite possibly meeting someone else after that! Any night that she has to herself somehow gets booked up with something else before the day is through. The poor thing runs ragged for everyone else. I have to chuckle because I ~know~ exactly where she's coming from. It's hard maintaining old friendships, keeping current on the news, and building new ones from the ground up. I admire her perseverance to do so, especially since I want her in my life.

Of course talking to her and hearing her crazy schedule, it forces me to consider my own schedule and with that examine my personal growth. For a while in CO I had been looking for a clean break, if you will. I adored the time I spent with my friends, but it got to the point that someone was always having a birthday or anniversary or so-in-so was in town, so-in-so was out of town, so-in-so was down and out, so-in-so just got a job! There was a reason to celebrate or lament every weekend of my life, not to mention the weeknight rituals that I adored and didn't want to abolish from my schedule. All told, I found myself with NO freetime. No time to just do nothing and if I did have that time, I found a reason, found a friendship, found something to do with that freetime so I could "check it off the list" for one more week/month/whatever.

When Dane got the job offer in Seattle, I knew that would be my clean break. A chance to start fresh. A new medium for nurturing old relationships and a great forum for starting new ones. I miss my friends in CO and long for that comfortable fun of hanging out with people who KNOW me and were there for my trials and tribulations. However, it has been nice just going out and having no-baggage fun. There is something so sweet about new friendships. I can almost liken it to a courtship between young lovers. You know, that new, fresh time where everything you do is always fun because you are just in their company. That's what it's like with Jojo. We have gone to so many new places and fun events and it's all a joy because it's so new and she's fun, and we're new.

I'm digressing. My point in all this is that while I miss the old and appreciate the new, I am thankful for the nothing. The nothing that I get to do all weekend and more often than I have ever done in my life. It is so nice sitting here knowing that I am going home after work to a nap, perhaps a bubble bath, dinner at home, and lots of Discovery channel with the Man and the kitties. That sounds like heaven to me. The rest of the weekend will be filled with small errands and chores, perhaps a matinee, but mostly rest and relaxation. Just what I've needed.

I am looking forward to the holiday's this year like I never have in the past. It is so nice to call the shots for once rather than be told what to do. As usual, we are hosting a Thanksgiving party, it already sounds like we will have plenty of guests. The next six weeks have already been booked between my parents coming up, a visit from Steven, Amy coming up, holiday parties, holiday symphonies, shopping, decorating, volunteering, solstice feasts/dances, - the works. I really do love this city!

And it's actually overcast for once! Today's another day to check out the cam if you can - absolute grey! Today is the kind of overcast where the top of the Needle is non-existant.
http://www.spaceneedle.com/webcam/

The Weekend

Friday: Good day at work, tying up lose ends. Went home and napped and talked to mom till it was time to go to Jojo's. She made bluefin tuna steaks w/ onions, sweet squash w/ brown sugar, blue cheese potatoes, and corn salad. It was a fabulous meal. I brought the carrot cake from a posh cake maker near my work. We talked till about 2:00 am. We didn't even bust out a game, we just sat and talked all night. It was great.

Saturday: Per Mog's advice we slept in as LATE as possible - 2:30. Went up to Daman's for lunch, ran errands, and raided the grocery store for every snack food possible. Got on the road about 6 for Olympia, about 1 hour and 15 minutes away. We got there just in time to go to the mall and blow a few bucks shopping (Mog and I got a couple pairs of shoes, Dane got some shirts), eat dinner and mosey around town. At about 9 we stood in line for the 22nd Annual Olympia Film Fest only to get a ticket that allowed us to walk around town and not lose our place in line. Right on. We walked all over town till 11 then stood back in line and waited for admittance to the theatre. Around 12 we piled in to the old school theater, donned our 3D glasses and watched Friday the 13th part 3 in 3D. Totally awesome. Totally cheesey. The best was when Jason squeezed "Richard's" head so hard his eyeball came blasting out at the audience. Followed by the cross bow scene. After that and a couple of short films we watched Phantasm - all 70's, all mullets! For the third movie we watched Lady Terminator. A horrible, horrible film inspired by the original Terminator. This movie was B-A-D. After that it was Demons, which I slept through. Dane said it was worse than the sum of the first three put together. Once Demons was over, we decided, at 8:30 am on Sunday, that it was time to drive home.

Sunday: We drove home sleep deprived, which is IMHO worse than drunk. We barely made it through Jack in the Box, the only thing we could stay up and eat. Even at that we barely finished our food. Originally we were going to stay up all Sunday so as not to mess up our sleep schedule, but that was not happening. We promptly passed out till 3:00 pm waking up long enough to watch another 2 movies and go back to bed.

All in all it was one of the best weekends I've ever had. And completely sober and smoke free!!! AND I watched my diet the whole time. While the guys munched on chips and candy, I had carrot sticks, unbuttered popcorn, and apples. I haven't felt this healthy in a long time.

And I cannot wait for the next film fest! You would not believe how fun and funny it is to go to a theatre of hecklers and watch bad horror flicks. Good times.

More later, I have some updates on Seattle living, or driving rather, my radiating persona, and other stuff. We closed the fiscal year tonight. In fact I just got home and it's about 10:00 PST. We were held hostage till everything was done. Stay tuned.

Planet Crystal

So let's see here, what's worth "writing home about"....Dane and I went to the Big Bad Voodoo Daddy concert last night at the symphony hall, that was cool. Probably the only time I will be able to scream "WHOOOO" in that establishment. BBVD is a great Swing band - they were totally fab to see! I felt like I was in the early 1900's in an underground jazz club in NY. After that we GORGED ourselves on happy hour sushi at Nijo. We didn't think it was possible, but it IS possible to stuff yourself silly on raw fish. I love that happy hour in Seattle consists of sushi rolls and sashimi, not buffalo wings and peanuts on the floor.

Work is going good. It's boggling to work at such a large company sometimes. For example there needs to be standardization with everything. Case in point, our accounting software specifically the vendor system. Each vendor name has an abbrievated code so the clerks do not have to type Acme Supplies of Mass Purpose each time they enter a bill. However, without a set process, you would have a trillian different acronyms of Acme Supplies of Mass Purpose. So as a general rule, you use the first 8 letters of the business name. In the case of individual vendors, the vendor code would be the first 4 letters of the last name followed by the first 4 letters of the first name. So Joesph Smith would become SMITJOES and so on and forth. I am doing a cursory vendor check for Building Materials Inc. so I type in BUI and click the lookup icon. Up pops a list of vendor names starting with BUI and continuing down the alphabet. I do a double take on a particular vendor thinking "this must be a joke". I pull up the history and sure enough, there it was...Rashpal Buttar. BUTTRASH. Now I understand that our system is limited to the number of characters and we also must MUST obey the standardization rules at all times, but certainly there are select circumstances when it is considered most prudent to deviate from said regulations. Why not BUTTARRA? BUTRASHP? So that was funny. *chuckles* BUTTRASH. I felt like a 3rd grader giggling in my office, snickering about it with the other CFA's. And you know BUTTRASH was printed on the check! Not Pay to the Order of BUTTRASH, but it is still on the stub. Come on, people.

School is back in session and appropriately so with HIS/301 US Constitution. Followed by American History in Film. I can't tell you how many times it would have helped balance GL accounts knowing how many films Audrey Hepbourn has been in. Actually I don't mind taking this elective. I welcome the break from accounting and the opportunity to learn more about a subject I might not be privy to.

The holiday season is starting and with that endless events, parties, get-togethers, shopping, lists to make, lists to retrieve, things to do. I am sending out a Christmas newsletter and card this year, that should be interesting. I am not sure how this facade will work, but I want to at least try it.

Dane and I are doing good. We are so dull. We spent last weekend watching Arnold Schwarzenagger films then capped off the weekend by meeting LR and Mog for a night at the Noc Noc - I had to buy "grace" for how Halloween turned out. Only cost $60, and well worth it. LR has invited me to the Winter Solstice feast, an offer that is quite coveted as it is only by special invite that one gains admittance to the feast. Delilah has decided on an Egyptian theme for this year's Fremont Summer Solstice parade starring the lovely LR as Sekhmet, Seth as Set, Robert as Osiris, Delilah as Hathor, Dane as Annubis and yours truly as Isis. I am thrilled at this honor and cannot wait to help create this parade as the best parade yet!

This weekend is reserved for dinner and games and Johanna's pad, followed by an all night B-grade horror film fest in Olympia. Good stuff!

Stay tuned for more in Planet Crystal (title courtesy of the English guy from Borders, Gary, see http://blondninjachick.blogspot.com/2005/02/life-without-plans.html, yes I still talk to him - he apparently added my email address to his own list as well as the Border's list).

Cabos San Lucas

The trip was amazing!! Absolutely fabulous. Nothing but good times with GREAT people. I learned many Spanish words, met many new friends, and had the time of my life. Dane and I went parasailing, on a dinner cruise, on a snorkel cruise, shopping, plenty of down time reading on the beach with Pacifico (not Corona - according to Jesus "Corona eez joonk") with lime and salt. I even got a CD from the flea market bar with totally awesome Mexican rock music. Kick ass time.

However...returning was quite the opposite. It is yet to be determined if the promotions agency that sponsored our vacation win was acting blindly or maliciously. Here are the facts:

1. Dane and I were told on Monday that our trip was canceled and not to be rescheduled. We lost the 3 days, 2 nights trip. It's not "Millenium's" fault, blame the vendors. We would get the $1170 we paid in deposit and extra nights refunded in 3-5 business days.
2. Delta told us that the airfare was in our name and we could do what we wanted with it: get a refund, reschedule, or change destinations for a fee.
3. Since everything was already lined up and it would only cost an additional $215, we chose to change our destination to Cabos San Lucas and would leave on 10-25-05.
4. Sometime between our touch down in CSL and our departure, Millenium (M) called Delta for a refund.
5. Delta refunded the airfare.

Here are the fuzzy details:
1. M might have represented themselves as the passengers NOT the agency (very illegal).
2. M might have been refunded the entire cost including our change fee.
3. No one knows how Delta could have refunded a fare that has already been half taken.
4. Delta shouldn't be able to refund a fare requested by an agency when the passengers are in a foreign country.

This was the outcome:
After arriving at the prescribed 2 plus hours ahead of flight time, Dane and I were told that our boarding passes could not be printed because they were refunded. Confused, we asked who requested said refund. Delta said the "passengers". We said "no". Then it seemed like M got the refund. Minutes tick by as we try to sort this out on phone because Mexico can't do anything in the airport except print tickets. They can't even reschedule or request a new flight. 10 minutes till the plane is supposed to leave we get told by the manager that the only way we are leaving Mexico is if we buy 2 one way tickets, EVEN though we had printed documentation that we already paid for the tickets. So we say fine, they say $1180 please. We pass out. With no other options available and a couple of maxed out credit cards, Dane pushes his debit card to the manager and we get on the plane 5 minutes after scheduled take off only to realize that our receipt indicates our travel takes place on November 1st, not October 31st. We look at each other and our "official" Mexican boarding passes (sharpie on a piece of paper - it was all they had to spare in our seconds to board the plane) and burst out laughing and crying. We can get to the States, but now we can't leave SLC till Tuesday. We get to SLC, lament our troubles to the Delta rep and are rewarded with 4 drink coupons, $50 off our next Delta flight, and two Halloween cookies as well as a ticket for the 8:44 flight, the 6:40 flight being canceled due to incliment weather in Houston. To make a boring story long, we are in the middle of a battle with M and Delta to get our money back and possibly press charges against M for impersonating our identities.

Other than that, the trip was fab!

Cancelled

Well Cancun has been cancelled, obviously due to Hurricane Wilma. The travel company does not really have a protocall for situations like this so we do not know what will happen. Dane thinks that most likely the trip will be rescheduled for some time in November. I hope we can have a little say in the matter of when we go though. We will call the place tomorrow and settle out the details. In the meantime we are going to go to work and plug away as planned.

This turn of events does make it possible for us to participate in all the Seattle Halloweeny activities. It should be a lot of fun this year as Laura Rose will be Sekhmet, Seth will be Set, Rob will be Osiris, and of course Dane will be Anubis and I Isis. The costumes look amazing as everyone put a lot of time and creativity into them. It will be interesting to see what happens course it will be awkward if we won a contest as a team or if just one of us won. At any rate we will be around for all that so it should be good times.

This weekend was fun, we walked around the Westlake mall downtown, hung out at a crazy bar, went home early and played chess. Saturday we did nothing, went to see Corpse Bride, went to the margarita madness night, then went to the U district (University of Washington) to go to an improve comedy show - very "Whose Line is it Anyway" - good times. I swear there is always something to do in this city.

Wow. We just watched news coverage on the hurricane. What a crazy season it has been. I am just glad that the destruction and death has been relatively low with this one.

More news later...

This City...

This city is absolutely breathtaking. I imagine today is the type of day "they" talk about when they talk of Seattle. It's not raining, the ground is not even wet, but the clouds are so low that buildings over 7 stories are completely MIA. I work at the foot of the Space Needle, which stands about 520 feet above ground, and you can't see the top of it. If you are checking out my blog today, 10-18-05, go to this website http://www.spaceneedle.com/webcam/. The cam is completely greyed out.

I am not sad or suicidal though like everyone says you become in Seattle. If anything I am relaxed and totally chill. The clouds give me a sense that there will be time to do everything and I needn't rush through life. And to have clouds so close that you can reach up and grab a piece, you can walk down the street and literally be walking on the clouds - absolutely heavenly.

I am so going to enjoy living here. I almost wonder if I will want to leave....For now Dane and I have been talking about moving downtown next year. Selling everything but the Fxylady and Gixxer and moving camp to the seaside Harbor Steps condos. Check it out if you have some time, if for no other reason than because they did a PHENOMINAL job on the website! http://www.harborsteps.com/

As for daily life, things are going well. Enough. This morning I was asked if I would be bringing my daughter to the "Trick-or-Treat Sneak" here at the TSA office. It was first thing this am too, so it hit me like a slap in the face. I haven't really told anyone here (maybe two or three people total - including outside of work) about Isis and the whole story behind it. I have pictures of her and when people ask I simply say "She was 9 months in that picture." Or whatever. One woman proceeded to ask how old she was now, so I said she had passed on. The woman wanted to know more (she's such a sweethart, she's from Indonesia) and I just smiled and said it was a terrible accident. I don't know what to do. I want a picture of her but I don't welcome the questions but it's hard to deal with the "Are you brining her to the ____". *sigh* What an odd, sad situation.

Other than that things are good. I am on hiatus for another 2 weeks from school. Work is going very well, I'm almost caught up. Just in time to leave for Cancun though. Dane is tracking the hurricanes in that area and currently keeping tabs on "Wilma". It should be there and gone by the time we get there. OH! I have to send out an informative email with the info....*jots down note to self* So that's it here in Jet City. I'll probably bust out another entry before we leave. I have to post my fairy mug pic! She's pretty!

Indications

Since I've had this blog I have always talked about how I want to change this and that. I think I have slowly but surely made changes in an effort to grow, learn, and constantly improve. How I know I have changed:

1. While I have judged some of my friends in the past, I have not wished them ill will or ever said "eff ____".
2. I understand that people think and process things in a different way than I do. I know that if someone says something that *I* consider sharp, "they" might not mean it the same way I would if I said it.
3. I have less confrontations with those around me.
4. I have shut my mouth on so many occasions where normally I would have been bolstering about.
5. Dane and I almost never argue any more.
6. I am not in such a hurry all the time.
7. I don't feel the need to plan everything out.
8. I don't have to control things anymore.
9. I have learned to let go of negative self-talk and negative talk from those around me. (But in truth, this is SO hard!! I have always concerned myself with what other people think about me. Add to that my burning desire to always be a good, alturistic person and you can see why I take negative comments to heart. In the past it has been very difficult for me to take on criticism. The more I stewwed on the negative, the more I worried about becoming what I didn't want to be or seen as, the more I became it! It was like a self-fulfilling prophecy or perpetuating the cycle!! Lately though, I've learned how to create value out of negative talk: I consider the source, think deeply about what was said, make mental notes, and then translate the negative words into positive ones so that I can make the best out of what was said.)
10. I know that I have a long LLLOOONNNGGG way to go!

Above all, I am doing pretty good, and I've just started!

My Fairy

This is my ceramic fairy mug. I started it a couple weeks ago at Margarita Madness and finished it this Saturday. You can see the internet copy that I originally traced from and then got all my coloring ideas from. Cool, huh!! We signed up for the next Margarita Madness night, on the 22nd. I think I will paint a soy sauce bowl (for at home sushi) and miso soup bowls. I didn't understand the allure of an all-adult event until I was there during the day on Saturday with every rowdy kid that lives in Bellevue. They were fun though and every child was very cautious about moving around my table so as not to bump it. I saw a toddler handle a finished piece waiting for its owner to pick it up and accidently drop and break it. I wanted to cry! I told the employees who worked there that I would pay extra to have my cup kept away from the public. I hope it doesn't get ruined in the kiln. I will post another pic when it comes out on Thursday.

WHAT A FUN CITY!!!

Firsts

Since moving to Seattle I've had a lot of firsts. An overwhelming amount actually!! Some I could have figured would happen eventually and some firsts have totally thrown me for a loop. So far I've seen a wild harbor seal, plane with water landing gear, and fog/clouds so close you could reach up and grab a piece off for yourself. All these things are normal and par-for-the-course here in Seattle. But yesterday and today have been a REAL treat for me! I went to West Seattle (on the "other" side of the Sound) and up to Ballard today through the Ballard Locks. In West Seattle (WS) there are freighter and crate ships everywhere! And I have never ever seen so many crates in all my life. And I'm not talking about a crate that will fit a couple hundred boxes of chips, I'm talking the 58' semi-crates!!! EVERYWHERE!! I have yet to see them pull the crates off the boats though. Stay tuned. But it was amazing to see the "dinosaurs" (crate lifters) so close and all the goings on of the port. Then it was off to Ballard today. Ballard and the Ballard Locks (BL) separates the fresh water Lake Union from the salt water Puget Sound via a large HUGE river called Salmon Bay. It's called that because the salmon swim through all the locks to get back to their native fresh water river homes from the ocean to spawn. Anyhow, the water level goes down (from the sea) with each lock. It's absolutely amazing!! And so many - thousands of boats from big crabbing and fishing boats with monsterous steel arms that extend high in the sky holding onto vast reels of cable for the nets to small teeny tiny dingys. Breathtaking.

I've been visiting my corps. We went to WS for Seattle White Center TSA, Renton for Renton TSA, and Seattle Temple in Greenwood. Thursday we go to Wenatchee, WA, about 3.5 hours (one way) away to visit the Wenatchee corps. I am having a good time learning about TSA and about my boss and I think she's having a good time getting to know me as well. The TSA corps are all very different from one another with very different programs and leaders at each. It's mind-boggling trying to comprehend how this organization does their business but I am bound and determined to make it work. I am also bound and determined to get a tuition grant for my master's degree - both of them. I intend to work up the ladder here, which I was assured by Rebecca today that as long as I keep ahead of the jobs available at THQ (territory headquarters) then I can look towards a future and promotions at TSA. I still have my eye on a CPA with lawyer designation, I plan to go into international accounting/tax law. It will be grueling but I know it's where I want to be. I don't care how, I'm going to work my way up the TSA pyramid and find myself in London or one of their other 220 countries that they are present in. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!

I hope Dane will be able to travel with me in all my aspirations. Dane, who is playing a game right now where he is a yellow bug and 4 blue bugs are trying to get him but all I see is bugs moving around the screen in a very lethargic, random manner. Completely silent. All green background. He is so weird. I love him. We are still reeling from the weekend's events and worried about the outcome. I can equate it to a break up. But it's weird because we are both hurting and processing the how's and why's but we are right next to each other. But then we get to talk things out and all is well. I think we have several back-up plans in case the worse should happen, we have an ezzz-COP-EEE route.

Dane's party was awesome - I really like the people here. Most everyone was cleared out by 1:00 which was fine with us, we were all tired. Everyone honored Dane's birthday and our housewarming, it was a wonderful, tame night. Friday, on the other hand, was marked by a couple (3.5) bottles of wine and an incident involving me, the 17 year old neighbor-boy, the Banshee, and the Fuzz! It's too good a story to ruin in a blog version so I will keep it at that. Plus I have to protect the not-so-innocent, namely me.

A special shot out to my very, if not best, friend Rebecca Peck Lane. Not only did she talk to me for hours about any and everything but during the Hurricane Rita she and her husband delivered over 90 gallons of water via ATV to the parched, trapped travelers stuck on I-45 for over 10 hours in some cases. Peck and Jeremy did this by themselves with the help of no one at an expense only to themselves - refusing to accept any sort of cash in exchange for the water. That kind of compassion wins them "Philanthropist of the Year" in my book!!! You are, and always will be, truly remarkable in my eyes Becky. Stay Strong!

Fond Farewell

Rhi has made the decision to move back to Denver. I couldn't be happier for her and honestly think it is a good idea. We have both learned a lot about each other and life and friends and family and what truly matters. She leaves this Sunday with the two bags that she came to us with in April 04. It's funny how things work out like that. I look back and think: well sh*t, was the last 1.5 years a waste? Did we/she learn anything? Did we fail at our original purpose to help her stand alone? But then I look at our memories and everything we have done and been through and I realize that we are all much richer than we were before we knew each other. This has all been a good lesson, no matter how you look at it.

I just re-read my paragraph and it looks like I'm being the PC friend about everything and covering up my emotions. Sorry to disappoint, but that isn't the case. In the end, everyone got what they wanted. Rhi found out what she wanted by being away from it and Dane and I will get our alone time. It will be nice to be without a roommate, no offense Rhi. :) I think it will help D and I start our OWN life together. And a selfish side of me needed Rhi to get started here. I think a part of me was terrified to be without someone, other than Dane, I was really close to. Rhi was my woobie. But I hit the ground running here and left my blanket behind crumpled on the floor. Well Blanket - I don't blame you for wanting a new home where someone needs you, wants you, and will snuggle you. Kate needs a woobie far more than I do anymore. Bon voyage my dear! We send you off with our best!

Sponsered By Happy Hour

Well it's that time again. The time of year where I crave recklessness more and responsibility less. Though I have to say with each passing year the craving subsides more and more. This year Dane and I are going to Cancun for the 4th anniversary of Isis's death. I am determined to have fun yet honor her memory. For next year, as long as I am working for TSA, I will not even have the option to take time off as September 30th is the fiscal year ending. It's okay though, time changes everything and life does in fact go on. I don't think it will be as much of an issue this year.

TSA is going quite well. I am getting the hang of it even though I make the most bonehead mistakes all the time. It frustrates me that I just don't know the chart of accounts and funds off the top of my head, but time will help that as well. TSA mandates a two week consecutive vacation a year, so that makes travel plans a little different but it will be nice to take two weeks off at once. I can't remember the last time I did that save the move, but that was filled with more work than going to work. I am going on at least a one mile walk a day and watching what I eat more and more. I haven't found a yoga place yet, but it has been nice working, exercising at work, then coming home at 5 and having the whole night to accomplish my domestic and tutorial tasks. It has been even nicer laying around at home on the weekends.

Poor Rhi is struggling being without Kate. I sympathize for her and support her no matter what she does as a whole and/or in daily life. It seems like there is nothing I can do for her and the more I try to, the more pushback I get. I imagine the best course of action for me is to slip into the sidelines and cheer from afar. A difficult thing for me to do no doubt, but it seems like it is the best thing that I can do for Rhi and that is after all what I am here to do. Be there for her even if it means not being there with her.

This past weekend was spent going to the NIN concert, which I thought was awesome!! However, I get the feeling that my opinion is somewhat biased as I have only seen the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Lynard Skynard, Shania Twain, and Yanni in concert before NIN. Trent Reznor is looking better than ever and did an amazing rendition of Hurt. Saturday Dane and I went to a ceramic shop where you pick out a piece, paint it to your liking and then fire it (well they do). We were there for their Marg Madness night and didn't even get to our marg glasses (to paint) but we were able to take them home and we can go back whenever and finish them. Dane painted our first Christmas tree ornament and I painted a tall mug for work with a fairy on it though I am not even close to finished, to see the fairy I am painting click here http://www.capricorn007.com/images2/fairy.gif

I am in my 4th week of psychology class. It is a good class. I have three weeks off after that then I start a history class on the US Constitution. 60 days off (during the holidays whoo hoo!) then I start a humanities class on the study of film right after Dane and I return from celebrating my 26th (OMG) b-day on Oahu. Then another couple weeks off and I'm back into my last 5 classes of accounting, graduating around Oct 06.

We are celebrating Dane's b-day this weekend with a housewarming party. Since we only know about 8 people they were all invited. Not sure who will show up but it will be a good time. I am considering taking him to a cabaret show (huge here in Seattle) but it is expensive!! We are also going to see the Seattle Symphony this Thursday for their version of Star Wars (Dane's pick). Rhi picked the Swing band Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, I picked Handel's Messiah, and as a bonus we are going to the Fabulous Forties. It's about time I got some culture and music in my life so I can't wait!

That is all to report. Sorry Sarah, I need to keep this updated more, thank you for encouraging me. BTW, I commented twice on your blog but I don't see my comments on there. Peculiar. Basically I was happy to hear Max had such a wonderful b-day and it warms my heart to hear of all the support you guys have surrounding you.

Blessings to all!

YAAARRRGGGHHH!!!

It be National Talk Like a Pirate Day!!! I had a great banter of emails w/ Amy all in pirate speak - too funny for words. In other news, I am stalling doing my homework. Actually there hasn't been much to "write home about" the last couple of days. No seal sightings, but I haven't really been down to the pier other than tonight. Dane and I walked along the shore and ate dinner on deck. Then we threw bread at birds and laughed at the commotion. Work is going well, I am in the middle of payroll for all my corps right now. It's backed up two weeks. It's not hard, just slow picking up on the details. I put my office together over the weekend, everyone loves it including me.

The cats are enjoying back yard recess right now while I play on the net - they are freaking out. And the spiders here are un-real. All in all I feel like I am on an extended vacation and I love it. So many new sites to see and places to go and I have to say that I love working in the city. I feel so much a part of the life and vibe that is Seattle. It's awesome working at the foot of the Space Needle next to the water - what a treat. Everytime I go for my afternoon walk I look up at the needle and smile. How lucky I am to be in a great city!!! I love my walks, I love my schedule (35 hour work week w/ mandatory 15 min. breaks and 1 hour lunch). I love the people I work with. I also love getting into a routine.

I am SO SO SO looking forward to this weekend! I am going to try to scalp NIN tickets this Friday, he is playing at the Key arena which is two blocks from where I work. Then Saturday we are going to the Crossroads Mall for Margurita (I know I spelled that wrong) Madness. All you can drink maguritas, all you can eat chips and salsa, and a painting lesson where you paint the glass you drink out of for $10!! Course it's a brilliant ploy to get people into this place where you can pick out another piece of ceremic whatever (cup, plate, vase, figurine, bowl) to paint. I am thinking I will do a bowl of some sort. Maybe an ashtray. Maybe a mug for work. But I think it will be fun. Dane wants something with four sides so he can paint each side through his drink progression. What fun stuff they have in this city!!! YEAH!!!

I LOVE This City!!

Just a quick note to say that while on my brisk lunch walk by the Seattle Sound I saw a Harbor Seal!!! A real, live, WILD seal!!!! They are hanging around more cause the salmon are starting to come home.

I LOVE THIS CITY!!!!!

Mr. Man and John

So this is my most obscene blog ever. So my body knows where home is. And I can tell when I've started feeling at home in a place by one very important body function. Number two. Yes folks, as obscene as that is, it is the truth. Everytime I go home to my parents house I have to do it. It just comes out automatically and naturally. So take tonight for example, everything is fine - I used the facilities at school right before I got home, no big deal. The second I got home it was time. So I grabbed my laptop and went to my "office" at home.

Here's where Mr. Man comes in. Mr. Man is the name of our wireless connection and let me just say how much I love wireless!! I love that I can be on the john and the net. I love that I can be smoking on the patio and on the net. I love wireless internet. :)

As for the earlier situation (hate) I haven't thought much about it other than I know I was wrong and I know I said those things mostly because I was so angry and frustrated I didn't know what else to do. That doesn't make it okay - it just gives me a diving board for how and why I said the things I said and a means to avoid the same situation in the future. I will apologize tonight to Dane and admit how wrong I was but I anticipate the clean up on this will take a while and it should. In fact I probably did some permenant damage. I hate that I did that.

Hate

Such a strong word. I used it this morning. I hate that I used it this morning. I hate that I felt powerless to control the word coming out of my mouth. I hate myself for what I did.

So there we were, talking about marriage and a life together on one side of the Mercer Island tunnel and by the time we got out we were SCREAMING at each other!! And all over Spy Ware (I *STILL* don't know what that is)!! I am admittedly grumpy in the mornings and on the drive home - I need quiet time. Decompression. Rhi understood this and respected it. Dane trys to talk to me. I get instantly irritated and act that way. I've tried telling him about "Quiet Time" but he thinks it's a joke. It's not a joke!! I really need there to be silence on the way to/from work. That might make me silly, but I am okay with that. So this morning we fought, half because I was irritated and half because Dane was expecting said irritation. When those two components met, it was an atomic explosion. I screamed and said nasty things and Dane screamed and said nasty things. Instead of being about Spy Ware, it was about responsibility, then commuting, then back to accountability, then to esteem issues. Finally I really exploded (yes, the screaming before was just gurglings of the coming eruption) I said, and I quote "I hate you. I hate that I hate you. I hate that I have to pretend with you. I hate that I came to this city for you. I hate that I am locked to you." Said in a quiet but very passionate voice - almost spitting out of my mouth. Then I was silent. And for the rest of the ride I was silent. Dane simply directed me to his office, then leaned over and kissed me goodbye saying "Well I still love you."

*sigh* No. *bawl* Then I was mad at the tears. Then I was mad at myself. Then my dad called and said Mt. Evans was dusted with snow last night. I have thought about this morning and what happened and what I think and feel. I am glad I don't have to go home till LATE tonight. I need time to think. I am sorry for what I said, but I am worried at the conviction with which I said it. I will write more as the thoughts develop, back to work for now.

Out of Communication

Well I am out of communication from now on during the day. I had to sign some pretty hefty IT contracts indicating that I will not be using the internet for any sort of personal use and that I could be fired on the spot if I am responsible or even the recipient of inappropriate material. Remember, I work for the Church of God now. TSA is not a nonprofit because of the wonderful work it does for the homeless, battered and abused men, women, and children, or the disaster relief it provides. It is a nonprofit because of its church designation. *sigh* This will take some getting used to. But overall TSA is a fantastic organization and this will be a great experience for me.

Well, it's 7:17 - time to go to work. I have a horrible ache in my neck and cannot move my head without moving my shoulders. I hope this subsides throughout the day. More later.

*yawn*

So it's the morning, I tried blogging last night but got the blue screen of death. This was at 12:46 when I was already troubled to get sleep, the laptop crashing was the final blow.

Well good for me. I got up with enough time to make some hazelnut coffee, run up and down the stairs 10 times (part of my new walking/exercise plan), shower, shit, & shave and still have time for breakfast. Maybe. It's 6:14 now and I want to leave between 7:15 and 7:30. It should be MORE than enough time to make it to work downtown by 8:15, but I don't want to be late on my first day. Dane and I intend to carpool as long as he is at WaMu and that will help the gas bill, time factor, and make for a fun drive into work everyday.

Ah...the coffee is done. Wish me luck on my first day. I'm scared as hell.

The Word

So many things to write! I shall create an index:
1) The Drive
2) The Talks
3) The Interview
4) The Trio
5) Friday Night on The Hill
6) Ikea
7) The Ghost

The Drive
The drive went extremely well. There wasn't even one single moment where I thought we might be in trouble, get in an accident, or lose control. We fueled any time the tank got near 1/4 full, spent about $600 in fuel all told though. The trucker and fast food got old fast, but it was only 3 days. In the end the truck was 24 feet and with Rhi's car attached - just shy of 40 feet. It was HUGE!! Even Dane was impressed that I got that beast up here with no issues.

The Talks
Rhi and I had some great talks during the trip when we would speak. I laugh because my mom thought for sure we would be fighting what with being "cooped up together for so long". Rhi and I laughed - we have been each other's siamese twins for the past year and a half, what's a 3 day road trip compared to that?! We couldn't talk alot #1) it would wake Dewey up and he would stress out, and #2) the diesel engine was so loud, we'd have to shout, but when we did talk, we discussed things like 10 things you'll miss, 10 things you'll look forward to, 1 year life plan/goals. It was interesting to say the least and always eye-opening no matter how well you think you know someone.

The Interview
Friday morning Rhi and I went to our interviews together to save time and gas money. I was interviewed by what Rhi called the "firing squad" who did just the opposite. After a 1 hour, 4 man interview and 30 min of testing, I was offered a job at Salvation Army before my test results even came back. I told SA that I would accept at 38,000/yr as even that would be a significant decrease in pay. Rebecca (my new boss) said she would call me back. And she did while Rhi was busy interviewing. She offered me the job at 36,000/year and I said I could not do that - was there anyway she could bump it up to 37,000? 1000 seems small in the grand scheme of things, but after a cross-country move, 1000 is huge. She called me back to say she had taken my request to the Chain of Command and would call me after lunch. I thanked her profusely, she could have just called back and said she couldn't do anything, but this gesture made me realize how much they wanted me and how eager I was to show them I was worth it. During lunch Rebecca called to offer me the position at 37,000/yr and I gladly accepted. In a year at my review I will also be graduating so I am in a position for a large raise. *crosses fingers* I am nervous but anxious for the new challenge!

The Trio
Rhi, Dane and I are back together and nothing could feel more natural. Dane and I test each other's wit's end and patience and Rhi is the buffer all the time, but it just feels right being back under one roof. You can tell that Rhi and I have grown closer and Dane is somewhat out of the loop, but that loop is quickly tightening and it won't be long before we are one happy circle again.

Friday Night on The Hill
Apparently the groovy cats call Capital Hill "The Hill" which actually makes more sense to me than Capital Hill seeing on how Seattle is NOT Washington's capital. Anyhow, after a day of interviews and sight-seeing at Pike Place Market, Rhi, Dane and I settled down for some brews and appetizers and decided to call Laura Rose. We picked her up and headed to The Hill to Clover Dunns, a typical Cap Hill type bar. We met some of her friends and after a couple cocktails headed to a karaoke bar down the street. Laura Rose did the best rendition of Britney Spears meets Goth that I have ever seen! She is such a great performer! Then Rhi and I sung a HORRIBLE version of Elvis' Suspicious Minds - I hope I never have to go back to that bar again, I wouldn't even know it's name or location. Then we hoped in a cab over to Vogue, a Goth club where we quickly decided it was time to go. We took LR home then drove back to Bellevue and time traveled to 9:47 am. Rhi went to get us food, but by the time she got back, we were well on our way to 9:47 am. She couldn't wake us up for nothing. All in all, it was a great "Welcome to Seattle!" for us.

Ikea
Dane and I spent $1600 at Ikea. But we needed a lot of stuff, we didn't have a dining room table, or any desk furniture as none of the furniture we brought would fit around the corner to the office area in our new house, plus a couple odds and ends. Ikea is HUGE. There is nothing like it in Denver that I can compare it to. It has TWO parking garages!! The walkway inside the warehouse/showrooms is one way so you have to go through the whole thing. It's insane but very fun and inexpensive. It makes Wal-Mart look like a day at the spa though. I hope I don't have to go back for a while.

The Ghost
We have a ghost. The first couple nights we kept hearing and having stuff in our room come crashing to the floor, but the more I think about it the more I think that it wasn't Dewey. And then last night while Rhi and Dane were in the master bedroom and I was in the TV room we heard a horrible crashing sound which we figured were the cats, when we all got to the kitchen there was no cat and no mess on the counter. We turned our heads and saw that the decorative cover that was placed over the bulb in the dining room fixture had fallen and shattered on the table. We wondered what could have caused that as NO cat could have gotten up there and loosened the screws. Dane tightened the screws on the other two covers then we sat there staring at the fixture pondering. As we did that, the second one started to shatter in front of us and we quickly turned out the lights and hit the deck. At the time we decided it was the heat of the bulbs. Later we realized they were only 75 watt bulbs and we had that light on all night the night we moved in with no issue. Then last night around 3:00 am I was woken from my sleep because I heard our hardwood floors squeaking, I was trying to think what could make that noise as the cats are too light to make the floors squeak when BAM!!! The sound of metal rods hitting the floor. I jumped out of my skin and startled Dane, he turned on the lights and everything was in place, nothing moved, and Dewey was under the chair away from the "scene of the crime". I asked Dane if he heard the squeaking and he said no, but grabbed his shotgun and surveyed the house to find nothing. I was scared spittless at this point that we very definitely have a ghost. Dane came back to bed and tried to make sense of it by saying it was Dewey and he bumped the lamp, but I said "That's fine, but how come he was under the chair and if he did hit the lamp that hard, the chimes sit right next to it, you can't hit the lamp without hitting the chimes..." Dane didn't say anything only cuddled me hard and kept me safe all night. It was hours before I felt comfortable enough to leave his grasp. Today Rhi said she was awoken by something, she doesn't know what, but whatever it was it stirred her too. She didn't think anything of it though cause she said Dane got up after that, she figured it was Dane making noise. Whatever it is, it has Rhi and I refusing to go to the basement.

So this week's agenda is to be lazy and get used to this town. Set up the office, do some homework, go to school, go tanning, get a pedicure/manicure, organize the linens, go shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond, and just enjoy the week off.

Goodbye Denver!

This will be my last blog entry from the fine state of Colorado. As I sit here listening to Yanni, looking out my BEAUTIFUL office window at the GORGEOUS Colorado mountains I am filled with too many emotions to be overwhelmed by one single feeling. I feel sadness, awe, happiness, stress, excitement, fear, nostalgia, pride, humility, a sense of awesome accomplishment dimmed by the thousands of things that I just never got around to doing in Denver. I fear what I don't know that I can even do in Seattle.

I find that with leaving Denver, I am very restless. I do not think we will stay in Seattle more than 5 years tops. Who knows where we will move to, but I have a couple cities on my list that I want to live in: San Francisco, Atlanta, Manhattan, *maybe* Chicago, *maybe* a Texan city, London, Cairo - the list goes on. But I have a feeling that I am on a fast track now. It has me reconsidering things like getting another bike and all this scnazzy furniture. Who knows where my life will take me, but overall the feeling I feel the most right now is that this first step is not only the first step on my own, in a different direction, but I feel it is my first step into a headlong sprint. And I love that.

So cheerio Denver! I have wonderful and not so wonderful memories of this place. All of which I am taking with me. Alas, it is time to shed this old, dry skin.

Looking Back

Dane asked me yesterday what would I say to myself if given the opportunity to travel back in time to April having experienced the whole summer and the stress of moving primary locations. At first thought, and what I told Dane, is that I wouldn't have said much of anything other than "you were prepared for this". But as I got to thinking about things, I thought better of my short-sighted advice to myself and decided there would be a lot of things I would say to myself (shock of shocks, I know). What I would say to my April Self:

Intermediate Accounting - you psyched yourself out too much for this class, but it was a good thing. Your fears helped you study and find a study pattern that worked best for you. You have spent a good year preparing for these classes and you handled them well. It was good that Dane was gone during this time. It was good that you decided to take the classes in Colorado. You made the right decision staying here.

Acting out - you need to be prepared for weird emotions that you have never felt before and ones that kinda sneak up on you and show themselves in seemingly harmless, or fun, or pretty packages. While you were expecting "missing" Dane, you were not prepared for the impact of the decision you made in regards to the level of commitment with this man. Be prepared for confused, angry emotions surrounding the level of commitment and sacrifice on your end vs. the lack of ring or formal commitment on his end. Be prepared for harmful situations that seem fun at the time but might not be the best thing for you in the short and long term. Try not to treat this summer as a prolonged bachelorette party....

Moving - it is a lot of work to pack and move a house, even when you plan it the way you did. Things never work out the way they do on paper, you know this, but it is still good to have a plan. It is also good to leave a lot of extra time to get things done that might have been pushed to the side (again, you know this but I'd like to reiterate it). You will be tired in body and mind and unable to get a good night's rest during the last week, but this is normal. You will be tired of fast food. The kitties will act out. You will resent Dane for not being there. This is all normal and life WILL stabilize. It will NOT be like this forever, dear. Hang in there.

Work - you will suffer from short-timer's syndrome whether you admit to it or not. Your anger at how the company is managed and the way the nonprofit money is spent and how the employees are not rewarded will compound and you will run your mouth. I'm not going to say this is good or bad, I'm simply going to tell you that you will do it. You may wish to keep your mouth shut at times, others you may wish to shout from the roof top. Regardless, when you leave, your attitude towards the company will be known by most employees.

Dane - you still haven't learned how to handle love have you? Will you ever, I wonder? It seems that ever since Isis died you have shut people out - oh, don't get me wrong. You let people in, care for people, let them know you love them, but you haven't ever really let anyone "get" you. Perhaps this is fallout from Mike, though I know you never loved him. Maybe it is from letting yourself fall in love too quickly with the man that killed Isis. That is probably it, you are worried that once you let someone get to you like that, they will turn around and do something so autrocious you will never be able to forgive yourself for what you consider selfishness. So why would Dane be any different? He's not. In fact he's been the only candidate for your love since Isis died. You would think that after 3 full years you would budge. I wonder why you find it so necessary to constantly threaten him with a break up. Is that your own insecurities? Is it that you think you settle for Dane? I would suggest you spend these next couple months thinking about that. Think about what you want Dane to be vs. what you know he is. Think about what you desire more. Think about his efforts to change. Think about your need to improve. Rather than building a Plan B, think about polishing up your Plan A. It IS your first choice, after all. Perhaps you should consider letting Dane all the way in and if you lose him, then you can deal with that when that day comes rather than living every day with him as if it has already been ended. He is not your enemy, he is your number one resource and reason for not going off the deep end. You better recognize, Crystal.

Parents - for as much as you give your mom or your family shit for being "obligated" to attend family functions, you are sure going to miss them. And it won't be obvious till you realize how much you still depend on them to bail you out certain situations. You will miss your mom's stories and fits. You will miss your dad's advice and his gentle demeanor. You will miss your sister and her whole family. You will miss Ashley and Zach growing up. You will probably never be prepared for cutting the family ties.

Conclusion - you have so much ahead of you Crystal, but you are sometimes entirely too stubborn and cocky to realize it. You are so busy getting to the destination, you forget to process and learn from the journey. There were so many lessons you could have learned without the hardships this summer. There were so many times you could have gained from just slowing down. I hope in Seattle you will learn the value of relaxing and spending quality down time with the ones you love. You don't always have to be accomplishing something in order to feel accomplished. Good luck to you, deary, I fear you will need it for a long time coming.

As We Speak

I am on the 2nd interview with Salvation Army as we speak. Well, not yet - I am waiting for them to call....And then I will write more. I am trying so hard not to be nervous and just let it go - I think I am so nervous because I think I really want this job even though it is a significant pay cut and all the way downtown. But to have SA on my resume, and the job just sounds so challenging and wonderful. Okay, okay. Worse case scenario I don't get it. I've had numerous calls from temp agencies the last two days, so I will call them if I don't get hired on at SA, and who knows - maybe the Hopelink job is still available. A cursory check of Craigslist and their own website indicates that the job is still there. And that job pays more and is in Redmond. When I originally sent my resume out, the CFO emailed me back and asked what my timeframe was, I responded and have not heard back from her since, even after I emailed a second time. If I don't get the SA job, I will email her a third time and say that I noticed the job was still available, would she still be interested in a phone interview. For now, I am going to sit and look out my beautiful office window at the amazing Colorado scenery and take it all in and calm down. *deep breath* More in a moment....

UGH!!!! I take that back - the worst case scenario would be waiting for ANOTHER two weeks!!!! I have an in-person interview on 9/2 at 9:00. I said "Would it be too bold to ask where I rank among the candidates?" LONG PAUSE "Well, we are still in the interview process, but I'd say you rank quite highly." Me "Great, thank you so much for your time, I look forward to meeting you on September 2nd at 9:00 am." Them "Great, nice speaking with you too, Crystal, see you soon!"

ARGH!!! Well I am going to continue calling these other places that called me and set interviews up as well, but I will hold off on calling Hopelink till I actually arrive in Seattle. It is, afterall, still another 3.5 weeks before I can start work.

Greater Things Than I

So there are greater forces at work here. Even more so than I thought possible. I've always been a firm believer that things happen for a reason, regardless of whether that reason is known or not. I will not get in to all the crazy details of the past week, but suffice it to say that the Universe was already preparing for decisions not yet made. There were bodies and events in motion long before we knew what the end result would be. To capitalize on a few events:
1) Randy offered on Tuesday to take my car on Friday to Seattle via the trailer that we are purchasing from him - took care of my car, our need for a trailer, and freed up the moving van from towing.
2) On Tuesday we were offered a house which would work wonders for our living situation with any guests. As it turned out, we opted out of that house in favor of a bigger house with a bigger lot for lots and lots of parking room.

There are other things going on as well, but all good things. I am confident that Rhi needs to get away from Denver in order to dispose of all her excess baggage and move on with Kate. I have no doubt Kate will be a good friend for her regardless of what happens in their relationship, but she realizes and encourages Rhi to make this move in order to mop her life up. I'm glad Rhi's going - for selfish reasons and because I know that it is the right thing for her.

I've never denied being selfish - no one can ever accuse me of that. I'd like to meet one person who is truly selfless - maybe Ghandi, Mother Theresa? I also want what is best for those around me and I truly believe that Dane and I can help Rhi the way she needs it. We've agreed to be harder on her (I know some would say that I am too hard on her - but what do they know about my relationship with Rhi behind closed doors, probably about the same amount as I know about their countless relationships) when it comes to finances and money so she can really get a grasp on her checkbook. Besides, we won't know anyone in Seattle, so the invitation to go out weekly won't be there.

So in all these rambles - I guess I just have to say that I am glad with how things are going. And I truly miss Dane. It's funny cause this whole summer I've been like "WHHHOOOO!!!!!" And now that I finally start to REALLY REALLY miss Dane, it's time to leave. So I'm like "Eh, I'll see him in two weeks. WWWHHHHOOOOOOO!!!" HAAH! Just kidding. I missed him a lot this weekend.

*raises cup* To Seattle AND BEYOOONNNDDD!!!!

This Just In!

I haven't heard from the Salvation Army in over a week and a half so I think that they filled the position. I'm a little shocked that I haven't heard from them telling me that they filled it, but whatever. I thought since they were talking about flying me up there that I was at least in the finals. Whatever.

AND THEN I got a call this morning from Becca at The Salvation Army apologizing for not calling me back and asking if I could fly up for an interview. I said I was fairly booked over the next 3 weeks between meetings, packing, lunches, dinners, seminars, finals, and other stuff so we worked out a second phone interview with the Director of Finance and the Director of Human Resources. It's next Wednesday at 4:15. I have a feeling that they want me, but I'm still nervous and scared that the director's might not like me. We'll see.

AHHH, it will be so nice if I have a job when I get to Seattle, then when I take a week off - it will really be like a vacation. Well, if it was meant to be, it will happen.

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Out of the Frying Pan....

And into the fire! These last 3 weeks are going to FLY by!! I have so much to do!! The garage sale was a success, after I took my cut, paid for breakfast and 2 lunches for Rhi and I, and expenses, Dane and I pocketed over $300. Considering most of this stuff was given to us to begin with and/or we would have been happy donating it, I think $300 is not bad! Basically it will pay for the passage to Washington which includes gas, meals, and one stay at a hotel. I got the kitty sedatives, started packing the garage, sorted through throw away stuff and donation stuff - I'm on a roll!!

This weekend was fun yet exhausting, you would not believe how tiring it is to sit in the shade and sell stuff. Well, we were also moving stuff around, jumping up and down all over the place. On Friday it was nonstop from 6:30 am - 12:30 pm our longest break lasting 10 min and 48 seconds (I was on the phone w/ Dane the whole time, that's how I know). Saturday was really slow, I closed by noon. In the evening I joined Rhi for a hockey game Kate was playing in, MAN can she skate and play or what!! She was the cleaniest skater out there, very graceful. All the other skaters where tripping over themselves trying to keep up with her. Afterwards we went to D&B with some teammates. That was fun for a while, but I wanted something more upbeat, so we went to Croc's. Had time for one drink then went home. We stayed up for a while but I was exhausted and crashed out in my comfy bed. Rhi time traveled on the couch. Sunday was a completely useless day, spent entirely on the couch watching movies and reading (I am reading The Thorn Birds). I broke down and went grocery shopping - I am so sick of fast food, but frozen food isn't much better. :( I am packing up the kitchen next weekend, so the food I had to get had to be something that wouldn't dirty a dish.

*sigh* Life is moving fast around me. A girl is just lucky to keep up.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Time is moving slower than a pregnant snail. Now that I want to leave, things seem to be excruciating. I can't believe it is only the 2nd of August at the same time that I can't believe it IS the 2nd of August! In four weeks I will be driving to Tri-Cities, Washington. Wow.

I am so wishy washy. I think it's just my general age in life but also the events that I am working through. One second I don't want to go and I'm all confused, the very next second I'm all gung ho ready to go. I need to find the happy medium and just hang out there for the next 4 weeks. Enjoy my last moments in Colorado but positively look forward to my future in Washington. I've developed a list of things that I want to change about myself and habits I want to break somewhere between the Oregon and Washington borders.

1. I want more time with Dane and less time with acquaintances.
2. I want to eat healthier, I hope to find one of those Super Supper places in WA. http://www.suppersolutionsinc.com/
3. I want to wake up earlier and have more time for myself in the morning (actually eat breakfast at home, read the paper or a magazine, go for a walk)
4. I want to start going for evening walks with Dane
5. I want to cut back on spending and do my belly dance on tapes
6. I want to do yoga at least 3 times a week
7. I want to make my home a comfy place that I want to live in and come home to with decor and personal touches - I don't want it to be a mess or boring or anything like the Lameria house was.
8. I want to have more time for art, music, and dance.

Crap - this blog is tragically cut short due to my need to train the LOSER JOE!!!

Seattle or Bust Revisited!

I went back and looked at my April postings surrounding the initial idea to move to Seattle - as soon as we got the news, the waiting period, the offer, and since. And I thought I would revisit the FAQ's from April. I have decided to post both the original post and the revised post (in that order).

1. When will you leave?
Dane leaves for Seattle on April 24th. He will be back in Denver the end of May and *maybe* June (if we go to Jamaica/other). I will not leave till the end of September. I have school, work, rental lease, and other loose ends to tie up in Denver.

By now we all know that Dane has already left. My last day at the office will be August 26th, I am having a moving party August 28th, and I will leave with the truck, FXYLADY, 2 cats, and the Rhi on Monday morning, August 29th. Bon Voyage!

2. Does this mean I will never see Dane again?:
No. Friday, April 22nd, we are going to have a get-together to congratulate Dane on his job and see him off with warm hugs and wishes. Special guest appearances by Peck and (hopefully) Paula. The end of September will host the official going-away party for me and Dane.

At this point, Dane has already come and gone several times throughout the summer. We are not planning another visit for Dane nor are we having another going-away party, mine was July 15th.

3. What about the Luau?:
I am sorry, but the Luau is cancelled.

The luau was cancelled but we enjoyed a great luau at Randall and Shawndell's house in June.

4. Why are you moving to Seattle?:
Dane is moving because he was offered a great job opportunity complete with better pay, benefits, fringe benefits, better/bigger company, etc. I am moving because my options are: move with Dane or leave him. There is no question what I am choosing. I am excited to go to Seattle because I can learn the art of belly dance from the dazzling Delilah delightening and the lucious Laura Rose. :) Seattle is also bigger and has a bigger accounting community - for reasons I do not know. Seattle also has great universities for me to attend.

Dane is enjoying his great job and glad he made the move. So far he loves Seattle. I don't know if I will belly dance with Delilah live, I may just use her videos and occasionally attend workshops. I think I will be very picky about how I spend my free time and I would prefer to focus more energy on yoga. In the end though, I am moving to Seattle for a fresh start with Dane. I have a lot of baggage and weight on my "tree" in Colorado. Uprooting to a new place will give me the chance to shake the dead wood and branch off in new directions.

5. Is there a UOP in Seattle?:
Yes - there are 5 UOP locations for me to choose from. From there I will most likely attend Seattle University for my dual master's program.

While there are 5 UOP locations, there is only one location that teaches my program...on Saturdays...half online half on campus....But it will be okay. Since the accounting program there is 6 months behind me, I will fill September through March with 3 elective courses and a couple weeks off here and there. I will start my accounting program where I left off here on March 18 in a southern Seattle campus. From there I don't know what I will do, probably continue on with my Master's and get my CPA no later than 2010. After that I am still considering a law degree, however I don't feel that I will do it concurrently with my Master's in accounting.

6. Where will Dane live when he's in Seattle?:
Dane will reside in corporate housing until I come up in September. The house has high speed internet.

He still lives there but is currently house hunting for us.

7. Are you going to see Dane after he moves to Seattle? Will you be lonely?:
I will see Dane in May and June in Denver. I will probably fly up to Seattle to see him in July, August, and September so I can assume a job and help with the house hunting process. Yes, we will be extremely lonely and miss each other a lot, but we will both have a lot going on to keep us occupied. And there's always late night yahoo. :)

We have both been really lonely and confused and this has definitely taken a toll on us. I have been up to Seattle once, he has been to Denver twice, we went to Moab together, and had a rendez-vous in Portland. There has not been late night yahoo. There has been too much going on to keep us occupied.

8. How is Rhi handling this?:
Rhi is a trooper. She realizes this is a step Dane and I have to make and is supportive and helpful to the enth degree. She is considering her options at this time and will probably make more concrete decisions as the summer wears on. She is sad, but understands (better than I did at her age I might add) that this is a simple fact of life. We are all aware that distance in location does not mean there has to be a distance in friendship.

Rhi is still handling it well. We both feel that the relationship is not ready to be over yet, but we aren't sure what that means at this time. It will definitely be an adjustment for both of us to acclimate to life without each other, as we are both very dependent on each other in some ways, but we will persevere. It will be okay. I know we will always keep in touch.

9. Are you scared?:
I'm spooked outta my g*d-d*mned mind!! I have never cut the apron strings (so to speak). Although I have lived on my own for a while, I have never really been away from mommy and daddy and that will be a big adjustment for me to make. But I'm just as excited as I am scared.

I am still scared. But that comes and goes and now I tend to feel more excitement. Course that will change in another week so keep posted.

10. Will you have to rely on Dane?:
For what? No. Dane and I have always been both self-sufficient and each other's number one resource. I plan to have a job upon my arrival in Seattle. If not, then Dane and I will help each other out so that we realize the right path in the right time.

At this time, I will be paid through September which gives me the whole month of September without cutting into my savings to find a job. I have not heard back from Hopelink or Salvation Army so I assume that I did not get the job. Which is fine, I get the feeling that I have some worth while qualities and won't have any difficulty finding a job when the time is right. If nothing else, I have several contacts for temp work. To answer shortly - no, I will not be relying on Dane financially. For everything else though, he will be my #1 resource!

11. How do you feel about leaving C&C?:
I am very sad. Again, there was/is no question regarding my decision to follow Dane out to Seattle. Having said that, I am making certain concessions to be with him. Leaving an absolutely fabulous dream job is one of them. I have all the flexibility, benefits, mentoring, great pay, etc. that a 25 yr old could possibly want here. I love the people, I love the mission, I love what I do, I love my office, I love it. However, having said that - there is something to be said for being too comfortable and (as my friend Joe pointed out today) stagnant. He never stays at a job longer than 2 years and explained that he gets more experience that way, never gets bored or comfortable. I like that. I never planned on staying at C&C my whole career (thank you Paula) and as the beautiful Gwen Stefani would say "Whatchu waiting for? Take a chance, you stupid hoe. Take a chance cause you might grow."

If I wasn't already leaving, I would be leaving. I cannot believe what the powers that be are doing to such a formerly great nonprofit. They are raping the mission, depleting all funds, and ignoring the public outcry. Our employees have not received a raise in almost 2 years, many who were hired on at entry level have accepted promotions without pay increases and still work for their entry level pay. On the other hand, the company is so frivilous that they pay TWO CEO's a total of $210,000/year!!!!!! What they make individually is outrageous for a nonprofit our size let alone paying TWO PEOPLE that amount!! And one of the CEO's is completely unqualified!! No degree, no experience, she micro-manages, she belittles her employees. A horrible, horrible CEO. On top of that, I have climbed as far as I can here. My job no longer has any challenges, I can do it in my sleep. It's time to move on.