Thursday, July 28, 2005

Time Travel

Peck is in town. Really the blog would be complete with that first sentence, but for story's sake I'll divulge.

So I met with Rhi at Lodo's and we quietly drank a beer waiting for Peck, Amy, and Dee to show up. They showed up one by one during the second beer and we sat and chatted, caught up, played music trivia, and heckled the Time Warner employees from all over the states: Memphis, Orlando, Atlanta, Manhattan, Santa Barbara, Orange County, Portland, and a few others. Before I knew what happened, we were toasted!! Dancing, talking to everyone at the bar, play fighting, text messaging Dane in incomplete thoughts and sentences. It was a great time!!! I got home around 1 I think and immediately passed out on the lawn. After bugs started crawling up my legs I decided to muster up all my strength and sobriety and make it up to my room or inside at least. I staggered up the stairs and crashed into poor Sam's door, waking him up. I passed out there for a while, Sam came out and was like "Wow. On a Wednesday?" I finally made it to my room and that was it. Dee and Peck came over soon after that and Dee helped me take off my jewelry and jacket and put a cold cloth on my head. She was going to put me in the bed, but we all stopped her from making that mistake. That's the last thing I remember. I time traveled to 7:30 am and then jumped into bed and slept till 10 arriving at work at 11:45.

In other news, it sounds like I have a real shot at the Salvation Army job - I will post more as the information comes in.

Note to self: do not forget to pick up Dane tonight. YEAH!!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

All I've Ever Wanted

So we all know that I have been confused and scared lately for a variety of reasons, namely - I am moving away from all that is secure and known to a place that is literally exotic compared to what I am comfortable with. I am scared of the constantly changing relationship I have with Dane. We all know that I sought some sort of comfort with Blue then quickly realized that I didn't want to push the boundaries with Dane. So in an effort to allieviate the confusion and find a ground zero I met with Dane in Portland for a rendez-vous.

I flew standby to PDX and got on the 8 o'clock flight by the skin of my teeth. I arrived in Portland and immediately went to work at the C&C PDX office - this was cool because I was able to log a full days work, get stuff done at the PDX office at little expense to the company. I spent the afternoon training Kelly and waiting for Dane. We met up at 5:30 and went to the Mark Spencer hotel, the only hotel available. We got ready, I wore my new black cocktail dress that Dane purchased for me the last time he was in Denver but in my haste to pack, I neglected to pack a pair of undies and each time the wind flared up, so would my dress. On top of that, I only packed what I was going to wear, nothing extra - a first for me, I always pack extra stuff "just in case". I didn't even pack my glasses - I had no room. Well my one and only black halter top with built in bra combusted, so I had no shirt for Saturday. So Dane and I made a B-line for a mall to look for undies and a shirt. We found a mall downtown and luckily Express had a really cute top on sale ($14.99) and across from Express was Victoria's Secret where I found the most comfortable, perfect thong ever!!!! With the crisis adverted, Dane and I walked to 4th and Washington to a Greek restaurant that had great food and live entertainment. We listened to Greek music, danced and participated in Greek traditions including flinging plates and the famous "Oupa!" shots. It was a great time. I ended up drinking more than I should have so Dane and I called it an early night.

Saturday we walked the Pearl District, got my nails fixed and a pedicure, ate lunch at a great Chinese restaurant, drank Starbucks on the street car, browsed used book and clothing stores, and then made our way to the hippest boutique hotel in Portland (how Dane pulled strings to get us in is beside me) the Jupiter Hotel. Think college dorm meets Travelodge. People would pull kegs into their rooms, leave the doors wide open, party all night, urban decor, awesome awesome place. Except I had a killer headache and my eye was swollen and red. We took a nap then decided to find a place to eat. Not convinced that the food at the Jupiter would be any better than a greasy spoon pad, I wanted to walk around. Dane thought we should stay. We walked around for almost 2 hours over 35 blocks and found nothing worth while. We finally went back to Jupiter exhausted and sat down for dinner to find ourselves having amazing food at amazing prices. I had to smile at myself and the situation and the irony of it all. I put my fork down, grabbed Dane's hand and said "Sometimes you have to look all over town at what's available to discover that what you wanted most was right there all along, all yours." He sat there stunned for a moment then admitted that he wasn't sure what to feel but that it was an astounding analogy. I smiled, he smiled and we enjoyed the rest of our night very quietly admist the partiers of Portland.

Sunday we made the most of our urban, freaky room before checking out. We took a cab to the Lloyd Center and arrived just in time to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. During the trailers, the lights came on and the movie stopped. Confused, we looked around to find that a woman in the back row had died - not breathing, not moving, just sitting there mouth agape. There was no panic, just silence, stillness, and confusion. Dane and I were wondering why no one was doing anything but almost instantly the paramedics arrived. An older man claiming to be the woman's son said "Please do not rescusitate her, I have her DNR orders right here, this is not the first time this has happened." The paramedics obliged and moved to pick her up and move her out of the theatre, when they did so, the woman's neck flopped forward and it was obvious that she was not alive. I ran out the theatre to fake stand in line at the concession stand just to see if the paramedics would honor her wishes. Normally paramedics don't (and shouldn't) honor DNR orders. A piece of history, DNR orders are for people who are already admitted into a hospital for a procedure or surgery of some sort, they are not meant to be honored in emergent situations where you are not stabilized. But in this case the son had the orders and provided all the information necessary and we all just stood around and waited patiently and compassionately for the woman to die. When she was pronounced dead, they put a blanket over her and wheeled her away, the son apologized to the theatre who in return shouted their condolences. The staff members passed out free movie passes for the "inconvenience" and the movie went on as planned. After the tramatic events and the good humored movie, Dane and I walked to the mall but could not stash our bags anywhere while we shopped. Instead we noticed an ice rink and it just so happened to be public skating. We rented skates and had a very impromptu, romantic afternoon ice skating. Afterwards we left each other, I to the East on the Max, Dane to the West in a cab. I was bound for a plane, he for a train.

It was sad leaving him again, but not quite as bad this time for I will see him again soon. I maintain that airports are the place to go to pick up on people - once again I was hit on at the PDX airport, I was flattered and embarrassed. I always feel bad when guys have enough guts to ask me out and I have to tell them that I have a partner. It makes things so awkward. I got a seat on the plane right away and slept most of the way back to Denver. Once home (for now) I talked to Peck all the way home, she is in town this week. We had fun and giggled and made plans for the week.

All in all it was a good weekend. I'm less confused now and things are settling back into place. I interviewed with the Salvation Army for an hour yesterday - first time I wore a tank top, Cubs hat, and smoked during an interview (I like this whole phone interview thing). We'll see if I hear back from them. I'm nervous about joining such a right wing religious nonprofit, but the Salvation Army is as people-compassionate as one can get. I'm not sure, we'll see.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

THESE are the facts.....

I love Dane. I miss Dane. My life is with Dane.

I am freaking out because I am scared. I am scared he will leave me now that he's well-to-do and can find someone better so I prepare a plan B, or Blue as the case may be. I am scared to leave Denver, I am scared to start a new life in a new city far away from all that is comfortable. I am scared to admit that this long-distance thing is really hard. I am scared to admit how much I really do love Dane.

Faced with the tormenting thought that he might not be around or that I might do something to compromise our relationship brought me to my knees in tears. I can't imagine losing him, especially to someone as silly as Blue. Blue is not even 1/10th the man Dane is - I'm such a silly woman. I am just scared and acting out.

Immediately I booked a flight to go see Dane this weekend - I have so much to do at home but I will lose my mind if I don't see him...NOW!!! I didn't even think about it, I just booked the flight and now we have all these arrangements to make and who is going to care for the cats and where will we stay - it's totally crazy!! I don't do stuff like this. But I have to see him, I have to. I can't wait another week, I don't care what I have to do or push off till next week or whatever - I HAVE to see him.

So toodles Blue, you are a great man - but I have an even greater man who is already in love with me and who I love back. There is no room for Blue in my black and white relationship with Dane. Only lots of polka dots. :)

Sleepless in Seattle or Confused in Colorado

I am totally confused and I have absolutely no reason to be. Here are the facts:
1. I love Dane, he is my life partner, I am moving to Seattle to be with and grow old with him.
2. I am attracted to a blue collar, divorced man with 3 kids and a Datsun.

When I follow my thoughts through to conclusion, there is only one - but it doesn't clear any of my confusion. And then THAT confuses me why I am so confused?!?! I think "why am I even confused, I've been with Dane 4 years, I've seen Blue 4 times." But I can't explain it. He constantly probes me about Dane and what am I going to do and "if things were different". I just stare at him and think - "what am I doing". I look at him and all I can do is think of Dane. Every word that comes out of Blue's mouth is compared to what D would say. And I think - so what's the deal Crystal, why are you confused.

Then I get depressed and crawl into a dark place and wonder what is wrong with me. After doing a lot of soul searching last night I am still confused, but I realize that I am probably just going through some weirdo emotions because Dane is gone. Yeah sure Blue is sexy and a perfect gentleman and the amount of respect he has for me and Dane and our relationship makes him that much more attractive to me, but Dane is....Dane is...WOW. Dane is my Mr. Man. No one can replace him. No matter how good looking or how strong the mental connection is.

I love my Dane. I miss him. I want to be with him. *SIGH*

Friday, July 15, 2005

Going Away

This weekend is my last weekend to cut loose. After this it's all work and no play. I planned my summer so that I could relax and have fun the 1st half and then work hard the last 6 weeks to complete all the tasks necessary to move. In retrospect I am glad I planned it that way. May and June were all about partying hard, whooping it up, and acting bad cause "dad's gone" (his words, not mine). Well now all that has worn off and I'm sitting here like "I really miss Dane" so luckily there has only been a few weeks of missing Dane and shuffling my feet around wondering what to do and where to go. After this weekend, I have my work cut out.

So here is my itinerary for the next 6 weeks/weekends:

3rd weekend in July: Dinner with Vince and Joe from JoeAb, SATC, lots of yardwork/cleaning, going away party at Bennigan's and Brunswick Zone in Lone Tree, Donor Dash, Botanic Gardens, and homework.

4th weekend in July: Organize and price all garage sale items and move into the garage, go through already packed/stored items and organize or prepare a trash/donation run, Zach's 2nd b-day, homework, yardwork.

5th weekend in July: Dane is in town to help with packing and pricing his garage sale stuff and stuff to take with us, move the heavy stuff into the garage for the sale, develop a packing/organizing method to easily ascertain what is in what box and where it will be located, pack the stuff we don't need.

1st weekend in August: Garage sale round 1 on Friday, round 2 on Saturday. From 7 - 2 (or later) Rhi and I (with special guest help) will be manning the garage sale. Other than that, we will do yardwork and rest!

2nd weekend in August: If I need to, I will have another garage sale on Saturday. If not, then I will make a couple trips to the Goodwill. Then once the garage is clear, I will start moving already packed boxes into the garage for easy loading.

3rd weekend in August: Rhi's dad will be in town, so I imagine I will go out once or twice with them to the Cubs game and maybe another place. Otherwise I will be packing up every room in the house save the bedroom furniture - I will pack the loft, computers, tv room, books, dance room, misc living areas, my clothes, most of the bathroom, all of the kitchen, most decorations. Rhi and I decided that the 3rd week in August would be "Honor Take-Out Restaurants" week where we would celebrate restaurants that offer take-out by eating take-out with plastic-ware. Actually all our dishes and cooking utensils will be packed.

4th weekend in August: Pack the bedrooms, pack any remaining stuff, move boxes into garage, clean the house like no tomorrow, stain the scratches on the doors, have a moving party on Sunday at 6:00 with pizza and beer where everyone comes over and for one hour we move all the stuff from the garage into the rental truck and then enjoy food and drink and fellowship.

August 29th, 9:00am: Push off for Seattle via SLC and Umatilla, WA.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Six Minutes

In six minutes I will begin training again. So this will be fast. The weekend was nice - I've had some pretty confusing times this last week. I think it has to do with:
1. Dane coming and going
2. Outside influences
3. Tons of homework, housework, errands, and chores
4. No time to do yoga in over a week
5. Training Joe and the overwhelming task of replacing myself (that sounds worse than I mean it)
6. The "whoo-hoo Dad's gone" has worn off and I really miss Dane
7. I've lost weight but kind of let my diet plan slip away

All these things have contributed to a very irritated, depressed, confused Crystal. I will write more later as things become more clear to me and I have sorted out my feelings. I look forward to yoga tonight and so far my diet is back on track. I have also deleted some outside influences that have contributed to my confusion - I felt better immediately.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Life

*sigh* I think the rep I have is somewhat unearned. I have this reputation for needing to control things and being bossy and whatever. Here's my take on it - some of the best managers and seminar leaders will tell you that delegation is one of the hardest things to learn for managers. Well I have that skill down pat. I also know that when I delegate things that it is my responsibility if they screw up. So I delegate the easy stuff and complete the rest on my own. Call me controlling but shit gets done and gets done right most of the time. Every now and again something slips through the cracks or in rare circumstances when it is not appropriate for me to control things, I let it go and hope for the best. And time and time again I am disappointed. Then I have to realize that what is easy to me is not easy to others. It is my fault that things didn't turn out right, or rather "the way I wanted them". I take a deep sigh and realize that I should have just handled things. It's not a big deal in the small picture, but I am not a small picture person - I always look at the whole forest, not just the trees. For me small events similar to the ones mentioned above only affirm my fears of delegation and NOT controlling things. I don't know what to do!! Should I just let go and let everything fall to shit?! Should I control more?! ARGH!!! I will now share something my dad wrote to me, it's what I read in times like this:

"The point I have been working toward, is that although you are one of the most brilliantly gifted persons I know in your strengths, you will never be able to fully attain alone, you need a team. Your team members are (in order of importance): your life partner, your family, your friends, your associates at work. Anytime you degrade any of your team members openly or in your mind and attitude you also degrade yourself. The closer they are to you on the team chart, the more it affects you. Anytime you see someone stumble in something you are strong in, like your dad misspelling a word or your boyfriend lacking a little organization, resist the urge to react critically of them. Because there are things you are weak in, like economics, and there are things they are strong in, even if it is only keeping their cool when you have lost yours."

Thursday, June 30, 2005

8 Truths and 2 Lies Revealed

1. I think Marilyn Manson is sexy.

True - I admire his musical and artistic talent as well as his unique identity. I think his work is powerful. He is not afraid to break free of the Hollywood norm and that is a very respectful trait.

2. Birds stress me out.

BIRDS ARE FAT CREATURES THAT DON'T DO ANYTHING!!! THEY ALWAYS SIT AROUND IN THE MOST OBSCURE PLACES AND JUST SIT THERE AND DON'T DO ANYTHING!!! OR WHEN THEY ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING - IT'S WEIRD!!! AND THEY ARE ALWAYS IN CLUSTERS JUST MILLING AND DOING NOTHING!!!!

3. I failed math in high school.

This is true. I had to take Algebra I and II at the community college the summer after I graduated in order to get my diploma. And now look at me! HA!

4. My high school sweethart was Isis' father.

This is a big, fat negative. My high school sweethart was Brendon C. - a wonderful, gentle human being. Isis' father is Mike N. That's the nicest thing I can say about Mike.

5. I love love love Sex and the City.

Yes yes yes!! SATC is a great, entertaining yet somewhat realistic show that has great stories and connections and dynamic. I really feel like I am friends with those women - great, captivating show!!

6. I have matured and calmed down a lot in the past 2 years.

Believe it or not, this is true. It's actually not that hard to believe, most people tend to calm down and mature over the years with age and wisdom. Alas, I too am subject to this trend.

7. I get a pedicure every two weeks.

False!! I get a manicure every two weeks. If I could afford a pedicure both in dollars and time, then I would get one every two weeks, but I have never habitually received pedicures.

8. I am a Denver/Colorado native.

Word.

9. I am very active in my community and support a myriad of nonprofits, charities, and other volunteer projects.

This is true. I am a member of the Botanic Gardens, Colorado Mountain Club, and Compassion & Choices (as well as work there). I contribute my money to the aforementioned organizations as well as Denver Rescue Mission, Child Help USA, Donor Alliance, and a variety of other random charities at nonmaterial amounts (Children's Hospital, Susan B. Komen Fund, etc.). I have volunteered at the Botanic Gardens, Children's Hospital, Compassion & Choices, and Donor Alliance. Nonprofits are GGGGRRRRRR-E-A-T!!!!

10. Dane and I have been together going on 4 years.

We celebrated 3 full years together this year in Seattle in April when we visited our new home for the first time together. As we progress through the year, we are celebrating our 4th Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, Christmas, etc. It is quite fun to look back and reminence about what we did each year.

8 Truths and 2 Lies

1. I think Marilyn Manson is sexy.
2. Birds stress me out.
3. I failed math in high school.
4. My high school sweethart was Isis' father.
5. I love love love Sex and the City.
6. I have matured and calmed down a lot in the past 2 years.
7. I get a pedicure every two weeks.
8. I am a Denver/Colorado native.
9. I am very active in my community and support a myriad of nonprofits, charities, and other volunteer projects.
10. Dane and I have been together going on 4 years.

Monday, June 27, 2005

To Be Bad

So I thought I was horribly bad with my diet this whole weekend and I felt guilty and blah blah and then I calculated everything out on my diet manager and while I broke my caloric limit, it wasn't anywhere NEAR what I thought it would be. Now if I had actually done my yoga on top of this - I probably would have been A-OK. But here's the break-thru, I can be a little bad here and there (in moderation) and still be okay. I satisfied my Taco Bell, Chinese food, and KFC craving and still kept within a decent range of my caloric intake - GGGGOOOO me!!!

Last weekend was a lot of fun. My intermediate class is killing me...and the other students apparently - the teacher let us go early on Thursday. I could have met Amy and Rhi for drinks but I am trying to watch my calories and I have NO money - they offered to pay, but I didn't even *hangs head and mumbles* have the money in gas to get there. I tried coercing them into Lodo's so I could go, but it didn't work. Oh well - wasn't meant to be. Instead I went home and completed my homework for Friday and Saturday. Then when that was done and I wasn't tired I decided to just sit in the quiet of the night and be. Not call anyone, not do anything, not think about the upcoming move or Dane or work or school. Just be. I listened to all the noises the night had to offer, paid attention to the details of the clouds, the moon, the planes crossing the sky, made myself aware of my inhales and exhales. Just when I was relaxed and calm my phone rings and its the girls wanting to know what I am doing. I am still broke and watching my weight so I decline the additional invite to go out with them. *sigh* To be young and not care - I want it back!!

Friday I watched my diet all day, consuming a grand total of 600 calories in food. That was only so I could consume a lot more in alcohol. I went over my limit, but not by much. I can't believe I had enough discipline to sit at Dave & Busters and only order a salad with no dressing. My roommates ordered burgers and ate fries and cake and I poked at a dry, flavorless salad. But in the end, I am happy - it shows I am really starting to do what it takes to lose weight. After much fun at D&B it was time to go to the Deadbeat. Rhi and I danced to Wolfschiem - formerly Dane and I's song (I am not sure how to grammatically say that correctly). Then we had fun and talked and danced. Barry (as in Barry White but not really Barry White) talked with us for a while and had fun. He is a Forensic Animater - he recreates accidents for insurance companies and other outside companies. He came back with us to the house and played a couple rounds of Taboo before I had to hit the hay. It wasn't quite a floor night but I did sleep on top of the covers.

I woke up Saturday morning (okay afternoon) to my cat in the CUTEST position in the world and a stomach about ready to go on strike. I rallied the troops and together we ordered from our favorite Chinese restaurant. Rhi and I prepared for our 4th season SATC-athon. The boys did their own thing and we watched almost every episode in the 4th season. We ate our Chinese food all throughout the day never really stopping for lunch or dinner, just constantly munching. We thought about showering (not together!), or maybe hanging out on the lawn, or doing something productive. Instead we decided to take a nap on the couch and "rest" before watching anymore episodes. That was 10:00 pm.

Next thing you know it was 11:30 am on Sunday - there Rhi and I are on the couch, cats and soda cans EVERYWHERE, Chinese food laying out, PBJ stains - it was bad. It looked like a parcel of 13 year olds spent the night, not two twenty-something women. We are so bad!!! Not wanting another day of doing nothing productive, Rhi and I decided to raid the house for any change lying around and hit Taco Bell. Then we spent the afternoon sunning ourselves at my parent's pool. Then, as Rhi said we "ate everything that wasn't nailed down". More Rhi than me though. Once we gorged ourselves and had family fun at my parents house we went home and actually cleaned up, I did some homework, we made plans to weed tomorrow. All in all a good, productive day.

It was a great weekend and even if I didn't accomplish everything on my "to-do" list - I accomplished a lot of nothing that I never seem to have time to pencil in and sometimes that's just what you need to do.

This week and weekend will be a tail spin!! Tonight and tomorrow is weed-pulling, homework, yoga, and nail night - trying to get ready for the weekend, which almost starts on Wednesday at 11:30 am for lunch at Lodo's and then a baseball game at Coors Field. Thursday is school and then Drew's birthday celebration at McDunnah's then off to pick up Mr. Man at midnight. Friday Dane and I will prepare for the garage sale and generally clean up the house for game night in the evening. Saturday we will make Dane order Chinese food and watch SATC S1, then probably go downtown in the evening. Sunday is a pool party and BBQ followed by the foam party at Pollyesther's. And so far we have nothing but relaxation and fun planned for the 4th. Probably an early night as Dane will need to be at the airport by 5 am and ready to work upon arrival in WA. I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

The Cat is Out of the Bag....

Or house as it were. My landlord knows (for how long I'm not sure) that we have cats. I don't know if he knows how many cats we have or how he found out, but he knows. *sigh* He was actually more upset about the weeds in our backyard and how dry the lawn was than anything else. So I'm hoping that if I really crack down and make the lawn pretty, then we will get all or most of our deposit back (cross your fingers!!).

I am training Joe on my job and he is doing a great job, bless his heart, but he's asking a lot of GOOD questions that are way too complex to explain this early in the game. But it's good that he's asking them, it shows that he's understanding and/or at least picking up on fundamental concepts. But on my end it is overwhelming. I never really have to think about my job I've been doing it so long. And I picked up on the elements of my job over a long period of time through experience and learning from school. So what my job has morphed into has been over time and as I have been ready and willing to take it on. Well now the company's accounting department hinges on all the tasks that I inherently know how to do now. And training someone how to do all the things that I do when they don't have any basis is hard. I actually had to take a break yesterday, Joe was all ready to keep going but I was like "BREAK TIME!!!" He really is smart and I have no doubt that he will do this job great, it will just take all the time I have left to get him there.

Intermediate Accounting is kicking my ass. Since I only have 2 more months of a flexible schedule, I am taking advantage of it. I told Marcia that I'd like my schedule to be "in and around 8:30 or 9 to in or around 5:30 to 6 leaving at 3:45 on Fridays". She said no problem. So instead of 4:30 yoga at Highlands Ranch, I will do 6:30 yoga at Cherry Hills. Should work out fine. So now I won't get home till around 8:30 or so, but I will have more time in the evening to do my 2 hours of homework. It's so intense - I can see why people abandon the accounting profession. Furthermore, I've decided to NOT do a concurrent degree at University of Washington, instead I will continue at UOP right through my accounting master's program, hopefully sitting for the CPA exam early 2010, then I can have the summer off to apply for law school at UW. That way I can study for the LSAT's and if I can't make Fall 10 admissions, I can try for Fall 11 but still have my accounting degree and certification, so my career isn't on hold (a possibility if I can't make Fall 07 admissions for the concurrent degree). Why do everything at once? I can do it, there's plenty of time - no need to do everything NOW NOW NOW.

Other than the pressures of school, training Joe, and the landlord complaints life is really good. I am sticking to my diet and loosing weight. I am back on track with my yoga despite the Seattle vacation. The move and what not seems to be progressing just fine, course ask me that in a few weeks when I'm preparing for the garage sales and stuff - I'm sure I'll have a different outlook. Dane was almost shocked and scared last weekend. Several times he asked me if I was okay and I had to turn to him, quietly smile and tell him that I was absolutely marvelous and content - a state he has rarely seen me in but will see me in a lot more I imagine. *sigh* To grow older and calmer - seems we are all "doomed" for this! *laughs* I love it.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Fremont Summer Solstice

What an amazing weekend!! Here it is:

Friday - Apparently the airport is the place to go to be hit on. I tried to get my homework done in the smoking lounge however there was a really cute and really drunk man from Alabamer who was interested in talking to me. He gave me his business card, though I don't know what I would do with it even if I was single. He tried to say he was 30 but looking at his laugh wrinkles and salt and pepper hair - I'd have to call his bluff. Then I got as much homework done as possible sitting next to the stereotypical horny old man who would not shut up and Mr. Seizures in the seat in front of me. Not a big deal except my laptop was on the tray and everytime he would have a "fit" it would earthquake my laptop off the tray!! So finally I had to cradle my laptop and TRY to read while the old guy next to me propositioned me to live on Bainbridge Island with him. *sigh* Once off the plane I ran into Dane's arms and cuddled him for a while. I changed and then it was off to Kobleh for a Persian dinner. AWESOME FOOD!!!! I hardly ate any of it though, I felt so bad. Then Dane got me a real gold and diamond heart shaped necklace - AAAAAWWWWWEEEEEE!!!! He took me to Starbucks Corporate office with a HUGE clocktower and just the top of the Starbucks lady's face peering out over the clock - it freaks Dane out, I was in awe. Then we met up with Laura Rose and crew at the Buckaroo for some.....beer. And that's it. Apparently there exists a law in Washington that says if you serve hard liquor, you must also have "hot dishes" on your menu. So a lot of bars serve beer only. Odd but true. Then we walked down to another bar but met some of LR's friends on the way and decided to go back to the Buckaroo. We drank and laughed and had a great time till it was time to cab it home.

Saturday - Up and at em at 7:00. Dane and I got donuts at the shop next to our hotel and headed out towards Fremont. Laura Rose and I got ready while Dane napped. The only thing that I wore that was mine was my underoos and skirt - everything else was courtesy of Laura Rose and man did she do a good job dressing me up!!! We looked amazing - she went for this way cool fro-hock look with awesome eye-makeup and dressed me in tribal coins and jingly jangles with dread falls and a touch of sunburst flowers and accessories. I did my eyemake up like a sun and it was off to the parade. The parade was absolutely amazing, there is NOTHING like it anywhere else in the world!! I come from a town that gets upset over the proper language of their EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS parade not from a town that celebrates the beautiful Pagan Solstice and all the beauty diversity has to offer. We saw nude bicyclists, a nude woman just watching the parade, and many political opinions about Bush, gay marriage, marijuana legalization, and others but all done without words or logos - simply art. The Visionary Dance troupe was over 100 women strong this year! I am so lucky to be Laura Rose's friend, she could have just as easily made me a water girl or go-getter, instead she dressed me all up and plopped me smack dab in the front of the troupe - I had the time of my life. The easiest thing to do would be provide the link to my pics posted on yahoo. http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/blondninjachick/album?.dir=/b835 After the parade it was manditory nap time then off to dinner and the Noc Noc for good old fashioned Goth fun. We hung out at the studio after the club closed for drinks and fellowship.

Sunday - Dane paid extra for us to sleep in thank God. After we checked out we went to lunch at an upscale Southern dining restaurant - pretty good. Then we hit Pike Place again, the port, and then said goodbye to downtown Seattle and made our way to the movie theater by the airport and saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith, a good movie. I was at the airport with 5 minutes to spare before my two hour mark. I said goodbye to Dane, I already missed him, then tried to study with my Starbucks, but couldn't. Instead a took a nap till we boarded the plane then once on the plane I watched Hitch for the ride home. I was fortunate enough to sit next to Offensive Chinese Food man - I had to hold my nose and mouth for almost the entire trip to keep from vomiting. It was horrible. Once in Denver I found Rhi and drove home.

Today I have spent the day doing laundry, catching up on homework and my rest - I was supposed to go to work but I was just too damn exhausted to do so. Wuss, I know.

I can't wait till Dane comes back in two weeks - it will be so fun. I can already feel myself detaching from Denver - it's weird not having a home. I mean, this is home and it's nice but it doesn't quite have the feel it once did. I really cannot wait to pack everything up and move. I just want to get rid of most everything I own, like shedding a skin. This rebirth will be amazing and I can't wait!!!

Friday, June 17, 2005

YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!

I leave for Seattle in a matter of hours!! I can't wait!!! I look like Goldilocks right now with my hair in tight curls but they will loosen up on the plane. I am in my going out outfit already though it is covered up for work. I totally cheated on breakfast and so now I had to cut other calories out of my diet. Babble babble babble. Okay so here it is, the schedule!

Friday evening: The plane will land at 7:30 and then Dane is taking me to dinner at a sooprise location. After that we are meeting friends for drinks at their Fremont loft. I probably won't drink much as I totally ate too much for breakfast.

Saturday: I have to be at Delilah/Laura Rose's studio by 9:00 am to get ready for the Fremont Summer Soltice parade in which I will be a "Gong Girl". YESSSS!!! The link to the parade, in case you are interested is: http://www.fremontartscouncil.org/ After the parade it is scheduled nap time (thank God) then it is off to party at a show at the Fenix http://www.fenixunderground.com/ and/or the Noc Noc http://www.clubnocnoc.com/ I got the BEST outfit to wear - I can't wait till Dane can see it!! It's from Hot Topic, now the link is the top only, the skirt is black with red satin ribbon corsets on the sides, strappy black shoes, red scarf around neck, and 40's glamour style hair with classy barettes. http://www.hottopic.com/store/product.asp?LS=0&ITEM=265793&RN=155

Sunday: Hang out all day with Dane doing whatever - movie, shopping, both. Back in Denver by 11:45. WORD!!

I CAN'T WAIT I CAN'T WAIT I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Purity in the Park

So last week while talking to Jamie, I realize that I miss my youth and want to go to Six Flag Elitch Gardens. I message Jamie and invite her to come on out, course now that she is married I invited her and her wonderful, hysterical husband Brandon out as well. So not wanting to be the odd man out, I called upon my tried and true date, Rhi. We make plans for Wed, the 15th.

The 15th - Rhi and I left work slightly early so we could get a good 5 hours in at Elitch's. Arriving at 5 on the motorcycle (hey - it costs NINE BUCKS to park a car and FREE on the bike!) we walked inside to find the screaming deal *ba dump dump* of the Sling Shot (300 ft yo yo catapult) and XLR8R (I call this the St Louis Swing) for $30 for both rides. Always one for a bargain and a perpetual broke ass bitch - I decide to go for it and Rhi takes plunge just as willingly. Now I have seen both these rides and riden the XLR8R twice, Rhi on the other hand has no clue what the rides are and literally blindly signs on the line. Then she notices what we are in for and glowers at me then cowers in fear. I say my patented "WHAT?!" and we jump on the Sling Shot. Very appropriately Metallica's Freight Train song was playing, which I thought was a nice touch. Well the Sling Shot was awesome, I made sure to scream my loudest EFF YEAH (only this time I didn't say "eff" I said the real deal).

XLR8R was even better, I forgot how high you get. At the last minute I thought about the "what if's" and decided I was moderately scared, then quickly came back to the moment and said "let er rip!!" Rhi was skeered to pull the cord, she had me and the guy manning the machine yelling at her to pull it. She did and off we went - IT IS ALWAYS SO EXHILERATING!!! After that the rest of the rides were just child's play.

We had a great time practicing our yoga inhales and exhales on the rides, making fun of (and being made fun of by) teenie bopper girls. Jamie and Brandon met up with us around 7:30. We had fun squishing each other on the Rainbow. The Half Pipe was not worth the wait. The Thunder Bolt was out of order. I lost the meditation round on the Troika. We never did desicrate the park like we wanted to - the "God Squad" was busy at the Purity concert so the timing never lined up. I was good and only had a couple bites of Rhi's root beer float. Hmm, we never rode the carosel either...But we f*cked the tea cups up hard core!!! I just can't spin like that like I used to. *sigh* But we hung in there and worked out our arms.

In other news my diet is going well. I have been monitoring my consumption (every calorie) and my exercise as well as my daily weight and I am progressing. I can tell a difference when I look in the mirror too. Maybe I will drop these stubborn pounds!

Tonight - last minute touches for my newest goth costume, it has a STRONG 40's Burlesque touch to it - I wish I knew how to style my hair in 40's glamour though (to the internet), pedicure courtesy of Dane (I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!), Noodles (cause there are none in Seattle), school, and then I have to pack for Seattle but I have my trusty list ready and all the clothes are clean, it's just a matter of putting them in my bag.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.
 Posted by Hello

Monday, June 13, 2005

Slow it Down!

What a great weekend!!!

Thursday night I bombed the accounting exam and then promptly went for 7 stiff drinks with Paula. We had a great time, I always forget how seemingly different she is in person. She really isn't different, but so much can be said and soothed with a gentle laugh or bouncing brown eyes. It was great seeing her.

Friday night was meant for a mellow time at home, hanging out. Amy came over and we played games all night. I drank a bottle of wine and had a great time. Just the two of us playing Battleship, Trivial Pursuit, and Two Man Taboo. We had PBJ snacks at midnight and talked and laughed and listened to music and I wondered why I would ever go to a bar or club when all I needed was at home. No trouble, no drama, no sleezy men, no bar tab. It was great. Even though I drank so many calories it was a good night - I didn't spend any money!

Saturday was spent completing homework, napping, yoga, and misc chores around the house. Amy, Rhi, and I ate Chinese food while watching SATC when we noticed an issue with Stinker that Dewey was trying to tell us about all day. We immediately rushed her to the vet and two hours later took a trippin kitty home complete with meds. Amy left with a headache, Rhi and Sam left for Denver, and I curled up with my kitties in bed and watched another 3 SATC episodes. It was awesome to relax in the quiet house. I figured since I drank Thursday and Friday that Saturday was my Sunday.

Pause - I am trying so hard to lose weight and it just isn't coming off and then Dane talks about all the petite women he's hanging out with and I don't get jealous, I get frustrated that *I* can't be that petite woman. And I never will be!!! So then I get down on myself and sad and I just don't understand what the deal is. I watch what I eat and consume from 1200 - 1500 calories a day - not a lot. I go to yoga 5 - 6 times a week, ride my bike 2 times a week amongst other exercise. I eat healthy food, never have fast food, and when I do eat out - I eat healthy salads, or soups, or sandwiches. So the bottom line is that isn't enough I guess. So I will cut drinking down to one night a week (from 2 nights a week - HEY! I can't annhilate ALL my fun), Starbucks to one time a week (from 2 - 3 times a week), and eating out to 3 - 4 times (from 5 -6 times a week). That seems like a lot of eating out, but like I said - what's the difference between a homemade salad and a salad from Black Eyed Pea? I just wish I could drop these stubborn 20 lbs. I think back and realize that I have been 20 lbs heavier and I should be happy to have shed those, but I only have 20 to go and they just WONT come off!! ARGH!!!

Sunday was spent working at work to make up for Moab, homework - I got it all done for the day! Laundry, more cleaning. I went to a new yoga class "Foundations of Core Power Yoga" it was a great class with a great teacher. But I fear that I am suffering from Yoga Hangover today (just like the teacher warned) - I went too far into pidgeon pose. *sigh* After yoga I continued with my chores, ate a balanced meal, completed my homework and went to bed.

Great stuff this weekend. I feel great today. I can't wait to go to Seattle this weekend, I need to see my Dane. I miss him. *whimper* Soon enough.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Choices

Since April I have made a lot of choices. And every choice I have made I have countered, buckled on, withheld, defended, let go, retreated from, come back to, thought about, jumped into, and mulled over till there was nothing left to do but accept the choice(s) I made. Then during a yoga session it dawned on me. I can accept my decisions without all that hoopla. Huh. What an interesting concept. And not only can I accept my decisions, I can think about them before I make them rather than doing everything NOW NOW NOW.

Since that yoga insight I have learned to respond instead of react. I have been quietly reflecting in and listening to my breath and my inner voice. And you know what?! Not everyone will agree with what my breath and voice says. And that's okay. I understand that everyone has their own life and their own choices to deal with. And more importantly I understand that only the individual has to live with the choices they make. If Sally decides to do ____, then Beth can accept Sally's choice and respond accordingly or not at all. And Sally may or may not like how Beth responds to her choice. But it is Beth's response and choice to make for herself. Sue, an outsider, might have tons of wisdom to dispense on both Sally and Beth and Sue may or may not agree with either, but it is her choice to remain silent or speak out. Everything in life is about choices. Is it any wonder that I work for a nonprofit that advocates for personal choice?

It's important to realize and respect an individual's choice, whether you agree with it or not. The name of the game is not to draw forces against each other, or to be bitter, or plot revenge. The name of the game has always been respect the ones you love and/or interact with. If no respect exists, or breaks down under certain circumstances, then at least respect the individual's decision/response to protect themselves in the future from disrespectful situations.

Obviously this entry stems from recent events in my life. Let's not dance around this or try to imagine what it is. I am not going to claim that this entry, while closely resembling a certain situation actually is about another completely unrelated situation. Nope - I don't need to hide behind a veil. This blog entry pertains to events that unfolded last weekend.

I would like to mention that I am very sad to have made the choice that I made, but I feel that I made the right choice for me and my partnership with Dane and the well-being of my long-term friends. It was not an easy choice and came after much meditation on the matter. After considering the facts, the decision I made best suited the circumstances. I did not want to simply "drift" away without my reasonings being known. That is not beneficial or progressive for anyone. Additionaly I would like to say that I hold nothing but best regards and warm thoughts for the person most effected by my individual choice. She is an amazing woman - beautiful inside and out. I am sorry to have surrendered our friendship.

Why did I do this you ask? Why would I give up on something that I love? I'll tell you - I LOVE fatty foods. I used to eat Popeyes, MacDonalds, fast food of any kind all the time and I'd top it off with a regular soda!! But after a while, my body changed and it became obvious that fast food was no longer good for me no matter how much I loved it. *sigh* So I gave it up. I found other, more healthy replacements sure, but every now and again I wish I could just pick up a quarter pounder with cheese and love every minute of eating it but I can't. Not as long as I know what it does to me internally.

Monday, June 06, 2005


Hot Luau Mammas!!!! Posted by Hello

Thursday, June 02, 2005


Crystal and Rhi crossing Golden Crack Posted by Hello

JoeAb 2005 Updated Version/Real Life

What an AWESOME trip!!!! It would take up entirely too much space to endlessly write about it, so in formal bullet fashion form I shall recount the tale.....

1. I won the award for "most bravery" which contributed to "best crash" which led to "environmentalist". I am most shamed for the last award because it is highly facicious as I was awarded it for bashing into a tree. I felt so bad for hurting the tree even though it had already been mangled. *hangs head* The tree didn't go down without a fight though, as it took out my passenger rear window. Luckily one of the guys on the trail owns a salvage yard and donated his window to us since Dane had to tow it to Seattle.

2. Rhi won the award for "most changed slash most likely to hit on a female waitress". Rhi and Vince made their silent amends. All is well now.

3. Dane won "most improved driver". He barely needed spotters this time around and took the wheel each time I faltered and then took over driving when I couldn't make it over the Golden Crack without the "hoe strap" and proceeded to take a 2 hour pout nap.

4. Lots more people this year, tons of comradery - it was great. Campfire stories, watching Team America in the Pilot (those are nice cars!!), rafting, shopping, tanning - I feel amazingly refreshed.

Pics will be available soon. Individual tales can be told if anyone so dares to ask. :) In the meantime, I shall post one pic for good measure.

Back to life...back to reality.....
It's good to be back!! Got a lot of great stuff going on this weekend - the luau, Paula will be in town the following weekend, and then I will be in Seattle for the Fremont Summer Soltice Parade, then Rhi's friend will be in town after that!! AND THEEEENNN Dane will be in town for the Fourth of July - yep you heard it here first, Big D is coming down for a weekend of partying in D-Town, be sure to make it out for one of the events we hold/go to - I imagine it will be much like Halloween - a party every night. I can't wait to see what Rhi and I get in a fight about this year! *laughs* So far we are definitely going to a foam party on July 3, Sunday. Aside from that, it's up for grabs. Then I will have four whole weekends to enjoy the summer and hang out before August brings two weekends of a garage sale at my house, then two weekends of packing and moving.

For those who are interested/concerned, I will be having a "moving party" at my house on Sunday or Monday, August 28th or 29th. I will need people to help me load the big stuff into the moving van. Dinner and drinks provided for those who lend their time to my cause. Other than that, I do not anticipate needing more help than I already have. Rhi has volunteered to help with the garage sales, anyone else interested is invited to come on down and help! As for packing...we all know how weird and anal I am, so I think I will do that part entirely on my own. :)

Rhi and I will leave Denver either Monday or Tuesday, August 29th or 30th for SLC, UT in a 24 foot U-Haul with trailer for Fxylady and two cats. We will stay in UT at Dane's mother's house the first night then continue on into Oregon resting around the OR/WA border for the second evening then finishing up in Seattle on the the third day with plenty of time to unpack the truck and start organizing the essentials. Once that's over it will be party party party time!!! Laura Rose will be starring (as she always does) in a burlesque show on Thursday then we will take Rhi out for a tour of Seattle on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday sending her back to Denver via plane well rested and partied out. Anyone interested in joining us for this weekend (incidently it is Labor Day weekend) is welcome to come out to Seattle and join us, it might make for a great end-of-summer trip!

That's all for now.