I don't want to waste too much time on this, but today was the worst work day of my life. I came to work to a sooprise team of internal auditors and I was supposed to have a HUGE 3 ring binder full of reports for them to start on. No one told me this was the "procedure" for internal audits. My regular work team felt bad for me and did all they could to help me and tell me not to worry - their bad. The auditors however took every attempt to make snooty remarks, attack my intelligence, and basically make me feel bad. At one point an auditor (who is also a Major ranking in the Salv Army) made a special trip downstairs to my office just to tell me "it looks like you missed the little email." Her tone and comment was so atrocious that all my boss and I could do was stare at her. We watched the blood fill her face with embarrassment at her comment and then watched her fumble all over herself while she tried to tell me not to panic - she didn't mean it. Whatever. It gets worse with the auditors making comments about how I should know what I'm doing after 6 months. First of all I've been just over 4, second of all this is my first internal audit and many of the reports are audit specific meaning I don't print them in daily routine. Also - I am still learning TSA terminology (for example the REST of the accounting world calls a profit and loss statement either that or an income statement, TSA calls it a Statement of Activities - whatever) and I was told by my boss not to beat myself up over the learning process, it takes well over a year (her words verbatim) to understand the nature of TSA. So to hear from the supposed good Christian soldiers that I am an idiot made me cry all day. By the afternoon they laid off a little bit, probably because they saw my wet eyelashes and puffy cheeks, but it was all I could do to keep plugging along.
Now I'll be the first to admit - this was my mistake (I misread the original email) but to continue dragging me through the dirt and attacking me is uncalled for especially when I actually know how to do my job and I understand accounting. Just because I haven't learned all of TSA policy does not mean I'm a ding bat. Have some compassion people! In all of this though my boss, my co-workers, my dad, and my Dane helped me through the day. Dane didn't even know what happened till I sobbed it to him at dinner over a double shot martini. The tab wasn't pretty but I definitely feel better - thanks Babe!
So all in all, it's not a big deal. This will never happen again, I learned my lesson, and I was told several times (by the people who matter) that I am doing a great job and this will not reflect on me in any way. The internal auditors will be gone after this week and it will only set me back on my closings by a day or three, which will have to be made up in extra hours over the next week (not including the weekend cause Amy will be here - THANK GOD). This will blow over, just like everything else. What caused me to cry was the humanity of it all. I can't believe that people can actually be this mean purposely - with intent and malice. I know only two other people in the world who get off on being this mean/manipulative/controlling to people and my only idea is that these people are in such pain, they must hurt so much for love and acceptance that until they get it or perhaps to protect them from it, who knows, they build these walls and deliver awful blows to others in an effort to keep them afloat in their world.
It's hard, but I wish these people the best. I don't want them to hurt and I don't want them to hurt others. I wish I could give them something to help them let go. I wish I could give myself something to help me let go. It's tough, but these people need to stop themselves.
Here's to hoping for a brighter tomorrow. *weak smile*
3 comments:
OMGosh Crys, yuck! However, I am proud of you for handling yourself in a professional manner, at least the best that you could.
So, did you feel your supervisors and co-workers were supportive?
Thanks Sarah - I know you of all people know what it's like to work with horrid, oppressive folk.
My supervisors and co-workers were amazing. They really went to bat for me and have supported me in so many different ways from bringing me Turkish delights and espresso, taking me to lunch, helping me print reports, walking with me outside to tell me it's okay, and of course reaffirming that I do a good job and it's just the nature of these people to be mean.
And of course my friends totally R-O-C-K!!! Thank you Sarah, for always being in my corner. :-)
Turkish Delights....hrm, this is a familiar phrase. From "The Lion, The Witch & The Wardobe" me thinks????
Sorry, lost focus there. Yes, I do know what it's like to work with overbearing borish co-workers. However, the benefit you have is that your supervisors and fellow employees who face these audits with you are in your corner and that my dear, is a blessing! It makes all the difference in the world, so just breathe and take comfort in knowing that to the people that "matter" in your immediate environment, you are covered.
And cheers to D for treating you to the double shot martini...my fav, extra dirty and lots of olives!!!! BUYAAAAA
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