*sigh* I've had THREE run in's with spiders recently. I'll explain:
The Wall: Dane was out of town. It was Tuesday (the 9th). I had just gotten done with an hour long Body Pump class at the gym, ate dinner, and was ready to crawl in to bed to read Breaking Dawn. Yes, I'm reading the Stephenie Meyer teenie-bopper vampire series. I'm on the phone with Dane when I notice a HUGE spider on the wall where it meets the ceiling over my bed. I panic. I try to use a broom, can't do it. I'm too scared. Of what? I don't know. I'm a sane, rational (most of the time) person with a completely insane, irrational fear of spiders. I try a vacuum. Worse. Even with the extension. I tell Dane I'll call him back. It's just too hard not to be the damsel in distress around him. I look at my phone. 10:45 pm. Too late to call my dad. I try texting HG. Nothing. I stare at the spider while holding the broom. 5 minutes goes by and I'm sobbing because I'm a grown woman that can't "take care" of a spider. I give up and call Dane again, fueled by the anger for crying over a spider. I yell at poor Dane because clearly it is his fault there is a spider in my room when he's out of town. Dane is stressed, he doesn't mind my yelling he's just trying to provide options for me. "Put my motorcycle helmet and gear on...Try the hot tub vacuum...What about a blanket or paper?" I finally gurgle "I have all the tools to complete the task, I just lack the gumption." My voice cracks like I'm going through puberty on the last word. Dane suggests his walking staff. That's not a bad idea. I grab the 10 foot staff. I put the phone down - Dane has to at least hear this if he's not going to be here to save me. I work up the courage, get my aim just right, and stab the staff at the wall. I keep it there for a minute, twisting it to make sure the spider is dead. I finally release and see the squished spider on the wall. Crap. Now I have to get him down because I don't want him falling on me in the middle of the night. Okay, I try the broom and barely manage to sweep him off the wall onto the floor. Now he's on the floor, he's not going to fall on me, so I can finally vacuum him up. I get the vacuum and just as I'm going for gold the spider twists up and scurries under the closet door!!!! THEY ARE NEVER DEAD!!!! So like any horror story, what do I do? I run UPstairs! I grab the phone but not before having a complete and total nuclear meltdown. I was able to get upstairs, grab a beer, open said beer, and drink 1/3 of it before I finally calmed down enough to blubber what happened to Dane. Till that moment all he could hear were my shrieks and shaking sobs. I'm not sure he's ever heard me cry like this before. I finally have to get off the phone with him - it's too much. I need to call HG. I get a hold of her and tell her right away that I sound much worse than I am and I'm being silly. As I start to unfold my story I slowly calm down and HG infuses humor into the situation and by the end of the call I'm laughing and she's helped me build a safe fortress around my bed so the spider doesn't come back to get me. I jokingly think to myself that I'd rather deal with ghosts than a spider. Of course late that night I wake up because something stirred and I look up the stairwell (outside of my room -I've been sleeping downstairs in the comfy bed) and see a glowing light. From the computer obviously, but why is it on? I decide it's because my prayer has been answered and instead of a spider I now have a ghost to contend with. It's a full minute before I assume that a cat must have bumped the monitor. Or maybe it was the spider?
A Fair Match: So last night I'm laying in my bed on my side reading. I feel something fall across my chest. Some of my hair probably. Then the something extends down my arm. Odd. I look - there's a spider. A teeny tiny itsy bitsy spider. No bigger than a large freckle. And clear so I can't really see his freaky legs (all spiders are "he's" except for black widows). I calmly brush him off me and squish him with my bookmark. I make a point to tell Dane though - just because it's almost humorous. Dane agrees the size of the spider made it a fair match.
Below the Belt: This morning I'm driving my car to the MB service center. It's due for its 1000 - 3000 mile inspection. Free, MB just wants to make sure all is well and topped off. How sweet. So I'm in the fast lane of I-90, on the floating bridge part, traveling at about 70 MPH. A spider makes his way from the left side of my car dash to the middle. I start hyperventilating. This is a serious situation. I'm driving (my NEW CAR), nowhere to go, and I can feel myself start to lose control. The spider runs up to the front of the middle of the dash to inspect my current speed. I blow on him knocking him back to the back of the dash. That works. He runs up, I blow. This goes on for 2 miles. I leave Dane a scathing voicemail (not directed at him but definitely asking "why me?", how dramatic can I be?!), I try calling HG. Nothing. The spider gets tired of being blown (perhaps proof that it is a female spider?) and settles on the passenger side dash. I'm okay with this till I see the spider start to spin up a storm. Instantly I ascertain that the spider is preparing my cocoon for death. I need to act quickly! I'm watching him so intently that I miss my exit! Now time really speeds up. I'm trying to figure out where to go and the spider starts ascending to the top of the car. Now he's ABOVE ME!! (I really have a problem with spiders when they are above me and can jump or fall down on me) He's webbing towards me, I don't have much time to get to my destination. I start wondering if I passed it. The spider closes in on me. I don't know what to do. I turn but I'm not sure it's the right street. The spider is at my rear view mirror. I'm not there yet! I panic - I blow on him, it worked last time, right? This time he's on his web and swings away only to swing back towards me with velocity. I lose it. I look up just in time to see I'm going to hit a curb and continue on to a tree. I swerve then slam on the brakes in the middle of the road (it's not a busy road) and shove the car in park and quickly exit. I'm vaguely aware that there are no cars around but there could have been. I run to the back of my car and start shaking - TREMBLING in my boots! I'm crying now and hoping that a passerby will help me. Nope. They scream and cuss at me. Even a bicyclist yelled at me. Why? Did I really cause him any grief? He certainly didn't have to go out of his way to go around me. I call my MB service rep hoping he'll come save me. I can barely get his name out - the receptionist wants to know the nature of my call. I tell her "CAN I PLEASE JUST SPEAK TO BILL IN SERVICE?!" my voice shaking from trying to conceal my tears. He answers and I tell him that I'm in the middle of the road (due to a spider) and how do I get there. He says I'm half mile away - see ya in a minute. I ask about the spider. He says what about it? Since I wasn't getting anywhere with him I decide to call out the big guns: Dad. It was too late to call him last time but not this time. He answers. I blurt out the situation. I'm sure all he heard was "spider" and "help." He gets me to turn my hazards on and take the keys out of the car so I can remotely take the top down. That way the spider doesn't have the upper advantage. Success! Then he coaxes me into my car - I only have a half mile to go. I assess. I jump in, slam it into D and jam on the gas. Instant gratification. We are doing 60 in no time and practically turn on two wheels into the MB service station. I jump out, leaving the keys in, car running, top down, and purse inside. I tell Bill I'm here for the inspection and to get a spider taken out.
Clearly I have a problem. HG and I have agreed that the spiders have put a hit out on me. I wont live long. Unless I face my fears. It's a terrible feeling being a sane person with completely insane fears and literally uncontrollable responses. I can't believe I almost wrecked my new car over a spider. A spider. And trust me - the fact that I put myself, others, and my car in danger has not been lost on me. I've been brainstorming all day what I can do to help myself. Control my reactions. I'm not coming up with anything. Thoughts? How have you overcome your fears?
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Taco Bell
I'd like to think that at 28 I am not too old to dine at Taco Bell when the circumstances call for it. Yet I can't quite get over their ridiculous Mild/Hot/Fire sauce packets. What marketing IDIOT came up with the catch phrases I find on them?! Phrases like:
- I'm taking the day off. See next packet.
- The feeling is mutual.
- Will you marry me?
Are the youth of today taking advice on love, relationships, and work ethic from fast food condiment packages?! Is that REALLY what marketing executives think of us? Of the coming generation?!
It makes me wonder, with horror I might add, if today's youth have been completely underserved by their elders. Our kids can barely read and speak and when they do it's in ebonics, text-speak, or something in between. Reading a book has been replaced with watching TV and playing on your DS or iPhone. The will to work and earn a living has been replaced with a sense of entitlement and expectance. And now dinner conversation has been reduced to "what does your packet say?"
I'm sickened by this. I KNEW I shouldn't have gave in to my double decker taco craving....I am much too young to sound like this!! DAMN YOU, TACO BELL!!!!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Colorado Trip
Hi folks - it has come to my attention that more than one person is expecting me Colorado this week. Not true. I'm flying in NEXT Wednesday, August 6th leaving on Sunday, August 10th. Here's my current itinerary - there are plenty of opportunities to come say hi - I'd love to see everyone even though it is a short trip.
8/6 Wed - flying in late, will probably have enough time to get my rental car then go to the hotel. BUT, if you are up late - gimme a call/text!
8/7 Thur - Rockies game w/ Joe in the afternoon, party in town in the evening. This is the ideal night to meet up with folks who haven't already gotten a hold of me.
8/8 Fri - zoo w/ Kailea, evening with Mel at the Lure Lounge on 14th and Blake. Come meet us there.
8/9 Sat - visit Isis, spend afternoon alone chilling, get ready for HS reunion party, go out w/ buds afterward. Another great time to call/text.
8/10 Sun - brunch with my awesome cousin, hang out with the lovely Sarah, then fly home.
Clear as mud? :-)
8/6 Wed - flying in late, will probably have enough time to get my rental car then go to the hotel. BUT, if you are up late - gimme a call/text!
8/7 Thur - Rockies game w/ Joe in the afternoon, party in town in the evening. This is the ideal night to meet up with folks who haven't already gotten a hold of me.
8/8 Fri - zoo w/ Kailea, evening with Mel at the Lure Lounge on 14th and Blake. Come meet us there.
8/9 Sat - visit Isis, spend afternoon alone chilling, get ready for HS reunion party, go out w/ buds afterward. Another great time to call/text.
8/10 Sun - brunch with my awesome cousin, hang out with the lovely Sarah, then fly home.
Clear as mud? :-)
Monday, July 21, 2008
SITC
So of course I went to go see SITC when it came to theatres and whenever reruns are on TBS I can't help but watch the rest of the episode even though I've seen every episode at the very least 3 times. Not only do I love the story and the characters but I also love to remember the time in my life when I first watched SITC.
The feelings are bittersweet as I can't share them with the person that I experienced them with but I will never forget that summer and the wonderful times I had with this person. I also know that it would not be the same even if we were talking. Time and distance has a way of doing that. I know that this person is doing well through the grape vine and I couldn't be prouder! All I ever wanted was to see this person succeed. I think in my efforts to help I hindered her more than anything, but the intentions were golden.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately and just today I had a phone call from Peck. Now here's someone where time and distance seems to stand still for me. For us really. No matter how many days have passed since we last talked, it always seems like it has only been a few minutes even when we spend hours on the phone catching up. I love talking to her and reminiscing our past - the good and bad. I miss her. Of all my friends, I haven't seen her in the longest time. In fact - I want to say when she was last living in our house was the last time I saw her. Wow. It would be nice to see her again and I'd love to meet Big D.
I'll be traveling to CO soon - I'll put the details in a separate post, so there goes any notion of going to TX to visit Peck but it's never quite off my radar. I hope to see her soon.
The feelings are bittersweet as I can't share them with the person that I experienced them with but I will never forget that summer and the wonderful times I had with this person. I also know that it would not be the same even if we were talking. Time and distance has a way of doing that. I know that this person is doing well through the grape vine and I couldn't be prouder! All I ever wanted was to see this person succeed. I think in my efforts to help I hindered her more than anything, but the intentions were golden.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately and just today I had a phone call from Peck. Now here's someone where time and distance seems to stand still for me. For us really. No matter how many days have passed since we last talked, it always seems like it has only been a few minutes even when we spend hours on the phone catching up. I love talking to her and reminiscing our past - the good and bad. I miss her. Of all my friends, I haven't seen her in the longest time. In fact - I want to say when she was last living in our house was the last time I saw her. Wow. It would be nice to see her again and I'd love to meet Big D.
I'll be traveling to CO soon - I'll put the details in a separate post, so there goes any notion of going to TX to visit Peck but it's never quite off my radar. I hope to see her soon.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Update
It's been awhile so here are some updates:
Surgery - went well but was more extensive than expected. Recovery has been longer and the pain is more intense than expected but I'm handling it. I keep thinking I'm being a baby about it but you know it's bad when you go home to lay down for a minute and end up sleeping for 4 hours. I've been trying to get to the gym to do some light walking (I did make it on Sunday) but haven't been able to after work, I"m just soooo tired. Anyway - every day gets better. Special thanks to Dane for all his help with me and working from home so he could care for me. He's actually out of town now which makes it hard to some things but I think I'll be okay.
Sarah's Visit - was great! I was so happy to see her and spend time with her at the spa and what not. I wish she hadn't fallen and broken her ankle while at my house (can't help but feel some degree of responsibility) but what can you do. It was great to see Max and what a great kid he's turning into. Dane and I discussed and decided that we want to keep him. Hee hee. All kidding aside, we really wish we were closer to Sarah and Max to be a bigger part of their lives. We did our best to convince them to move up to WA.
School - OMG! My LAST day of my general MBA is this Saturday! Then its nothing but 5 online classes left. I'm excited and already anxious for what I'm going to do with my life when school is over. First I'll have the Becker CPA review to do, which will be 5 months of studying and testing beginning on my birthday, Feb 5th and lasting through my anniversary, July 3rd. I'm registered for classes and have nothing left to do but register for the actual exam. Can't believe the time is almost here. Afterwards I think I will go to law school. I am going to take the LSAT on Oct 4th and apply to Seattle University. Only 1/3 of applicants get accepted so we'll see but I'm going to try. Crazy, huh?
Work - is going well, I'm kinda behind schedule due to the extensive recovery or rather unexpected recovery. I'll make it work though. Jim is out this week so I've been able to take it easy which is good, but I haven't been able to focus (including right now) so I'll definitely have to bust ass the next two days.
Dane - we celebrated our 1 year anniversary last Thursday be going to dinner at The Melting Pot. It was a great dinner - we talked about the highs and lows of the year, our wedding, and what we wanted to do in the next 1 thru 10 years. It was a great discussion and I'm lucky to have such a wonderful husband.
Cats - are doing well. Willy is the craziest cat ever. EVER! Dewey is darling. Boo is demanding. And Stinker is stubborn. I love them so much.
Other - been driving Nick's Mini Cooper since it's an automatic and is easier to drive. Love it. Really think I might want one. But I still hold out hope for my Mercedes. We'll see what's in store. If I go to law school then I can't afford a Mercedes till AFTER.
I feel higher than a kite right now so I'm going to sign off and enjoy the ice cream social at work then go home and get some reading and homework done. I only have tonight and tomorrow night left to do it. Yikes! I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. Whatever.
Till next time.
Surgery - went well but was more extensive than expected. Recovery has been longer and the pain is more intense than expected but I'm handling it. I keep thinking I'm being a baby about it but you know it's bad when you go home to lay down for a minute and end up sleeping for 4 hours. I've been trying to get to the gym to do some light walking (I did make it on Sunday) but haven't been able to after work, I"m just soooo tired. Anyway - every day gets better. Special thanks to Dane for all his help with me and working from home so he could care for me. He's actually out of town now which makes it hard to some things but I think I'll be okay.
Sarah's Visit - was great! I was so happy to see her and spend time with her at the spa and what not. I wish she hadn't fallen and broken her ankle while at my house (can't help but feel some degree of responsibility) but what can you do. It was great to see Max and what a great kid he's turning into. Dane and I discussed and decided that we want to keep him. Hee hee. All kidding aside, we really wish we were closer to Sarah and Max to be a bigger part of their lives. We did our best to convince them to move up to WA.
School - OMG! My LAST day of my general MBA is this Saturday! Then its nothing but 5 online classes left. I'm excited and already anxious for what I'm going to do with my life when school is over. First I'll have the Becker CPA review to do, which will be 5 months of studying and testing beginning on my birthday, Feb 5th and lasting through my anniversary, July 3rd. I'm registered for classes and have nothing left to do but register for the actual exam. Can't believe the time is almost here. Afterwards I think I will go to law school. I am going to take the LSAT on Oct 4th and apply to Seattle University. Only 1/3 of applicants get accepted so we'll see but I'm going to try. Crazy, huh?
Work - is going well, I'm kinda behind schedule due to the extensive recovery or rather unexpected recovery. I'll make it work though. Jim is out this week so I've been able to take it easy which is good, but I haven't been able to focus (including right now) so I'll definitely have to bust ass the next two days.
Dane - we celebrated our 1 year anniversary last Thursday be going to dinner at The Melting Pot. It was a great dinner - we talked about the highs and lows of the year, our wedding, and what we wanted to do in the next 1 thru 10 years. It was a great discussion and I'm lucky to have such a wonderful husband.
Cats - are doing well. Willy is the craziest cat ever. EVER! Dewey is darling. Boo is demanding. And Stinker is stubborn. I love them so much.
Other - been driving Nick's Mini Cooper since it's an automatic and is easier to drive. Love it. Really think I might want one. But I still hold out hope for my Mercedes. We'll see what's in store. If I go to law school then I can't afford a Mercedes till AFTER.
I feel higher than a kite right now so I'm going to sign off and enjoy the ice cream social at work then go home and get some reading and homework done. I only have tonight and tomorrow night left to do it. Yikes! I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. Whatever.
Till next time.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Ch ch ch changes!!
I almost forgot! I'm going in for my second dose of the knife. While this time will not even be in the ballpark that my last surgery was, I will be under for a spell and get some minor touch ups done. Mostly scar revision but a little contouring to make sure everything is evened out. Surgery is on Monday and the lovely HG has offered her services (again) with helping me out. AND over her b-day! I'm a lucky gal!
While that's going on, Sarah will be visiting her fam in upper WA which is just fine cause she can take my car without me needing it. Perfect. I'm excited for her to come down! I feel bad because my priority the first couple days she's here will center around the parade but I'm lucky that Sarah is easy-going and excited for me and the parade. I am soooo happy that she'll get to see the parade and ME in the parade! I'm like a boasting peacock! And she'll get to meet work friends, and RB, and my other crew of buddies. It's going to be so much fun!
The parade is ready to go with some minor changes here and there. Costumes are done, dances are memorized - now lets' just hope it doesn't rain on our parade!
Work is going well. I'm a little bummed that they wont be able to help at all with my financing the CPA review but I understand why they can't. I fear that I may be quickly outgrowing my job there. Not a bad thing, but definitely sad. I'm cinching up the Policies and Procedures book this month and starting on the Audit/Internal Controls book next month. I should be ready to nail the audit this year - YAY!
School is going well - I'm in my last core MBA class - less than 3 weeks left then it's online only for the remaining 5 accounting classes. My last day of class is officially 2/23 which means for 3 weeks (right during my b-day) I'll be doubling up on CPA classes and UOP. It will be daunting but I can do it. Then I plunge right into my CPA exam for Business. The review process is grueling but I know I can do it - I made it this far, right? I'm meeting with a gal in 2 weeks to discuss the process and what I can do to be the best prepared for it.
Dane is doing well too -nothing really new on that end. Things are good and he's been very helpful and kind the past couple weeks.
Cats are good too. They are so cute.
That's about all for now! I'll post next week in my surgery drugged out haze! Fun!
While that's going on, Sarah will be visiting her fam in upper WA which is just fine cause she can take my car without me needing it. Perfect. I'm excited for her to come down! I feel bad because my priority the first couple days she's here will center around the parade but I'm lucky that Sarah is easy-going and excited for me and the parade. I am soooo happy that she'll get to see the parade and ME in the parade! I'm like a boasting peacock! And she'll get to meet work friends, and RB, and my other crew of buddies. It's going to be so much fun!
The parade is ready to go with some minor changes here and there. Costumes are done, dances are memorized - now lets' just hope it doesn't rain on our parade!
Work is going well. I'm a little bummed that they wont be able to help at all with my financing the CPA review but I understand why they can't. I fear that I may be quickly outgrowing my job there. Not a bad thing, but definitely sad. I'm cinching up the Policies and Procedures book this month and starting on the Audit/Internal Controls book next month. I should be ready to nail the audit this year - YAY!
School is going well - I'm in my last core MBA class - less than 3 weeks left then it's online only for the remaining 5 accounting classes. My last day of class is officially 2/23 which means for 3 weeks (right during my b-day) I'll be doubling up on CPA classes and UOP. It will be daunting but I can do it. Then I plunge right into my CPA exam for Business. The review process is grueling but I know I can do it - I made it this far, right? I'm meeting with a gal in 2 weeks to discuss the process and what I can do to be the best prepared for it.
Dane is doing well too -nothing really new on that end. Things are good and he's been very helpful and kind the past couple weeks.
Cats are good too. They are so cute.
That's about all for now! I'll post next week in my surgery drugged out haze! Fun!
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Time For a Change
So all my posts recently have been all about what I'm doing. No girth or depth. Recently I haven't had time to think about much other than the day to day stuff but believe me there are thoughts twirling around in my brain.
For starters I get really sick of Dane's attitude with me on a lot of stuff. He often asks like I ask the world of him when asking for help around the house or to do things that should be on his radar (considering he's an adult) like getting his hair trimmed in a timely manner. Then he lays this guilt trip on me about how he provides such a nice life for me and I'd be in a cardboard box w/o him (my words, not his). And while I appreciate what he does for our life together, I hate having him dangle it over my head like I'm some stay-at-home wife that doesn't earn her keep.
I'm just venting really, but it does do a mind f*ck on me. I get so mad sometimes that I wish we weren't married and I could just leave. Sometimes I think "what's the point", I don't want to change the way he is but at the sametime he's not what I want/need. What to do, what to do?
In other aspects I'm so happy with Dane. I really don't want to leave him but I get tired of being his shadow. I'm sure everything will be fine. Just some thoughts to chew on.
For starters I get really sick of Dane's attitude with me on a lot of stuff. He often asks like I ask the world of him when asking for help around the house or to do things that should be on his radar (considering he's an adult) like getting his hair trimmed in a timely manner. Then he lays this guilt trip on me about how he provides such a nice life for me and I'd be in a cardboard box w/o him (my words, not his). And while I appreciate what he does for our life together, I hate having him dangle it over my head like I'm some stay-at-home wife that doesn't earn her keep.
I'm just venting really, but it does do a mind f*ck on me. I get so mad sometimes that I wish we weren't married and I could just leave. Sometimes I think "what's the point", I don't want to change the way he is but at the sametime he's not what I want/need. What to do, what to do?
In other aspects I'm so happy with Dane. I really don't want to leave him but I get tired of being his shadow. I'm sure everything will be fine. Just some thoughts to chew on.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Do You Know the Way to San Jose?
La la la la la. I don't know any other words to that song.
So the trip to see the folks was wonderful. Dad said he wouldn't even know he had a heart attack if not for the hospital bills. And of course the other things like medications and diet changes. But still, he's doing great and it was great to see them.
We had a great, relaxing weekend full of good homecooked meals. I hadn't realized how much I missed my parents till this weekend. So many things I miss like going to their house and just gazing in the pantry and fridge. I miss the sound the pot makes when steam escapes it and the release valve bounces off the pan lid (that sound always comforted me because it meant food was on the way). I miss wearing my dad's robe. I miss using my mom's hair products. I miss being wrapped up in their bed. I miss looking at the pictures of my life and my family's life.
I liked talking to my parents and just plain hanging out with them. We went to my mom's work on Friday at Dole Berry and I got a tour of the place. Pretty cool how they take care of the fruit. Then we went to lunch and got to see the sea otters and sea lions - fat crazy loud animals that they are. We went to the store and got some supplies for our meals. The grocery store by their house is so cheap that we got what we needed for 5 meals for 4 adults for just over $100! Can you believe that!
Saturday Mom and I went to get some pedicures, which was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed that time with her to sit and chat. Mom is going to help make my parade costume. She took my ideas and gave them girth and brought them to life with a little of her own creativity. It's so nice to have her help with that. Then we made a late lunch, early dinner then watched the Indiana Jones movies. Sunday we slept in then went to see the new Indiana Jones movie, good flick, then went home and hung out talking and what not. We had a lot of good chats.
Monday we slept in again, packed, then went to the airport and we were back home before we knew it. It was a nice quick trip that I think we can and should do more often. At least till they come live up in Seattle. :-P
School is coming along, in my last week of my second to last on campus class. Then its 5 classes of accounting online then graduation! YAY! Dane and I are talking about our options for graduation travel and gifts, which might be a couple of new cars. We're not sure.
Other than that work and the parade are going well. It's tough being a manager sometimes. You have to make decisions you don't want to. *sigh* We'll see how that plays out.
I'm on a crash diet for the next 4 weeks. Dr. E is going to kick my ass when he sees how fat I am. If I can lose a solid 10 lbs then I'll be in better shape. Not just physically but for when I see him for my surgery. Sarah will be here soon and that will be fun. I can't wait to see her. The final details are being worked out. It's gonna be a blast.
I'm off to bed. Dane is in PDX again and I still have some homework to do.
So the trip to see the folks was wonderful. Dad said he wouldn't even know he had a heart attack if not for the hospital bills. And of course the other things like medications and diet changes. But still, he's doing great and it was great to see them.
We had a great, relaxing weekend full of good homecooked meals. I hadn't realized how much I missed my parents till this weekend. So many things I miss like going to their house and just gazing in the pantry and fridge. I miss the sound the pot makes when steam escapes it and the release valve bounces off the pan lid (that sound always comforted me because it meant food was on the way). I miss wearing my dad's robe. I miss using my mom's hair products. I miss being wrapped up in their bed. I miss looking at the pictures of my life and my family's life.
I liked talking to my parents and just plain hanging out with them. We went to my mom's work on Friday at Dole Berry and I got a tour of the place. Pretty cool how they take care of the fruit. Then we went to lunch and got to see the sea otters and sea lions - fat crazy loud animals that they are. We went to the store and got some supplies for our meals. The grocery store by their house is so cheap that we got what we needed for 5 meals for 4 adults for just over $100! Can you believe that!
Saturday Mom and I went to get some pedicures, which was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed that time with her to sit and chat. Mom is going to help make my parade costume. She took my ideas and gave them girth and brought them to life with a little of her own creativity. It's so nice to have her help with that. Then we made a late lunch, early dinner then watched the Indiana Jones movies. Sunday we slept in then went to see the new Indiana Jones movie, good flick, then went home and hung out talking and what not. We had a lot of good chats.
Monday we slept in again, packed, then went to the airport and we were back home before we knew it. It was a nice quick trip that I think we can and should do more often. At least till they come live up in Seattle. :-P
School is coming along, in my last week of my second to last on campus class. Then its 5 classes of accounting online then graduation! YAY! Dane and I are talking about our options for graduation travel and gifts, which might be a couple of new cars. We're not sure.
Other than that work and the parade are going well. It's tough being a manager sometimes. You have to make decisions you don't want to. *sigh* We'll see how that plays out.
I'm on a crash diet for the next 4 weeks. Dr. E is going to kick my ass when he sees how fat I am. If I can lose a solid 10 lbs then I'll be in better shape. Not just physically but for when I see him for my surgery. Sarah will be here soon and that will be fun. I can't wait to see her. The final details are being worked out. It's gonna be a blast.
I'm off to bed. Dane is in PDX again and I still have some homework to do.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Last Year vs. This Year
So I looked at my post from this time last year and how much stuff I was doing and all that jazz and I have to say that I'm shocked I survived it and have lived up to my promise of not packing my schedule so tightly.
In fact this year all that I have going on right now it school, work, and parade. I'm working in a trip to see the folks this weekend and a surgery revision next month, which will put a slight damper on my summer hence plans, but nothing that I can't handle. I'm on track with school and work and even though I have projects on the horizon, I have them scheduled out with enough time to accomplish them all.
In other news I went kayaking this weekend for the first time ever and loved it! It was a little nerve racking at first, but we (Angela and I) stuck it out and had a great time with Alexia and Cieran (Key-err-ann). I can definitely see more of it in my future.
I also stayed home on Saturday night by myself. I had the option to go out but decided to stay home and loved it. It was nice to have some weekend solitude as Dane was mountain biking with friends in Portland. I'm glad he was able to get out and be active.
Our financial plans are in order and on budget despite setbacks. Of course my overage check from UOP helped that but still. Dane's debt and our Egypt debt (the wedding has long since been paid off) are almost cleared up. Like in a matter of months we will have a lot of cash on our hands that we haven't had in a long time if ever. We are working on plans for this money as it will be a lot and we don't want to get used to living with that kind of excess cash, rather save it away for whatever we want to do in the next few years, be that buy a house, a car, travel or a combo of the three. I'm scared of buying a house but could be coerced.
Other than that things are plugging away just fine. I'm looking forward to the parade and Sarah's visit. It will be a lot of fun.
Now if I could just drop about 20 lbs I'd be set. :-)
In fact this year all that I have going on right now it school, work, and parade. I'm working in a trip to see the folks this weekend and a surgery revision next month, which will put a slight damper on my summer hence plans, but nothing that I can't handle. I'm on track with school and work and even though I have projects on the horizon, I have them scheduled out with enough time to accomplish them all.
In other news I went kayaking this weekend for the first time ever and loved it! It was a little nerve racking at first, but we (Angela and I) stuck it out and had a great time with Alexia and Cieran (Key-err-ann). I can definitely see more of it in my future.
I also stayed home on Saturday night by myself. I had the option to go out but decided to stay home and loved it. It was nice to have some weekend solitude as Dane was mountain biking with friends in Portland. I'm glad he was able to get out and be active.
Our financial plans are in order and on budget despite setbacks. Of course my overage check from UOP helped that but still. Dane's debt and our Egypt debt (the wedding has long since been paid off) are almost cleared up. Like in a matter of months we will have a lot of cash on our hands that we haven't had in a long time if ever. We are working on plans for this money as it will be a lot and we don't want to get used to living with that kind of excess cash, rather save it away for whatever we want to do in the next few years, be that buy a house, a car, travel or a combo of the three. I'm scared of buying a house but could be coerced.
Other than that things are plugging away just fine. I'm looking forward to the parade and Sarah's visit. It will be a lot of fun.
Now if I could just drop about 20 lbs I'd be set. :-)
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Oops
Well, I've done it again. I haven't posted in a while. My bad. Let's recap:
Work - going well, I'm neck deep in budgets after a short closing month (finance committee meets tomorrow) and I feel that I am doing very well for the budget process. I'm sure I haven't thought of everything but I feel like I'm ahead of the game, thanks to help from my staff. I present the budgets to the managers tomorrow and have even prepared a PPT presentation that I hope will go over well. I'm really taking charge of the budget process this year (and I might even ask Jim to "own" it more than he does) which I feel will help alieviate the issues we ran into this current year. Up next: prepare for audit which will absolutely require the next 5 months. It wont be cleanup like last year, instead preparation and getting inline with all the new standards for 08.
School - going well too. I made a post that got some classmates in a funk but all seems well now. I really feel sometimes like people need too much guidance and just can't function without clear, step by step guidelines. Sometimes its okay to just go with an idea, but I get that that's not for everyone. One more class and I'll be done with the general portion of the MBA then on to the core accounting portion. I should be done with classes by March of next year, set to walk in Phoenix in July.
Travel - speaking of - there are plans in the works for next July's vacation. I am talking with RBMBA about Central or South America but these plans aren't concrete and I have some other ideas that I'm rattling around in my head, such as buying a new car from Volvo, Mercedes, or Audi and doing a Europe trip to pick up the car. Not sure, depends on money and several other factors. In the meantime, we are going to California next week to see my folks and I'm really looking forward to that. We've talked about going to the Midwest to see my grandparents but I'm not sure that we can afford that. Same for my ideas to go to Colorado in August and somewhere in October. I honestly think that we just can't afford to go anywhere till next year and I'd rather save our money for another big trip anyway.
Surgery - is still a go for next month. A slight revision and some touch up work. All paid for, so we are good with that but I'm nervous about the healing process and I feel I've gained some weight that I just can't shed.
Fitness - I am still going to spinning on Mon and now that the parade is almost here I'm going to class for that 3 nights a week. Otherwise, I'm not really going to the gym. I am taking the bus almost everyday and that in itself adds about a mile of walking each day. I'm trying to stay active on the weekends and now that the weather is starting to get nicer that should be easier.
Parade - is going to awesome this year! First and foremost, Sarah will be in town (see more below) but also I really like the theme. It's pink for peace and I'm totally on-board with the costuming and meaning behind the parade. Meaning being taking back the woman's carnal power of beauty and attraction (real beauty not the media's idea of beauty) and turning that into the power of persuasion which leads to negotiation which leads to peace and love and everything that is wonderful and woman! I'm in the advanced string this year w/ HG and while it is a big committment, it's well worth it. And with Dane gone in PDX all the time it gives me something to do and stay out of trouble.
Dane - is doing well. Traveling a lot and dealing with his staff but overall he's enjoying life. He's going on an all-dudes mountain biking trek this weekend outside of PDX that I think will be great for him. He's finally conceded to giving up and selling the banshee and montero. About time.
Sarah - is coming to town in a month. I'm happy to be hosting her and can't wait for her to see our place and hang out. What's more is Max will be with her and I'm excited to see how he's grown! What's on the docket? Burlesque, spa trip, Pike Place, parade, party, rest, then she goes to the North while I go on my surgery leave, then she's back home as quick as she came, but it will be a good visit.
Cats - are doing good. Willy almost has his meow. Stinker and Boo are still fat and Dewey is cute as ever. He has some troubling blood on him (this just happened tonight) but I think we can manage it and he'll be fine.
Long-term - plans include some more legislative and lobbying work for me. I have some grand ideas in store for how I can help Treehouse with their strategies for the next 3 - 5 years as well as how I can help the foster child system in the US. Probably all just pipe dreams right now, but I feel like I'm on the course to something really big and life changing. Stay tuned!
So that's about it for now. I'll try to be better at posting as things happen, but life seems full tilt all the time yet not much worth "writing home about." I'm sure that will change and I'll have fun stuff to blog about soon enough.
Work - going well, I'm neck deep in budgets after a short closing month (finance committee meets tomorrow) and I feel that I am doing very well for the budget process. I'm sure I haven't thought of everything but I feel like I'm ahead of the game, thanks to help from my staff. I present the budgets to the managers tomorrow and have even prepared a PPT presentation that I hope will go over well. I'm really taking charge of the budget process this year (and I might even ask Jim to "own" it more than he does) which I feel will help alieviate the issues we ran into this current year. Up next: prepare for audit which will absolutely require the next 5 months. It wont be cleanup like last year, instead preparation and getting inline with all the new standards for 08.
School - going well too. I made a post that got some classmates in a funk but all seems well now. I really feel sometimes like people need too much guidance and just can't function without clear, step by step guidelines. Sometimes its okay to just go with an idea, but I get that that's not for everyone. One more class and I'll be done with the general portion of the MBA then on to the core accounting portion. I should be done with classes by March of next year, set to walk in Phoenix in July.
Travel - speaking of - there are plans in the works for next July's vacation. I am talking with RBMBA about Central or South America but these plans aren't concrete and I have some other ideas that I'm rattling around in my head, such as buying a new car from Volvo, Mercedes, or Audi and doing a Europe trip to pick up the car. Not sure, depends on money and several other factors. In the meantime, we are going to California next week to see my folks and I'm really looking forward to that. We've talked about going to the Midwest to see my grandparents but I'm not sure that we can afford that. Same for my ideas to go to Colorado in August and somewhere in October. I honestly think that we just can't afford to go anywhere till next year and I'd rather save our money for another big trip anyway.
Surgery - is still a go for next month. A slight revision and some touch up work. All paid for, so we are good with that but I'm nervous about the healing process and I feel I've gained some weight that I just can't shed.
Fitness - I am still going to spinning on Mon and now that the parade is almost here I'm going to class for that 3 nights a week. Otherwise, I'm not really going to the gym. I am taking the bus almost everyday and that in itself adds about a mile of walking each day. I'm trying to stay active on the weekends and now that the weather is starting to get nicer that should be easier.
Parade - is going to awesome this year! First and foremost, Sarah will be in town (see more below) but also I really like the theme. It's pink for peace and I'm totally on-board with the costuming and meaning behind the parade. Meaning being taking back the woman's carnal power of beauty and attraction (real beauty not the media's idea of beauty) and turning that into the power of persuasion which leads to negotiation which leads to peace and love and everything that is wonderful and woman! I'm in the advanced string this year w/ HG and while it is a big committment, it's well worth it. And with Dane gone in PDX all the time it gives me something to do and stay out of trouble.
Dane - is doing well. Traveling a lot and dealing with his staff but overall he's enjoying life. He's going on an all-dudes mountain biking trek this weekend outside of PDX that I think will be great for him. He's finally conceded to giving up and selling the banshee and montero. About time.
Sarah - is coming to town in a month. I'm happy to be hosting her and can't wait for her to see our place and hang out. What's more is Max will be with her and I'm excited to see how he's grown! What's on the docket? Burlesque, spa trip, Pike Place, parade, party, rest, then she goes to the North while I go on my surgery leave, then she's back home as quick as she came, but it will be a good visit.
Cats - are doing good. Willy almost has his meow. Stinker and Boo are still fat and Dewey is cute as ever. He has some troubling blood on him (this just happened tonight) but I think we can manage it and he'll be fine.
Long-term - plans include some more legislative and lobbying work for me. I have some grand ideas in store for how I can help Treehouse with their strategies for the next 3 - 5 years as well as how I can help the foster child system in the US. Probably all just pipe dreams right now, but I feel like I'm on the course to something really big and life changing. Stay tuned!
So that's about it for now. I'll try to be better at posting as things happen, but life seems full tilt all the time yet not much worth "writing home about." I'm sure that will change and I'll have fun stuff to blog about soon enough.
Monday, April 28, 2008
I'm Back
Well I've been back [from Egypt] for almost a week now and I can honestly say that I haven't entirely recovered. My body is still weary, I dont' have all my energy back, nor my appetite (unless it's first thing in the morning), my innards are still queezy, and I'm still waking earlier than I might normally (and going to bed WAY early) but I think that within the next few days I will be right as rain.
We are going to the gym tonight in an effort to get back on track of normal life and try to get some energy. There is so much to do around the house. I have to finish laundry, clean up the storage room, the garage, the office area, my art room, and bedroom. I have to balance my books, return some items purchased for Egypt that weren't used, homework, the list goes on. Not to mention I have to work the next two Saturdays.
The parade classes start next week. I'm looking forward to that. It will be nice to participate in it without all the craziness that was going on last year.
The busy season is about to start at work. I have to get the budget process rolling, then prepare for fiscal year end/audit, then go through with the audit. Seems like I just got out of busy season.
I only have two more oncampus classes for UOP then 5 online classes. So just over halfway done. Another year and I'll be studying for the CPA exam, right on schedule! After that I will take a long ass break. Who knows what I'll do - nothing, law, nothing, more accounting, nothing, bartending, nothing. I'm not sure. I'll let time decide, I'm weary of making decisions.
So while I'm happy to be home, I'm already considering my next big and small travel plans. We had thought about going to San Juan over Memorial Day, Colorado over Labor Day, Houston in October but it was also suggested to go to Hawaii and I would looooove to do that. I also want to see my folks and my grandparents. Not sure what I can do about all that. I know that it will be a year before we go on another big excursion. RBMBA wants to do Jamaica - that would be fun. Then there's France. Or Antartica. The list goes on. Seems like there's not enough time to do what we want. Oh, and I'll graduate from UOP, so there's a trip to Phoenix. Yikes.
Anyway - all is well and continues to be well and I'm hopeful that that wont change. :-)
We are going to the gym tonight in an effort to get back on track of normal life and try to get some energy. There is so much to do around the house. I have to finish laundry, clean up the storage room, the garage, the office area, my art room, and bedroom. I have to balance my books, return some items purchased for Egypt that weren't used, homework, the list goes on. Not to mention I have to work the next two Saturdays.
The parade classes start next week. I'm looking forward to that. It will be nice to participate in it without all the craziness that was going on last year.
The busy season is about to start at work. I have to get the budget process rolling, then prepare for fiscal year end/audit, then go through with the audit. Seems like I just got out of busy season.
I only have two more oncampus classes for UOP then 5 online classes. So just over halfway done. Another year and I'll be studying for the CPA exam, right on schedule! After that I will take a long ass break. Who knows what I'll do - nothing, law, nothing, more accounting, nothing, bartending, nothing. I'm not sure. I'll let time decide, I'm weary of making decisions.
So while I'm happy to be home, I'm already considering my next big and small travel plans. We had thought about going to San Juan over Memorial Day, Colorado over Labor Day, Houston in October but it was also suggested to go to Hawaii and I would looooove to do that. I also want to see my folks and my grandparents. Not sure what I can do about all that. I know that it will be a year before we go on another big excursion. RBMBA wants to do Jamaica - that would be fun. Then there's France. Or Antartica. The list goes on. Seems like there's not enough time to do what we want. Oh, and I'll graduate from UOP, so there's a trip to Phoenix. Yikes.
Anyway - all is well and continues to be well and I'm hopeful that that wont change. :-)
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Egypt Tour
Hello folks - those of you interested in our trip to Egypt should turn your sights to my Egypt blog which will have all the information anyone would need to know where we are, how to reach us, and what we'll be doing.
We will also update this blog during our trip as internet cafes become available. Also, our house/cat-keeper, Nick, will be updating the Egypt blog as he speaks to us when we call in for check ups. We figured it would be easier to have all the information in one spot and have one point person rather than email everyone or make dozens of calls or wake people up at 3 in the morning.
So here you go - http://huishegypt.blogspot.com/
We will also update this blog during our trip as internet cafes become available. Also, our house/cat-keeper, Nick, will be updating the Egypt blog as he speaks to us when we call in for check ups. We figured it would be easier to have all the information in one spot and have one point person rather than email everyone or make dozens of calls or wake people up at 3 in the morning.
So here you go - http://huishegypt.blogspot.com/
Monday, March 03, 2008
Nothing but DNA...
After a fun evening with Dane (to celebrate our "marriage date night") at McCormick and Schmicks courtesy of a coupon my dad got in December after Alaska Airlines delayed his flight, it became apparent to me that I should blog on my divorce with my sister.
First and foremost, I did not come to this decision lightly and I take it very seriously. I am not happy that it has come to this but I have decided that I cannot endure anymore hardship because of it.
Basically for the past couple years, I really can't put my finger on when though, my relationship with my sister has been strained. I have tried and tried and tried to be her friend, be a good sister, and do the things that family is supposed to do. I'll admit, I'm not the best. I forget birthdays, I never send out cards, and the best gift you can hope to get from me is a gift card. Anyway, I've tried to reach out to her and connect and I'm always met with this surface sister. Stacy plays her cards very close to her chest and there are only a select few that she allows in to her circle. Sadly, her family has never been on that list.
This could be for a lot of reasons, I imagine and I must disclose at this point it is all my opinion and speculation based on events, emotions, and facts as interpreted by me. I could be very far off base but the truth is I will never know because Stacy is so shut off and whatever answer(s) I would get from her couldn't really be trusted for the same reasons.
Here it is: the foundation for our demise is probably best layed out as we are two different people in every way. Personality, family, friends, lifestyles, goals, interests, and values. Put simply, the only thing that binds us is our DNA, our parents. We are 10 years (almost to the day) apart in age, she being older, and for that reason she has always been placed as an authority figure in my life. I really feel like that stunted our growth as sisters and the bond I see so many siblings have. That aside, we differ as follows:
Personality - I am very outgoing, what you see is what you get. You will always know exactly what I'm thinking and how I feel. Stacy is passive aggressive, shy, pensive, and bottled up.
Family - Dane and I will always be a family of two plus our beloved cats. Stacy has two kids and feels a sense of entitlement because of her kids and family, as if people owe her, or her kids, a special piece of themselves simply because they are her kids.
Lifestyles - I am very career driven and motivated to excel. I live life in the fast lane, relatively speaking. I love to have a great time but also know my limits and responsibilities. Stacy lives for her family - every waking breath is for her husband and kids and everything else is a byproduct.
Goals - I want to travel the world, lead a successful professional life, and be a life-long learner. Stacy simply wants the best for her kids by any means necessary (I should note that our differing characters aren't right or wrong - just that - different).
Interests - I like motorcycles, traveling, partying, learning, dancing, and so on. Stacy's interests lie with her kids. I really have no idea what she likes as an adult.
Again, I'm not saying that I'm right and she's wrong, I'm just laying the foundation for why we are different and don't really connect. So now that I've layed that out there, I'll try to cite examples or explain why I think that I don't fit in to her life and will never be her friend/sister.
She feels that people should make an effort to see her and her kids, not the other way around. She should not be put out to make the relationship work, nay, if you don't make all the effort then you are a bad person for not being involved in her/her kid's lives. While I understand that having children definitely complicates things, it shouldn't be your default excuse as to why you can or can't do something or why people always have to come to you and work around your schedule.
I am hurt that Stacy and her family did not even try to make an effort to come to my wedding or even really acknowledge or show interest in it. That really showed me where I rank in her life, especially considering she's traveled to Mexico before (twice) with her friends AND even has her own travel agency where she could have received a discount for her/her family's travel.
But even then I didn't shut the door on our relationship. I wanted to but decided against it. Instead I made a point to visit with her one last time, this time assessing her actions and what I was to her. She barely acknowledged me, would not let me talk about my wedding much less ask about it, never asked one question about me or my life or how I am in Washington, everything was about her and her kids.
So when I try to have a relationship with her kids outside of her, I am met with a flood of excuses, including (and I quote) "Ashley can't come see you in WA! What if terrorists fly the plane into the Space Needle?" Admittedly she was trying to be funny but she was also making a point and the point is "you cannot have contact with my children without me being present."
This leads me to my final conclusion about our relationship. One that is entirely separate of the other. I firmly believe that she blames and judges me for Isis's death. Whatever she believes, I'm not certain, but her tone is loud and clear "you are an unfit mother that cannot be around kids." Now that I think about it, I have never been able to have one on one time with my niece and nephew and doubt that I ever would. Then I am made out to be a monster for not "being a part of their lives." She won't let me!! I am closer to my god-daughter Kailea and Peck and Sarah's kids than I am to my own flesh and blood!
Also, I can't stand how Stacy talks about our parents. Whatever she thinks of mom doesn't matter, she's still our mom and I love her, especially all her quirks! And Stacy is so quick to put her hand out and say "gimme gimme gimme [for my kids]" to our parents, as if our parents OWE her that, yet she doesn't love them unconditionally or even enough to justify the gifts she and her family gets (not that children have to love their parent's in order to receive gifts, but more that she feels its a one-way street). And then she wonders why mom had more of a bond with Isis, nevermind that mom was practically her sole caretaker.
Whatever - it gets me boiled and I felt it necessary to document my thoughts on the matter so that I can come back and reflect and adjust as necessary.
To end this blog on a lighter note, Dane and I have been saving our money for Egypt and in doing that we have started sharing entrees when we go out to eat. Not only does this cut the costs, but it also cuts the portion size. We have found that by splitting our meals we leave with full bellies but not grossly full, we have bonded in a cute way that is only possible when a meal is truly shared, and we will be able to afford our excursions without compromising Egypt.
It's tough because it's hard to say no when friends ask to do something or a movie comes out that we really want to see or we feel like we need a night out. I keep telling myself it's only a month. I think as school and work picks up I won't think about it as much.
Till next time!
First and foremost, I did not come to this decision lightly and I take it very seriously. I am not happy that it has come to this but I have decided that I cannot endure anymore hardship because of it.
Basically for the past couple years, I really can't put my finger on when though, my relationship with my sister has been strained. I have tried and tried and tried to be her friend, be a good sister, and do the things that family is supposed to do. I'll admit, I'm not the best. I forget birthdays, I never send out cards, and the best gift you can hope to get from me is a gift card. Anyway, I've tried to reach out to her and connect and I'm always met with this surface sister. Stacy plays her cards very close to her chest and there are only a select few that she allows in to her circle. Sadly, her family has never been on that list.
This could be for a lot of reasons, I imagine and I must disclose at this point it is all my opinion and speculation based on events, emotions, and facts as interpreted by me. I could be very far off base but the truth is I will never know because Stacy is so shut off and whatever answer(s) I would get from her couldn't really be trusted for the same reasons.
Here it is: the foundation for our demise is probably best layed out as we are two different people in every way. Personality, family, friends, lifestyles, goals, interests, and values. Put simply, the only thing that binds us is our DNA, our parents. We are 10 years (almost to the day) apart in age, she being older, and for that reason she has always been placed as an authority figure in my life. I really feel like that stunted our growth as sisters and the bond I see so many siblings have. That aside, we differ as follows:
Personality - I am very outgoing, what you see is what you get. You will always know exactly what I'm thinking and how I feel. Stacy is passive aggressive, shy, pensive, and bottled up.
Family - Dane and I will always be a family of two plus our beloved cats. Stacy has two kids and feels a sense of entitlement because of her kids and family, as if people owe her, or her kids, a special piece of themselves simply because they are her kids.
Lifestyles - I am very career driven and motivated to excel. I live life in the fast lane, relatively speaking. I love to have a great time but also know my limits and responsibilities. Stacy lives for her family - every waking breath is for her husband and kids and everything else is a byproduct.
Goals - I want to travel the world, lead a successful professional life, and be a life-long learner. Stacy simply wants the best for her kids by any means necessary (I should note that our differing characters aren't right or wrong - just that - different).
Interests - I like motorcycles, traveling, partying, learning, dancing, and so on. Stacy's interests lie with her kids. I really have no idea what she likes as an adult.
Again, I'm not saying that I'm right and she's wrong, I'm just laying the foundation for why we are different and don't really connect. So now that I've layed that out there, I'll try to cite examples or explain why I think that I don't fit in to her life and will never be her friend/sister.
She feels that people should make an effort to see her and her kids, not the other way around. She should not be put out to make the relationship work, nay, if you don't make all the effort then you are a bad person for not being involved in her/her kid's lives. While I understand that having children definitely complicates things, it shouldn't be your default excuse as to why you can or can't do something or why people always have to come to you and work around your schedule.
I am hurt that Stacy and her family did not even try to make an effort to come to my wedding or even really acknowledge or show interest in it. That really showed me where I rank in her life, especially considering she's traveled to Mexico before (twice) with her friends AND even has her own travel agency where she could have received a discount for her/her family's travel.
But even then I didn't shut the door on our relationship. I wanted to but decided against it. Instead I made a point to visit with her one last time, this time assessing her actions and what I was to her. She barely acknowledged me, would not let me talk about my wedding much less ask about it, never asked one question about me or my life or how I am in Washington, everything was about her and her kids.
So when I try to have a relationship with her kids outside of her, I am met with a flood of excuses, including (and I quote) "Ashley can't come see you in WA! What if terrorists fly the plane into the Space Needle?" Admittedly she was trying to be funny but she was also making a point and the point is "you cannot have contact with my children without me being present."
This leads me to my final conclusion about our relationship. One that is entirely separate of the other. I firmly believe that she blames and judges me for Isis's death. Whatever she believes, I'm not certain, but her tone is loud and clear "you are an unfit mother that cannot be around kids." Now that I think about it, I have never been able to have one on one time with my niece and nephew and doubt that I ever would. Then I am made out to be a monster for not "being a part of their lives." She won't let me!! I am closer to my god-daughter Kailea and Peck and Sarah's kids than I am to my own flesh and blood!
Also, I can't stand how Stacy talks about our parents. Whatever she thinks of mom doesn't matter, she's still our mom and I love her, especially all her quirks! And Stacy is so quick to put her hand out and say "gimme gimme gimme [for my kids]" to our parents, as if our parents OWE her that, yet she doesn't love them unconditionally or even enough to justify the gifts she and her family gets (not that children have to love their parent's in order to receive gifts, but more that she feels its a one-way street). And then she wonders why mom had more of a bond with Isis, nevermind that mom was practically her sole caretaker.
Whatever - it gets me boiled and I felt it necessary to document my thoughts on the matter so that I can come back and reflect and adjust as necessary.
To end this blog on a lighter note, Dane and I have been saving our money for Egypt and in doing that we have started sharing entrees when we go out to eat. Not only does this cut the costs, but it also cuts the portion size. We have found that by splitting our meals we leave with full bellies but not grossly full, we have bonded in a cute way that is only possible when a meal is truly shared, and we will be able to afford our excursions without compromising Egypt.
It's tough because it's hard to say no when friends ask to do something or a movie comes out that we really want to see or we feel like we need a night out. I keep telling myself it's only a month. I think as school and work picks up I won't think about it as much.
Till next time!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Without a Child
I woke up this morning thinking that Isis was alive. I've had a few mornings like this in the past 6 years since her death and they are never, ever easy. It usually takes me about 2 hours just to get to the point where I can function and carry on with my day. Then I spend all day in a melancoly haze crying at the drop of a hat and wondering if I'm really alive in this reality.
Last night's dream was borderline nightmare. I dreamt that Dane and I lived together in a house that belonged to Kevin. The actual house was a carbon copy of the house I lived in w/ my parents that had a pool. Kevin's family was trying to hurry us out of the house and a week before we were set to leave we got a tip that Kevin had buried Isis underneath the pool. We dug up the pool and broke through the tile to find that yes, a coffin was there. In fact two coffins were there. Isis's and another man. At that point Dane told me to leave because Isis's coffin had not been shut and I didn't want to see what was there. I left to find a sticky that had the number to "the court" on it so I could tell them what we found. While I searched for the sticky, I looked outside and saw Isis in her coffin, but she was alive! She was still 15 months old, even though in my dream it had been two years since her death. My dream did not afford me explainations as to why or how she had survived in a coffin for two years with no food, water or oxygen let alone why she hadn't aged. Probably because I will always picture her as she was when she died.
So Isis was alive and we immediately began the logistics of her arrival back in to my life. I was upset that I had given away all her clothes and belongings since I should have known she would come back for me. I did have her teddy bear though (and I do in real life). Her father, though not in my dream as her real life father, was still very evil - almost Draconian. He could poof in and out of rooms and carried a trident like staff. He even said "I was glad when she died two years ago because I couldn't afford the child support but my life is different now so I'm excited that she is alive and I can play with her." *poof*
The dream, especially the excavation part, is sticking with me quite vividly and as I said, I awoke expecting her to be with me. It took me about 10 minutes to sort out what was real and what wasn't and I quickly grabbed a tablet and pen and started writting down aspects of my dream so I wouldn't forget them because everything seemed so symbolic. I called Dane and told him (he's in Portland) and he felt bad he wasn't here to support me and felt even worse that he feels he is partly to blame. I'll explain.
This past week with Damion being in the hospital and the reality of that situation and the realization of what could have been combined with a hap-hazard question to Dane about what his opinion was on Isis's death (he met with the police about 8 months after it happened to review the autopsy notes and findings - I couldn't do it) are probably the roots of this dream and the funk I've been in for days. Dane believes that while Kevin did not intend to kill Isis, he feels he acted out of anger and perhaps a little bit of drunkeness. The mere thought of someone being angry enough at Isis to shake her to death whilst banging her head on furniture is enough to send me to convulsions and I've never accepted that. It seems that I am started the slow process of accepting the reality of how she died and how it impacts me, both then and now. I should note that my parents (and even me to some lingering degree) believe that Isis was previously injured while out with her birth father (she did have bruising on her head to support this theory) and that the blow she suffered through Kevin's hands, which was not in anger or drunken rage, sent Isis into the state that she eventually died in. We've all heard of second blows, specifically football players and such that receive head trama and then get one final blow, usually insignificant compared to others, that puts them out, if not of life at least the game of ball. Whether Isis died at Kevin's hands or due to an injury related somehow to her father does not lessen the extent of her injuries or the brutality that she endured. I can't bear that thought and have actively pushed that thought out of my mind for 6 years now. But we all know that we can't run forever.
I fear that I'm starting (albeit belated) another stage of grief that is perhaps the hardest, if the stages can even be quantified that way. To add insult to injury, I attended a work function today that took place at the Seattle Children's Museum - chalk full of kids around Isis's would-be age and the age she was when she died. As if that wasn't enough, the people hosting the meeting, obviously museum employees, spent about 15 minutes explaining the museum's mission and one of the (smart) safety rules they have is that no adult can enter without a child. That statement made sense the first time. But it was repeated, I counted, seven more times. And with each mention it was harder and harder to bite back the tears. You are not allowed without a child. Don't any of you have children? You can't come in without a child. Without a child. Without a child.
And that is what I am at the end of the day. Without a child.
Last night's dream was borderline nightmare. I dreamt that Dane and I lived together in a house that belonged to Kevin. The actual house was a carbon copy of the house I lived in w/ my parents that had a pool. Kevin's family was trying to hurry us out of the house and a week before we were set to leave we got a tip that Kevin had buried Isis underneath the pool. We dug up the pool and broke through the tile to find that yes, a coffin was there. In fact two coffins were there. Isis's and another man. At that point Dane told me to leave because Isis's coffin had not been shut and I didn't want to see what was there. I left to find a sticky that had the number to "the court" on it so I could tell them what we found. While I searched for the sticky, I looked outside and saw Isis in her coffin, but she was alive! She was still 15 months old, even though in my dream it had been two years since her death. My dream did not afford me explainations as to why or how she had survived in a coffin for two years with no food, water or oxygen let alone why she hadn't aged. Probably because I will always picture her as she was when she died.
So Isis was alive and we immediately began the logistics of her arrival back in to my life. I was upset that I had given away all her clothes and belongings since I should have known she would come back for me. I did have her teddy bear though (and I do in real life). Her father, though not in my dream as her real life father, was still very evil - almost Draconian. He could poof in and out of rooms and carried a trident like staff. He even said "I was glad when she died two years ago because I couldn't afford the child support but my life is different now so I'm excited that she is alive and I can play with her." *poof*
The dream, especially the excavation part, is sticking with me quite vividly and as I said, I awoke expecting her to be with me. It took me about 10 minutes to sort out what was real and what wasn't and I quickly grabbed a tablet and pen and started writting down aspects of my dream so I wouldn't forget them because everything seemed so symbolic. I called Dane and told him (he's in Portland) and he felt bad he wasn't here to support me and felt even worse that he feels he is partly to blame. I'll explain.
This past week with Damion being in the hospital and the reality of that situation and the realization of what could have been combined with a hap-hazard question to Dane about what his opinion was on Isis's death (he met with the police about 8 months after it happened to review the autopsy notes and findings - I couldn't do it) are probably the roots of this dream and the funk I've been in for days. Dane believes that while Kevin did not intend to kill Isis, he feels he acted out of anger and perhaps a little bit of drunkeness. The mere thought of someone being angry enough at Isis to shake her to death whilst banging her head on furniture is enough to send me to convulsions and I've never accepted that. It seems that I am started the slow process of accepting the reality of how she died and how it impacts me, both then and now. I should note that my parents (and even me to some lingering degree) believe that Isis was previously injured while out with her birth father (she did have bruising on her head to support this theory) and that the blow she suffered through Kevin's hands, which was not in anger or drunken rage, sent Isis into the state that she eventually died in. We've all heard of second blows, specifically football players and such that receive head trama and then get one final blow, usually insignificant compared to others, that puts them out, if not of life at least the game of ball. Whether Isis died at Kevin's hands or due to an injury related somehow to her father does not lessen the extent of her injuries or the brutality that she endured. I can't bear that thought and have actively pushed that thought out of my mind for 6 years now. But we all know that we can't run forever.
I fear that I'm starting (albeit belated) another stage of grief that is perhaps the hardest, if the stages can even be quantified that way. To add insult to injury, I attended a work function today that took place at the Seattle Children's Museum - chalk full of kids around Isis's would-be age and the age she was when she died. As if that wasn't enough, the people hosting the meeting, obviously museum employees, spent about 15 minutes explaining the museum's mission and one of the (smart) safety rules they have is that no adult can enter without a child. That statement made sense the first time. But it was repeated, I counted, seven more times. And with each mention it was harder and harder to bite back the tears. You are not allowed without a child. Don't any of you have children? You can't come in without a child. Without a child. Without a child.
And that is what I am at the end of the day. Without a child.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Keep Damion in your Prayers/Thoughts
I found out on Sunday night that Peck's son fell in to their pool and almost drown. He's been in ICU at Texas Children's since recovering from the trauma, lung infection, and various other ailments. Peck is doing as well as can be expected. Jeremy flew in on Tuesday from Dubai and other friends and family members made an effort to come down and be with them in their time of need. Dra is doing okay too but I imagine he will be impacted by this as the dust settles.
Damion is on a ventilator now and hopefully will be taken off soon and able to breathe on his own. At this time he is not exhibiting any signs of brain damage which is a miracle and blessing.
This situation reminds me of how strong people are. Not only is Damion a strong, resilient baby, but Peck is (as always) a pillar of immense strength. She was one of the major driving forces behind the details and business end of Isis's death, having dealth with a death of her own child prior to Isis. For this I am forever indebted to her and the mere thought that she might have had to go down that road again has upset me more than I could ever be prepared for. However, that is not the case (thank GOD) and she has just been so strong and positive. I've also been reminded that no matter how many miles and moons have separated us, we are all networked together and in time of great need people will cross oceans just to support you.
I'm continuing to pray for Damion and Peck's family and am hopeful for a positive outcome.
This event overcomes anything else that is going on in my life at the moment but even as such my life is fairly calm right now. I met all my January deadlines (a lot was riding on that so thank God I pulled through), work continues to go well, the audit is finally (FINALLY) over and it went well, school is going well (I have an A+), homelife is going well (though I wish Dane wouldn't Warcraft so much), the kitties are doing good, the workouts are coming along, finances are finally gelling together. Life in general is good.
I'm gearing up for Egypt in April (I can't believe that's just 6 weeks away!) and hoping that work projects and daily duties continue to sail along. Next class will be tough as I work 2 weeks at a time in order to take 2 weeks off for Egypt, but I've structured my social life to take on the added homework and work work.
I've been talking to people that I knew back in high school and that has been fun. It makes me jones to go back to CO which I'm tentatively planning a trip over Labor Day. Also planning a trip to Houston in Oct. Hopefully Peck and family will still be there.
My intervention meeting w/ Jim went well and the passing weeks have been progressive as well. I'm signed up for a conflict management class that will help.
Keep Damion in your prayers/thoughts. He needs all the strength that can be mustered.
Damion is on a ventilator now and hopefully will be taken off soon and able to breathe on his own. At this time he is not exhibiting any signs of brain damage which is a miracle and blessing.
This situation reminds me of how strong people are. Not only is Damion a strong, resilient baby, but Peck is (as always) a pillar of immense strength. She was one of the major driving forces behind the details and business end of Isis's death, having dealth with a death of her own child prior to Isis. For this I am forever indebted to her and the mere thought that she might have had to go down that road again has upset me more than I could ever be prepared for. However, that is not the case (thank GOD) and she has just been so strong and positive. I've also been reminded that no matter how many miles and moons have separated us, we are all networked together and in time of great need people will cross oceans just to support you.
I'm continuing to pray for Damion and Peck's family and am hopeful for a positive outcome.
This event overcomes anything else that is going on in my life at the moment but even as such my life is fairly calm right now. I met all my January deadlines (a lot was riding on that so thank God I pulled through), work continues to go well, the audit is finally (FINALLY) over and it went well, school is going well (I have an A+), homelife is going well (though I wish Dane wouldn't Warcraft so much), the kitties are doing good, the workouts are coming along, finances are finally gelling together. Life in general is good.
I'm gearing up for Egypt in April (I can't believe that's just 6 weeks away!) and hoping that work projects and daily duties continue to sail along. Next class will be tough as I work 2 weeks at a time in order to take 2 weeks off for Egypt, but I've structured my social life to take on the added homework and work work.
I've been talking to people that I knew back in high school and that has been fun. It makes me jones to go back to CO which I'm tentatively planning a trip over Labor Day. Also planning a trip to Houston in Oct. Hopefully Peck and family will still be there.
My intervention meeting w/ Jim went well and the passing weeks have been progressive as well. I'm signed up for a conflict management class that will help.
Keep Damion in your prayers/thoughts. He needs all the strength that can be mustered.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
28 and Life to go
So I briefly read through my 2005, 2006, and 2007 birthday posts - what an amazing trip it's been! 2005 was a great youthful but in-the-learning stage post, 2006 was a dreadful bout of depression, and 2007 was an exciting burst of newness. 2008 has a lot to live up to.
As I mentioned in my yearly recap, 2007 was such a big year for me. I really hope that 2008 has much less growth and extracurricular activities. So far I have a few things planned, but really nothing outside of travel and school. I am still on the heavier side of things, but I'm in a pattern of working out and eating right. Not vegan, but rather a nice balance which is the best you can hope for.
Even as I write this I can tell that I'm in a sort of mental transformation. The past couple months have been very stressful at work but nothing near what TSA was. However, I find that I'm still coping with stress in a very sub-par way. Just yesterday I exploded at a situation that really didn't call for it. I spent all last night beating myself up for it wondering why it was so hard for me to just "shut the eff up." HG suggested I look in to personality tests and I wrote her off at first but decided to look in to the tests I've taken. They all say the same thing, I'm an expressive, outgoing person who tends to speak/act before I think. I know this, what I don't know is ~how~ to control it. I decided to lay down for a bit to think things through and ended up falling asleep and having weird dreams and premonitions. I came to work today quiet and reflective. What I found were opportunities to make my mistakes right, apologize to the folks it affected, and really redeem myself. I also had the opportunity to introduce a concept that RBMBA discovered a while back. I'm an employee that needs "face time", or as I put it - hand holding and coddling. I don't like that but I finally decided to just accept that and move forward. I told Jim about my high maintenance needs and how I need more positive reinforcement than the average bear. From that moment on things have been infinitely better. We had an extremely progressive day despite the snags and I feel 100% better about our working relationship and my situation. I really do feel supported and like I will succeed at Treehouse.
With that monkey off my back, I've been able to think about other aspects of my life at this stage of 28. Again, I have to thank HG (and her hub) for providing an excellent role model for marriage. Their relationship has really placed the groundwork for a great union w/ my man. Things have been going very well with us and I have to acknowledge my support system. All of my friends have been great, Sarah has always been our cheerleader and often (though I'm sure she'd rather not be) the sounding board for both of our cases when we are in valleys. RBMBA has always been the voice of reason and logic and has helped me weed through things that my issue and things that are Dane's. Peck has always been and always will be on my side and provides a great support for been there/done that. And Amy has always helped me stay true to myself. Often when people get married I see them lose themselves to the other and its great to have a buddy that knew you before and helps you retain that self.
I feel very calm about this stage of my life. Like I have time to get things in order before the big 3-0 but that time isn't something to be taken for granted either. I will enjoy my last years of my twenty's and look forward to my coming years (sponsored by Botox). I have learned so much, it feels like most of it has been in the past couple years. I look back at my early twenty's and smile at the rebel of my youth. So much of me is still here that was back then yet at the same time I feel so different.
I've calmed down a lot. I'm not as motivated to take on the world. I was shocked to realize I"m halfway through my MBA program and still on target for my CPA by 30. Now that I'm almost there, I almost get separation anxiety. Not so much from school or homework but more with the idea that after my CPA, what will I be doing to grow? How will I motivate myself to stay above the daily grind? I'm not sure. As was the case when I was 25, it is now: I'm left with more questions than answers.
Sometimes I wish I knew where this life will take me and other times I'm glad I don't. Who knows how this will all end. I don't feel ready for it to end yet I don't really have any world or even life changing plans on the docket. Who ever does I guess. I don't think Einstein woke up and reviewed his daily log to change the world. It just happened. Not that I am comparing myself to Einstein or think I will have an effect on this world. Just the world I know.
More and more my world is closing in on me and I think that's a good thing. Rather than be one to the world I think I'm focusing more on being the world to one. And I like that.
So I found this post and figured it was worth an update.
Goals for 30th birthday
Education
Completed Bachelor's degree - achieved
Completed Master's degree - in process, completion Summer '09
Enrolled in study program for CPA exam - Summer '09
Information gathered on law degree or PHD - maybe a law degree, no PhD
Career
Earning at the very least $55,000/year ($43K inflation, $2K BA, $5K MA) - achieved
Revolving CFA and/or more corps under my belt, or mini-controller - achieved - Accounting Manager
Community
Continue fostering animals for Humane Society - in hiatus while Willie transitions
Become a mentor for children - Summer '08
Obtain info on child fostering/adopting - now that I work for an org that caters to foster kids, this info is at my fingertips at any time
Body
Tattoos removed - almost done
Junk hair removed - almost done
Teeth whitened - achieved and ongoing
Augmentation - achieved
Stable 130 - 140 lbs - working on :-(
Non-dyed, healthy hair - healthy, highlighted hair
Eyebrows touched up - achieved and ongoing
Mind
Continued yoga practice - need to do
Painting - in spurts, but coming along
Dancing - once a year parade routine, good enough
Frivalties
Tanning bed - I have a salon I go to, probably will continue to do this rather than buy one
Hot tub - achieved
Massage membership - achieved
Maid - achieved
Convertible sports car - very possible in next 2 years
New motorcycle - probably not unless we move to a warmer climate and that's okay
Travel - OMG - I've done nothing but travel! Colorado, California, Oregon, Florida, Amsterdam, Mexico, and now Egypt and Texas - the list goes on!
Kauai - we still need to do this
Greece - well the honeymoon was Mexico, but maybe for an anniversary or Masters graduation
Vancouver - still need to do this, we take for granted that we live so close
I'm amazed at how much I've accomplished just by 28. I guess I need to revise this, eh?
As I mentioned in my yearly recap, 2007 was such a big year for me. I really hope that 2008 has much less growth and extracurricular activities. So far I have a few things planned, but really nothing outside of travel and school. I am still on the heavier side of things, but I'm in a pattern of working out and eating right. Not vegan, but rather a nice balance which is the best you can hope for.
Even as I write this I can tell that I'm in a sort of mental transformation. The past couple months have been very stressful at work but nothing near what TSA was. However, I find that I'm still coping with stress in a very sub-par way. Just yesterday I exploded at a situation that really didn't call for it. I spent all last night beating myself up for it wondering why it was so hard for me to just "shut the eff up." HG suggested I look in to personality tests and I wrote her off at first but decided to look in to the tests I've taken. They all say the same thing, I'm an expressive, outgoing person who tends to speak/act before I think. I know this, what I don't know is ~how~ to control it. I decided to lay down for a bit to think things through and ended up falling asleep and having weird dreams and premonitions. I came to work today quiet and reflective. What I found were opportunities to make my mistakes right, apologize to the folks it affected, and really redeem myself. I also had the opportunity to introduce a concept that RBMBA discovered a while back. I'm an employee that needs "face time", or as I put it - hand holding and coddling. I don't like that but I finally decided to just accept that and move forward. I told Jim about my high maintenance needs and how I need more positive reinforcement than the average bear. From that moment on things have been infinitely better. We had an extremely progressive day despite the snags and I feel 100% better about our working relationship and my situation. I really do feel supported and like I will succeed at Treehouse.
With that monkey off my back, I've been able to think about other aspects of my life at this stage of 28. Again, I have to thank HG (and her hub) for providing an excellent role model for marriage. Their relationship has really placed the groundwork for a great union w/ my man. Things have been going very well with us and I have to acknowledge my support system. All of my friends have been great, Sarah has always been our cheerleader and often (though I'm sure she'd rather not be) the sounding board for both of our cases when we are in valleys. RBMBA has always been the voice of reason and logic and has helped me weed through things that my issue and things that are Dane's. Peck has always been and always will be on my side and provides a great support for been there/done that. And Amy has always helped me stay true to myself. Often when people get married I see them lose themselves to the other and its great to have a buddy that knew you before and helps you retain that self.
I feel very calm about this stage of my life. Like I have time to get things in order before the big 3-0 but that time isn't something to be taken for granted either. I will enjoy my last years of my twenty's and look forward to my coming years (sponsored by Botox). I have learned so much, it feels like most of it has been in the past couple years. I look back at my early twenty's and smile at the rebel of my youth. So much of me is still here that was back then yet at the same time I feel so different.
I've calmed down a lot. I'm not as motivated to take on the world. I was shocked to realize I"m halfway through my MBA program and still on target for my CPA by 30. Now that I'm almost there, I almost get separation anxiety. Not so much from school or homework but more with the idea that after my CPA, what will I be doing to grow? How will I motivate myself to stay above the daily grind? I'm not sure. As was the case when I was 25, it is now: I'm left with more questions than answers.
Sometimes I wish I knew where this life will take me and other times I'm glad I don't. Who knows how this will all end. I don't feel ready for it to end yet I don't really have any world or even life changing plans on the docket. Who ever does I guess. I don't think Einstein woke up and reviewed his daily log to change the world. It just happened. Not that I am comparing myself to Einstein or think I will have an effect on this world. Just the world I know.
More and more my world is closing in on me and I think that's a good thing. Rather than be one to the world I think I'm focusing more on being the world to one. And I like that.
So I found this post and figured it was worth an update.
Goals for 30th birthday
Education
Completed Bachelor's degree - achieved
Completed Master's degree - in process, completion Summer '09
Enrolled in study program for CPA exam - Summer '09
Information gathered on law degree or PHD - maybe a law degree, no PhD
Career
Earning at the very least $55,000/year ($43K inflation, $2K BA, $5K MA) - achieved
Revolving CFA and/or more corps under my belt, or mini-controller - achieved - Accounting Manager
Community
Continue fostering animals for Humane Society - in hiatus while Willie transitions
Become a mentor for children - Summer '08
Obtain info on child fostering/adopting - now that I work for an org that caters to foster kids, this info is at my fingertips at any time
Body
Tattoos removed - almost done
Junk hair removed - almost done
Teeth whitened - achieved and ongoing
Augmentation - achieved
Stable 130 - 140 lbs - working on :-(
Non-dyed, healthy hair - healthy, highlighted hair
Eyebrows touched up - achieved and ongoing
Mind
Continued yoga practice - need to do
Painting - in spurts, but coming along
Dancing - once a year parade routine, good enough
Frivalties
Tanning bed - I have a salon I go to, probably will continue to do this rather than buy one
Hot tub - achieved
Massage membership - achieved
Maid - achieved
Convertible sports car - very possible in next 2 years
New motorcycle - probably not unless we move to a warmer climate and that's okay
Travel - OMG - I've done nothing but travel! Colorado, California, Oregon, Florida, Amsterdam, Mexico, and now Egypt and Texas - the list goes on!
Kauai - we still need to do this
Greece - well the honeymoon was Mexico, but maybe for an anniversary or Masters graduation
Vancouver - still need to do this, we take for granted that we live so close
I'm amazed at how much I've accomplished just by 28. I guess I need to revise this, eh?
Friday, February 01, 2008
You Babysit Me
I haven't been as good as I promised myself I would be at keeping my blog updated. Having said that, there has been some office drama that I got the chance to nip in the bud today.
I formally went to our office manager to complain about my boss and his micro-managing tactics. At first I thought I was just being sensitive about it but after talking with a handful of others, both in the admin dept and outside, I realized that if something doesn't happen and quick a mutiny may be afoot. I mentioned this (in short) to ED and I guess she talked to Ann, the office manager, and next thing you know the intervention is today.
Without going in to the gory details I will say that it went well. Never one to mince words, I started out the session with "You babysit me and that's gotta stop." It went from there and we got some stuff out on the table but ended it with [what I feel is] a good action plan and timeline for progress. We set up "safe" times for asking questions and getting in touch with my area and I have hopes that things will improve. If not, then I may have to look at my other options after I get back from Egypt.
In other news my trip to Tampa went well. Very low key and uneventful (save the usual airport drama - I got wasted on the trip out there and almost didn't get to eat dinner at the place I wanted to in Terminal F). We went to the Pirate Festival, which rocked, went to the beach, and just had plenty of quiet time. Amy's house is so fun! It's perfect for just her. She mentioned that she and Bryan will likely have to move in to a bigger place when they do move in together but for now its a fun little cottage with a loft, spiral staircase, and one-car garage.
I missed Dane more than I thought I would or was expecting. Its weird because it took some time after we got married but I feel like I'm falling in love with him all over again. We had a rough patch but I think was more due to all the extracurricular activities I had going on. Not to mention work woes on both ends. Now that most of the dust has settled, we are getting in to the swing of married life and I have to say that I dig it. I like calling him my husband. I like the security we have. I like our system. He's my greatest ally and best friend and I love him so much. For so long I harbored bitterness and resentment, who even knows why, but that is melting away and I can start being me again and being cute.
The kitties are doing well. I love them. I need to start posting to the cats blog again. And maybe even the BG blog.
We are keeping on track with the gym, we love our movie nights. I've slacked on the diet a little bit (okay a LOT) but I like being able to go out and enjoy my life.
School is going well. I broke my steady decline streak and got an A in my last class. Would have been an A+ if I hadn't missed the 3 points from being gone in W6 at Tampa. I have this teacher again so I'm happy. I haven't done my homework yet (supposed to be doing it now actually) but I'll get it done soon.
Dane is taking me to dinner tomorrow to celebrate my 28th b-day. Wow - another year, I'll post more on that later though. Then there's the super bowl. All in all a busy but fun weekend planned.
I'm ready for bed, so I'm off.
I formally went to our office manager to complain about my boss and his micro-managing tactics. At first I thought I was just being sensitive about it but after talking with a handful of others, both in the admin dept and outside, I realized that if something doesn't happen and quick a mutiny may be afoot. I mentioned this (in short) to ED and I guess she talked to Ann, the office manager, and next thing you know the intervention is today.
Without going in to the gory details I will say that it went well. Never one to mince words, I started out the session with "You babysit me and that's gotta stop." It went from there and we got some stuff out on the table but ended it with [what I feel is] a good action plan and timeline for progress. We set up "safe" times for asking questions and getting in touch with my area and I have hopes that things will improve. If not, then I may have to look at my other options after I get back from Egypt.
In other news my trip to Tampa went well. Very low key and uneventful (save the usual airport drama - I got wasted on the trip out there and almost didn't get to eat dinner at the place I wanted to in Terminal F). We went to the Pirate Festival, which rocked, went to the beach, and just had plenty of quiet time. Amy's house is so fun! It's perfect for just her. She mentioned that she and Bryan will likely have to move in to a bigger place when they do move in together but for now its a fun little cottage with a loft, spiral staircase, and one-car garage.
I missed Dane more than I thought I would or was expecting. Its weird because it took some time after we got married but I feel like I'm falling in love with him all over again. We had a rough patch but I think was more due to all the extracurricular activities I had going on. Not to mention work woes on both ends. Now that most of the dust has settled, we are getting in to the swing of married life and I have to say that I dig it. I like calling him my husband. I like the security we have. I like our system. He's my greatest ally and best friend and I love him so much. For so long I harbored bitterness and resentment, who even knows why, but that is melting away and I can start being me again and being cute.
The kitties are doing well. I love them. I need to start posting to the cats blog again. And maybe even the BG blog.
We are keeping on track with the gym, we love our movie nights. I've slacked on the diet a little bit (okay a LOT) but I like being able to go out and enjoy my life.
School is going well. I broke my steady decline streak and got an A in my last class. Would have been an A+ if I hadn't missed the 3 points from being gone in W6 at Tampa. I have this teacher again so I'm happy. I haven't done my homework yet (supposed to be doing it now actually) but I'll get it done soon.
Dane is taking me to dinner tomorrow to celebrate my 28th b-day. Wow - another year, I'll post more on that later though. Then there's the super bowl. All in all a busy but fun weekend planned.
I'm ready for bed, so I'm off.
Friday, January 18, 2008
2007 Reflections (a little late)
Top 5 2007 Moments
1. My wedding in Cabo.
2. AMSTERDAM!!
3. My new job and very successful solo audit process!
4. Starting my MBA.
5. My surgery transformation
Bottom 5 2007 Moments
1. Gaining weight.
2. Watching the crap some of my loved ones struggled with.
3. Starting my MBA.
4. Realizing I will never have a close relationship with my sister.
5. Stress from filling my plate with too much stuff.
(Wow - if that's the worse I can come up with, then it was a pretty bang up year)
Resolutions for 2008
1. Manage my weight, healthy eating.
2. Manage my time between work, the Man, and my MBA with balance.
3. Maintain a journal.
4. Continue to improve my listening and patience skills.
What I'm looking forward to in 2008:
1. Egypt!
2. Other travel plans including seeing Amy, possibly my grandparents, and friends in CO.
3. Our first anniversary.
4. Improving on my position at work.
5. Continuing my MBA program, I'll be closer to graduating this year!
2007 Reflections
Well talk about a year of transformation! From my body to my mind to my career, marriage, and everything in between! I guess when I consider it all in one breath for a recap, 2007 was a very big year for me. I probably did more growing up and moving on to the next chapter of my life than even I can realize right now. One thing I can say for sure is that this year was definitely the most positive one I've had in a long time. Not much, if any, regrets. It was difficult for me to find 5 lows. I feel like I'm not articulating myself well so I'll try to parce it out.
First I turned 27 but that was really overshadowed by two major events. #1 my surgery and #2 my job change. Both happened within the same week. Actually all three things, surgery, job, and birthday happened within a week of each other. Now that all is said and done I'm very pleased with the surgery and I would do it again. It was worth the pain and price tag. And even though I've gained some weight back, I'm working harder than ever to get and keep it off now and I've gained a new lease on life. It feels good to look nice in clothes and have a very feminine body even if I am chubbier than most.
Next my job. I jumped several positions and pay grades with this new job and at times felt like I had put myself in a position to fail but I didn't. Whether it was due to the fantastic advice of knowledgeable friends or figuring stuff out in my own time I was able to make it work and prove to myself more than anyone that I could do it. I continue to move forward and learn everyday and handle myself better, more maturely. Who would have ever thought based on last years post.
Then, of course, I got married. That in and of itself was a huge step in the right direction but I'll pause for a moment to talk about Dane's growth. He's made tremendous strides at work and really taken things up to the next level. He's a manager of his department now and while we thought he'd leave Denali, he ended up staying and making more money and honing in on more responsibility. I couldn't be prouder or happier for him. Back to getting married. After what I thought was inevitable break up in 2006 it was great to get seal the deal and take my relationship w/ Dane to the next level. I can't quite explain it but something has changed and I feel a sort of power almost in the security and love that we share. My husband. I love saying that. More than I thought I would. And of course it felt great to coordinate the surprise renewal and ring for my mom. I really feel like I've given back to them part of what I took when I was growing up and being a hellion. It all contributes to the whole theme of my maturity and really coming of age in 2007, as cheesy as that sounds.
The opportunity to travel abroad with one of my best friends ever was also a remarkable experience. It was truly eye opening to see another country (that's not Mexico or Canada) and see how Americans are treated (good, of course) and how we are perceived. I'm even more excited to visit Egypt this year but Amsterdam was definitely one of the "high" points of my life.
All this good isn't without a con though. My trip back to Colorado was great. I loved seeing my friends and visiting Isis's grave but my interactions with my sister left me feeling like our relationship will never be what I want it to be and at the very best we can be polite to each other. It's a sad day when discover the only thing that binds you is DNA. I'm sad, but don't really feel a loss. Except when I consider the kids. But I never really got to see them much anyway and any attempt I made at a relationship with them was thwarted with silly rationales like "terrorists might attack when the kids are with you." I somehow think that Stacy thinks I am to blame for Isis's death and maybe I am (not a day goes by that I don't blame myself) but it's troubling when your own family thinks it. And I could be WAY off base but the truth is I'll never really know. Stacy is not the most honest person and has a "face" that she puts on for the world while she keeps her true cards very close to the vest. Perhaps someday things will change, but she holds grudges like no other and I think that after this Cmas of no gifts for the kids she'll never forgive me. Probably for the better anyway. I can't take anymore heartache from trying to be her pal and being shunned.
As for my MBA, I can tell that even that has played a positive role in my life, despite all the hardwork it is. I see that I reflect more on everything, especially business related and I definitely have better troubleshooting and analysis skills. I'm excited to move forward but very much longing for the day when online discussion questions and gap analysis does not rule my life.
Overall 2007 was an amazing year. It will be tough one to top as far as growth and I'm not sure I'd be up for it again so soon. This year I finally learned what my limits were and when too much was enough. If anything this year will be a laid back year for growth and activity (save traveling). I'm solid in my position at work and school. I've gotten in to a healthy routine with eating and the gym. I've slowed down my social life to a pace that I've never experienced and I'm very happy with everything. Where once I double and even triple booked my free time I find that I guard my time off and sometimes even (unfortunately) hurt feelings when I decline to book my dance card. Mostly I've learned what works for me and I've learned that what works will constantly change as I grow and develop.
I'm excited for 2008. Though not much is on the docket yet, it feels like the year is already booked out through July. And actually, it is. Due to financial concerns, Dane and I are running very lean with money and events till Egypt then afterwards I have a small surgery revision then by the time that's done it will be audit season before I know it. I feel like I could already write my 2008 recap but I'll save that for this time next year.
1. My wedding in Cabo.
2. AMSTERDAM!!
3. My new job and very successful solo audit process!
4. Starting my MBA.
5. My surgery transformation
Bottom 5 2007 Moments
1. Gaining weight.
2. Watching the crap some of my loved ones struggled with.
3. Starting my MBA.
4. Realizing I will never have a close relationship with my sister.
5. Stress from filling my plate with too much stuff.
(Wow - if that's the worse I can come up with, then it was a pretty bang up year)
Resolutions for 2008
1. Manage my weight, healthy eating.
2. Manage my time between work, the Man, and my MBA with balance.
3. Maintain a journal.
4. Continue to improve my listening and patience skills.
What I'm looking forward to in 2008:
1. Egypt!
2. Other travel plans including seeing Amy, possibly my grandparents, and friends in CO.
3. Our first anniversary.
4. Improving on my position at work.
5. Continuing my MBA program, I'll be closer to graduating this year!
2007 Reflections
Well talk about a year of transformation! From my body to my mind to my career, marriage, and everything in between! I guess when I consider it all in one breath for a recap, 2007 was a very big year for me. I probably did more growing up and moving on to the next chapter of my life than even I can realize right now. One thing I can say for sure is that this year was definitely the most positive one I've had in a long time. Not much, if any, regrets. It was difficult for me to find 5 lows. I feel like I'm not articulating myself well so I'll try to parce it out.
First I turned 27 but that was really overshadowed by two major events. #1 my surgery and #2 my job change. Both happened within the same week. Actually all three things, surgery, job, and birthday happened within a week of each other. Now that all is said and done I'm very pleased with the surgery and I would do it again. It was worth the pain and price tag. And even though I've gained some weight back, I'm working harder than ever to get and keep it off now and I've gained a new lease on life. It feels good to look nice in clothes and have a very feminine body even if I am chubbier than most.
Next my job. I jumped several positions and pay grades with this new job and at times felt like I had put myself in a position to fail but I didn't. Whether it was due to the fantastic advice of knowledgeable friends or figuring stuff out in my own time I was able to make it work and prove to myself more than anyone that I could do it. I continue to move forward and learn everyday and handle myself better, more maturely. Who would have ever thought based on last years post.
Then, of course, I got married. That in and of itself was a huge step in the right direction but I'll pause for a moment to talk about Dane's growth. He's made tremendous strides at work and really taken things up to the next level. He's a manager of his department now and while we thought he'd leave Denali, he ended up staying and making more money and honing in on more responsibility. I couldn't be prouder or happier for him. Back to getting married. After what I thought was inevitable break up in 2006 it was great to get seal the deal and take my relationship w/ Dane to the next level. I can't quite explain it but something has changed and I feel a sort of power almost in the security and love that we share. My husband. I love saying that. More than I thought I would. And of course it felt great to coordinate the surprise renewal and ring for my mom. I really feel like I've given back to them part of what I took when I was growing up and being a hellion. It all contributes to the whole theme of my maturity and really coming of age in 2007, as cheesy as that sounds.
The opportunity to travel abroad with one of my best friends ever was also a remarkable experience. It was truly eye opening to see another country (that's not Mexico or Canada) and see how Americans are treated (good, of course) and how we are perceived. I'm even more excited to visit Egypt this year but Amsterdam was definitely one of the "high" points of my life.
All this good isn't without a con though. My trip back to Colorado was great. I loved seeing my friends and visiting Isis's grave but my interactions with my sister left me feeling like our relationship will never be what I want it to be and at the very best we can be polite to each other. It's a sad day when discover the only thing that binds you is DNA. I'm sad, but don't really feel a loss. Except when I consider the kids. But I never really got to see them much anyway and any attempt I made at a relationship with them was thwarted with silly rationales like "terrorists might attack when the kids are with you." I somehow think that Stacy thinks I am to blame for Isis's death and maybe I am (not a day goes by that I don't blame myself) but it's troubling when your own family thinks it. And I could be WAY off base but the truth is I'll never really know. Stacy is not the most honest person and has a "face" that she puts on for the world while she keeps her true cards very close to the vest. Perhaps someday things will change, but she holds grudges like no other and I think that after this Cmas of no gifts for the kids she'll never forgive me. Probably for the better anyway. I can't take anymore heartache from trying to be her pal and being shunned.
As for my MBA, I can tell that even that has played a positive role in my life, despite all the hardwork it is. I see that I reflect more on everything, especially business related and I definitely have better troubleshooting and analysis skills. I'm excited to move forward but very much longing for the day when online discussion questions and gap analysis does not rule my life.
Overall 2007 was an amazing year. It will be tough one to top as far as growth and I'm not sure I'd be up for it again so soon. This year I finally learned what my limits were and when too much was enough. If anything this year will be a laid back year for growth and activity (save traveling). I'm solid in my position at work and school. I've gotten in to a healthy routine with eating and the gym. I've slowed down my social life to a pace that I've never experienced and I'm very happy with everything. Where once I double and even triple booked my free time I find that I guard my time off and sometimes even (unfortunately) hurt feelings when I decline to book my dance card. Mostly I've learned what works for me and I've learned that what works will constantly change as I grow and develop.
I'm excited for 2008. Though not much is on the docket yet, it feels like the year is already booked out through July. And actually, it is. Due to financial concerns, Dane and I are running very lean with money and events till Egypt then afterwards I have a small surgery revision then by the time that's done it will be audit season before I know it. I feel like I could already write my 2008 recap but I'll save that for this time next year.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Letter to Myself
To December 29th, 2007 Crystal Ewers:
Hi - I hope this finds you well. I've been wondering - now that it's been almost a year from your surgery, what do you think? Are you glad you did it? What about the payments you make -how has that treated you? What about work? Do you still lie awake a night torturing yourself over your conversations with Karen, Donielle, and Stefan? Do you still open your big mouth and fight the "oppression from the man"? Do you even work at TSA anymore? Do you think yourself silly for the stink you caused last year? Did it do any good or did you learn to just shut up? Have you stuck to the vegan diet/lifestyle and working out? Did you lose weight? What was the wedding like? Did all your plans pan out? How is the MBA program? I'm really scared of it right now. Are you still scared? Do you still dream big? Are we still going to be a lawyer and CPA or hold a PhD? Do we still foster cats? How's Dane? How's his WOW character? Hee hee. Do you still talk to RBMBA? How are your CO friends.
I guess I have more questions than advice or things to say. But how can I possibly have anything to say to you? You will learn it in your own time when you're ready and I could type till I ran out of blog and a) not know what I was talking about and b) you still wouldn't learn. I hope for both our sakes that you eventually learn to calm or control your fire. I love our fire but I'm beginning to think that we are quickly out-wearing out "youthful" excuse. Eventually you need to learn class and tact. We have the passion, motivation, and drive, now we need to refine it and really work it so we can get what we want without burning bridges.
Why is it so fucking easy for other people to just KNOW this shit?! Why has it taken you/us so effing long to figure it out?! Why can Dane and HG just know how to fight and stand up for themselves and have sound arguments and solid thought processes and you struggle to not cry like a baby when your upset. You better figure this shit out by this time next year or I'll - YOU'LL, be seriously put off!!
How's the Dewey!?!? *swoon*
Sincerely,
Crystal and Jebis
December 29th, 2006
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Crystal and Jebis,
Thank you for the kind letter. Now that it has been almost a year since my surgery I can say that it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I look and feel great. I am disappointed that I've gained some weight back after all I've done to improve my condition but now I will just have to work harder to get and keep the weight off. Financially I've managed to make the payments and it's not so bad. Though I do think once the wedding and Egypt is paid off I'll transfer debt to take advantage of a lower interest rate.
Work is going well, though I'm in a different job than I was when you wrote the letter. I work for Treehouse now and it's going great, I'm back to a smaller, more focused nonprofit and I couldn't be happier. I work when I want, get a ton of time off, more money, better people, better location, I even have a parking spot! And no, I don't torture myself about the conversations I once had w/ LD, DM, and Stefan. LD is still a hooch, DM is moving on, and Stefan is reaping what he sowed. Ahh - the oppression from the "man". I do still open my mouth but even in the last year I've learned to curb what I say and focus on getting my point across without increasing the decible level of my voice. Mentioned above, I no longer work at TSA and I actually don't regret the stink I caused. Perhaps I could have handled it better, but in the end I think its funny. Stefan was so mad - I'd never seen him that mad before. It tickles me now because I don't have to deal with it and I got out of there. Maybe I'd feel different if I were still there.
I haven't stuck to the vegan diet. I did really well through March but I was having a very difficult time healing from the surgery and the doc finally got fed up and said I needed to eat animal protein - be that from eggs, cheese, milk, whatever. I immediately gained back all the weight I'd lost being vegan but I'll have to admit - Mama loves her cheese.
The wedding was beautiful - wouldn't have changed a thing. It was pulled off exactly as planned and it was one of the best times of my life.
Still in the MBA program. My grades have been gradually decreasing but I do have an A+ in this class so far. I'm not scared anymore but very tired of school. I have worked out a new homework plan that works out very well though. I am a little nervous for the all online accounting classes, but what can you do? I'm not so sure I dream big anymore. I've definitely decided I'm done with school for a while now. So no PhD, at least in the near future. I will definitely get my CPA, that's not even up for debate. As for a law degree...that still sounds somewhat enticing, but again - I want a nice long break from school so I can travel and such.
We haven't fostered cats since Nov when we added One Eyed Willie to the group. I'm not sure if we will start fostering again or not. We kinda like the quiet. We'll see though, it was nice to foster cats.
Dane is good - his career is going well. He's now the manager of his department and this week he's in CA training his crew. He still plays WOW and in fact we got in to it the other night because he can't come to bed at a decent hour.
Of course I still talk to RBMBA - all that jazz with TSA blew right over us and we were left with a great foundation for a fun friendship. CO friends are good. Amy lives in Tampa now and I'm going to visit her next week. Sarah is still in CO and doing well.
As for what you say next, you are correct. It's funny because I can probably draw a timeline: in my younger years I didn't know I was so out there and blatant. Then I didn't care that I was. Then I wanted to change it but didn't know how. Then I realized it had to change. This past year has been a transition from knowing I've needed to change and actually changing. This year a refinement of the refinement is what I'm working on. More class and tact, less yelling, less cussing, less losing my head. It's starting to become a part of my make up and I bet by next year I'll be even better at keeping my cool.
HA! The next paragraph is even better! Don't worry C, you've figured it out. You aren't there yet - but you are learning and you are making progress. :-)
Till next year,
CJE 2007
Hi - I hope this finds you well. I've been wondering - now that it's been almost a year from your surgery, what do you think? Are you glad you did it? What about the payments you make -how has that treated you? What about work? Do you still lie awake a night torturing yourself over your conversations with Karen, Donielle, and Stefan? Do you still open your big mouth and fight the "oppression from the man"? Do you even work at TSA anymore? Do you think yourself silly for the stink you caused last year? Did it do any good or did you learn to just shut up? Have you stuck to the vegan diet/lifestyle and working out? Did you lose weight? What was the wedding like? Did all your plans pan out? How is the MBA program? I'm really scared of it right now. Are you still scared? Do you still dream big? Are we still going to be a lawyer and CPA or hold a PhD? Do we still foster cats? How's Dane? How's his WOW character? Hee hee. Do you still talk to RBMBA? How are your CO friends.
I guess I have more questions than advice or things to say. But how can I possibly have anything to say to you? You will learn it in your own time when you're ready and I could type till I ran out of blog and a) not know what I was talking about and b) you still wouldn't learn. I hope for both our sakes that you eventually learn to calm or control your fire. I love our fire but I'm beginning to think that we are quickly out-wearing out "youthful" excuse. Eventually you need to learn class and tact. We have the passion, motivation, and drive, now we need to refine it and really work it so we can get what we want without burning bridges.
Why is it so fucking easy for other people to just KNOW this shit?! Why has it taken you/us so effing long to figure it out?! Why can Dane and HG just know how to fight and stand up for themselves and have sound arguments and solid thought processes and you struggle to not cry like a baby when your upset. You better figure this shit out by this time next year or I'll - YOU'LL, be seriously put off!!
How's the Dewey!?!? *swoon*
Sincerely,
Crystal and Jebis
December 29th, 2006
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Crystal and Jebis,
Thank you for the kind letter. Now that it has been almost a year since my surgery I can say that it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I look and feel great. I am disappointed that I've gained some weight back after all I've done to improve my condition but now I will just have to work harder to get and keep the weight off. Financially I've managed to make the payments and it's not so bad. Though I do think once the wedding and Egypt is paid off I'll transfer debt to take advantage of a lower interest rate.
Work is going well, though I'm in a different job than I was when you wrote the letter. I work for Treehouse now and it's going great, I'm back to a smaller, more focused nonprofit and I couldn't be happier. I work when I want, get a ton of time off, more money, better people, better location, I even have a parking spot! And no, I don't torture myself about the conversations I once had w/ LD, DM, and Stefan. LD is still a hooch, DM is moving on, and Stefan is reaping what he sowed. Ahh - the oppression from the "man". I do still open my mouth but even in the last year I've learned to curb what I say and focus on getting my point across without increasing the decible level of my voice. Mentioned above, I no longer work at TSA and I actually don't regret the stink I caused. Perhaps I could have handled it better, but in the end I think its funny. Stefan was so mad - I'd never seen him that mad before. It tickles me now because I don't have to deal with it and I got out of there. Maybe I'd feel different if I were still there.
I haven't stuck to the vegan diet. I did really well through March but I was having a very difficult time healing from the surgery and the doc finally got fed up and said I needed to eat animal protein - be that from eggs, cheese, milk, whatever. I immediately gained back all the weight I'd lost being vegan but I'll have to admit - Mama loves her cheese.
The wedding was beautiful - wouldn't have changed a thing. It was pulled off exactly as planned and it was one of the best times of my life.
Still in the MBA program. My grades have been gradually decreasing but I do have an A+ in this class so far. I'm not scared anymore but very tired of school. I have worked out a new homework plan that works out very well though. I am a little nervous for the all online accounting classes, but what can you do? I'm not so sure I dream big anymore. I've definitely decided I'm done with school for a while now. So no PhD, at least in the near future. I will definitely get my CPA, that's not even up for debate. As for a law degree...that still sounds somewhat enticing, but again - I want a nice long break from school so I can travel and such.
We haven't fostered cats since Nov when we added One Eyed Willie to the group. I'm not sure if we will start fostering again or not. We kinda like the quiet. We'll see though, it was nice to foster cats.
Dane is good - his career is going well. He's now the manager of his department and this week he's in CA training his crew. He still plays WOW and in fact we got in to it the other night because he can't come to bed at a decent hour.
Of course I still talk to RBMBA - all that jazz with TSA blew right over us and we were left with a great foundation for a fun friendship. CO friends are good. Amy lives in Tampa now and I'm going to visit her next week. Sarah is still in CO and doing well.
As for what you say next, you are correct. It's funny because I can probably draw a timeline: in my younger years I didn't know I was so out there and blatant. Then I didn't care that I was. Then I wanted to change it but didn't know how. Then I realized it had to change. This past year has been a transition from knowing I've needed to change and actually changing. This year a refinement of the refinement is what I'm working on. More class and tact, less yelling, less cussing, less losing my head. It's starting to become a part of my make up and I bet by next year I'll be even better at keeping my cool.
HA! The next paragraph is even better! Don't worry C, you've figured it out. You aren't there yet - but you are learning and you are making progress. :-)
Till next year,
CJE 2007
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