I love Dane. I miss Dane. My life is with Dane.
I am freaking out because I am scared. I am scared he will leave me now that he's well-to-do and can find someone better so I prepare a plan B, or Blue as the case may be. I am scared to leave Denver, I am scared to start a new life in a new city far away from all that is comfortable. I am scared to admit that this long-distance thing is really hard. I am scared to admit how much I really do love Dane.
Faced with the tormenting thought that he might not be around or that I might do something to compromise our relationship brought me to my knees in tears. I can't imagine losing him, especially to someone as silly as Blue. Blue is not even 1/10th the man Dane is - I'm such a silly woman. I am just scared and acting out.
Immediately I booked a flight to go see Dane this weekend - I have so much to do at home but I will lose my mind if I don't see him...NOW!!! I didn't even think about it, I just booked the flight and now we have all these arrangements to make and who is going to care for the cats and where will we stay - it's totally crazy!! I don't do stuff like this. But I have to see him, I have to. I can't wait another week, I don't care what I have to do or push off till next week or whatever - I HAVE to see him.
So toodles Blue, you are a great man - but I have an even greater man who is already in love with me and who I love back. There is no room for Blue in my black and white relationship with Dane. Only lots of polka dots. :)
2 comments:
Ah yes, just as I had suspected. Indeed you are making huge life changes which can easily translate into fear. Who wouldn't be just at touch freaked hon? Jeez, your moving half way across the country and uprooting everything you've ever known to be with the D-Man and start your lives together. Frankly, I'm surprised it took a girl this long to get those feathers ruffled? Anywho, You know in your heart this is a positive step, one of new experiences and opportunity, one of enormous impact in terms of your relationship with Mr. Man as well as your own life. I know you are not doing this just for Dane, there are other factors I am sure, but he is the driving force in creating the change and dangit ain't that some scary shit? Putin' yourself out there like that? I'd be freaked too, I'd be more than a little 'nervous' as well and Plan B's are (if nothing else) comforting in mind.
All that said, cuz jeez girl if anyone can understand the freaked out part of just saying 'Ok, let's do it!' it's me(?) let me just say this:
No Plan B will replace Plan A just like that, uh huh...nope, not gonna happen. Plan B is more than likely a materialization of fears, anxiety and the need to be nurtured and relieved through the tough times by sweet, loving and manly man arms. Plan B is definately a handsome and appealing individual based on my initial impressions, I know nothing of your discussions or interactions, but I know something about this man lit a fire under your ass. In any event, it's all pretty understandable to me and now you know for a fact that you are ready to move into this new and exciting stage of your life. Leaving the familiarity of home, friends, hell your house...you know, leaving the nest is pretty crazy stuff at first...but I truly believe you are going to enjoy this experience more than you ever knew, exploring and facing the winds of change head on give one perspective, something you can never find if you don't go after it.
And one more thing, I say do crazy and out there sort of stuff for love. What do you have to loose? How do you know you'll have this option again with Dane? You don't, and none of us really know if we get another shot at life so what's the harm in going for it???? D is your man, we all saw from the get go...romantic gooshy wooshy Sarah says go get him girl.
Go get him!!!!!!!
Everything will be fine life has a funny way of working itself out. Keep your head up!!!
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