Happy Holidays!

Christmas went well. Kinda. Dane is a Christmas Day opener and I am a Christmas Eve opener. Now on most things Dane just lets me do whatever cause I tend to be pushy like that. Though that is slowly changing (I seem to morphing into more of a submissive role these days and loving it!), I still fight for what I want pretty ruthlessly. So the C-day/C-eve thing has been a HUGE battle since the inception of our relationship. Historically the issue has been "resolved" by: if we were in SLC w/ D's mom - we did it C-day and I was a little bummed, but come on - it's still Christmas, right?! Then if we were in CO - we celebrated on C-eve. So this has worked thus far but now we are on our own. We are not going to SLC or CO for the holidays and so an ongoing argument has ensued over when Cmas opening would take place. The reason this is a fight is because Dane is actually fighting for this rather than letting me win, which is fine. Dane doesn't slap down his man card often at all. In fact, when he slaps it down, that's the end of the convo/fight/whatever. And he slaps it down so rare that I don't mind shutting up when he pulls it out. But this time I wasn't going for it. To date I have never fought back on a man card but Cmas is very important to me. Well - to make a boring story long, my mom said, when she saw the presents under our tree, "it's going to take you two days just to get through all this!". At that point there was a loose discussion and somehow in the fray it was decided that Dane and I would open "half" our presents on C-eve. Up till now when it was suggested we do "half" it was always I open all my gifts on C-eve, which is not fun for me because I get off on the giving part and the funny stories surrounding the gifts. In this scenario, we would just open "half".

So C-eve comes around and Dane and I laze about the house in sweats, eat snacks, make cookies, watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose - the usual holiday stuff. At 8:00 we decide to start opening gifts but a fight develops as to what is considered "half". After a heated discussion, Dane comes up with the brilliant idea to play a game. Using the cards and dice from Cranium, we are to answer questions in order to open a gift. If we guessed wrong, the present would be out of commission for the rest of the night. If we guessed right, we could open a gift or sacrafice our gift to "save" a discarded gift for the other to open. We did other things too like a "blue" roll/card would earn another gift, a Club Cranium seal earned another gift, a "purple" roll meant the non-opener got to pick the gift instead. So what could have been a boring "okay now you open your gift - yeah - now I'll open mine." turned into an awesome game with acting, sculpting, word games, etc. We only opened about 1/3 the gifts in the four hours we were playing, but it was a great time. We now have our new tradition.

As for gifts, I got my usual fray of gift cards - AWESOME! And a ton of other great toys, clothes, books, shoes, games, puzzles, etc. But the most wonderful, most surprising gift was a three tiered diamond heart and white gold necklace. It's beautiful - it looks like it belongs to a heiress or something. Dane said that I have the best luck w/ necklaces (not losing them or the stones in them) so that's why he chose it. I told him I am only to wear it when supervised. Dane got a whole bunch of stuff but the best stuff is somewhat private, though extremely fun in nature. He got the biggest kick out of the light up boobie and bikini butane lighter I got him.

The rest of the weekend was spent playing games with Nick and Mog. It seems so juvenille but it is true - Dane and I have more fun chilling at home w/ our 17 year old neighbor and our 30-something virgin (in every way from sex to beverages) than we do going out and getting crazy. I should rephrase that. We enjoy staying home on a regular basis so that when we go out, it makes it that much more fun.

No plan for new year's yet though we might cab it down to Daman's for food, fun, and spirits. We'll see. The other plans include sushi at Tuna House (walking distance), downtown extravaganza, mystery plans - who knows. Whatever we do, it should be a lot of fun!

U2 ROCKS!

So I had the time of my life in PDX w/ Jojo! We were so close to U2 I could have thrown my cell phone at them! They put on the best concert ever! My voice is still cracking I was screaming so loud and hard! OMG - just awesome! Jojo and I had about four beers while there - which isn't a lot untill you figure that we had no food in our bellies and each beer was 20 ounces. Put that way it explains why we were a bit tipsey (okay a LOT tipsey). We left the Rose Center and didn't even discuss which direction to go, we just decided our hotel was in "that" direction and walked there. An hour and a half and two miles later we discovered we weren't in Kansas anymore and no where near our hotel so we threw in the towel and called a cab. Jojo was smart in our soberness to grab a cab card from the cabbie who took us to the concert. We had a blast though - at one point we got into a hissy fight, though we are now unclear what we were originally arguing over, but we decided that whatever our strife was it was only going to be settled by a thumb wrestle. So there we were at midnight, in the drizzly Portland city under a street lamp on NW Northrup and NW 19th duking it out with our thumb war. I believe Jojo won.

Mom's visit here was awesome though let me tell you what happens when you put my travel luck together w/ Mom's travel luck - catastrophe!! We drove the 3 hours to Leavenworth to see the World Renowned lights, we were told "you will not be disappointed". And guess what. Apparently the "Ice Festival" was to take place on Saturday and while we were there on Friday, the streets/vendors were mandated by the Chamber of Commerce to keep their lights off so the lighting festival on Saturday would be "virgin". Mind you, the lights are on and have been on every day since Thanksgiving. Just Friday, the 16th they were off. Can you believe that sh*t?! WTF!! Other than that it was fun. Messiah was great, always a treat. We made cookies and shopped and had fun.

The kittens are almost 100% healthy. I was surprised to learn they are already over 3 months old and altered! Vets can alter cats at 1 and half pounds these days!! Shocking but necessary. So we get them over Christmas but probably not through the new year. Boo hasn't talked to us since we got the kittens. We tried introducing our cats to them last night but that went over like a lead ballon.

Work is going well - in fact I should be doing that right now but you know. :-) My review went swimmingly - I'm happy but only briefly as I only have 15 working days to close November and December - yikes! I guess that's what I get for joining the real world. I'm in the C-I-T-Y now!!

Amy is visiting in January - hello AWESOME!!!! I can't wait to show her off and around. There are a ton of veggie places here that I know she will love. Not to mention fun things to do on a normal basis! Steven will be in town next weekend for the new year, it will be nice seeing him. I can tell he's changed a lot. I imagine I would too if I were in his shoes. I can't wait to see him.

And - the best news! So Dane has been taking classes for and trying to get his certification for Remedy. This is a covetted cert as it takes well over $10,000 to obtain and you have to have company sponsorship. The classes and exams are brutal - I liken it to the CPA exam for accountants and the bar exam for lawyers - for him this is IT. So while Mom was here, he was taking the final exams and application presentation. He was worried and fretful that he wouldn't pass. He thought for sure that he would be either taking it again or barely squeaking by. Well - on Tuesday he got word from Remedy that not only did he pass, he passed with the highest score ever recorded in Remedy history!! Not in his company, IN THE ENTIRE WORLD OF REMEDY!!!!!! He got a 97.5%!! Can you believe that?! Awesome! My mom and I asked him what sort of laziness did he possess to screw up and not get 100%. Hee hee. So Dane is absolutely gleeful. Then, as if that wasn't good enough, on the same day he went go-karting w/ his colleagues at WaMu and won 1st place complete w/ trophey. And if that wasn't all he needed - his boss emailed him yesterday and said "your annual review is in January and your salary review is in April - let's combine the two and meet on Jan 3rd". I AM SO PROUD OF MY HONEY!!!!!

We went to the Melting Pot last night to celebrate our greatness (okay mostly his because I don't feel so great these days) and had a wonderful time. We are so happy. I can't wait to spend this Christmas alone w/ my honey. BEAM!!!!

KITTENS!!

These are our kittens!! We are foster parents for the Seattle Humane Society and we picked up a litter of sick kittens on Saturday. It's really quite sad actually. They all have eye infections, colds, and are getting over gardia (sp?). The two girls (the ones in the hammock) are the worst - their eyes are crusty and inflamed but the boys are doing well. We have to give them cold medicine and eye goop twice a day, so Dane and I are up early and late each day/night. So far they are staying in the spare bedroom right next to ours- we decided we wanted to hear if anything was going awry and it will be nice for our guests to have a room that is private (ie: downstairs).

Speaking of guests, my mom is arriving this Thursday!! We are taking her to Mizo - Japanese Steakhouse which is a hibatchi style steakhouse near the airport for her birthday. Then I am taking off work early on Friday and we are driving two hours into the Cascades to the Bavarian town Leavenworth (LW). I'm told LW has a Christmas/holiday light display that is ranked one of the top in the nation. Saturday we will make cookies and take the kittens for a check up then go to Handel's Messiah symphony. Sunday I'm taking her to Pike Place Market and West Lake Center. She leaves Monday which is when Jojo and I will leave for PDX to go see U2 in concert at the Rose Garden - I'm so excited it hurts!!

I'm also extremely stressed. I have to close October and November for my six corps by this Friday. At this point it will be impossible. I really didn't know what I was getting in to when I accepted this job. I do love it though - the strain is exciting because I know I will not be reprimanded or scolded for not having my stuff done. I'm granted a lot of lee-way and my trainer and peer Heather has been oh-so-patient with me. She will cover any of my slack - I totally owe her lunch. :-)

Other than the kittens, preparing for Mom to come to town, and work there isn't much to report. However, I would like to say how much I absolutely, completely, and udderly, irrevokably love love LOVE my Dane. Watching him with the kittens has made me fall in love with him all over again. This started out being my "monkey" but he totally loves animals, especially cats. He cares for those kittens so much! He helps me medicate them, helps me spend time with them, feed them, clean them, everything. He even helped me purchase supplies and stuff for them. I think about what other guys in my past would have done and they don't even compare to Dane. They would have been irritated or indifferent, not the kind, compassionate soul Dane is. Another reason I love Dane = I'm totally stressed about cleaning the house for my mom and having time to close the books at work and drive my car up the 40% grade downtown Seattle hills, and what to eat, and what about the girl kittens, and this and that. And he calms me down - always. I picked him up today and he had a Starbucks to "help me get up those hills". I came home to clean and he grabbed the mop and bucket without me saying anything. I decide to starve till my work gets done, he brings me nourishment. Then, as if that wasn't already enough, he says to me "You know - why don't we just get a maid. Then you don't have to worry about cleaning." *mouth drops open* Wow. Just wow. Want another reason? He has totally helped w/ all the Christmas stuff right? AWESOME. But now he and I are making a gingerbread house together. What guy would do that?! Few that I have been with! Except we are both perfectionists and he's not putting the frosting on neatly and I'm not "holding the roof it in the right place." It's funny the things we are obsessive-complusive about.

Well - we are off to decorate the gingerbread house - maybe it will make the blog cut. HA!

Where Birds Go to Die

Dane has always wondered - where do birds go to die? He remarked that you see thousands of live birds but comparatively low amounts of dead birds. Therein lies the question - where do birds go to die? As many of you may know - I have a complete and entirely irrational "thing" about birds. Don't know why, I just do. They always sit in large packs, just sitting, just doing NOTHING! As my long-ago friend once pointed out "they are plotting". I can tell you all the places the birds are here in WA - they are on the booies, on the 3 highway signs for Exits 2A and 2B plus the ferry sign, on the power lines by the Pacific Rim (the lines run BLACK with birds - I'm not lying!), and on the perimeter of the old, abandon brick building off I-5. And they are there everyday. Sitting. Waiting. All facing the same direction day in day out. Everyday. Sitting.

Clearly I need help, but let's not digress. So yesterday Dane drops me off and we see a crow picking at something that is determined to be the right wing of a bird - hello GROSS! But whatever, as Nigel says on Finding Nemo "birds gotta eat, fish gotta swim, right?" So today I'm walking to work and see another crow (probably the same cannibal) picking at something. When I walk next to it I see that it is the spine, breast bone and both wings of a bird hollowed out with bits of bloody, meaty flesh and full feathered wings. DISTURBING. So I take a picture with my phone and send it to Dane, answering his question - where do birds go when they die - they get eaten by other birds on the spot.

OMG - so I totally had this great metaphor for this story and I EFFING lost it in telling the damn thing! *smacks head* D'oh!!

Well the thing that is on my mind is old friends and altercations. Dane and I were talking about a friend of his that was a lot of fun and we had good times with. There was a falling out and we didn't talk for a while, but now that's all water under the bridge. Dane and him talk now, but it is always at bay and their friendship will never be the same. So naturally I thought of my friend divorces. *sigh* I don't take (never did) these divorces lightly and at times the aftermath wears on me. So often I've wondered how these people are, if they wonder about me, how things could have been, and "what if". I think about how things played out and what that means now.

More than anything I realize my mistakes. I realize that I didn't handle things well. I was a coward in many cases - most all of them. I sit here and wish I could talk to them, put a bandaid on "us" and make it better but I'm even too much of a coward for that. What was it - the lion on the Wizard of Oz that wanted courage? That's me. Actually if there was a combo WOO character that lacked all three, the courage, the heart and the brain - that would be me. Wait - there was one - the Wicked Witch of The West....Ironic that I live in the West? NO! Coincidental that my friends call me to sing the WWTW theme song? NO! (Actually ladies - that was funny and I still maintain that that would be my theme music if I could have theme music). I realize that I was very immature in my relationships. I realize that I had an agenda that including proving myself to be right all the time, proving to others that I know what I'm talking about (I don't), and that their ways are wrong (because mine are so right - *sarcasm*). I really lament how things turned out and wish I could go back and click "undo". The trouble is I can't.

What I have learned is to be cautious in my new relationships. I hesitate to say much to Jojo for fear that I will offend her or squander her budding relationship with her partner. I'm so afraid to say anything that it almost seems like I'm not listening - at least if I were her I'd feel like I was being blown off. Thing is - I think she's doing great and all her concerns are valid, run-of-the-mill issues that will blow over like a small storm. But I can't say that her problems are small and will fix themselves when it's very obvious that they aren't small at the time and she is in need of fix, even if that's just a friend smiling and saying "it will be okay". I just feel so confused. I'm torn by the thoughts and expressions of the friends in my past and the compassionate desire to help a friend a need. To be protective and comfort her. I'm so afraid I'll say the wrong thing and hurt her or she will have resentment for me that will take the shape of "F U C" months from now. I never want that again! I never wanted it to begin with! I'm anguished that I ever caused anyone so much grief! I'm so afraid to speak, I don't say much at all.

I am learning that silence really is golden. Even though at times I feel like I could be contributing more, I keep silent. Or try to anyway. Sometimes it's a losing battle for me.

I guess the bottom line is: I have deep remorse for how I've divorced some of my friends in the past. I wish I could find a good way to express myself without pushing the boundaries, coming off defensive, or pressuring them into any sort of obligation. Maybe a letter, but I don't have their addresses. Email is....email is on the fence for me, though that may be my only medium. Perhaps on Christmas Eve when I'm drunk with generous spirit and goodwill towards men/women I will send an email 'o oops. Till then, I'll rack myself with guilt and come up with more ways to prevent another divorce.

To all my friends and family who have ever experienced a divorce, of any kind or color, I'd like to say that I sympathize with the pain you must feel. And I only feel it on a very small scale - I cannot imagine the excruciating process of a formal severance. Stay strong friends! I, too, will try to stay strong.

Under New Management

HA! I had to laugh at my own joke about technical difficulties and "our executives" in meetings to discover resources and how to manage time better. That cracks me up.

Well I've had a great weekend! After work on Friday, Dane and I went to the Westlake Shopping Center. For those outta-towners, WLC is like a HUGE mall downtown. I hesitate to compare it to the 16th Street Mall in Denver but WLC could be considered a cousin of 16th Street. WLC is larger, covering about 6 square city blocks or so (it's not a perfect square). The streets are coblestone and the sidewalks are marble in places. It's an experience on any normal night, but Friday was host to a Christmas Caroler (sp?) sing off! Every 40 feet a group of carolers were singing! The streets were blocked off and there were thousands of people - so many that the police were directing the crosswalks and traffic. We got our shopping done and then it was off to home where it was warm and cozy with friends and fun. I'm addicted to the game Settlers of Catan. We stayed up till two playing other games and chatting.

Saturday Dane and I separated and went Christmas shopping for each other and a few others on our list. I got most of my shopping done and even found an interesting store right in my neighborhood but I can't say - prying eyes might spoil the surprise. *wink* But when in the store I got a call from my lovely friends Sarah and Rhi in Colorado who never forget to remind me when they think of me. If I called them everytime I thought of them or was reminded of something we did or when I missed them then I would never get off the phone! Yes, it's always nice to hear from my CO friends. I've prepared for the worst which is people just forget about you, outta sight - outta mind, so I honestly expected that from everyone. Then I quickly realized, a realization that I've had MANY times but somehow never get the message, that my friends in CO are treasures and they aren't going to simply vanish just because I'm not there in physical body. Bless you lovely Colorado Cuties! :-)

Of course there is my wonderful blessing of a friend here in WA - Jojo. She lost her cell phone on Friday night so when she didn't call, I figured she got busy. By Saturday night I was worried. I left her a message and hoped for the best. After Dane and I shopped our tails off and ate dinner at Daman's we decided it was time to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - by far the best of the 4 movies! Once home we stumbled on Jojo's present to us - the poor thing couldn't call me cause she didn't know my number so she drove down to see me and drop off some cookies she made earlier that day when she was visiting another friend in the area. HOW SWEET! Turns out she has a PDA through her new j-o-b and I was able to call her on that and talk for a couple hours before bedtime - it was an amazing conversation. I am truly lucky to have found such a wonderful friend so quickly here in WA.

Sunday was spent doing homework, making and mailing holiday newsletters. I realized today in a cold sweat that I used the wrong word. I said C&C was a right-to-die activist organization. D'oh!!! I meant to say and I thought I put advocacy. Oh well. There are only a few people who will notice and of the few that do, there is only one person I can think of that will contact me solely to say "YOU MADE A MISTAKE!!" Oh well, when that happens I'll say "Good catch! Thanks!" and let it go, nothing I can do now. *smacks forehead*

Yesterday was AWESOME!! I went to a local Greek restaurant w/ Jojo and 2 mintues turned into 4 hours of chatting! I swear - this girl is a treasure. ALL of my girlfriends are treasures - Peck, Amy, Sarah, Rhi - they mean so much to me, I couldn't live and be happy or complete without each and every one of them. And it is so nice to add another unique, beautiful individual to my full house of amazing friends. I really am the luckiest girl in the world! Between my beautiful babes and my magnificant Mr. Man - life is good.

And of course there are my CATS! I went to the Seattle Humane Society tonight for my volunteer orientation. I will become a foster parent within the month. Rhi's room will be transformed into the foster kitty's room. I can't wait.

Work is good - I spend every morning putting out fires and if I'm lucky I can get to my routine tasks in the afternoon. I am supposed to close October and November in a week and a half. I have no idea how to do this "the Salvation Army way" and I'm ladden w/ other chores and the audit. And my review depends on it. It has been such an adjustment for me to switch to such a large company. I feel like no matter how productive I am, I get nothing done. I know I won't be docked for not getting this stuff done, but I want to have it done so I look good. It may mean that I have to work a little bit on Sunday this weekend or work late next week. I'm preparing for my final in the Constitution class and I need to prepare for my mom's visit. Plus Dane's holiday party is this weekend. Busy busy busy for Miss Crystal. I'm glad I got most of my shopping done already otherwise I'd never have time to do it.

Going to see Narnia this Friday - CAN'T WAIT!!!!! Other than that all is well in Washington. Stay tuned for more updates as interesting stuff happens.

**STATIC**

Please be patient while we experience technical difficulties.....Stay tuned!