Fattie Fattie 2 by 4

Couldn't fit through the bathroom door.

Seriously - I have noticed that I am gaining weight. I knew I would. This time of year with the audit and 990 and holidays I just can't find time to get to the gym (excuses, I know) and gingerbread lattes come back to Starbucks. It's just a tough time. Well I'm not genetically blessed and if I don't go to the gym, I gain. Almost instantly.

I knew I had been gaining weight but several things have recently happened that made me realize it's time to hit the gym - hard core.

1. When I walk by stationary furniture in my house like the bed or dresser I've been grazing the sides. I don't think I'm cutting the corners, I think I'm just outgrowing what my mind knows/thinks my dimensions are. YIKES!

2. My butt crack has extended. Let me explain. When I wear tight jeans, it pushes my lower back fat together creating an extended butt crack. I have NEVER had this problem!!

3. My doctor hasn't seen me in several months and when he saw me he was literally so mad he was practically spitting. He actually couldn't talk to me. He said "We've worked too hard for you to do this. You MUST manage your weight!" Oh boy. But he's right. It's not harsh if he's absolutely correct. And he wasn't yelling at me but because I hold him in such high regard it hurt to let him down so much.

4. All my pants and shirts fit tighter. My bra seems too small, my shirts roll up, my waistband leaves a mark on my skin. All signs that I am definitely gaining weight.

5. And perhaps tell tale of them all, the scale has indicated a 10 pound increase since about August. That's terrible!!


So I have decided to do the following about my weight.

1. I have ordered the vegetarian program for Nutrisystem and plan to stay on the diet for 4 to 6 months. Dane is also on the Nutrisystem diet, though probably not as long as I will be. You have no idea how excited I am that he's doing this with me. I firmly believe it is a huge factor to my success or not.

2. I have ordered the Get Fit book. Check it out, www.getfitbook.com, it's a pocket sized book that outlines a 12 week diet and exercise program into 12 small weekly goals and very nicely lays out how to manage your food workouts and keep track of your progress. I have used online journals before but research shows that there is something about the tactile motion of handwriting out your goals and plan to get there. Those that actually write their plan out have a 75% better chance of reaching their goals than those who don't.

3. I have created a visualization board that will help me keep my eye on my goal both at work and at home. I'll go over the visualization board in more detail in another post (I have three posts I want to bust out).

4. I purposely purchased an outfit that is about 2 almost 4 sizes too small for me. I took a picture of this outfit and put it in a frame. Then I wrote "I will wear this size 10 outfit by March 2009. - Crystal." I will put this picture up at work for all to see and for me to be constantly reminded of my goal.




5. I will post to this and my MySpace blog about my journey. Putting it out there for my friends and blog stalkers to see will be motivating for me to stick to my guns about this goal. Actually the hardest part will just be managing to post.

Between those things I have a good feeling that I can and will get my weight under control once and for all.

So without further adieu: I pledge to lose 50 to 60 pounds over the next 6 months. It doesn't matter what my start weight is, I'll just keep posting on how much I've lost and how I'm feeling about it. Stay tuned for more!

Clean Audit! (Almost) And Then Some

Well I submit our first copy of final draft for our annual audit report to our auditors and Finance Committee. I'm guessing since the auditors haven't given me any heads up saying anything was wrong that there are no adjustments for FY08. The fat lady hasn't sung yet, but I think it's safe to say that if there were adjustments, they would have informed me so those adjustments would translate to the financial statements I put together. That said, there will be some items in the management letter but that's to be expected. We don't pay $15,000 for nothing. We expect the auditors to provide feedback on how we can improve. But there were no sufficient deficiencies, no material weaknesses, and no violations to internal controls. And no adjustments. That says "A" to me. WHOOT WHOOT!!! I'm so happy! Now I can focus on the next thing, the 990, which needs to be done before my winter break. As of 12/19 I will be out of the office (at Toy-n-Joy - YAY!!) and not returning till Monday, January 5th. SWEET! I really look forward to that time of year to relax and spend time at home. It's the only time of year I can take two weeks off for the price of one. Actually just four days. We get four paid holidays and three days are "employee appreciation." Then I'm taking four vacation days. So I have to crank out the 990 before that and material close November. When I come back I can focus on ironing out Oct and Nov, fixing the budget, and getting Dec buttoned up. After that it's business as usual and the only two projects I'll have are contracts and creating my how-to manual.

Just in time for my MBA program to end and Becker to begin. Did I mention I start class on my 29th birthday? Since my 29th will not be celebrated I plan on doing a HUGE thing for my 30th. I'm talking week long party, spa treatments, champagne toast, dress to the nines (but funeral style since we will be mourning the passing of my 20's), B-I-G party! Back on track, so I'll actually attend the classes for Business and Financial before....wait. A diagram:

The CPA Exam - for those who don't give a hoot about becoming a CPA
The CPA Exam is divided in to four timed sections:
Business - 2.5 hours
Financial - 4 hours
Auditing - 4.5 hours
Regulation - 3 hours
A long time ago you had to sit for all the exams at once. Not so anymore. The exams can be taken all at one time or spread out. The exams are administered by computerized exam leader Prometric. If you've taken a C++ or gotten your medical certification then you are familiar with Prometric. Becker CPA Review recommends you take their class and then study for 1 - 2 weeks before testing. There are 9testing months a year, non-testing months being March, June, September, and December. When you apply to take the test, once approved, you get a NTS, or "Notice to Schedule," that is valid for only six months. So you have to make sure you are ready to take all your exams when you get your NTS but you need your NTS at least two months before you take your first exam because you need to reserve your spot. A definite song and dance to work everything out.

Now back to the original post
...I sit for the exam. I couldn't quite work it out to sit for the business exam in the time allowed so I decided to double up on Business and Financial, give myself 3 weeks to study and take both exams on the same day or back to back days at the end of April. Then I'll take Audit and allow myself 1 week to study and take that exam in mid-May. The idea behind this is if I cut myself short 1 week of study time, I'll be able to take advantage of a full three-day Memorial Weekend with NO studying and NO homework since my next class, Regulation, won't begin till June. I will finish Regulation in June with a week or so to study and take the exam at the beginning of July. ~PHEW~ I'm excited and scared out of my mind and nervous and terrified and exhausted. I can't believe after all this time it's finally here. It wasn't real till I sat down and scheduled the days that I'm taking the exam. I'M TAKING THE CPA EXAM!!!! Wow.

So not to put the cart before the horse or anything, but I wanted to book my celebratory or at the very least well-deserved "you worked hard" slash 2nd anniversary vacation now while I had the time to consider the details. Once Feb comes I won't be able to focus on anything but the exam. I wanted to take about 4 weeks off in July and "check out" after all I have done these past 6 years. Further, I wanted a trip where I didn't have to think - someone told me where to go, we could leave our luggage in one place, we didn't have to worry about transportation, and someplace in Europe. Originally Dane was going to get a new Mercedes, but we've tabled that idea for now. So back to the drawing board we decided that a cruise was the best way to go. Low and behold I got a "Travel with Alan" special email just this morning. Observe:



Click to enlarge

So Dane and I booked the trip. I can make payments and I already have some money socked away for this trip, even though I didn't know what it would be till now. So we are really excited. I've always wanted to go to St. Petersburg in Russia and to have 2 days there! Awesome! Not to mention all the countries we'll hit up. Sweet.

I'll post more later as stuff comes in. I want to post something about Cmas and a few other things.

Audit Season 08

Well - it's practically here and passed, but audit season is full swing. I actually feel very prepared for the audit this year. So far everything is tying, everything looks to be in place and we are ahead of schedule with preparing stuff. Part of that has to do with a great fiscal year with sound, consistent management and the other part is we pushed the audit back two full weeks which seems to be making all the difference in the world.

The budgets are still a little scary, but they've been entered in FE and they are materially correct for Oct so we are just going to fly with them for this month, then after the audit I can focus on correct the issues that are presenting problems.

Then its off to complete the 990 before Cmas break (whoot whoot - once again I'm taking Friday, December 19th - January 2nd off). After the holidays I can focus on all the backburner tasks that I've pushed off for almost 2 years and get cracking on a better way to manage the books here.

I still don't know if my big idea to merge all the Education departments will prove to be more work with better drill down capacity or just more work. We'll see. If it's a big failure, I have work arounds to get us through the year before we go back to the old way of doing things, if necessary.

School is plugging away. I'm in the last week of my 3rd to last class. Only two more after this. But it's Audit and Taxation. Lame. Looks like I'll be walking with the Washington Campus on June 20th, which is nice because my folks can come up and see it and it won't interfere with our trip to Europe in July.

I start my Becker CPA review on my birthday, so I'll have 2 weeks of doubling up on UOP and CPA review. That's going to be crazy.

Big Dave is in town and that's AWESOME!! I miss him. We are going to the burlesque show tonight. Speaking of, I gotta scram. See ya!

Election Eve

Well here we are - another election. I'm scared. It's funny to me that both parties are ready to take up residence in Canada should their opposite canidate win. I know that I'm terrified that McCain/Palin will win. I'll be getting up early in the morning to go vote, Dane didn't trust the absentee ballot. Anyway - after work tomorrow Dane, Big Dave, and I will be taking part in our most favorite election day tradition which is to have a: DRINKING PARTY!!

~~~~~~~~fade back to 2004~~~~~~~~~

We were living on Lameria Drive. Dane took me to the polls so we could "cancel out each other's votes." Then we got Panera Bread for dinner (I got broccoli cheese soup and a sandwich). We came home to watch the election. We had our shot glasses out for the night. Our Pucker, tequila, vodka, Tequila Rose, and various other alcohols. For every state that Bush won, I had to drink a shot. A small shot of Pucker with a hard (but small) shot every 5th state. For every state Kerry won, Dane had to do a shot. Observe:

As you can see, the Red took over our great country like a plague. Dane had only 19 states to my 31!!! I made it to 20 states, which is yes - 20 shots. Including a tall shot of tequila when Colorado turned red. I still remember the state that did me in. The 20th state. Montana. I took my shot for Montana - a shot of straight vodka - and immediately vomitted into my Panera Bread bag. I said "EFF YOUR SH*TTY PRESIDENT!!! He won. I'm going to bed." And sure enough, Bush won.

~~~~~~~~flash back to current day~~~~~~~~~~~

Well this year Dane will not be voting Republican. He and I are on united fronts and will be voting for Obama this year. So for every state that McCain gets, Dane and I will be doing a shot together. A shot of jungle juice so no doubt we'll be pretty sh*tty pretty quick. Even if Obama wins, there sure are a lot of Red states.

My laptop is suddenly going to die, so I best be gone. I'll post an update tomorrow as the drinking, I mean election party progresses.

These Things I Know for Certain

Men love a woman in a pair of boots and never, ever, under any circumstance put pumpkin guts down your garbage disposal. EVER!



So I have so much to blog about - I'll try to be brief. Which means this will be about 3 internet pages long. So going in chronological order:



AMEX: so AMEX decided to put a limit on my credit. They did this without informing me. They did this based on information that is not correct (they said my credit was below 700 and it's not and they had salary info from 3 years ago). They did this after I put Dane on my credit line, obviously increasing our spending power. They did this without looking at my spotless credit history not only with AMEX but with other credit agencies. They put the limit at an amount that was under what I had already spent in the month. After 3 hours on hold with various agents going all the way up to corporate, I got a $1000 extension on my credit and the account will be reviewed sooner than 90 days. AMEX has idiots running the organization. I just won't use my AMEX. Apparently AMEX can afford not to get paid during these economic times of crisis. I get safeguarding the company what with all the credit fiascos going on, but they need to make their decisions on several variables, not one (a credit score, a credit relationship, etc.) I've paid my bill on time in full as long as I've had that card. And now we are going into the holiday season. Needless to say I'll be making all my purchases on my Visa. And I just charged almost $2000 yesterday. AMEX could have gotten 3% of that from vendors. That's $60 on two transactions. No a lot you say? Well times that by 100,000 people (an easy number of people with AMEX) That's 6 million dollars. Catch my drift...A friend heard about this on NPR and she said all the people interviewed said they'd stop using their AMEX. And that doesn't even begin to speak to all the admin costs AMEX is fielding regarding this issue. Dumbasses.

San Diego: OMG - I had such a good time in SD. I really, really miss Jamie. I let loose around her like none of my other friends. It has to be because we've known each other for so long and always under nothing but carefree circumstances. It was very easy to pretend we were 18 again that weekend. Partying, staying out late, flirting with guys. So fun. And good, innocent fun. We got a pedicure and went shopping and drank coffee. Got midnight pizza. I stood out on the balcony in my underwear at 2 am. Some dudes were getting arrested for a bar brawl and I thought I'd be a good samaritan and give them something to look at while they waited. I'm so nice. The wedding we went down there for was beautiful - absolutely fabulous. And funny - it was a gay wedding so Kat (the "dude") stood on the wrong side at first and then they got it sorted out. Good food, good drink. Lots of dancing and fun - I got a whole new soundtrack from the weekend.

Leavenworth: Dane and I went to Leavenworth to honor Isis and the 7th year of her passing. Crazy. We had a wonderful time. We rested, read, took a bath in the big tub (we had the bridal suite), went shopping, walked around, ate good food, and got a little tipsy. I got a speeding ticket on the way home though. Lame.

Plumbing: So I put about 20 lbs of pumpkin guts down the garbage disposal. DONT EVER DO THAT!!! I ended up backing up our kitchen sink, the downstairs shower, and the washing machine. We had to get a plumber (a cute Romanian) to come fix it. He spent all day snaking out the pipes. Nightmare. He didn't even charge me for one job, gave me a discount on another. It cost about $700 all discounts considered. I'm lucky Dane is out of town right now, otherwise he'd skin me.

Halloween: The awesome Halloween party is this weekend. On Friday. I'm a Fanta girl. Our house is decorated to the hilt and it's going to be a blast!

Well its time for these boots to be walking. More later on school and other things. Life is definitely on the upswing for me. I feel better about myself and more lively and friendly and back to the normal Crystal. The Krazy Crystal that dances on furniture and flirts (with everyone so it's not like I'm being scandalous) and has fun. YAY!

Propaganda

I cannot take credit for this post below, rather it is from my friend Jim in Colorado who received a propagandous email. Read for yourself:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sorry, but this is an angry response.

According to Snopes.com this is absolutely false.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/money.asp

This kind of hate-filled, fear-mongering garbage is what got us 8 years of George W. Bush. In case you've forgotten, "The Swift Boat Veterans for Peace" were outright liars.

Obama's alleged "association" with William Ayers is also flat out, outright bullshit. http://blog.washingtonpost.com/fact-checker/2008/02/obamas_weatherman_connection.html

If being alive and 8 years old when Ayers was active in the WX underground is guilt by association--we are all guilty. If serving on a community education board assembled by others -- a board on which Ayers was also an invited participant after he had earned his stripes as a dedicated and generally respected community activist (years after his radical activities) -- is guilt by association, then we are all guilty of THAT kind of guilt by association for ANY kind of community service we render. While we're at it, why not blame Obama for Al Capone and Mayor Daley's outrageous behavior at the Democratic Convention in 1968. After all, he IS a Democrat, isn't he?? He "CHOSE" to live in Chicago, didn't he?? And we may as well dredge up the fact that he went to church and his pastor actually has a mind of his own. Surely Obama's responsible for Jeremiah Wright, too--wouldn't you say?? After all, doesn't my growing up Catholic make me responsible for all the priests who molested boys? That MUST be my fault.

Nobody should allow themselves to be so easily fooled. Even John McCain himself discounts most of this kind of outrageous bullshit! The other day he dejectedly looked into the eyes of a woman who asked him if Obama was a Muslim and said that Obama does not have ties to radical Muslims and that he's an "honorable man." Even McCain is horrified by what his vile, hate-filled campaign has wrought.

Know when you're being lied to. Know when you're being manipulated. Bush lied his way into Iraq. Are we governed by liars? Or are we governed by thinking people? Right now--the choice is yours.

This kind of trash should not be influencing ANYONE's vote.

So as the message says below, "Check it out on your own and then vote correctly on November 4th." I wholeheartedly "support this message." Remember the source of this crap is our own version of RADICAL FUNDAMENTALISTS, aided and abetted by the GOP and the 527s and corporations who are absolutely terrified of a real democracy--and absolutely afraid of Barak Obama.

P.S. As a courtesy, I supressed the original distribution list, and I will not email to those who are not my friends again. But in a free society, one of the most important things a person can do is stand up and call a lie a lie.

Jim
----- Original Message ----Sent: Tuesday, October 14, 2008 11:08:02 AM

Subject: Fwd: Pass it on: If half of this is true we will have another serious problem...

I don't send forwards often. But I've never been so scared of an election before. Ask yourself this too: where is he getting the millions and millions of advertising dollars for all those ads on the interenet, TV, billboards, he even has his own 24/ TV channel? Wasted egotistical selfish spending that we are going to see lot more of if the asshole is elected. Educate yourself, then Vote. If half of this is true we will have another serious problem.

"About a year ago I would have voted for Obama. I have changed my mind three times over since then. About six months ago, I started thinking 'where did the money come from for Obama'. I have four daughters, who went to College, and we were middle class, and money was tight. We (including my girls) worked hard and there were lots of student loans. I started looking into Obama's life. Around 1979 Obama started college at Occidental in California . He is very open about his two years at Occidental; he tried all kinds of drugs and was wasting his time but, even though he had a brilliant mind, did not apply himself to his studies. 'Barry' (that was the name he used all his life) during this time had two roommates, Muhammad Hasan Chandoo and Wahid Hamid, both from Pakistan . During the summer of 1981, after his second year in college, he made a 'round the world' trip, stopping to see his mother in Indonesia, next Hyderabad in India, three weeks in Karachi, Pakistan where he stayed with his roommate's family, then off to Africa to visit his father's family. My question... Where did he get the money for this trip? Neither I nor any one of my children would have had money for a trip like this when they where in college. When he came back he started school at Columbia University in New York . It is at this time he wants everyone to call him Barack - not Barry. Do you know what the tuition is at Columbia ? It's not cheap! to say the least. Where did he get money for tuition? Student Loans? Maybe. After Columbia , he went to Chicago to work as a Community Organizer for $12,000 a year. Why Chicago ? Why not New York ? He was already living in New York . By 'chance' he met Antoin 'Tony' Rezko, born in Aleppo Syria , and a real estate developer in Chicago. Rezko has been convicted of fraud and bribery this year. Rezko, was named 'Entrepreneur of the Decade' by the Arab-American Business and Professional Association'. About two years later, Obama entered Harvard Law School . Do you have any idea what tuition is for Harvard Law School ? Where did he get the money for Law School ? More student loans? After Law school, he went back to Chicago . Rezko offered him a job, which he turned down. But, he did take a job with Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland. Guess what? They represented 'Rezar' which is Rezko's firm. Rezko was one of Obama's first major financial contributors when he ran for office in Chicago . In 2003, Rezko threw an early fundraiser for Obama which Chicago Tribune reporter David Mendelland claims was instrumental in providing Obama with 'seed money' for his U.S.> Senate race. In 2005, Obama purchased a new home in Kenwoood District of Chicago for $1.65 million (less than asking price). With ALL those Student Loans - Where did he get the money for the property? On the same day Rezko's wife, Rita, purchased the adjoining empty lot for full price. The London Times reported that Nadhmi Auchi, an Iraqi-born Billionaire loaned Rezko $3.5 million three weeks before Obama's new home was purchased. Obama met Nadhmi Auchi many times with Rezko. Now, we have Obama running for President. Valerie Jarrett, was Michele Obama's boss. She is now Obama's chief advisor and he does not make any major decisions without talking to her first. Where was Jarrett born? Ready for this? Shiraz , Iran ! Do we see a pattern here? Or am I going crazy? On May 10, 2008 The Times reported Robert Malley, advisor to Obama, was 'sacked' after the press found out he was having regular contacts with 'Hamas', which controls Gaza and is connected with Iran . This past week, buried in the back part of the papers, Iraqi newspapers reported that during Obama's visit to Iraq, he asked their leaders to do nothing about the war until after he is elected, and he will 'Take care of things'. Oh, and by the way, remember the college roommates that where born in Pakistan? They are in charge of all those 'small' Internet campaign contribution for Obama. Where is that money coming from? The poor and middle class in this country? Or could it be from the Middle East ? And the final bit of news. On September 7, 2008, The Washington Times posted a verbal slip that was made on 'This Week' with George Stephanapoulos. Obama on talking about his religion said, 'My Muslim faith'. When questioned, 'he made a mistake'. Some mistake! All of the above information I got on line. If you would like to check it: Wikipedia, encyclopedia, Barack Obama; Tony Rezko; Valerie Jarrett: Daily Times - Obama visited Pakistan in 1981; The Washington Times - September 7, 2008; The Times May 10, 2008. Now the BIG question - If I found out all this information on my own, Why haven't all of our 'intelligent' members of the press been reporting this? A phrase that keeps ringing in my ear - 'Beware of the enemy from within'!!! " Check it out on your own and then vote correctly on November 4th.

The Shoe Has Dropped

Well it seems like the other shoe has fallen. Last night Dane and I spent the better part of the evening arguing about money and then, of course, the bigger issues. I'm beginning to understand that a lot of couples seem to go through this sort of cycle. ~phew~ Not that I wish this on anyone but it's nice to know I'm not alone.

I'm not unhappy in my marriage to Dane, quite the opposite. And the poor guy. He got me roses last week for no reason. I love that. But at the same time he totally makes me feel inferior. Everything has a value with him and coming from an accountant that means something. Like I'm not upholding my end of the deal if I don't weed when he mows the lawn. Seriously? Are we REALLY arguing about this?! I just looked at him. His favorite thing in the world is to attack me with some obscure irritation whenever I confront him. And most the time the irritation means little to him but sometimes he packs such a hard punch that it leaves a mark on me and I learn to walk on eggshells with whatever irritation it is. Later when I bring it up, he oft has no idea what I'm referring to. Then I can usually pin point something else that was going on in our lives at that time that he was really frustrated about. Again, those frustrations were probably aired to me when I least expected it, out of nowhere, and with half a bottle of booze. It gets old. Can't we talk like adults? Don't you think it would be easier to tell me how you feel when you feel it or when the scenario comes up so I can figure out a productive way to alleviate your stress?

Ugh - I'm just bitching at this point. But let's just say my excitement from last week is definitely muted.

What Am I, 14?!

Ugh - I couldn't stop myself. Before I knew it I gave in to my guilty pleasure. Instantly I thought "what would my husband think?" I didn't care - I just had to do it.

Your Results:

Jasper Hale

You are Jasper Hale. You are very charismatic and have an uncanny ability to put others at ease. You are also a dependable leader and intuitive friend. You have a hard time ignoring temptation, as you are not naturally inclined to repress the way you feel.

Yep. I took the "Which Twilight Character Are You?" quiz. And on top of that I was duped in to liking a Miley Cyrus song. ALL IN THE SAME WEEK!!! What am I, 14?!

I've been very distracted this week. Not sure what it is. I'm all happy and sing-along Crystal. I've even gone so far as to dissect what this time of year means to me and I'm beginning to think my rebellious tendencies go beyond Isis. As long as I can remember Fall has always been a crazy time of year for me. It's like I'm rebelling that Summer is over or something.

Anyways - I'm particularly excited about nothing in particular these days and I'm waiting for the bomb to drop. Or something to happen. I'm all quued up and no where to go. I haven't felt this silly since I was 14. What's going on? Is it Dane's birthday? Is it work? Is it school almost being over? Is it the thought of me in my yellow Fanta Soda girl costume? I don't know what ~it~ is but it sure has me going.

I'll post more as something comes up. I'm dying for answers here. Check this nonsense out, it's my horoscope:

Are you getting bored? The best cure for an uninteresting life is to take risks!

You are way out on the cutting edge today, but the people who matter most are right behind you! It's a really good time to experiment with new ideas and ways of living to see what you like.

What sort of risk should I take?

Along Came a Spider Who Sat Down Beside Her

*sigh* I've had THREE run in's with spiders recently. I'll explain:



The Wall: Dane was out of town. It was Tuesday (the 9th). I had just gotten done with an hour long Body Pump class at the gym, ate dinner, and was ready to crawl in to bed to read Breaking Dawn. Yes, I'm reading the Stephenie Meyer teenie-bopper vampire series. I'm on the phone with Dane when I notice a HUGE spider on the wall where it meets the ceiling over my bed. I panic. I try to use a broom, can't do it. I'm too scared. Of what? I don't know. I'm a sane, rational (most of the time) person with a completely insane, irrational fear of spiders. I try a vacuum. Worse. Even with the extension. I tell Dane I'll call him back. It's just too hard not to be the damsel in distress around him. I look at my phone. 10:45 pm. Too late to call my dad. I try texting HG. Nothing. I stare at the spider while holding the broom. 5 minutes goes by and I'm sobbing because I'm a grown woman that can't "take care" of a spider. I give up and call Dane again, fueled by the anger for crying over a spider. I yell at poor Dane because clearly it is his fault there is a spider in my room when he's out of town. Dane is stressed, he doesn't mind my yelling he's just trying to provide options for me. "Put my motorcycle helmet and gear on...Try the hot tub vacuum...What about a blanket or paper?" I finally gurgle "I have all the tools to complete the task, I just lack the gumption." My voice cracks like I'm going through puberty on the last word. Dane suggests his walking staff. That's not a bad idea. I grab the 10 foot staff. I put the phone down - Dane has to at least hear this if he's not going to be here to save me. I work up the courage, get my aim just right, and stab the staff at the wall. I keep it there for a minute, twisting it to make sure the spider is dead. I finally release and see the squished spider on the wall. Crap. Now I have to get him down because I don't want him falling on me in the middle of the night. Okay, I try the broom and barely manage to sweep him off the wall onto the floor. Now he's on the floor, he's not going to fall on me, so I can finally vacuum him up. I get the vacuum and just as I'm going for gold the spider twists up and scurries under the closet door!!!! THEY ARE NEVER DEAD!!!! So like any horror story, what do I do? I run UPstairs! I grab the phone but not before having a complete and total nuclear meltdown. I was able to get upstairs, grab a beer, open said beer, and drink 1/3 of it before I finally calmed down enough to blubber what happened to Dane. Till that moment all he could hear were my shrieks and shaking sobs. I'm not sure he's ever heard me cry like this before. I finally have to get off the phone with him - it's too much. I need to call HG. I get a hold of her and tell her right away that I sound much worse than I am and I'm being silly. As I start to unfold my story I slowly calm down and HG infuses humor into the situation and by the end of the call I'm laughing and she's helped me build a safe fortress around my bed so the spider doesn't come back to get me. I jokingly think to myself that I'd rather deal with ghosts than a spider. Of course late that night I wake up because something stirred and I look up the stairwell (outside of my room -I've been sleeping downstairs in the comfy bed) and see a glowing light. From the computer obviously, but why is it on? I decide it's because my prayer has been answered and instead of a spider I now have a ghost to contend with. It's a full minute before I assume that a cat must have bumped the monitor. Or maybe it was the spider?

A Fair Match: So last night I'm laying in my bed on my side reading. I feel something fall across my chest. Some of my hair probably. Then the something extends down my arm. Odd. I look - there's a spider. A teeny tiny itsy bitsy spider. No bigger than a large freckle. And clear so I can't really see his freaky legs (all spiders are "he's" except for black widows). I calmly brush him off me and squish him with my bookmark. I make a point to tell Dane though - just because it's almost humorous. Dane agrees the size of the spider made it a fair match.

Below the Belt: This morning I'm driving my car to the MB service center. It's due for its 1000 - 3000 mile inspection. Free, MB just wants to make sure all is well and topped off. How sweet. So I'm in the fast lane of I-90, on the floating bridge part, traveling at about 70 MPH. A spider makes his way from the left side of my car dash to the middle. I start hyperventilating. This is a serious situation. I'm driving (my NEW CAR), nowhere to go, and I can feel myself start to lose control. The spider runs up to the front of the middle of the dash to inspect my current speed. I blow on him knocking him back to the back of the dash. That works. He runs up, I blow. This goes on for 2 miles. I leave Dane a scathing voicemail (not directed at him but definitely asking "why me?", how dramatic can I be?!), I try calling HG. Nothing. The spider gets tired of being blown (perhaps proof that it is a female spider?) and settles on the passenger side dash. I'm okay with this till I see the spider start to spin up a storm. Instantly I ascertain that the spider is preparing my cocoon for death. I need to act quickly! I'm watching him so intently that I miss my exit! Now time really speeds up. I'm trying to figure out where to go and the spider starts ascending to the top of the car. Now he's ABOVE ME!! (I really have a problem with spiders when they are above me and can jump or fall down on me) He's webbing towards me, I don't have much time to get to my destination. I start wondering if I passed it. The spider closes in on me. I don't know what to do. I turn but I'm not sure it's the right street. The spider is at my rear view mirror. I'm not there yet! I panic - I blow on him, it worked last time, right? This time he's on his web and swings away only to swing back towards me with velocity. I lose it. I look up just in time to see I'm going to hit a curb and continue on to a tree. I swerve then slam on the brakes in the middle of the road (it's not a busy road) and shove the car in park and quickly exit. I'm vaguely aware that there are no cars around but there could have been. I run to the back of my car and start shaking - TREMBLING in my boots! I'm crying now and hoping that a passerby will help me. Nope. They scream and cuss at me. Even a bicyclist yelled at me. Why? Did I really cause him any grief? He certainly didn't have to go out of his way to go around me. I call my MB service rep hoping he'll come save me. I can barely get his name out - the receptionist wants to know the nature of my call. I tell her "CAN I PLEASE JUST SPEAK TO BILL IN SERVICE?!" my voice shaking from trying to conceal my tears. He answers and I tell him that I'm in the middle of the road (due to a spider) and how do I get there. He says I'm half mile away - see ya in a minute. I ask about the spider. He says what about it? Since I wasn't getting anywhere with him I decide to call out the big guns: Dad. It was too late to call him last time but not this time. He answers. I blurt out the situation. I'm sure all he heard was "spider" and "help." He gets me to turn my hazards on and take the keys out of the car so I can remotely take the top down. That way the spider doesn't have the upper advantage. Success! Then he coaxes me into my car - I only have a half mile to go. I assess. I jump in, slam it into D and jam on the gas. Instant gratification. We are doing 60 in no time and practically turn on two wheels into the MB service station. I jump out, leaving the keys in, car running, top down, and purse inside. I tell Bill I'm here for the inspection and to get a spider taken out.

Clearly I have a problem. HG and I have agreed that the spiders have put a hit out on me. I wont live long. Unless I face my fears. It's a terrible feeling being a sane person with completely insane fears and literally uncontrollable responses. I can't believe I almost wrecked my new car over a spider. A spider. And trust me - the fact that I put myself, others, and my car in danger has not been lost on me. I've been brainstorming all day what I can do to help myself. Control my reactions. I'm not coming up with anything. Thoughts? How have you overcome your fears?

Taco Bell

I'd like to think that at 28 I am not too old to dine at Taco Bell when the circumstances call for it. Yet I can't quite get over their ridiculous Mild/Hot/Fire sauce packets. What marketing IDIOT came up with the catch phrases I find on them?! Phrases like:

• I'm taking the day off. See next packet.
• The feeling is mutual.
• Will you marry me?

Are the youth of today taking advice on love, relationships, and work ethic from fast food condiment packages?! Is that REALLY what marketing executives think of us? Of the coming generation?!

It makes me wonder, with horror I might add, if today's youth have been completely underserved by their elders. Our kids can barely read and speak and when they do it's in ebonics, text-speak, or something in between. Reading a book has been replaced with watching TV and playing on your DS or iPhone. The will to work and earn a living has been replaced with a sense of entitlement and expectance. And now dinner conversation has been reduced to "what does your packet say?"

I'm sickened by this. I KNEW I shouldn't have gave in to my double decker taco craving....I am much too young to sound like this!! DAMN YOU, TACO BELL!!!!

Colorado Trip

Hi folks - it has come to my attention that more than one person is expecting me Colorado this week. Not true. I'm flying in NEXT Wednesday, August 6th leaving on Sunday, August 10th. Here's my current itinerary - there are plenty of opportunities to come say hi - I'd love to see everyone even though it is a short trip.


8/6 Wed - flying in late, will probably have enough time to get my rental car then go to the hotel. BUT, if you are up late - gimme a call/text!

8/7 Thur - Rockies game w/ Joe in the afternoon, party in town in the evening. This is the ideal night to meet up with folks who haven't already gotten a hold of me.

8/8 Fri - zoo w/ Kailea, evening with Mel at the Lure Lounge on 14th and Blake. Come meet us there.

8/9 Sat - visit Isis, spend afternoon alone chilling, get ready for HS reunion party, go out w/ buds afterward. Another great time to call/text.

8/10 Sun - brunch with my awesome cousin, hang out with the lovely Sarah, then fly home.

Clear as mud? :-)

SITC

So of course I went to go see SITC when it came to theatres and whenever reruns are on TBS I can't help but watch the rest of the episode even though I've seen every episode at the very least 3 times. Not only do I love the story and the characters but I also love to remember the time in my life when I first watched SITC.

The feelings are bittersweet as I can't share them with the person that I experienced them with but I will never forget that summer and the wonderful times I had with this person. I also know that it would not be the same even if we were talking. Time and distance has a way of doing that. I know that this person is doing well through the grape vine and I couldn't be prouder! All I ever wanted was to see this person succeed. I think in my efforts to help I hindered her more than anything, but the intentions were golden.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately and just today I had a phone call from Peck. Now here's someone where time and distance seems to stand still for me. For us really. No matter how many days have passed since we last talked, it always seems like it has only been a few minutes even when we spend hours on the phone catching up. I love talking to her and reminiscing our past - the good and bad. I miss her. Of all my friends, I haven't seen her in the longest time. In fact - I want to say when she was last living in our house was the last time I saw her. Wow. It would be nice to see her again and I'd love to meet Big D.

I'll be traveling to CO soon - I'll put the details in a separate post, so there goes any notion of going to TX to visit Peck but it's never quite off my radar. I hope to see her soon.

Update

It's been awhile so here are some updates:

Surgery - went well but was more extensive than expected. Recovery has been longer and the pain is more intense than expected but I'm handling it. I keep thinking I'm being a baby about it but you know it's bad when you go home to lay down for a minute and end up sleeping for 4 hours. I've been trying to get to the gym to do some light walking (I did make it on Sunday) but haven't been able to after work, I"m just soooo tired. Anyway - every day gets better. Special thanks to Dane for all his help with me and working from home so he could care for me. He's actually out of town now which makes it hard to some things but I think I'll be okay.

Sarah's Visit - was great! I was so happy to see her and spend time with her at the spa and what not. I wish she hadn't fallen and broken her ankle while at my house (can't help but feel some degree of responsibility) but what can you do. It was great to see Max and what a great kid he's turning into. Dane and I discussed and decided that we want to keep him. Hee hee. All kidding aside, we really wish we were closer to Sarah and Max to be a bigger part of their lives. We did our best to convince them to move up to WA.

School - OMG! My LAST day of my general MBA is this Saturday! Then its nothing but 5 online classes left. I'm excited and already anxious for what I'm going to do with my life when school is over. First I'll have the Becker CPA review to do, which will be 5 months of studying and testing beginning on my birthday, Feb 5th and lasting through my anniversary, July 3rd. I'm registered for classes and have nothing left to do but register for the actual exam. Can't believe the time is almost here. Afterwards I think I will go to law school. I am going to take the LSAT on Oct 4th and apply to Seattle University. Only 1/3 of applicants get accepted so we'll see but I'm going to try. Crazy, huh?

Work - is going well, I'm kinda behind schedule due to the extensive recovery or rather unexpected recovery. I'll make it work though. Jim is out this week so I've been able to take it easy which is good, but I haven't been able to focus (including right now) so I'll definitely have to bust ass the next two days.

Dane - we celebrated our 1 year anniversary last Thursday be going to dinner at The Melting Pot. It was a great dinner - we talked about the highs and lows of the year, our wedding, and what we wanted to do in the next 1 thru 10 years. It was a great discussion and I'm lucky to have such a wonderful husband.

Cats - are doing well. Willy is the craziest cat ever. EVER! Dewey is darling. Boo is demanding. And Stinker is stubborn. I love them so much.

Other - been driving Nick's Mini Cooper since it's an automatic and is easier to drive. Love it. Really think I might want one. But I still hold out hope for my Mercedes. We'll see what's in store. If I go to law school then I can't afford a Mercedes till AFTER.

I feel higher than a kite right now so I'm going to sign off and enjoy the ice cream social at work then go home and get some reading and homework done. I only have tonight and tomorrow night left to do it. Yikes! I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. Whatever.

Till next time.

Ch ch ch changes!!

I almost forgot! I'm going in for my second dose of the knife. While this time will not even be in the ballpark that my last surgery was, I will be under for a spell and get some minor touch ups done. Mostly scar revision but a little contouring to make sure everything is evened out. Surgery is on Monday and the lovely HG has offered her services (again) with helping me out. AND over her b-day! I'm a lucky gal!

While that's going on, Sarah will be visiting her fam in upper WA which is just fine cause she can take my car without me needing it. Perfect. I'm excited for her to come down! I feel bad because my priority the first couple days she's here will center around the parade but I'm lucky that Sarah is easy-going and excited for me and the parade. I am soooo happy that she'll get to see the parade and ME in the parade! I'm like a boasting peacock! And she'll get to meet work friends, and RB, and my other crew of buddies. It's going to be so much fun!

The parade is ready to go with some minor changes here and there. Costumes are done, dances are memorized - now lets' just hope it doesn't rain on our parade!

Work is going well. I'm a little bummed that they wont be able to help at all with my financing the CPA review but I understand why they can't. I fear that I may be quickly outgrowing my job there. Not a bad thing, but definitely sad. I'm cinching up the Policies and Procedures book this month and starting on the Audit/Internal Controls book next month. I should be ready to nail the audit this year - YAY!

School is going well - I'm in my last core MBA class - less than 3 weeks left then it's online only for the remaining 5 accounting classes. My last day of class is officially 2/23 which means for 3 weeks (right during my b-day) I'll be doubling up on CPA classes and UOP. It will be daunting but I can do it. Then I plunge right into my CPA exam for Business. The review process is grueling but I know I can do it - I made it this far, right? I'm meeting with a gal in 2 weeks to discuss the process and what I can do to be the best prepared for it.

Dane is doing well too -nothing really new on that end. Things are good and he's been very helpful and kind the past couple weeks.

Cats are good too. They are so cute.

That's about all for now! I'll post next week in my surgery drugged out haze! Fun!

Time For a Change

So all my posts recently have been all about what I'm doing. No girth or depth. Recently I haven't had time to think about much other than the day to day stuff but believe me there are thoughts twirling around in my brain.

For starters I get really sick of Dane's attitude with me on a lot of stuff. He often asks like I ask the world of him when asking for help around the house or to do things that should be on his radar (considering he's an adult) like getting his hair trimmed in a timely manner. Then he lays this guilt trip on me about how he provides such a nice life for me and I'd be in a cardboard box w/o him (my words, not his). And while I appreciate what he does for our life together, I hate having him dangle it over my head like I'm some stay-at-home wife that doesn't earn her keep.

I'm just venting really, but it does do a mind f*ck on me. I get so mad sometimes that I wish we weren't married and I could just leave. Sometimes I think "what's the point", I don't want to change the way he is but at the sametime he's not what I want/need. What to do, what to do?

In other aspects I'm so happy with Dane. I really don't want to leave him but I get tired of being his shadow. I'm sure everything will be fine. Just some thoughts to chew on.

Do You Know the Way to San Jose?

La la la la la. I don't know any other words to that song.

So the trip to see the folks was wonderful. Dad said he wouldn't even know he had a heart attack if not for the hospital bills. And of course the other things like medications and diet changes. But still, he's doing great and it was great to see them.

We had a great, relaxing weekend full of good homecooked meals. I hadn't realized how much I missed my parents till this weekend. So many things I miss like going to their house and just gazing in the pantry and fridge. I miss the sound the pot makes when steam escapes it and the release valve bounces off the pan lid (that sound always comforted me because it meant food was on the way). I miss wearing my dad's robe. I miss using my mom's hair products. I miss being wrapped up in their bed. I miss looking at the pictures of my life and my family's life.

I liked talking to my parents and just plain hanging out with them. We went to my mom's work on Friday at Dole Berry and I got a tour of the place. Pretty cool how they take care of the fruit. Then we went to lunch and got to see the sea otters and sea lions - fat crazy loud animals that they are. We went to the store and got some supplies for our meals. The grocery store by their house is so cheap that we got what we needed for 5 meals for 4 adults for just over $100! Can you believe that!

Saturday Mom and I went to get some pedicures, which was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed that time with her to sit and chat. Mom is going to help make my parade costume. She took my ideas and gave them girth and brought them to life with a little of her own creativity. It's so nice to have her help with that. Then we made a late lunch, early dinner then watched the Indiana Jones movies. Sunday we slept in then went to see the new Indiana Jones movie, good flick, then went home and hung out talking and what not. We had a lot of good chats.

Monday we slept in again, packed, then went to the airport and we were back home before we knew it. It was a nice quick trip that I think we can and should do more often. At least till they come live up in Seattle. :-P

School is coming along, in my last week of my second to last on campus class. Then its 5 classes of accounting online then graduation! YAY! Dane and I are talking about our options for graduation travel and gifts, which might be a couple of new cars. We're not sure.

Other than that work and the parade are going well. It's tough being a manager sometimes. You have to make decisions you don't want to. *sigh* We'll see how that plays out.

I'm on a crash diet for the next 4 weeks. Dr. E is going to kick my ass when he sees how fat I am. If I can lose a solid 10 lbs then I'll be in better shape. Not just physically but for when I see him for my surgery. Sarah will be here soon and that will be fun. I can't wait to see her. The final details are being worked out. It's gonna be a blast.

I'm off to bed. Dane is in PDX again and I still have some homework to do.

Last Year vs. This Year

So I looked at my post from this time last year and how much stuff I was doing and all that jazz and I have to say that I'm shocked I survived it and have lived up to my promise of not packing my schedule so tightly.

In fact this year all that I have going on right now it school, work, and parade. I'm working in a trip to see the folks this weekend and a surgery revision next month, which will put a slight damper on my summer hence plans, but nothing that I can't handle. I'm on track with school and work and even though I have projects on the horizon, I have them scheduled out with enough time to accomplish them all.

In other news I went kayaking this weekend for the first time ever and loved it! It was a little nerve racking at first, but we (Angela and I) stuck it out and had a great time with Alexia and Cieran (Key-err-ann). I can definitely see more of it in my future.

I also stayed home on Saturday night by myself. I had the option to go out but decided to stay home and loved it. It was nice to have some weekend solitude as Dane was mountain biking with friends in Portland. I'm glad he was able to get out and be active.

Our financial plans are in order and on budget despite setbacks. Of course my overage check from UOP helped that but still. Dane's debt and our Egypt debt (the wedding has long since been paid off) are almost cleared up. Like in a matter of months we will have a lot of cash on our hands that we haven't had in a long time if ever. We are working on plans for this money as it will be a lot and we don't want to get used to living with that kind of excess cash, rather save it away for whatever we want to do in the next few years, be that buy a house, a car, travel or a combo of the three. I'm scared of buying a house but could be coerced.

Other than that things are plugging away just fine. I'm looking forward to the parade and Sarah's visit. It will be a lot of fun.

Now if I could just drop about 20 lbs I'd be set. :-)

Oops

Well, I've done it again. I haven't posted in a while. My bad. Let's recap:

Work - going well, I'm neck deep in budgets after a short closing month (finance committee meets tomorrow) and I feel that I am doing very well for the budget process. I'm sure I haven't thought of everything but I feel like I'm ahead of the game, thanks to help from my staff. I present the budgets to the managers tomorrow and have even prepared a PPT presentation that I hope will go over well. I'm really taking charge of the budget process this year (and I might even ask Jim to "own" it more than he does) which I feel will help alieviate the issues we ran into this current year. Up next: prepare for audit which will absolutely require the next 5 months. It wont be cleanup like last year, instead preparation and getting inline with all the new standards for 08.

School - going well too. I made a post that got some classmates in a funk but all seems well now. I really feel sometimes like people need too much guidance and just can't function without clear, step by step guidelines. Sometimes its okay to just go with an idea, but I get that that's not for everyone. One more class and I'll be done with the general portion of the MBA then on to the core accounting portion. I should be done with classes by March of next year, set to walk in Phoenix in July.

Travel - speaking of - there are plans in the works for next July's vacation. I am talking with RBMBA about Central or South America but these plans aren't concrete and I have some other ideas that I'm rattling around in my head, such as buying a new car from Volvo, Mercedes, or Audi and doing a Europe trip to pick up the car. Not sure, depends on money and several other factors. In the meantime, we are going to California next week to see my folks and I'm really looking forward to that. We've talked about going to the Midwest to see my grandparents but I'm not sure that we can afford that. Same for my ideas to go to Colorado in August and somewhere in October. I honestly think that we just can't afford to go anywhere till next year and I'd rather save our money for another big trip anyway.

Surgery - is still a go for next month. A slight revision and some touch up work. All paid for, so we are good with that but I'm nervous about the healing process and I feel I've gained some weight that I just can't shed.

Fitness - I am still going to spinning on Mon and now that the parade is almost here I'm going to class for that 3 nights a week. Otherwise, I'm not really going to the gym. I am taking the bus almost everyday and that in itself adds about a mile of walking each day. I'm trying to stay active on the weekends and now that the weather is starting to get nicer that should be easier.

Parade - is going to awesome this year! First and foremost, Sarah will be in town (see more below) but also I really like the theme. It's pink for peace and I'm totally on-board with the costuming and meaning behind the parade. Meaning being taking back the woman's carnal power of beauty and attraction (real beauty not the media's idea of beauty) and turning that into the power of persuasion which leads to negotiation which leads to peace and love and everything that is wonderful and woman! I'm in the advanced string this year w/ HG and while it is a big committment, it's well worth it. And with Dane gone in PDX all the time it gives me something to do and stay out of trouble.

Dane - is doing well. Traveling a lot and dealing with his staff but overall he's enjoying life. He's going on an all-dudes mountain biking trek this weekend outside of PDX that I think will be great for him. He's finally conceded to giving up and selling the banshee and montero. About time.

Sarah - is coming to town in a month. I'm happy to be hosting her and can't wait for her to see our place and hang out. What's more is Max will be with her and I'm excited to see how he's grown! What's on the docket? Burlesque, spa trip, Pike Place, parade, party, rest, then she goes to the North while I go on my surgery leave, then she's back home as quick as she came, but it will be a good visit.

Cats - are doing good. Willy almost has his meow. Stinker and Boo are still fat and Dewey is cute as ever. He has some troubling blood on him (this just happened tonight) but I think we can manage it and he'll be fine.

Long-term - plans include some more legislative and lobbying work for me. I have some grand ideas in store for how I can help Treehouse with their strategies for the next 3 - 5 years as well as how I can help the foster child system in the US. Probably all just pipe dreams right now, but I feel like I'm on the course to something really big and life changing. Stay tuned!

So that's about it for now. I'll try to be better at posting as things happen, but life seems full tilt all the time yet not much worth "writing home about." I'm sure that will change and I'll have fun stuff to blog about soon enough.

I'm Back

Well I've been back [from Egypt] for almost a week now and I can honestly say that I haven't entirely recovered. My body is still weary, I dont' have all my energy back, nor my appetite (unless it's first thing in the morning), my innards are still queezy, and I'm still waking earlier than I might normally (and going to bed WAY early) but I think that within the next few days I will be right as rain.

We are going to the gym tonight in an effort to get back on track of normal life and try to get some energy. There is so much to do around the house. I have to finish laundry, clean up the storage room, the garage, the office area, my art room, and bedroom. I have to balance my books, return some items purchased for Egypt that weren't used, homework, the list goes on. Not to mention I have to work the next two Saturdays.

The parade classes start next week. I'm looking forward to that. It will be nice to participate in it without all the craziness that was going on last year.

The busy season is about to start at work. I have to get the budget process rolling, then prepare for fiscal year end/audit, then go through with the audit. Seems like I just got out of busy season.

I only have two more oncampus classes for UOP then 5 online classes. So just over halfway done. Another year and I'll be studying for the CPA exam, right on schedule! After that I will take a long ass break. Who knows what I'll do - nothing, law, nothing, more accounting, nothing, bartending, nothing. I'm not sure. I'll let time decide, I'm weary of making decisions.

So while I'm happy to be home, I'm already considering my next big and small travel plans. We had thought about going to San Juan over Memorial Day, Colorado over Labor Day, Houston in October but it was also suggested to go to Hawaii and I would looooove to do that. I also want to see my folks and my grandparents. Not sure what I can do about all that. I know that it will be a year before we go on another big excursion. RBMBA wants to do Jamaica - that would be fun. Then there's France. Or Antartica. The list goes on. Seems like there's not enough time to do what we want. Oh, and I'll graduate from UOP, so there's a trip to Phoenix. Yikes.

Anyway - all is well and continues to be well and I'm hopeful that that wont change. :-)

Simon Cowell

Is it me, or does he look akin to Frankenstein?

Egypt Tour

Hello folks - those of you interested in our trip to Egypt should turn your sights to my Egypt blog which will have all the information anyone would need to know where we are, how to reach us, and what we'll be doing.

We will also update this blog during our trip as internet cafes become available. Also, our house/cat-keeper, Nick, will be updating the Egypt blog as he speaks to us when we call in for check ups. We figured it would be easier to have all the information in one spot and have one point person rather than email everyone or make dozens of calls or wake people up at 3 in the morning.

So here you go - http://huishegypt.blogspot.com/

Nothing but DNA...

After a fun evening with Dane (to celebrate our "marriage date night") at McCormick and Schmicks courtesy of a coupon my dad got in December after Alaska Airlines delayed his flight, it became apparent to me that I should blog on my divorce with my sister.

First and foremost, I did not come to this decision lightly and I take it very seriously. I am not happy that it has come to this but I have decided that I cannot endure anymore hardship because of it.

Basically for the past couple years, I really can't put my finger on when though, my relationship with my sister has been strained. I have tried and tried and tried to be her friend, be a good sister, and do the things that family is supposed to do. I'll admit, I'm not the best. I forget birthdays, I never send out cards, and the best gift you can hope to get from me is a gift card. Anyway, I've tried to reach out to her and connect and I'm always met with this surface sister. Stacy plays her cards very close to her chest and there are only a select few that she allows in to her circle. Sadly, her family has never been on that list.

This could be for a lot of reasons, I imagine and I must disclose at this point it is all my opinion and speculation based on events, emotions, and facts as interpreted by me. I could be very far off base but the truth is I will never know because Stacy is so shut off and whatever answer(s) I would get from her couldn't really be trusted for the same reasons.

Here it is: the foundation for our demise is probably best layed out as we are two different people in every way. Personality, family, friends, lifestyles, goals, interests, and values. Put simply, the only thing that binds us is our DNA, our parents. We are 10 years (almost to the day) apart in age, she being older, and for that reason she has always been placed as an authority figure in my life. I really feel like that stunted our growth as sisters and the bond I see so many siblings have. That aside, we differ as follows:

Personality - I am very outgoing, what you see is what you get. You will always know exactly what I'm thinking and how I feel. Stacy is passive aggressive, shy, pensive, and bottled up.

Family - Dane and I will always be a family of two plus our beloved cats. Stacy has two kids and feels a sense of entitlement because of her kids and family, as if people owe her, or her kids, a special piece of themselves simply because they are her kids.

Lifestyles - I am very career driven and motivated to excel. I live life in the fast lane, relatively speaking. I love to have a great time but also know my limits and responsibilities. Stacy lives for her family - every waking breath is for her husband and kids and everything else is a byproduct.

Goals - I want to travel the world, lead a successful professional life, and be a life-long learner. Stacy simply wants the best for her kids by any means necessary (I should note that our differing characters aren't right or wrong - just that - different).

Interests - I like motorcycles, traveling, partying, learning, dancing, and so on. Stacy's interests lie with her kids. I really have no idea what she likes as an adult.

Again, I'm not saying that I'm right and she's wrong, I'm just laying the foundation for why we are different and don't really connect. So now that I've layed that out there, I'll try to cite examples or explain why I think that I don't fit in to her life and will never be her friend/sister.

She feels that people should make an effort to see her and her kids, not the other way around. She should not be put out to make the relationship work, nay, if you don't make all the effort then you are a bad person for not being involved in her/her kid's lives. While I understand that having children definitely complicates things, it shouldn't be your default excuse as to why you can or can't do something or why people always have to come to you and work around your schedule.

I am hurt that Stacy and her family did not even try to make an effort to come to my wedding or even really acknowledge or show interest in it. That really showed me where I rank in her life, especially considering she's traveled to Mexico before (twice) with her friends AND even has her own travel agency where she could have received a discount for her/her family's travel.

But even then I didn't shut the door on our relationship. I wanted to but decided against it. Instead I made a point to visit with her one last time, this time assessing her actions and what I was to her. She barely acknowledged me, would not let me talk about my wedding much less ask about it, never asked one question about me or my life or how I am in Washington, everything was about her and her kids.

So when I try to have a relationship with her kids outside of her, I am met with a flood of excuses, including (and I quote) "Ashley can't come see you in WA! What if terrorists fly the plane into the Space Needle?" Admittedly she was trying to be funny but she was also making a point and the point is "you cannot have contact with my children without me being present."

This leads me to my final conclusion about our relationship. One that is entirely separate of the other. I firmly believe that she blames and judges me for Isis's death. Whatever she believes, I'm not certain, but her tone is loud and clear "you are an unfit mother that cannot be around kids." Now that I think about it, I have never been able to have one on one time with my niece and nephew and doubt that I ever would. Then I am made out to be a monster for not "being a part of their lives." She won't let me!! I am closer to my god-daughter Kailea and Peck and Sarah's kids than I am to my own flesh and blood!

Also, I can't stand how Stacy talks about our parents. Whatever she thinks of mom doesn't matter, she's still our mom and I love her, especially all her quirks! And Stacy is so quick to put her hand out and say "gimme gimme gimme [for my kids]" to our parents, as if our parents OWE her that, yet she doesn't love them unconditionally or even enough to justify the gifts she and her family gets (not that children have to love their parent's in order to receive gifts, but more that she feels its a one-way street). And then she wonders why mom had more of a bond with Isis, nevermind that mom was practically her sole caretaker.

Whatever - it gets me boiled and I felt it necessary to document my thoughts on the matter so that I can come back and reflect and adjust as necessary.

To end this blog on a lighter note, Dane and I have been saving our money for Egypt and in doing that we have started sharing entrees when we go out to eat. Not only does this cut the costs, but it also cuts the portion size. We have found that by splitting our meals we leave with full bellies but not grossly full, we have bonded in a cute way that is only possible when a meal is truly shared, and we will be able to afford our excursions without compromising Egypt.

It's tough because it's hard to say no when friends ask to do something or a movie comes out that we really want to see or we feel like we need a night out. I keep telling myself it's only a month. I think as school and work picks up I won't think about it as much.

Till next time!

Without a Child

I woke up this morning thinking that Isis was alive. I've had a few mornings like this in the past 6 years since her death and they are never, ever easy. It usually takes me about 2 hours just to get to the point where I can function and carry on with my day. Then I spend all day in a melancoly haze crying at the drop of a hat and wondering if I'm really alive in this reality.

Last night's dream was borderline nightmare. I dreamt that Dane and I lived together in a house that belonged to Kevin. The actual house was a carbon copy of the house I lived in w/ my parents that had a pool. Kevin's family was trying to hurry us out of the house and a week before we were set to leave we got a tip that Kevin had buried Isis underneath the pool. We dug up the pool and broke through the tile to find that yes, a coffin was there. In fact two coffins were there. Isis's and another man. At that point Dane told me to leave because Isis's coffin had not been shut and I didn't want to see what was there. I left to find a sticky that had the number to "the court" on it so I could tell them what we found. While I searched for the sticky, I looked outside and saw Isis in her coffin, but she was alive! She was still 15 months old, even though in my dream it had been two years since her death. My dream did not afford me explainations as to why or how she had survived in a coffin for two years with no food, water or oxygen let alone why she hadn't aged. Probably because I will always picture her as she was when she died.

So Isis was alive and we immediately began the logistics of her arrival back in to my life. I was upset that I had given away all her clothes and belongings since I should have known she would come back for me. I did have her teddy bear though (and I do in real life). Her father, though not in my dream as her real life father, was still very evil - almost Draconian. He could poof in and out of rooms and carried a trident like staff. He even said "I was glad when she died two years ago because I couldn't afford the child support but my life is different now so I'm excited that she is alive and I can play with her." *poof*

The dream, especially the excavation part, is sticking with me quite vividly and as I said, I awoke expecting her to be with me. It took me about 10 minutes to sort out what was real and what wasn't and I quickly grabbed a tablet and pen and started writting down aspects of my dream so I wouldn't forget them because everything seemed so symbolic. I called Dane and told him (he's in Portland) and he felt bad he wasn't here to support me and felt even worse that he feels he is partly to blame. I'll explain.

This past week with Damion being in the hospital and the reality of that situation and the realization of what could have been combined with a hap-hazard question to Dane about what his opinion was on Isis's death (he met with the police about 8 months after it happened to review the autopsy notes and findings - I couldn't do it) are probably the roots of this dream and the funk I've been in for days. Dane believes that while Kevin did not intend to kill Isis, he feels he acted out of anger and perhaps a little bit of drunkeness. The mere thought of someone being angry enough at Isis to shake her to death whilst banging her head on furniture is enough to send me to convulsions and I've never accepted that. It seems that I am started the slow process of accepting the reality of how she died and how it impacts me, both then and now. I should note that my parents (and even me to some lingering degree) believe that Isis was previously injured while out with her birth father (she did have bruising on her head to support this theory) and that the blow she suffered through Kevin's hands, which was not in anger or drunken rage, sent Isis into the state that she eventually died in. We've all heard of second blows, specifically football players and such that receive head trama and then get one final blow, usually insignificant compared to others, that puts them out, if not of life at least the game of ball. Whether Isis died at Kevin's hands or due to an injury related somehow to her father does not lessen the extent of her injuries or the brutality that she endured. I can't bear that thought and have actively pushed that thought out of my mind for 6 years now. But we all know that we can't run forever.

I fear that I'm starting (albeit belated) another stage of grief that is perhaps the hardest, if the stages can even be quantified that way. To add insult to injury, I attended a work function today that took place at the Seattle Children's Museum - chalk full of kids around Isis's would-be age and the age she was when she died. As if that wasn't enough, the people hosting the meeting, obviously museum employees, spent about 15 minutes explaining the museum's mission and one of the (smart) safety rules they have is that no adult can enter without a child. That statement made sense the first time. But it was repeated, I counted, seven more times. And with each mention it was harder and harder to bite back the tears. You are not allowed without a child. Don't any of you have children? You can't come in without a child. Without a child. Without a child.

And that is what I am at the end of the day. Without a child.

Keep Damion in your Prayers/Thoughts

I found out on Sunday night that Peck's son fell in to their pool and almost drown. He's been in ICU at Texas Children's since recovering from the trauma, lung infection, and various other ailments. Peck is doing as well as can be expected. Jeremy flew in on Tuesday from Dubai and other friends and family members made an effort to come down and be with them in their time of need. Dra is doing okay too but I imagine he will be impacted by this as the dust settles.

Damion is on a ventilator now and hopefully will be taken off soon and able to breathe on his own. At this time he is not exhibiting any signs of brain damage which is a miracle and blessing.

This situation reminds me of how strong people are. Not only is Damion a strong, resilient baby, but Peck is (as always) a pillar of immense strength. She was one of the major driving forces behind the details and business end of Isis's death, having dealth with a death of her own child prior to Isis. For this I am forever indebted to her and the mere thought that she might have had to go down that road again has upset me more than I could ever be prepared for. However, that is not the case (thank GOD) and she has just been so strong and positive. I've also been reminded that no matter how many miles and moons have separated us, we are all networked together and in time of great need people will cross oceans just to support you.

I'm continuing to pray for Damion and Peck's family and am hopeful for a positive outcome.

This event overcomes anything else that is going on in my life at the moment but even as such my life is fairly calm right now. I met all my January deadlines (a lot was riding on that so thank God I pulled through), work continues to go well, the audit is finally (FINALLY) over and it went well, school is going well (I have an A+), homelife is going well (though I wish Dane wouldn't Warcraft so much), the kitties are doing good, the workouts are coming along, finances are finally gelling together. Life in general is good.

I'm gearing up for Egypt in April (I can't believe that's just 6 weeks away!) and hoping that work projects and daily duties continue to sail along. Next class will be tough as I work 2 weeks at a time in order to take 2 weeks off for Egypt, but I've structured my social life to take on the added homework and work work.

I've been talking to people that I knew back in high school and that has been fun. It makes me jones to go back to CO which I'm tentatively planning a trip over Labor Day. Also planning a trip to Houston in Oct. Hopefully Peck and family will still be there.

My intervention meeting w/ Jim went well and the passing weeks have been progressive as well. I'm signed up for a conflict management class that will help.

Keep Damion in your prayers/thoughts. He needs all the strength that can be mustered.

28 and Life to go

So I briefly read through my 2005, 2006, and 2007 birthday posts - what an amazing trip it's been! 2005 was a great youthful but in-the-learning stage post, 2006 was a dreadful bout of depression, and 2007 was an exciting burst of newness. 2008 has a lot to live up to.

As I mentioned in my yearly recap, 2007 was such a big year for me. I really hope that 2008 has much less growth and extracurricular activities. So far I have a few things planned, but really nothing outside of travel and school. I am still on the heavier side of things, but I'm in a pattern of working out and eating right. Not vegan, but rather a nice balance which is the best you can hope for.

Even as I write this I can tell that I'm in a sort of mental transformation. The past couple months have been very stressful at work but nothing near what TSA was. However, I find that I'm still coping with stress in a very sub-par way. Just yesterday I exploded at a situation that really didn't call for it. I spent all last night beating myself up for it wondering why it was so hard for me to just "shut the eff up." HG suggested I look in to personality tests and I wrote her off at first but decided to look in to the tests I've taken. They all say the same thing, I'm an expressive, outgoing person who tends to speak/act before I think. I know this, what I don't know is ~how~ to control it. I decided to lay down for a bit to think things through and ended up falling asleep and having weird dreams and premonitions. I came to work today quiet and reflective. What I found were opportunities to make my mistakes right, apologize to the folks it affected, and really redeem myself. I also had the opportunity to introduce a concept that RBMBA discovered a while back. I'm an employee that needs "face time", or as I put it - hand holding and coddling. I don't like that but I finally decided to just accept that and move forward. I told Jim about my high maintenance needs and how I need more positive reinforcement than the average bear. From that moment on things have been infinitely better. We had an extremely progressive day despite the snags and I feel 100% better about our working relationship and my situation. I really do feel supported and like I will succeed at Treehouse.

With that monkey off my back, I've been able to think about other aspects of my life at this stage of 28. Again, I have to thank HG (and her hub) for providing an excellent role model for marriage. Their relationship has really placed the groundwork for a great union w/ my man. Things have been going very well with us and I have to acknowledge my support system. All of my friends have been great, Sarah has always been our cheerleader and often (though I'm sure she'd rather not be) the sounding board for both of our cases when we are in valleys. RBMBA has always been the voice of reason and logic and has helped me weed through things that my issue and things that are Dane's. Peck has always been and always will be on my side and provides a great support for been there/done that. And Amy has always helped me stay true to myself. Often when people get married I see them lose themselves to the other and its great to have a buddy that knew you before and helps you retain that self.

I feel very calm about this stage of my life. Like I have time to get things in order before the big 3-0 but that time isn't something to be taken for granted either. I will enjoy my last years of my twenty's and look forward to my coming years (sponsored by Botox). I have learned so much, it feels like most of it has been in the past couple years. I look back at my early twenty's and smile at the rebel of my youth. So much of me is still here that was back then yet at the same time I feel so different.

I've calmed down a lot. I'm not as motivated to take on the world. I was shocked to realize I"m halfway through my MBA program and still on target for my CPA by 30. Now that I'm almost there, I almost get separation anxiety. Not so much from school or homework but more with the idea that after my CPA, what will I be doing to grow? How will I motivate myself to stay above the daily grind? I'm not sure. As was the case when I was 25, it is now: I'm left with more questions than answers.

Sometimes I wish I knew where this life will take me and other times I'm glad I don't. Who knows how this will all end. I don't feel ready for it to end yet I don't really have any world or even life changing plans on the docket. Who ever does I guess. I don't think Einstein woke up and reviewed his daily log to change the world. It just happened. Not that I am comparing myself to Einstein or think I will have an effect on this world. Just the world I know.

More and more my world is closing in on me and I think that's a good thing. Rather than be one to the world I think I'm focusing more on being the world to one. And I like that.

So I found this post and figured it was worth an update.

Goals for 30th birthday
Education
Completed Bachelor's degree - achieved
Completed Master's degree - in process, completion Summer '09
Enrolled in study program for CPA exam - Summer '09
Information gathered on law degree or PHD - maybe a law degree, no PhD

Career
Earning at the very least $55,000/year ($43K inflation, $2K BA, $5K MA) - achieved
Revolving CFA and/or more corps under my belt, or mini-controller - achieved - Accounting Manager

Community
Continue fostering animals for Humane Society - in hiatus while Willie transitions
Become a mentor for children - Summer '08
Obtain info on child fostering/adopting - now that I work for an org that caters to foster kids, this info is at my fingertips at any time

Body
Tattoos removed - almost done
Junk hair removed - almost done
Teeth whitened - achieved and ongoing
Augmentation - achieved
Stable 130 - 140 lbs - working on :-(
Non-dyed, healthy hair - healthy, highlighted hair
Eyebrows touched up - achieved and ongoing

Mind
Continued yoga practice - need to do
Painting - in spurts, but coming along
Dancing - once a year parade routine, good enough

Frivalties
Tanning bed - I have a salon I go to, probably will continue to do this rather than buy one
Hot tub - achieved
Massage membership - achieved
Maid - achieved
Convertible sports car - very possible in next 2 years
New motorcycle - probably not unless we move to a warmer climate and that's okay
Travel - OMG - I've done nothing but travel! Colorado, California, Oregon, Florida, Amsterdam, Mexico, and now Egypt and Texas - the list goes on!
Kauai - we still need to do this
Greece - well the honeymoon was Mexico, but maybe for an anniversary or Masters graduation
Vancouver - still need to do this, we take for granted that we live so close

I'm amazed at how much I've accomplished just by 28. I guess I need to revise this, eh?

You Babysit Me

I haven't been as good as I promised myself I would be at keeping my blog updated. Having said that, there has been some office drama that I got the chance to nip in the bud today.

I formally went to our office manager to complain about my boss and his micro-managing tactics. At first I thought I was just being sensitive about it but after talking with a handful of others, both in the admin dept and outside, I realized that if something doesn't happen and quick a mutiny may be afoot. I mentioned this (in short) to ED and I guess she talked to Ann, the office manager, and next thing you know the intervention is today.

Without going in to the gory details I will say that it went well. Never one to mince words, I started out the session with "You babysit me and that's gotta stop." It went from there and we got some stuff out on the table but ended it with [what I feel is] a good action plan and timeline for progress. We set up "safe" times for asking questions and getting in touch with my area and I have hopes that things will improve. If not, then I may have to look at my other options after I get back from Egypt.

In other news my trip to Tampa went well. Very low key and uneventful (save the usual airport drama - I got wasted on the trip out there and almost didn't get to eat dinner at the place I wanted to in Terminal F). We went to the Pirate Festival, which rocked, went to the beach, and just had plenty of quiet time. Amy's house is so fun! It's perfect for just her. She mentioned that she and Bryan will likely have to move in to a bigger place when they do move in together but for now its a fun little cottage with a loft, spiral staircase, and one-car garage.

I missed Dane more than I thought I would or was expecting. Its weird because it took some time after we got married but I feel like I'm falling in love with him all over again. We had a rough patch but I think was more due to all the extracurricular activities I had going on. Not to mention work woes on both ends. Now that most of the dust has settled, we are getting in to the swing of married life and I have to say that I dig it. I like calling him my husband. I like the security we have. I like our system. He's my greatest ally and best friend and I love him so much. For so long I harbored bitterness and resentment, who even knows why, but that is melting away and I can start being me again and being cute.

The kitties are doing well. I love them. I need to start posting to the cats blog again. And maybe even the BG blog.

We are keeping on track with the gym, we love our movie nights. I've slacked on the diet a little bit (okay a LOT) but I like being able to go out and enjoy my life.

School is going well. I broke my steady decline streak and got an A in my last class. Would have been an A+ if I hadn't missed the 3 points from being gone in W6 at Tampa. I have this teacher again so I'm happy. I haven't done my homework yet (supposed to be doing it now actually) but I'll get it done soon.

Dane is taking me to dinner tomorrow to celebrate my 28th b-day. Wow - another year, I'll post more on that later though. Then there's the super bowl. All in all a busy but fun weekend planned.

I'm ready for bed, so I'm off.

2007 Reflections (a little late)

Top 5 2007 Moments
1. My wedding in Cabo.
2. AMSTERDAM!!
3. My new job and very successful solo audit process!
4. Starting my MBA.
5. My surgery transformation

Bottom 5 2007 Moments
1. Gaining weight.
2. Watching the crap some of my loved ones struggled with.
3. Starting my MBA.
4. Realizing I will never have a close relationship with my sister.
5. Stress from filling my plate with too much stuff.
(Wow - if that's the worse I can come up with, then it was a pretty bang up year)

Resolutions for 2008
1. Manage my weight, healthy eating.
2. Manage my time between work, the Man, and my MBA with balance.
3. Maintain a journal.
4. Continue to improve my listening and patience skills.

What I'm looking forward to in 2008:
1. Egypt!
2. Other travel plans including seeing Amy, possibly my grandparents, and friends in CO.
3. Our first anniversary.
4. Improving on my position at work.
5. Continuing my MBA program, I'll be closer to graduating this year!

2007 Reflections
Well talk about a year of transformation! From my body to my mind to my career, marriage, and everything in between! I guess when I consider it all in one breath for a recap, 2007 was a very big year for me. I probably did more growing up and moving on to the next chapter of my life than even I can realize right now. One thing I can say for sure is that this year was definitely the most positive one I've had in a long time. Not much, if any, regrets. It was difficult for me to find 5 lows. I feel like I'm not articulating myself well so I'll try to parce it out.

First I turned 27 but that was really overshadowed by two major events. #1 my surgery and #2 my job change. Both happened within the same week. Actually all three things, surgery, job, and birthday happened within a week of each other. Now that all is said and done I'm very pleased with the surgery and I would do it again. It was worth the pain and price tag. And even though I've gained some weight back, I'm working harder than ever to get and keep it off now and I've gained a new lease on life. It feels good to look nice in clothes and have a very feminine body even if I am chubbier than most.

Next my job. I jumped several positions and pay grades with this new job and at times felt like I had put myself in a position to fail but I didn't. Whether it was due to the fantastic advice of knowledgeable friends or figuring stuff out in my own time I was able to make it work and prove to myself more than anyone that I could do it. I continue to move forward and learn everyday and handle myself better, more maturely. Who would have ever thought based on last years post.

Then, of course, I got married. That in and of itself was a huge step in the right direction but I'll pause for a moment to talk about Dane's growth. He's made tremendous strides at work and really taken things up to the next level. He's a manager of his department now and while we thought he'd leave Denali, he ended up staying and making more money and honing in on more responsibility. I couldn't be prouder or happier for him. Back to getting married. After what I thought was inevitable break up in 2006 it was great to get seal the deal and take my relationship w/ Dane to the next level. I can't quite explain it but something has changed and I feel a sort of power almost in the security and love that we share. My husband. I love saying that. More than I thought I would. And of course it felt great to coordinate the surprise renewal and ring for my mom. I really feel like I've given back to them part of what I took when I was growing up and being a hellion. It all contributes to the whole theme of my maturity and really coming of age in 2007, as cheesy as that sounds.

The opportunity to travel abroad with one of my best friends ever was also a remarkable experience. It was truly eye opening to see another country (that's not Mexico or Canada) and see how Americans are treated (good, of course) and how we are perceived. I'm even more excited to visit Egypt this year but Amsterdam was definitely one of the "high" points of my life.

All this good isn't without a con though. My trip back to Colorado was great. I loved seeing my friends and visiting Isis's grave but my interactions with my sister left me feeling like our relationship will never be what I want it to be and at the very best we can be polite to each other. It's a sad day when discover the only thing that binds you is DNA. I'm sad, but don't really feel a loss. Except when I consider the kids. But I never really got to see them much anyway and any attempt I made at a relationship with them was thwarted with silly rationales like "terrorists might attack when the kids are with you." I somehow think that Stacy thinks I am to blame for Isis's death and maybe I am (not a day goes by that I don't blame myself) but it's troubling when your own family thinks it. And I could be WAY off base but the truth is I'll never really know. Stacy is not the most honest person and has a "face" that she puts on for the world while she keeps her true cards very close to the vest. Perhaps someday things will change, but she holds grudges like no other and I think that after this Cmas of no gifts for the kids she'll never forgive me. Probably for the better anyway. I can't take anymore heartache from trying to be her pal and being shunned.

As for my MBA, I can tell that even that has played a positive role in my life, despite all the hardwork it is. I see that I reflect more on everything, especially business related and I definitely have better troubleshooting and analysis skills. I'm excited to move forward but very much longing for the day when online discussion questions and gap analysis does not rule my life.

Overall 2007 was an amazing year. It will be tough one to top as far as growth and I'm not sure I'd be up for it again so soon. This year I finally learned what my limits were and when too much was enough. If anything this year will be a laid back year for growth and activity (save traveling). I'm solid in my position at work and school. I've gotten in to a healthy routine with eating and the gym. I've slowed down my social life to a pace that I've never experienced and I'm very happy with everything. Where once I double and even triple booked my free time I find that I guard my time off and sometimes even (unfortunately) hurt feelings when I decline to book my dance card. Mostly I've learned what works for me and I've learned that what works will constantly change as I grow and develop.

I'm excited for 2008. Though not much is on the docket yet, it feels like the year is already booked out through July. And actually, it is. Due to financial concerns, Dane and I are running very lean with money and events till Egypt then afterwards I have a small surgery revision then by the time that's done it will be audit season before I know it. I feel like I could already write my 2008 recap but I'll save that for this time next year.