Severed Friendships

And now a moment to reflect on my severed friendships of the past. I noticed that there is a lot of grief surrounding the memories we share and there is a lot of blame, namely placed on me. I don't understand this, I really wish I did. It's taken me a long time to realize that some people just need a scapegoat and/or they need to hate you in order to move on. This I realized a while ago. What I wasn't prepared for is how long the hate has lasted. It's been well over a year since the mad drama went down in Colorado with a few people. I've made posts on this before, so in an effort not to repeat myself too much I will simply say that I definitely could have handled my conduct better, that's for sure! As for the others, I can't really speak for them or cast judgement on them. I don't understand what they were going through any more than they understand my own situation. What I can say:

To Becky (oh sh*t - I used REAL names!) - I'm so, so glad that you took that first, brave step to contact me. I know I didn't handle things well at all and I'm a very lucky person to have your forgiveness and understanding. It was so nice seeing you again. And I'm so proud of you! Look at everything you've accomplished!! You will continue to grow and shine, I just know it. I'm happy we are back to communicating, even if only in brief. And congratulations, you know what for. I'm sorry for last summer, truly, I am. And I'm sorry if I ever caused you pain and grief in your other relationships and friendships, I certainly never meant that to happen.

To Paula - I am also very sorry for how things turned out for us as well. Again, I did not handle myself well regardless of my intentions. I think I somehow got mixed up in what I thought was "protecting" Rhi (how silly can I be?!) and matters that I had no business being in. I'm really sorry for that. I guess I didn't realize at the time what I was doing. I hate that I've caused you (and others) so much pain. We might not have seen eye to eye on every subject under the sun, but I sure did enjoy your company while it was around. You too will always be a bright spot in someone's (in fact many people's) lives.

Recap - I think sometimes people just don't mix well together. Like ketchup, peanutbutter, and jelly. All three components are fabulous and have a variety of uses and they all have distinct, bold flavors. But if you combined them, it becomes a big blurry, disgusting mess. I don't know if that's because personalities, like flavors, can sometimes bring out the best and worst in other personalities, or if it's some other profound reason. What I do know is that I think I'm an okay person. And I think Becky and Paula are great people. And try as I might, I just don't think we are great people together. That doesn't mean that I don't respect and admire them though, I do. And I wish them the best. I know they deserve it.

Cheers, mates. To the great times we had.