Demise

So I am plotting my conversation with Dane. *sigh* More than ever I really feel pulled down by him. The reoccuring dreams of him holding me down in water are equally disturbing. Now understanding, in these dreams he is not being malicious and I should also note that although underwater, I can still breathe but go through the same flailing motions of drowning. I can't get to the top, Dane is keeping me down from the top. Of course I've talked to him about this and we both know what it means. I've had numerous conversations with him about improving himself and getting a passion. So I can't change him, that's not my goal, I'm motivating him to do what is within him to do. Above all, I want Dane - BUT if he is going to stay in the same rut and never self-improve then he shouldn't be shocked when I leave him. So he gets a passion and then that's ALL he can talk about. I don't overwhelm him with my passions, and while I"m happy his passion benefits me and he's excited about something, I find myself still bored with him. Then, on top of all this, he has the nerve to hand my ass to me Saturday night. He claims that I think I'm perfect, that I ignore him all the time, that I don't care about him, that I didn't introduce him, that I roll my eyes at him, that I hold everything against him, that I don't allow him to talk about his feelings, etc. Let me tell you about Dane - he holds it all in and then blows up like a volcano and unleashes fury on me and then has the nerve to turn it back on me when I confront him about his explosions. He says "You explode all the time and I just sit there and take it!" THAT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR OWN PROBLEM NOT MINE SO STOP PUNISHING ME FOR YOUR OWN COWARDNESS!!!!!! And for the record, when I got yelled at for the aforementioned acts, I was calmly looking out of a window holding his hand. And note that he had just handed Rhi's ass to her AND had about 1 pitcher of beer and 3 - 4 rum and cokes. I had a total of 1 glass of white wine and 2 Michalob Ultras over the course of 4 hours. So I was sober and Dane was drunk. And he made a point to tell me that he just *KNEW* I was going to hold this over his head in the morning. And that's why he can't talk to me. Well here's the thing, I can take your critism but if you want to scream at me and you aren't prepared for my rebuttle, then shut up! That means YOU can't take the critism. OR if you can't handle me sitting there quietly taking it all in, then that means you want to fight. I can't win. I don't care when people bring problems/concerns to my attention, but be ready for my explanations OR my quiet, reflective attitude. Also, if you bring your concerns to me in an inappropriate manner, you should expect to hear about it from me. In return, when I am being obtuse, I would expect people to mention it at that time, not save it in their pocket as an excuse for when they want to get unruly with me. I am surrounded by sensitive pansies, what I consider rude may not be what Daisy Dane considers rude. I expect to be made aware of how my actions make you feel at the time or I will assume that all is well.

I am not looking forward to talking to him. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to see him.