Alrighty friends!! I am back but only long enough to say I'm outta here!! Rhi and I got the Montero and truck entirely packed up last night, save the coolers. We even loaded the Banshee into the truck all by ourselves. So tonight is homework, doctor's office (I have a RAW, sore throat like no other!) then pack clothes and stuff!
Tomorrow I will pick D up from the airport around 10, I can't wait. I'm so excited to see him! I had some mad, crazy sexual dreams about us last night. So not much else to say other than I am getting excited about this weekend. Most of the others in the group have already experienced a myriad of problems, we all hope it is not related to what's to come.
For anyone interested, here is the JoeAb/Moab link: http://www.fivethirty.com/Moab/2005/calendar.htm
I hope everyone has a wonderful safe weekend and lots of fun, I know I will! Love and hugs to everyone, thank you for your understanding while I was in stasis.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Friday, May 20, 2005
Disconnected
To all my wonderful friends, family, and even to my unwonderful friends and family...I am feeling very disconnected. See ya on the other side!
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Weirdo Dreams
So I had the CRAZIEST dream last night! I swear it's because Dane isn't around and all my sexual frustration has no where to go. But here is my dream (and I release all responsibility for the following dream, it is completely fictional and any representation to real people or events is completely coincidental). Oh, and the names have been changed to protect the innocent - I don't want anyone feeling uncomfortable around me cause they think I dream about them in sexual ways. ~wink~
So the scene opens to hot springs but completely natural. I have never been to one in real life but D tells me they exist in SLC. It is unclear where I am, but it seems very canyon like. So I'm in this hot springs and I'm naked. There seems to be a glowing green light underneath me, but I don't know where it could be coming from, this natural spring isn't wired. In the springs with me is an unknown man. I couldn't really see his face, but I know it wasn't Dane. (Sorry, D, that's just the way the dream went) Another woman is there, she is familiar to me, but I can't quite figure out who it is, she actually changed identities several times in my dream, but let's just call her Bertha. So it's me, Unknown Man, and Bertha. And we are talking and feet and fingers are going everywhere. I keep getting out of the springs to "do a homework problem" then come back. Bertha also keeps leaving the springs and each time she does, things get hot and heavy between me and Unknown Man. Bertha finally leaves to go get Marilyn Manson. In real life I am infatuated with MM, so I am excited that MM will be joining the springs. But when MM comes back, he never gets in the springs, instead he stands outside singing the Golden Age of Grotesque song. Meanwhile I'm backed up to the edge of the springs and Bertha is on top of me kissing me, touching me, etc. Unknown Man is behind her, kissing and touching her. I'm whispering the lyrics to the Golden Age of Grotesque song with MM as I'm pouring a Flying Dog beer over Bertha's head and licking it off. MM finishes with a canon ball into the Springs and I wake up.
I had the worst night sleep ever last night, but the best dreams. In my second round of dreams I was Samantha from Sex in the City and had no inhibitions whatsoever. I also slept around a lot in my dream. The only thing that makes sense is: I miss Dane and need him back. So basically Moab is going to be a f*ck fest for me. And if Dane isn't willing, I shall find someone else!! Maybe Unknown Man or Bertha will show up! But D and I have been talking and think he might be turning a new leaf. Well Moab will put that to the test.
Last year I tried to get him to have some crack at the Golden Crack but he refused. We'll see what happens this year. I wonder if I will instigate it (as usual) or if he will? Only time will tell! Till then, I need to purchase new batteries. You know it's bad when your battery powered tooth brush turns you on the second you turn it on. *hangs head in shame* I want my man back!!
So the scene opens to hot springs but completely natural. I have never been to one in real life but D tells me they exist in SLC. It is unclear where I am, but it seems very canyon like. So I'm in this hot springs and I'm naked. There seems to be a glowing green light underneath me, but I don't know where it could be coming from, this natural spring isn't wired. In the springs with me is an unknown man. I couldn't really see his face, but I know it wasn't Dane. (Sorry, D, that's just the way the dream went) Another woman is there, she is familiar to me, but I can't quite figure out who it is, she actually changed identities several times in my dream, but let's just call her Bertha. So it's me, Unknown Man, and Bertha. And we are talking and feet and fingers are going everywhere. I keep getting out of the springs to "do a homework problem" then come back. Bertha also keeps leaving the springs and each time she does, things get hot and heavy between me and Unknown Man. Bertha finally leaves to go get Marilyn Manson. In real life I am infatuated with MM, so I am excited that MM will be joining the springs. But when MM comes back, he never gets in the springs, instead he stands outside singing the Golden Age of Grotesque song. Meanwhile I'm backed up to the edge of the springs and Bertha is on top of me kissing me, touching me, etc. Unknown Man is behind her, kissing and touching her. I'm whispering the lyrics to the Golden Age of Grotesque song with MM as I'm pouring a Flying Dog beer over Bertha's head and licking it off. MM finishes with a canon ball into the Springs and I wake up.
I had the worst night sleep ever last night, but the best dreams. In my second round of dreams I was Samantha from Sex in the City and had no inhibitions whatsoever. I also slept around a lot in my dream. The only thing that makes sense is: I miss Dane and need him back. So basically Moab is going to be a f*ck fest for me. And if Dane isn't willing, I shall find someone else!! Maybe Unknown Man or Bertha will show up! But D and I have been talking and think he might be turning a new leaf. Well Moab will put that to the test.
Last year I tried to get him to have some crack at the Golden Crack but he refused. We'll see what happens this year. I wonder if I will instigate it (as usual) or if he will? Only time will tell! Till then, I need to purchase new batteries. You know it's bad when your battery powered tooth brush turns you on the second you turn it on. *hangs head in shame* I want my man back!!
Monday, May 16, 2005
The Cheat is Grounded
So I've had a lot of fun in my day. No regrets whatsoever! In fact, I wouldn't do one thing different because then I would have missed out on many a valuable lesson. Nope, I have had a lot of fun, learned a lot, and continue to grow every day. And I don't equate fun to drinking and getting drunk, this whole weekend for me was a blast! I swear, Colorado Springs (and the surrounding areas) are like a time warp for me. It's like going to a different world, in a different dimension, and I'm a different person. It's the closest thing to real life "virtuality" if that makes any sense at all.
Friday was a lot of fun. I must apologize to Amy though, we really were on our way to rescue her and we got just outside of the parking garage only to be roped into a bar, hypnotizing Rhi with the sounds of 2Pac. Our bad. Sorry Amy. Saturday was a lot of fun, we watched Sex in the City, ate Chinese food (our newest fad), took a nap and slowly got ready for our quantum leap.
Saturday night was absofuckinglutely an awesome time!! There would be too much to write and most of it would probably burn a hole right through this laptop it's so deliciously sinful. Actually, I think back to it and realize an odd thing. It really wasn't sinful. At all. It was just a bunch of good people, having a good time. No drama, no one was out of control, just plain fun. Now normally when I have a crazy time there is always some embarassment or silly thing I did that I am mortified about. Not this time. I kept it under control and just coasted through the night as cool as a fan. This whole "no shots" and "no more than 2 mixed drinks" is really helping me have a better grip on my drinking.
Anyways, the night was awesome. I will miss Rhi, I will miss the Morning Glory crew. I miss Dane though. I wonder what it would be like to have a crazy time with him...he always keeps me under control - I could never see him being crazy and fun. Oh well. That's what girlfriends are for, right?
Friday was a lot of fun. I must apologize to Amy though, we really were on our way to rescue her and we got just outside of the parking garage only to be roped into a bar, hypnotizing Rhi with the sounds of 2Pac. Our bad. Sorry Amy. Saturday was a lot of fun, we watched Sex in the City, ate Chinese food (our newest fad), took a nap and slowly got ready for our quantum leap.
Saturday night was absofuckinglutely an awesome time!! There would be too much to write and most of it would probably burn a hole right through this laptop it's so deliciously sinful. Actually, I think back to it and realize an odd thing. It really wasn't sinful. At all. It was just a bunch of good people, having a good time. No drama, no one was out of control, just plain fun. Now normally when I have a crazy time there is always some embarassment or silly thing I did that I am mortified about. Not this time. I kept it under control and just coasted through the night as cool as a fan. This whole "no shots" and "no more than 2 mixed drinks" is really helping me have a better grip on my drinking.
Anyways, the night was awesome. I will miss Rhi, I will miss the Morning Glory crew. I miss Dane though. I wonder what it would be like to have a crazy time with him...he always keeps me under control - I could never see him being crazy and fun. Oh well. That's what girlfriends are for, right?
Friday, May 13, 2005
In the Shadow of the Valley of Death
We have no future
heaven wasn't made for me
we burn ourselves to hell
as fast as it can be
and I wish that I could be a king
then I'd know that I am not alone
Maggots put on shirts
Sell each others shit
sometimes I feel so worthless
sometimes I feel discarded
I wish that I was good enough
then I'd know that I am not alone
Death is policeman
Death is the priest
Death is the stereo
Death is a TV
Death is the Tarot
Death is an angel and
Death is our God
killing us all
she puts the seeds in me
plant this dying tree
she's a burning string
and I'm just the ashes
she put the seeds in me
plant this dying tree
she's a burning string
and I'm just the ashes
~ Marilyn Manson (the only one who heals my angst)
heaven wasn't made for me
we burn ourselves to hell
as fast as it can be
and I wish that I could be a king
then I'd know that I am not alone
Maggots put on shirts
Sell each others shit
sometimes I feel so worthless
sometimes I feel discarded
I wish that I was good enough
then I'd know that I am not alone
Death is policeman
Death is the priest
Death is the stereo
Death is a TV
Death is the Tarot
Death is an angel and
Death is our God
killing us all
she puts the seeds in me
plant this dying tree
she's a burning string
and I'm just the ashes
she put the seeds in me
plant this dying tree
she's a burning string
and I'm just the ashes
~ Marilyn Manson (the only one who heals my angst)
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Entertainment
Alas, my love is gone
Up in he Seattle he rests
so I must put BOB to the test
But though my pleasure woes
I can live vicariously through my friends slash hoes
I rise to find the email gods have delivered this
a tale of fast moving love that you shant miss
"So we left the bar. I was pretty drunk, which probably somewhat precipitated the following events. Things had been getting somewhat hot and heavy all night, there had been a lot of flirting and the such going on. So I asked him if he wanted to come home with me. He said yes, of course. As we start to drive, I turned to him, my innocent eyes bright in the moonlight, and said "Have you ever had sex while driving?" He said no. I proceeded to remove my pants, unbutton his pants, and climb astride. At this point, he pulled over in order to fully remove his britches. Got everything situated and in position, started driving again, and bada bing bada boom. My ass kept honking the horn and my right knee was jammed in the crack between the seat and the door (and was bearing most of my weight, which is why it is so effed today). There were a couple times when he was like "Whoa! Lean to the right I can't see." Otherwise, I give it 3 thumbs up, it was a rip roarin' good time. :-)"
Le sigh. Sex is so much more fun when you are single. Even now I can't see the above story happening for me. And it's not that I wouldn't do it - I would, but it wouldn't be fun with the company I keep. He is all too concerned about the world around him and his own self confidence to "let it go" and and fun like that.
I need to find me a young, dumb, and willing 17 year old....
Up in he Seattle he rests
so I must put BOB to the test
But though my pleasure woes
I can live vicariously through my friends slash hoes
I rise to find the email gods have delivered this
a tale of fast moving love that you shant miss
"So we left the bar. I was pretty drunk, which probably somewhat precipitated the following events. Things had been getting somewhat hot and heavy all night, there had been a lot of flirting and the such going on. So I asked him if he wanted to come home with me. He said yes, of course. As we start to drive, I turned to him, my innocent eyes bright in the moonlight, and said "Have you ever had sex while driving?" He said no. I proceeded to remove my pants, unbutton his pants, and climb astride. At this point, he pulled over in order to fully remove his britches. Got everything situated and in position, started driving again, and bada bing bada boom. My ass kept honking the horn and my right knee was jammed in the crack between the seat and the door (and was bearing most of my weight, which is why it is so effed today). There were a couple times when he was like "Whoa! Lean to the right I can't see." Otherwise, I give it 3 thumbs up, it was a rip roarin' good time. :-)"
Le sigh. Sex is so much more fun when you are single. Even now I can't see the above story happening for me. And it's not that I wouldn't do it - I would, but it wouldn't be fun with the company I keep. He is all too concerned about the world around him and his own self confidence to "let it go" and and fun like that.
I need to find me a young, dumb, and willing 17 year old....
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Quick Note
I'm just going to say this, get it out there, get it out of my system once and for all (hopefully) so all my friends can be happy knowing that I will never bother them again about it (doubtful).
YOGA CURES EVERYTHING. I MEAN EVERYTHING. Whatever your aliment is, yoga cures it. Herpes of the face, junk, brain - whatever - yoga cures it. It produces the fastest results for those of you who, like me, are impatient or have high expectations. Every day is different and every day you can see your body change and be so proud of yourself. There is no competition or stuffy body builders or "perfectly shaped" humans, just regular mortals practicing to the best of their ability for that day. Yoga is also more addicting than cigarettes and Starbucks coffee.
Having said all that, today my yoga will be very slow and slight. But even if I only do 25% of my regular capacity, that's still 25% more than I would do if I didn't do it at all.
So, YOGA CURES ALL!!!
YOGA CURES EVERYTHING. I MEAN EVERYTHING. Whatever your aliment is, yoga cures it. Herpes of the face, junk, brain - whatever - yoga cures it. It produces the fastest results for those of you who, like me, are impatient or have high expectations. Every day is different and every day you can see your body change and be so proud of yourself. There is no competition or stuffy body builders or "perfectly shaped" humans, just regular mortals practicing to the best of their ability for that day. Yoga is also more addicting than cigarettes and Starbucks coffee.
Having said all that, today my yoga will be very slow and slight. But even if I only do 25% of my regular capacity, that's still 25% more than I would do if I didn't do it at all.
So, YOGA CURES ALL!!!
Friday, May 06, 2005
Intermediate
So I passed my final business law exam last night, it was much smoother than the first one. I hope to keep in touch with Mr. Krumbein, he was a great teacher. I told BCL and Jane today about my departure in August. Set things up for Joe a little more, I really hope he gets my position. I also talked to BCL about keeping her as a contact for law school admission, we talked a little bit about SU and UW, she thinks SU is a Catholic school, so I should go to UW. Fine with me, UW seems to offer more choices for masters, including concurrent programs. So the plan is to attend UW. Here's the problem, classes start in Fall and since I wont be graduating till Oct 2006, I will have to take almost a year off of school. *frown* But it will give me the time I need to focus on the LSAT and GMAT. I can get all my admissions stuff in order and ready to go. It will mean that I will have to start paying on my financial aid loans for my bachelor's degree, but that's okay, I think once I start going to school again I will be able to put that aside. It will also give me about 1 year to prepare for going to college full time. I would start law school/accounting masters program in September 2007 and it will take 3 years. So I would graduate with a dual masters in acct and law in June of 2010. I will be 30, so about 5 years behind the "curve". Then I will have what I need to sit for the CPA and bar exams. It also means that D and I would be in WA for at least 5 years. And when all is said and done I will have spent about $200,000 in tuition alone. But MAN!! Can you imagine?! JD AND CPA?!?! It would be..."lethal". So I really think I'm going to do it. I have 2.5 years to prepare - that is plenty of time. I will have to have patience, but I'm learning (slowly) that that is a good asset to have.
In the immediate future I will be training for Intermediate Accounting. Dun dun dunnnnn!!!! I will start tonight by reading 50 pages - yep look out for me, I'm a wild woman!! Reading Financial Accounting on a Friday night! WHOOOOOO!!!!! It will be nice to stay in, I plan on going out tomorrow anyway for a friend's b-day.
It's so funny, 2 years ago when I started attending UOP I remember thinking that if I just got my bachelor's, I would have "arrived". I remember dreading Intermediate Accounting even up until recently. I remember getting nervous, overcome by feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. Now here it is, my first day of IA and I'm okay. I'm not scared. I know I will do fine. Compared to what I am dreaming of now, IA seems like a vacation. I find myself now nervous about law school, the LSAT/GMAT, taking law classes, doing a concurrent masters program - it's all so scary and I'm not sure that I can do it, but my strongest supporters think I can and well, the best thing I can do is try it out. What harm ever came in that, right?
Wow, a lawyer and an accountant. I have goose-pimples just thinking about it. Then I can my doctorate in International Business Law and Accounting!! I'm going to change the world, I have to. I tried analyzing it last night, why I would feel like such a failure if I didn't change the world, and I never came to any conclusions. The point is I don't think I was cut out for the "traditional" get married, have kids, be happy with a mediocre job and the PTA. I tried that. Apparently the world/God/Goddess agree that my lot in life is not procreation. But that doesn't mean that I can't/won't have purpose. I don't know what I will do, but I won't be happy till I do it. :)
ONWARD HO!!!!
In the immediate future I will be training for Intermediate Accounting. Dun dun dunnnnn!!!! I will start tonight by reading 50 pages - yep look out for me, I'm a wild woman!! Reading Financial Accounting on a Friday night! WHOOOOOO!!!!! It will be nice to stay in, I plan on going out tomorrow anyway for a friend's b-day.
It's so funny, 2 years ago when I started attending UOP I remember thinking that if I just got my bachelor's, I would have "arrived". I remember dreading Intermediate Accounting even up until recently. I remember getting nervous, overcome by feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. Now here it is, my first day of IA and I'm okay. I'm not scared. I know I will do fine. Compared to what I am dreaming of now, IA seems like a vacation. I find myself now nervous about law school, the LSAT/GMAT, taking law classes, doing a concurrent masters program - it's all so scary and I'm not sure that I can do it, but my strongest supporters think I can and well, the best thing I can do is try it out. What harm ever came in that, right?
Wow, a lawyer and an accountant. I have goose-pimples just thinking about it. Then I can my doctorate in International Business Law and Accounting!! I'm going to change the world, I have to. I tried analyzing it last night, why I would feel like such a failure if I didn't change the world, and I never came to any conclusions. The point is I don't think I was cut out for the "traditional" get married, have kids, be happy with a mediocre job and the PTA. I tried that. Apparently the world/God/Goddess agree that my lot in life is not procreation. But that doesn't mean that I can't/won't have purpose. I don't know what I will do, but I won't be happy till I do it. :)
ONWARD HO!!!!
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Priorities
So for most of my life I have struggled with my weight. There have been a few times that I have been on the more slender side, but it was never because I was involved in anything healthy. Well that's going to change. I got my Bikram Yoga book (finally) and I'm going to start going to BY daily, at least for the next 4 months. The goal is to lose the weight by the time I shed my Colorado skin. It's perfect. D isn't around, so it's not like I'm ignoring him, I can perfectly fit it into my schedule and still be done by 6:00 and have time for dinner, chat, homework, whatever. I believe if I do this, if I stick to this one thing, I will be plenty slim in no time. I will have to modify my diet slightly as we know from last Tuesday that I need lots and lots of food energy to complete a class. But I can and will do this. Once and for all, I'm tired of doing stuff that doesn't work, all these silly fads like Atkins, South Beach, Weight Watchers, cocaine - it hasn't worked for me! But Yoga, Yoga has worked since before man knew how to record history!! And maybe for once I learn some discipline. Ya know? I just need to buckle down and stop eating so bad, filling my body w/ toxins, etc. Now this doesn't mean that I will *never* drink or eat fast food again, no it simply means that I will do it in much smaller quantities than before. I work so hard in Yoga to just go out and fill my body with poisons when I'm done. And it effects my performance, and I'd rather be a good Yogi than a great partier. And won't it be so fun to be all nice and trim for D! YES!!!
Other than that, I'm just plugging away at overtime and homework. I have my Business Law II final this Thursday, I'm sure I'll do okay. Then I start Intermediate Acct I - dun dun duuuuuunnnn!!! But I'm ready. I'm really happy. I feel focused, deteremined.
The newest NIN cd With Teeth is awesome. Courtesy of Nate in Seattle, thank you! I'm listening to it now and it has a lot of different, great sounds. Trent does a lot of shifting from speaker to speaker (if that makes sense) and toggles between electronic and real instruments. Good stuff.
Other than that, I'm just plugging away at overtime and homework. I have my Business Law II final this Thursday, I'm sure I'll do okay. Then I start Intermediate Acct I - dun dun duuuuuunnnn!!! But I'm ready. I'm really happy. I feel focused, deteremined.
The newest NIN cd With Teeth is awesome. Courtesy of Nate in Seattle, thank you! I'm listening to it now and it has a lot of different, great sounds. Trent does a lot of shifting from speaker to speaker (if that makes sense) and toggles between electronic and real instruments. Good stuff.
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