Since April I have made a lot of choices. And every choice I have made I have countered, buckled on, withheld, defended, let go, retreated from, come back to, thought about, jumped into, and mulled over till there was nothing left to do but accept the choice(s) I made. Then during a yoga session it dawned on me. I can accept my decisions without all that hoopla. Huh. What an interesting concept. And not only can I accept my decisions, I can think about them before I make them rather than doing everything NOW NOW NOW.
Since that yoga insight I have learned to respond instead of react. I have been quietly reflecting in and listening to my breath and my inner voice. And you know what?! Not everyone will agree with what my breath and voice says. And that's okay. I understand that everyone has their own life and their own choices to deal with. And more importantly I understand that only the individual has to live with the choices they make. If Sally decides to do ____, then Beth can accept Sally's choice and respond accordingly or not at all. And Sally may or may not like how Beth responds to her choice. But it is Beth's response and choice to make for herself. Sue, an outsider, might have tons of wisdom to dispense on both Sally and Beth and Sue may or may not agree with either, but it is her choice to remain silent or speak out. Everything in life is about choices. Is it any wonder that I work for a nonprofit that advocates for personal choice?
It's important to realize and respect an individual's choice, whether you agree with it or not. The name of the game is not to draw forces against each other, or to be bitter, or plot revenge. The name of the game has always been respect the ones you love and/or interact with. If no respect exists, or breaks down under certain circumstances, then at least respect the individual's decision/response to protect themselves in the future from disrespectful situations.
Obviously this entry stems from recent events in my life. Let's not dance around this or try to imagine what it is. I am not going to claim that this entry, while closely resembling a certain situation actually is about another completely unrelated situation. Nope - I don't need to hide behind a veil. This blog entry pertains to events that unfolded last weekend.
I would like to mention that I am very sad to have made the choice that I made, but I feel that I made the right choice for me and my partnership with Dane and the well-being of my long-term friends. It was not an easy choice and came after much meditation on the matter. After considering the facts, the decision I made best suited the circumstances. I did not want to simply "drift" away without my reasonings being known. That is not beneficial or progressive for anyone. Additionaly I would like to say that I hold nothing but best regards and warm thoughts for the person most effected by my individual choice. She is an amazing woman - beautiful inside and out. I am sorry to have surrendered our friendship.
Why did I do this you ask? Why would I give up on something that I love? I'll tell you - I LOVE fatty foods. I used to eat Popeyes, MacDonalds, fast food of any kind all the time and I'd top it off with a regular soda!! But after a while, my body changed and it became obvious that fast food was no longer good for me no matter how much I loved it. *sigh* So I gave it up. I found other, more healthy replacements sure, but every now and again I wish I could just pick up a quarter pounder with cheese and love every minute of eating it but I can't. Not as long as I know what it does to me internally.
