Wow - only 7 more days of singledom. I had a big plan to have one last fling in PDX but in the end chickened out. I'm going to pretend like it's because I had a choice and not so much a lack of opportunity. :-P But even if I was presented with an option to have "one last fling" I don't think I would have. And that was a turning point for me. Up until now, even though I live with Dane and we share our life together and if either of us ever compromised this relationship we have it would be ugly, it hasn't really hit me that "this is it". In my mind I've always thought that there could be others and I've even convinced myself that I could/would want others. But this weekend it was solidified. I want Dane. I was so happy to go home to him. I had a blast in PDX, it was a great time and Zac's mom is hysterical, but my life, my heart, my soul is with Dane.
So I realize that and smile cause that's a nice kind of security, ya know. And I'm humbled by the experiences of my other best friends, some are hurting, some are losing, some are sad cause their man is miles away. No matter what, I have to recognize that what I have is deep, special, once in a lifetime.
Then it hits me - this really is it. At least I hope it is. I don't want to go through the pain of a divorce. I know it is it, perhaps that's why it's so scary.
I just asked Dane if he was sure he didn't want a last fling. He asked how I could possibly provide that for him. I suggested he look in to any opportunities he might have been neglecting. To which he said there aren't any...that are neglected. *Marge noise* I didn't know those were the rules!!
So I guess I'll get married without my last fling.
In tactical news, I've been busy and this week is no joke. I've got to get my dress, get some last minute shopping items (lingerie, pantyhose, pumps, clutch, accessories, nice outfit, so on), doctor appointment, hair appointment, go to the bank, drop the foster kitties off, and all sorts of other nonsense. Thursday night we have an early night since we have to leave for the airport at a horrible hour in the am. I still need to do some laundry and pack. I'll do that on Thursday since I have the day off. Tonight we got our hands and feet all cleaned up and then went to the naked spa (for HG's b-day).
Dane says I have cold feet.
4 comments:
Eh, booty calls and last flings seem a little over-rated to me. However, I think the fact that you can explore this idea openly and come to the decision you've come too indicates that you are going in the right direction for you. I can't see you with anyone else besides Dane, that's for sure....
I hope you find some sexy lingere and make a good romp of it on your wedding night!
love you, take care. your in my thoughts and i'll be in touch with you as soon as you get home.
xo,
S
If you don't get to buy any lingerie, Champion has a Wonder Woman costume I can pick up and deliver on Saturday. Speaking of wedding night, our room isn't near yours is it? I don't know if we could stand the noise.
awww..look how cute, they love each other. swooon. sigh.
:)
What you're going through is totally normal. :)
It's funny, I can't ever ever see myself with anyone but Jamie -- and yet, I still think he's somewhat insane for not wanting to be with anyone but me. ;)
my basic philosophy is; you've found someone to put up with all of your bullflop -- and someone whose bullflop you can endure and still adore them -- then you're on your way to many years of happiness! :D
*HUGS*
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