Stolen: 2006

So I am enjoying a glass of wine and sitting in my reading room listening to iPod and smoking hookah. Since I have nothing better to do, I checked out all my favorite blogs and did a little sneak blogging. I'm going to snatch an idea from one of the blogs I snuck a peek at and I hope the original author doesn't mind and if anything is flattered by the distant peeping. :-)

Top 5 2006 Moments
1. Getting engaged when I least suspected it.
2. Seeing all my buddies in CO.
3. Solidify my friendships in WA.
4. GRADUATING!!!
5. Hawaii for my 26th b-da7.

Bottom 5 2006 Moments
1. Seeking rental apartments when a breakup w/ Mr. Man seemed inevitable.
2. RBMBA's resignation and the drama surrounding it.
3. Learning all the ropes and the stress of my job.
4. Gaining weight.
5. Cutting ties with certain "friends".

Resolutions for 2007
1. Learn to deal with stress/change at work with less emotion/passion more logic/patience.
2. Manage my time between work, the Man, and my MBA with balance.
3. Lose weight for the wedding.
4. Maintain vegan lifestyle.

What I'm looking forward to in 2007:
1. The wedding! Including seeing family and friends and of course MEXICO!
2. Starting my MBA program and consequently taking the summer off. :-P
3. My surgery (but I'm also very scared of my surgery as well).
4. Getting into a routine at work.
5. Lots of fun, new adventures with RBMBA and HG.

2006 Reflections
Well it's been another year. It's hard to believe that I will be 27 in one month. Wow. I mean WOW!! And not "World of Warcraft" WOW, I mean holy sh*t wow. I remember one year ago going on a walk with Dane in our semi-new environment and lamenting over how I wasn't where I wanted to be at "26". I had some frustrations with work and school, but mostly over the lack of proposal from Mr. Man. And then I remember how bad it got over this past summer and the many, LARGE setbacks that I got from Dane and how torn I was in July. I don't know if anyone really knows, but I was this close ] to moving out. I even had an apartment picked out and an appointment to meet with the property manager. For real. I remember sitting down to a Taco Time lunch with HG and RBMBA and telling them "I don't know what I want to do. I'm so torn." And this was the Tuesday before Dane proposed. I always knew that Dane was a procrastinator, but effing A! I don't know if he'll ever know how close he was to losing me. He had to have known, I only spelled it out for him for 3 years! And after the "setback" I told him his shelf life for our relationship would go bad in weeks and sure enough, a few weeks later there we were on stage. I'm really glad he surprised me like that and put me on the spot. Had I not been caught like that, I might not have said yes looking at the mood I was in. Of course looking back, I'm GLAD things worked out the way they did because I would have made a huge mistake harboring my bitterness towards his proposal. And in the end we all got what we wanted, but what a rocky road in getting there, eh?

So this year...this year I will be 27. Dude, wtf?! Where did the time go? My mom was telling me a story the other night about 14 years ago and I kid you not, my instinctive thought was "what story could she be telling me about when I was 4?!" As it were, I was THIRTEEN 14 years ago!!! HELLO!! I WANT TO TALK TO THE MANAGER!!! WTF?! Shocking. I had to ask my mom to stop the story so I could catch my breath. And I know all my 30+ friends are clucking at me as they read this, but you know what I'm going through - you were here. I hate how everyone was right. I hate but love how I look back at my life with such nostalgia and "things were good back in the day". I laugh at my "strife" when I was a teen and long for the days when life was so seemingly simple and responsibility was as far away as China. But now somethings different. I have the ability to look at my 27 year old self from my 50 year old self's perceived eyes and go "silly girl, you had no idea what was what at 27 - what a child you were."

This blog has been a wonderful thing for me. I've completely enjoyed going back and looking at myself and watching my posts change over the past two years. It doesn't seem but a drop in the bucket, but if you look, you can see the subtle changes. I can see it in my friend's blogs too. I did a fun "activity" once before on the blog where I talked to myself after the fact. Now I'd like to do the opposite. I want to talk to my future self. And I've had just enough wine and NIN to do so.

To December 29th, 2007 Crystal Ewers:

Hi - I hope this finds you well. I've been wondering - now that it's been almost a year from your surgery, what do you think? Are you glad you did it? What about the payments you make -how has that treated you? What about work? Do you still lie awake a night torturing yourself over your conversations with Karen, Donielle, and Stefan? Do you still open your big mouth and fight the "oppression from the man"? Do you even work at TSA anymore? Do you think yourself silly for the stink you caused last year? Did it do any good or did you learn to just shut up? Have you stuck to the vegan diet/lifestyle and working out? Did you lose weight? What was the wedding like? Did all your plans pan out? How is the MBA program? I'm really scared of it right now. Are you still scared? Do you still dream big? Are we still going to be a lawyer and CPA or hold a PhD? Do we still foster cats? How's Dane? How's his WOW character? Hee hee. Do you still talk to RBMBA? How are your CO friends.

I guess I have more questions than advice or things to say. But how can I possibly have anything to say to you? You will learn it in your own time when you're ready and I could type till I ran out of blog and a) not know what I was talking about and b) you still wouldn't learn. I hope for both our sakes that you eventually learn to calm or control your fire. I love our fire but I'm beginning to think that we are quickly out-wearing out "youthful" excuse. Eventually you need to learn class and tact. We have the passion, motivation, and drive, now we need to refine it and really work it so we can get what we want without burning bridges.

Why is it so fucking easy for other people to just KNOW this shit?! Why has it taken you/us so effing long to figure it out?! Why can Dane and HG just know how to fight and stand up for themselves and have sound arguments and solid thought processes and you struggle to not cry like a baby when your upset. You better figure this shit out by this time next year or I'll - YOU'LL, be seriously put off!!

How's the Dewey!?!? *swoon*

Sincerely,

Crystal and Jebis
December 29th, 2006

Cmas and Other Happenings

Let's see here - lots to talk about so I'll take the bullet point approach:

• Work at the Army has been going okay. Since the Toy N Joy incident and all the happenings surrounding RBMBA's resignation I have been laying really low just focusing on one item at a time. I took Friday off and went to an interview, though I don't think I"ll take the job if it is offered, even though it would be a HUGE increase in pay. I think TSA has more to offer me and I'm not ready to leave yet. I am scared to go to work tomorrow. More of myself and my attitude than of the huge pile of work. I can handle the work one, single item at a time and focus on it that way rather than "OMG - look at all this crap!" My attitude, that's another story. *sigh* I am too high maintenance at work but on the flip side of that con is my passion and drive to do good work. I am trying to brainstorm ways to not be so emotional about changing landscapes at work, but I can't re-program my brain in one fell swoop. I've always been like this - it's in my DNA. Literally. It is in my DNA. My mom is the same way. I'm going through a period where I think poorly of myself for the way I am. I don't know if I should embrace or snuff out the passionate person I am. *sigh* More on that later I guess.
• Cmas - I got a ton of stuff for Cmas: a lot of games for game night, cute clothes, pottery, gift cards galore, lottery tickets (I won $18), office supplies, and a few surprisers like an iPod Nano and a beautiful silver and diamond necklace. OH - and I got lots of socks too. Dane was most happy about his new shaver/razor, remote control helicopter, and glock 9 or 40 or something like that from his mom. It was her duty weapon. The kitties got grass (that they wont touch) and a purring cat. They also got a USB fan, though that gift was originally intended for Dane. He got this fan that attaches to a USB port and then blows on you and keeps you cool at your computer. This fan must have offened Boo and Dewey because Dane can no longer turn it on....oh wait - I'm being told he actually had to put it in his laptop bag because they sought it out on the shelf and smote it. There are now two kitty tooth marks in it. Dane is NOT pleased.
• This past weekend was fun - we spent it with friends and had a great Cmas meal and gift exchange. Dane and I saw Night at the Museum last night, it was cool. I got my iPod all loaded up and now I'm going to go on my hunt. Since I can't get new clothes or bras till after my surgery, I will just focus on demolishing my Bed, Bath, & Beyond, Jo-Ann, and Office Depot cards. I'll wait to pounce on the Borders card so I can go with HG.
• New years has a Sonic's game and fireworks at the Needle in store for us, should be a good time.

That's all for now. I'll post more on work as it develops.

The Salvation Army Kicked Me in the Croutons!

I am a little nervous about work tomorrow. I'm not so sure about a work environment without RBMBA. It will definately be different. I think for now I'm just going to take things one day at a time and save the stressing for the big stuff. In the meantime, I will zip up Kroc pledges, A/R, stay on top of December's 81 million payroll entries, and start ticking away at October and November closing duties. It's nice having help with my journals and mail. To me, TSA is in a probationary period. If too much changes or not enough gets accomplished, I might get restless. I don't want to though because overall I love the Army and their mission and working for them. I get great benefits, time off, and tuition help so it would be silly of me to think of leaving. It felt so good when I read job posts to know that I hold a degree in accounting and should be able to get an interview fairly easily. Some job posts have been hard not to send my resume to even though I'm not "actively" looking. We'll see. I really don't want to leave TSA.

And if you didn't see Saturday Night Live with Justin Timberlake, then the title of this blog will seem stupid. SOUP THERE IT IS!!! SOUP THERE IT IS!!

The Northwest was hit HARD by a windstorm last Thursday that I time traveled through (till Henry, HG's beloved cat, fell from the sky onto the tv - at least that's what it sounded like). After a night at the Noc Noc, we all cabbed it back to HG's house to sleep it off. The men went to work on Friday and the gals went to the spa. But before all that and during the night, I guess Seattle got ravished by sustained 60 mph winds with gusts over 100 mph!! Can you believe that?! Needless to say, thousands were and have been without power since then, there is millions of dollars in damage to houses, cars, boats, planes, businesses, and of course people. Luckily HG's house was unscathed. Since we stayed at their place on Thursday night, we didn't know the condition of our house or even that it was really that bad. HG, RBMBA and I spent the day shopping and at the spa with little contact to the news or "outside" world. Except we did get to hear a joke from "Bad Joke Friday" (courtesy of TJ - RBMBA's other half). What kind of bee produces milk? Give up? A BOO-BEE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! :-) Anyway, after the spa, Dane and I wanted to get back to the house to assess the damage. We were prepared for the worst - no power and angry cats, but instead there was power for us and a few others on our block. We were very, very lucky. When we crossed the tunnel and got on to Lake Washington (on the drive home) there were no lights. Anywhere. It was like we were driving into the Great Nothing. It was craziness to see a whole city blacked out. As Dane was driving down the street he FLEW through a stoplight (that was obviously down) but you couldn't see. He cashed in about 800 karma points that night as we would have hit a truck if the truck hadn't seen Dane and stopped. Once we got to our house, we had NO cell service but we could squeak a text message out here and there. We managed to text enough messages to tell HG that we were okay and to meet for movies on Saturday.

Which is exactly what we did. We saw Eragon, which I liked. It was no Lord of the Rings, but it was good. The men squabbled about how "unlike the book it was". Then HG and I split off from the men so they and we could Cmas shop. It was a fun day with HG, we needed the time to talk shit about TSA and brainstorm together about how we can muddle through. We got our shopping done, save my backseam pantyhose (I can't find any ANYWHERE!!) and even got my Cmas newsletter taken care of (kinda - FedExKinko's charges one arm to use their self serve computers and one leg to print a copy - assholes, I would have spent $15 or so on 50 color copies, not $1 per page!!!). Then we bought a boatload of stocking crap at Bartell's - good times. OH - I forgot - Dane's bling bling party was postponed (due to the weather) otherwise I would have been at that. Back to the story - HG and I waited for our men to get back to their house and then decided to go to dinner separately. HG and I went to Bamboo Gardens - an all vegan restaurant by HG. AWESOME food!! It was a fun dinner complete with tomfoolery. Once we got to the Eastside, we set up shop in my art/dance room and put some good ol Cmas tunes on and had a wrapping party with wine out of mugs and straws. It was awesome. By the time we got done, it was late and SNL was on so we watched that, smoked some hookah, and then watched Talladega Nights, but I went to sleep half way through it.

Today HG made lentil bean soup that I pretty much commondeered from her. Poor thing. After she left, I kept putting more stuff in it (potatoes, brown rice, corn, tomato sauce) and before I knew it, I had more soup than we originally had! I let it cook all day and ate it for dinner then packaged the rest up thankful for the food I would have for the rest of the week as I overspent by $600 and have no idea where/how I will come up with that kind of cash. Le sigh. I may have to revisit my situation with Mr. Man. Who has purchased World of Warcraft and has not left his computer since. With the exception of 6 hours from 5am to 11am to sleep. I am a WOW widow.

That's about all that's going on these days. I'm completely ready for Cmas, all my gifts are wrapped. I have to mail my family's gifts and my newsletters tomorrow though. OH CRAP - and I need to get the wedding invites out already!! SOB!! This week is a busy one, Toy n Joy on Tuesday and audit wrap up lunch on Thursday. I'm off again on Friday and on Tuesday. I should be able to get the invites out by then. I need Dane's help and that means tearing him away from WOW. I had to schedule time with him tomorrow to help me clean the cat box. I wont even comment on that. Friday I think I'd like to go to LR's holiday burlesque show, but that's only if the man can pay my way in the door. Saturday is the Cmas celebration with HG, RBMBA, and crew. I'm really looking forward to that. Sunday I will go to a service with HG, then Dane and I will open gifts. Sounds like Nick and Jacob might come over too. It will be a nice little Cmas eve opening party. I'm really excited and happy. I love celebrating the season as I see fit. It makes it less stressful.

SOUP THERE IT IS!!! SOUP THERE IT IS!!!

The Drama That Ended All Dramas

Well, RBMBA turned in her resignation. She was the employee that the allegations were brought against and after she was put on leave, she did some soul searching and decided to leave. Good on her. I would have done the same. I'm soooooooo bummed to see her go though. I can't even imagine a work environment without her. We are least able to spend some time with her tomorrow. I'm glad too, the last thing I wanted to do was lose a friend in all this as well.

I gotta go.

Drama to End All Dramas!

Wow - I've never had drama like this in my life. I take that back, outside of the obvious (Isis, the whole relationship with her father, and Kevin), I've never had drama so bad that I was physically ill about it. I pinched my back nerve (again) so I took some pain killers, I'm sure that didn't help the nausea, but still.

Without going into too much detail because A) it's too much to type, B) it's too personal to a lot of people, and C) it will get me stressed again, I will just briefly outline what's going on and then rant and rave about how I feel about it. So you remember I said that one of the CFA's has quit? Well when she gave her exit interview she made quite a few allegations against a few people at work, one in particular. I guess the accusations carry quite a bit of gravity because the person who they were raised against has not been to work since Monday, on administrative leave of some sort. We haven't been able to contact this person at all and yesterday we had inteverviews with an outside investigator.

This outside investigator is evil. She is on a witch-hunt for the person the allegations were brought against, even though to my knowledge the allegations are completely false, have no evidence or merit, and were done out of retaliation. The Evilness basically gave me the third degree, treated me with disrespect, and had nothing but attitude for me. I was told by the Evilness that I couldn't speak to anyone about our conversation and I said "No, I'm going directly to my supervisor not necessarily about the content of this meeting, but definiately your attitude." I made sure to let the record show that I felt she was biased and unprofessional. I was so worked up over the meeting (and my back hurt so bad) that I had Dane come pick me up from work and take me home. I spoke with HR and the Finance Director before I left and voiced my concerns. Then I went home and tried to eat and vomitted my 14 tater tot lunch. :-(

Basically the CFA who left is the biggest piece of work you can find for miles. She spends all day on the phone, doesn't do her work, and says that everyone else is "favored". Well if she did her work, she'd be "favored" too, or rewarded rather. And when I say reward, I mean a pat on the back. I haven't been given vaca time or a big fat raise or anything else because I'm a superstar or favored. I'm sure in other posts I've voiced my feelings about this CFA. Just yesterday I was told that she hadn't done the September billing for DHQ store yet. No biggie, I know all the info is there, I'll do it (this is for a unit that I used to handle before the July transition). I go to do it and come to find out that she hasn't billed DHQ since I handed over the unit!! That's 4 months of billings totaling over $10,000 of money owed to the unit!!! AND THE BILLING FOLDER IS SITTING RIGHT EFFING NEXT TO OVERDRAFT NOTICES FROM THE BANK FOR THE SAME UNIT!!! In Lamen's terms, she had the info at her fingertips, spoon-fed to her to reimburse the unit so they would have cash to operate and she didn't do it so the unit suffered several overdrawn checks and such. How fucking lazy do you have to be dude?!

Anyway, high on percoset and upset over the Evilness I still managed to get the June - October billings in less than an hour yesterday. And that's the effing difference between that lazy, fat, slob and me. So call it favortism if you want, I'm fucking glad that skank ass is gone.

I'm still worried for the employee that the allegations were brought against, even if the investigation came back fine, I wouldn't want to come back to work after all this. I'm not sure if this employee will want to come back either. Poor thing. And I'm not sure how it may affect the remaining CFA's, we'll just have to wait and see. If they take away our flexible schedules, I'm going to ask to go to an hourly schedule. We'll see. I've been trying not to be too upset about anything till I know what to be upset about. With my back all hurt and crazy like this, it basically makes a nice little well for all my emotional tension to become physical tension that I can feel in my body inhibiting me from even putting my socks and shoes on. I'm so pathetic.

In other news - the surgery is still on and I've been reading up on the internet and in books on it. I'm scared. What did I get myself into? Being vegan is awesome! I love it. I eat all the time and yet still struggle to make 1400 calories a day. Plus I just plain feel better, I feel healthier, lighter, things go through my body much easier, I eat a lot less than I used to, and my cravings for bad food have completely dissipated. Even the other night on a boat party where no one knew me and I could have been the biggest meat eater (they had roast beef and smoked salmon) I chose not to be. Of course the salad had bleu cheese crumbles (no-no), the mashed taters were mashed with milk and butter (can't eat that) and even the effing broccoli was steamed with butter (WTF?!)!! So all I could eat was a couple slices of bread. We stopped at Taco Bell on the way home because I was so hungry I was ill and TB has the most vegan friendly menu of the fast food variety. I got two bean burritos fresca style (no cheese or sour cream) for $1.73. Dane said he liked this me being a vegan thing - it helps keep his wallet fat. :-)

I've got some (not all the work that I wanted to though) work done today and now I think I'm going to get the house ready for the Cmas tree, or as much as I can what with my back all fuckered up. :-(

The Decision

Well, it's done. I can't turn back now (well I can, but it would cost me). I am going to get some work done in time for the wedding. Dr. Egrari had an opening in his schedule last week and I consulted w/ him for about 2 hours. After a long discussion with Dane and sleeping on it, plus final discussions and details with friends and family, I've decided to go ahead with a few cosmetic procedures. Now that it is a reality I am scared spitless. #1 of the pain/surgery itself, #2 of the financial obligations I've created for myself for the next few years. Overall I am excited and it has given me new motivation to work out extra harder and watch what I eat. Of course adopting a vegan diet has GREATLY limited my what I put in my mouth to begin with and you can't possibly get too crazy with veggies and tofu. At any rate, I am excited. Dane is not. He is upset about the money and what it means for our wedding and overall financial position. I personally don't think he's in any position to say anything considering the purchases he's made for HIMSELF and the financial boat he's gotten into. I am paying for this stuff and don't I deserve a treat? I've been fucked over by "friends" out of money, scrimping for school, and talked out of promised stuff for too long now. It's time I do something for me. Of course if nothing goes awry (which we all know it will - something always comes up, a car breaks, a creditor knocks on your door, a pair of Dolce & Gabbana shoes goes on sale, something) then there wont be any worry. Regardless, I've decided to do it and be happy for my decision regardless of what the nay-sayers may nay.

In other news, I just found out that one of the 5 CFA's quit (we are already down by 2). So now the 4 of us will get shafted with at least another 2 units. Nice. Just when I was establishing a routine. And it's not like it will be like this for only a few weeks. Under the new policy, CFA's must be in training for at least 6 - 9 months before taking on their portfolio. So assuming we hire someone tomorrow, it will be June or August 07 before our workload is decreased. Once again, we all already have 2 - 3 units that we are already backing up for. I can't be too bitchy though, I'm reminded by the elders here (elder in seniority not in actual age) that at one time it was considered the "norm" to have 10 - 15 units. Eff that dude.

Back to work for me.