This is funny - I've just put a post up about severed friendships (SF) and how I felt about losing communication with a few people in my life over misunderstandings and this and that and now I'm going to put up a post about another severed friendship....that hasn't severed yet. Interesting indeed.
Here's the weird part, with the two aforementioned SF's, I was not really directly involved with the severing, one out of cowardness and the other just sort of happened, with no ill words passing directly between us. An indirect severance, if you will. This time it is different. This time there has been damage done directly to me.
The scoop - without getting too messy, I know this person has wittingly and/or unwittingly talked MAD sh*t about Dane and I and how we supposedly pressured, coerced, manipulated, and oppressed this person. I know this person then vehomently denied having ever said those things when called to the carpet. I know that this person has wrecked the same havoc on a few of my very close friends after leaving my (and Dane's) life an absolute mess. I know this person thinks they are doing the right thing. I know this person has absolutely no idea what they have done.
You can't trash a person, use them for all they are willing to give you, borrow extensive amounts of time, money, resources, etc. from them without some sort of recourse. At some point there needs to be a reconciliation or comeuppance! After the better part of the year with little to no effort made and then at that only when begged, I vote this person off the island. Comeuppance for you!
So it is with that that I will knowingly and willingly severe another friendship. I wish this person the best, we've had some GREAT times together that I will always look back on fondly. But call this person a life long friend, I do not.
*sigh* I hate doing this. But I also hate how toxic people can be. I can't believe after all we've shared, and all I've done for this person that it would come to this. I can just see it now - "I was going to _____!" "I told ____ that I did ____ and that made up for it!" "But I ____ back in early spring!" "So and so did ______ to me." "I just need to find a job." "Don't you want me to be happy?!" I've heard it all at this point. I don't want to hear anymore, I just don't have it in me.
6 comments:
As much as it hurts I am proud of you for saying all the things that I simply could not, someone has to.
Someone has to let this person know that this person has severely impacted the lives of those who this person claims to love, in some very welcome ways, but also in some deeply negative and dark ways.
Someone has to say to this person, ENOUGH! You cannot abuse, mistreat, take take take and blatantly LIE (ugh, my hugest pet peeve of all) from those who love this person without some sort of response.
Someone has to inform this person that yes, we do have a right to comment because we HAVE been impacted by this persons choices, clearly and directly. We also have the right to take action and move forward.
My frustration level in the past several months has hit it's peak and while I will miss the very freeing aspects of our friendships, I will not miss the drama, the distractions, the excuses, the lies and the complete lack of ACCOUNTABILITY that this person seems to take for her actions, her behaviors...but mostly just for her damn self.
At some point, you have to take responsibility for the money that you owe people, what you've done, and pull yourself up by your bootstraps and stop allowing (manipulating?) others into caring for you. And then spinning a sad sad tale when things aren't working out as "planned."
I'm done. A part of me loves you, but I am done. A part of me wants very badly for you to succeed and heal, but I am done. A part of me wishes you the best, but I am done.
I am done, and there is a great sense of relief in that.
Word.
It's nice to know that in all of this, I still have a very good friend in you, Sarah. You are, and always will be, a life long friend for me.
Funny, but when _I_ took the steps last year to tell "this person" ENOUGH... I was voted off the island for being "too old" "too controlling" too... pretty much anything that disturbed the party life.
Hmm.
Comeuppance, indeed.
Blog, Blog, Blog, or should we say blah, blah, blah.
You two call yourselves friends? You are in dire need of a dictionary.
So here is the go, Crystal. You are in my checkbook now. Not hers.
You want phone bills paid, you send a copy of the bill. You want money paid for some loan? You send an agreement to return ALL of her belongings including car title to me.
As for your long lost friend, she was better off coming home, and that has been made very apparent by both of your behaviors here. She needs friends like you like she needs a good ass wiping. You both may be interested to know that she does not do coke here. She isnt blowing all her money at the local watering hole, and she will be going to college and getting her life together. And all of this with guidance from person's who really care about her.
So why dont both of you try something foreign. Compassion. She has enough to deal with besides your petty whining and bad behavior. Are either of you dealing with Cancer or the follow ups she needs? Crystal, I understand that you knew she needed complete bedrest but you had her moving furniture. WTF?
As her mother, I am liking the "Severed Friendship" part of this. You two do not deserve her.
You can post whatever you wish, you are officially deleted from this computer and her life.
Phone bills can be faxed to the number that she will text to you. And until I get some form of written agreement that everything you have of hers will be returned I will not pay one damn dime. You want money, do it the right way. You are not playing with a child anymore.
Oh my, like we didn't see this coming? Certainly Rhi is much to frail a condition to have her own voice in the matter? Apparently.
I'm sorry dear "Mom", but there is so so so SO much you do not know and let me tell you a little something about compassion, you who cast your daughter to the side of the road and stole from her, you who left her and didn't speak to her for how many years and caused her so much anguish? Excuse me, but Crystal and I were the ones drying her tears when you screamed horrible things to her over the phone and she was in all sorts of turmoil over her relationship with you, or lack thereof I should say.
Crystal and I loved her and gave to her in your absence.
You know nothing about me, nothing. I strive to live my life with compassion, love and honesty and I treated your daughter as such as I do everyone, even when they have hurt me. I welcomed her into my home often, to the point of it being a distraction, but we did it because we love her. I did nothing but give to her, repeatedly without question. And then she gave me a reason to question, and then another and then I caught her in several lies, and then several more and then I learned of the games she was playing with our friendship and that was it for me. And then, I learned of the hundreds upon hundreds of dollars she owes not just Crystal & Dane, but others in her life.....this isn't just about a phone bill, it's about the pattern. And when I learned that she would rather submit herself to someone who'd controlled and abused her in the past rather then try to make it on her own in the big scary world, I lost all respect for her because I saw her do this to someone I love very deeply before, with disastrous results.
My anger and frustration with her is justified, Crystal & Dane's anger is justified...no matter the excuses, she abused and misled the love of those who did and do love her. The one thing in I cannot tolerate is blatant disrespect and LIES and you daughter lied lied lied LIED to all of us.
Additionally, I DO know all about Rhi's "cancer" as I had the exact same procedure done and know all about the follow up care, you can ask her yourself...I know EXACTLY what she's going through and guess what, as long as you take care of yourself and have PROTECTED sex the HPV is VERY likely not to reoccur or cause any problems, remind her of the precautions she should be taking.
And finally about the partying, if you have ANY sort of delusion that your daughter was some little child being led around by the nose by the big bad danger adults in Colorado, you are sadly sadly mistaken. Rhi knows exactly how things went down, you do not and you have no business even suggesting that you might have a clue about what happened here because I assure you that the version you are hearing and the facts are two very very very different things.
Rhi is not a child, we never "played" with her, if anything, those who supported, loved and gave to her for several years were the ones getting played.
I could go on and on and on and on, but I just don't have it in me. The funniest thing is that I care for your daughter very deeply, I have been a good friend to her and nothing anyone can say will change the hours I spent listening to her and holding her when she was sad, or the fun times we had together or the connection we shared. BUT I am sincerely saddened by the patterns she continues to display and her reckless behavior with other peoples money, relationships, homes and emotions. She has a beautiful heart in so many ways, but so so much healing to do before she can be a good friend to anyone.
Love & Release, someone very wise learned this from some very wise and shared it with me. I love Rhi & I release her from my heart, may only the best find her. Good luck.
I love how "MOM" has all of the sudden located her OWN checkbook~ *chuckle*
Rhi has burned her bridges - by choice. She has lied, manipulated, pressured, used, abused and drank/drugged/sexed her way through more than ONE very supportive friends, and somehow it always turns out to be someone else's fault for her position.
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