Sponsered By Happy Hour

Well it's that time again. The time of year where I crave recklessness more and responsibility less. Though I have to say with each passing year the craving subsides more and more. This year Dane and I are going to Cancun for the 4th anniversary of Isis's death. I am determined to have fun yet honor her memory. For next year, as long as I am working for TSA, I will not even have the option to take time off as September 30th is the fiscal year ending. It's okay though, time changes everything and life does in fact go on. I don't think it will be as much of an issue this year.

TSA is going quite well. I am getting the hang of it even though I make the most bonehead mistakes all the time. It frustrates me that I just don't know the chart of accounts and funds off the top of my head, but time will help that as well. TSA mandates a two week consecutive vacation a year, so that makes travel plans a little different but it will be nice to take two weeks off at once. I can't remember the last time I did that save the move, but that was filled with more work than going to work. I am going on at least a one mile walk a day and watching what I eat more and more. I haven't found a yoga place yet, but it has been nice working, exercising at work, then coming home at 5 and having the whole night to accomplish my domestic and tutorial tasks. It has been even nicer laying around at home on the weekends.

Poor Rhi is struggling being without Kate. I sympathize for her and support her no matter what she does as a whole and/or in daily life. It seems like there is nothing I can do for her and the more I try to, the more pushback I get. I imagine the best course of action for me is to slip into the sidelines and cheer from afar. A difficult thing for me to do no doubt, but it seems like it is the best thing that I can do for Rhi and that is after all what I am here to do. Be there for her even if it means not being there with her.

This past weekend was spent going to the NIN concert, which I thought was awesome!! However, I get the feeling that my opinion is somewhat biased as I have only seen the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Lynard Skynard, Shania Twain, and Yanni in concert before NIN. Trent Reznor is looking better than ever and did an amazing rendition of Hurt. Saturday Dane and I went to a ceramic shop where you pick out a piece, paint it to your liking and then fire it (well they do). We were there for their Marg Madness night and didn't even get to our marg glasses (to paint) but we were able to take them home and we can go back whenever and finish them. Dane painted our first Christmas tree ornament and I painted a tall mug for work with a fairy on it though I am not even close to finished, to see the fairy I am painting click here http://www.capricorn007.com/images2/fairy.gif

I am in my 4th week of psychology class. It is a good class. I have three weeks off after that then I start a history class on the US Constitution. 60 days off (during the holidays whoo hoo!) then I start a humanities class on the study of film right after Dane and I return from celebrating my 26th (OMG) b-day on Oahu. Then another couple weeks off and I'm back into my last 5 classes of accounting, graduating around Oct 06.

We are celebrating Dane's b-day this weekend with a housewarming party. Since we only know about 8 people they were all invited. Not sure who will show up but it will be a good time. I am considering taking him to a cabaret show (huge here in Seattle) but it is expensive!! We are also going to see the Seattle Symphony this Thursday for their version of Star Wars (Dane's pick). Rhi picked the Swing band Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, I picked Handel's Messiah, and as a bonus we are going to the Fabulous Forties. It's about time I got some culture and music in my life so I can't wait!

That is all to report. Sorry Sarah, I need to keep this updated more, thank you for encouraging me. BTW, I commented twice on your blog but I don't see my comments on there. Peculiar. Basically I was happy to hear Max had such a wonderful b-day and it warms my heart to hear of all the support you guys have surrounding you.

Blessings to all!

YAAARRRGGGHHH!!!

It be National Talk Like a Pirate Day!!! I had a great banter of emails w/ Amy all in pirate speak - too funny for words. In other news, I am stalling doing my homework. Actually there hasn't been much to "write home about" the last couple of days. No seal sightings, but I haven't really been down to the pier other than tonight. Dane and I walked along the shore and ate dinner on deck. Then we threw bread at birds and laughed at the commotion. Work is going well, I am in the middle of payroll for all my corps right now. It's backed up two weeks. It's not hard, just slow picking up on the details. I put my office together over the weekend, everyone loves it including me.

The cats are enjoying back yard recess right now while I play on the net - they are freaking out. And the spiders here are un-real. All in all I feel like I am on an extended vacation and I love it. So many new sites to see and places to go and I have to say that I love working in the city. I feel so much a part of the life and vibe that is Seattle. It's awesome working at the foot of the Space Needle next to the water - what a treat. Everytime I go for my afternoon walk I look up at the needle and smile. How lucky I am to be in a great city!!! I love my walks, I love my schedule (35 hour work week w/ mandatory 15 min. breaks and 1 hour lunch). I love the people I work with. I also love getting into a routine.

I am SO SO SO looking forward to this weekend! I am going to try to scalp NIN tickets this Friday, he is playing at the Key arena which is two blocks from where I work. Then Saturday we are going to the Crossroads Mall for Margurita (I know I spelled that wrong) Madness. All you can drink maguritas, all you can eat chips and salsa, and a painting lesson where you paint the glass you drink out of for $10!! Course it's a brilliant ploy to get people into this place where you can pick out another piece of ceremic whatever (cup, plate, vase, figurine, bowl) to paint. I am thinking I will do a bowl of some sort. Maybe an ashtray. Maybe a mug for work. But I think it will be fun. Dane wants something with four sides so he can paint each side through his drink progression. What fun stuff they have in this city!!! YEAH!!!

I LOVE This City!!

Just a quick note to say that while on my brisk lunch walk by the Seattle Sound I saw a Harbor Seal!!! A real, live, WILD seal!!!! They are hanging around more cause the salmon are starting to come home.

I LOVE THIS CITY!!!!!

Mr. Man and John

So this is my most obscene blog ever. So my body knows where home is. And I can tell when I've started feeling at home in a place by one very important body function. Number two. Yes folks, as obscene as that is, it is the truth. Everytime I go home to my parents house I have to do it. It just comes out automatically and naturally. So take tonight for example, everything is fine - I used the facilities at school right before I got home, no big deal. The second I got home it was time. So I grabbed my laptop and went to my "office" at home.

Here's where Mr. Man comes in. Mr. Man is the name of our wireless connection and let me just say how much I love wireless!! I love that I can be on the john and the net. I love that I can be smoking on the patio and on the net. I love wireless internet. :)

As for the earlier situation (hate) I haven't thought much about it other than I know I was wrong and I know I said those things mostly because I was so angry and frustrated I didn't know what else to do. That doesn't make it okay - it just gives me a diving board for how and why I said the things I said and a means to avoid the same situation in the future. I will apologize tonight to Dane and admit how wrong I was but I anticipate the clean up on this will take a while and it should. In fact I probably did some permenant damage. I hate that I did that.

Hate

Such a strong word. I used it this morning. I hate that I used it this morning. I hate that I felt powerless to control the word coming out of my mouth. I hate myself for what I did.

So there we were, talking about marriage and a life together on one side of the Mercer Island tunnel and by the time we got out we were SCREAMING at each other!! And all over Spy Ware (I *STILL* don't know what that is)!! I am admittedly grumpy in the mornings and on the drive home - I need quiet time. Decompression. Rhi understood this and respected it. Dane trys to talk to me. I get instantly irritated and act that way. I've tried telling him about "Quiet Time" but he thinks it's a joke. It's not a joke!! I really need there to be silence on the way to/from work. That might make me silly, but I am okay with that. So this morning we fought, half because I was irritated and half because Dane was expecting said irritation. When those two components met, it was an atomic explosion. I screamed and said nasty things and Dane screamed and said nasty things. Instead of being about Spy Ware, it was about responsibility, then commuting, then back to accountability, then to esteem issues. Finally I really exploded (yes, the screaming before was just gurglings of the coming eruption) I said, and I quote "I hate you. I hate that I hate you. I hate that I have to pretend with you. I hate that I came to this city for you. I hate that I am locked to you." Said in a quiet but very passionate voice - almost spitting out of my mouth. Then I was silent. And for the rest of the ride I was silent. Dane simply directed me to his office, then leaned over and kissed me goodbye saying "Well I still love you."

*sigh* No. *bawl* Then I was mad at the tears. Then I was mad at myself. Then my dad called and said Mt. Evans was dusted with snow last night. I have thought about this morning and what happened and what I think and feel. I am glad I don't have to go home till LATE tonight. I need time to think. I am sorry for what I said, but I am worried at the conviction with which I said it. I will write more as the thoughts develop, back to work for now.

Out of Communication

Well I am out of communication from now on during the day. I had to sign some pretty hefty IT contracts indicating that I will not be using the internet for any sort of personal use and that I could be fired on the spot if I am responsible or even the recipient of inappropriate material. Remember, I work for the Church of God now. TSA is not a nonprofit because of the wonderful work it does for the homeless, battered and abused men, women, and children, or the disaster relief it provides. It is a nonprofit because of its church designation. *sigh* This will take some getting used to. But overall TSA is a fantastic organization and this will be a great experience for me.

Well, it's 7:17 - time to go to work. I have a horrible ache in my neck and cannot move my head without moving my shoulders. I hope this subsides throughout the day. More later.

*yawn*

So it's the morning, I tried blogging last night but got the blue screen of death. This was at 12:46 when I was already troubled to get sleep, the laptop crashing was the final blow.

Well good for me. I got up with enough time to make some hazelnut coffee, run up and down the stairs 10 times (part of my new walking/exercise plan), shower, shit, & shave and still have time for breakfast. Maybe. It's 6:14 now and I want to leave between 7:15 and 7:30. It should be MORE than enough time to make it to work downtown by 8:15, but I don't want to be late on my first day. Dane and I intend to carpool as long as he is at WaMu and that will help the gas bill, time factor, and make for a fun drive into work everyday.

Ah...the coffee is done. Wish me luck on my first day. I'm scared as hell.

The Word

So many things to write! I shall create an index:
1) The Drive
2) The Talks
3) The Interview
4) The Trio
5) Friday Night on The Hill
6) Ikea
7) The Ghost

The Drive
The drive went extremely well. There wasn't even one single moment where I thought we might be in trouble, get in an accident, or lose control. We fueled any time the tank got near 1/4 full, spent about $600 in fuel all told though. The trucker and fast food got old fast, but it was only 3 days. In the end the truck was 24 feet and with Rhi's car attached - just shy of 40 feet. It was HUGE!! Even Dane was impressed that I got that beast up here with no issues.

The Talks
Rhi and I had some great talks during the trip when we would speak. I laugh because my mom thought for sure we would be fighting what with being "cooped up together for so long". Rhi and I laughed - we have been each other's siamese twins for the past year and a half, what's a 3 day road trip compared to that?! We couldn't talk alot #1) it would wake Dewey up and he would stress out, and #2) the diesel engine was so loud, we'd have to shout, but when we did talk, we discussed things like 10 things you'll miss, 10 things you'll look forward to, 1 year life plan/goals. It was interesting to say the least and always eye-opening no matter how well you think you know someone.

The Interview
Friday morning Rhi and I went to our interviews together to save time and gas money. I was interviewed by what Rhi called the "firing squad" who did just the opposite. After a 1 hour, 4 man interview and 30 min of testing, I was offered a job at Salvation Army before my test results even came back. I told SA that I would accept at 38,000/yr as even that would be a significant decrease in pay. Rebecca (my new boss) said she would call me back. And she did while Rhi was busy interviewing. She offered me the job at 36,000/year and I said I could not do that - was there anyway she could bump it up to 37,000? 1000 seems small in the grand scheme of things, but after a cross-country move, 1000 is huge. She called me back to say she had taken my request to the Chain of Command and would call me after lunch. I thanked her profusely, she could have just called back and said she couldn't do anything, but this gesture made me realize how much they wanted me and how eager I was to show them I was worth it. During lunch Rebecca called to offer me the position at 37,000/yr and I gladly accepted. In a year at my review I will also be graduating so I am in a position for a large raise. *crosses fingers* I am nervous but anxious for the new challenge!

The Trio
Rhi, Dane and I are back together and nothing could feel more natural. Dane and I test each other's wit's end and patience and Rhi is the buffer all the time, but it just feels right being back under one roof. You can tell that Rhi and I have grown closer and Dane is somewhat out of the loop, but that loop is quickly tightening and it won't be long before we are one happy circle again.

Friday Night on The Hill
Apparently the groovy cats call Capital Hill "The Hill" which actually makes more sense to me than Capital Hill seeing on how Seattle is NOT Washington's capital. Anyhow, after a day of interviews and sight-seeing at Pike Place Market, Rhi, Dane and I settled down for some brews and appetizers and decided to call Laura Rose. We picked her up and headed to The Hill to Clover Dunns, a typical Cap Hill type bar. We met some of her friends and after a couple cocktails headed to a karaoke bar down the street. Laura Rose did the best rendition of Britney Spears meets Goth that I have ever seen! She is such a great performer! Then Rhi and I sung a HORRIBLE version of Elvis' Suspicious Minds - I hope I never have to go back to that bar again, I wouldn't even know it's name or location. Then we hoped in a cab over to Vogue, a Goth club where we quickly decided it was time to go. We took LR home then drove back to Bellevue and time traveled to 9:47 am. Rhi went to get us food, but by the time she got back, we were well on our way to 9:47 am. She couldn't wake us up for nothing. All in all, it was a great "Welcome to Seattle!" for us.

Ikea
Dane and I spent $1600 at Ikea. But we needed a lot of stuff, we didn't have a dining room table, or any desk furniture as none of the furniture we brought would fit around the corner to the office area in our new house, plus a couple odds and ends. Ikea is HUGE. There is nothing like it in Denver that I can compare it to. It has TWO parking garages!! The walkway inside the warehouse/showrooms is one way so you have to go through the whole thing. It's insane but very fun and inexpensive. It makes Wal-Mart look like a day at the spa though. I hope I don't have to go back for a while.

The Ghost
We have a ghost. The first couple nights we kept hearing and having stuff in our room come crashing to the floor, but the more I think about it the more I think that it wasn't Dewey. And then last night while Rhi and Dane were in the master bedroom and I was in the TV room we heard a horrible crashing sound which we figured were the cats, when we all got to the kitchen there was no cat and no mess on the counter. We turned our heads and saw that the decorative cover that was placed over the bulb in the dining room fixture had fallen and shattered on the table. We wondered what could have caused that as NO cat could have gotten up there and loosened the screws. Dane tightened the screws on the other two covers then we sat there staring at the fixture pondering. As we did that, the second one started to shatter in front of us and we quickly turned out the lights and hit the deck. At the time we decided it was the heat of the bulbs. Later we realized they were only 75 watt bulbs and we had that light on all night the night we moved in with no issue. Then last night around 3:00 am I was woken from my sleep because I heard our hardwood floors squeaking, I was trying to think what could make that noise as the cats are too light to make the floors squeak when BAM!!! The sound of metal rods hitting the floor. I jumped out of my skin and startled Dane, he turned on the lights and everything was in place, nothing moved, and Dewey was under the chair away from the "scene of the crime". I asked Dane if he heard the squeaking and he said no, but grabbed his shotgun and surveyed the house to find nothing. I was scared spittless at this point that we very definitely have a ghost. Dane came back to bed and tried to make sense of it by saying it was Dewey and he bumped the lamp, but I said "That's fine, but how come he was under the chair and if he did hit the lamp that hard, the chimes sit right next to it, you can't hit the lamp without hitting the chimes..." Dane didn't say anything only cuddled me hard and kept me safe all night. It was hours before I felt comfortable enough to leave his grasp. Today Rhi said she was awoken by something, she doesn't know what, but whatever it was it stirred her too. She didn't think anything of it though cause she said Dane got up after that, she figured it was Dane making noise. Whatever it is, it has Rhi and I refusing to go to the basement.

So this week's agenda is to be lazy and get used to this town. Set up the office, do some homework, go to school, go tanning, get a pedicure/manicure, organize the linens, go shopping at Bed, Bath & Beyond, and just enjoy the week off.

Goodbye Denver!

This will be my last blog entry from the fine state of Colorado. As I sit here listening to Yanni, looking out my BEAUTIFUL office window at the GORGEOUS Colorado mountains I am filled with too many emotions to be overwhelmed by one single feeling. I feel sadness, awe, happiness, stress, excitement, fear, nostalgia, pride, humility, a sense of awesome accomplishment dimmed by the thousands of things that I just never got around to doing in Denver. I fear what I don't know that I can even do in Seattle.

I find that with leaving Denver, I am very restless. I do not think we will stay in Seattle more than 5 years tops. Who knows where we will move to, but I have a couple cities on my list that I want to live in: San Francisco, Atlanta, Manhattan, *maybe* Chicago, *maybe* a Texan city, London, Cairo - the list goes on. But I have a feeling that I am on a fast track now. It has me reconsidering things like getting another bike and all this scnazzy furniture. Who knows where my life will take me, but overall the feeling I feel the most right now is that this first step is not only the first step on my own, in a different direction, but I feel it is my first step into a headlong sprint. And I love that.

So cheerio Denver! I have wonderful and not so wonderful memories of this place. All of which I am taking with me. Alas, it is time to shed this old, dry skin.

Looking Back

Dane asked me yesterday what would I say to myself if given the opportunity to travel back in time to April having experienced the whole summer and the stress of moving primary locations. At first thought, and what I told Dane, is that I wouldn't have said much of anything other than "you were prepared for this". But as I got to thinking about things, I thought better of my short-sighted advice to myself and decided there would be a lot of things I would say to myself (shock of shocks, I know). What I would say to my April Self:

Intermediate Accounting - you psyched yourself out too much for this class, but it was a good thing. Your fears helped you study and find a study pattern that worked best for you. You have spent a good year preparing for these classes and you handled them well. It was good that Dane was gone during this time. It was good that you decided to take the classes in Colorado. You made the right decision staying here.

Acting out - you need to be prepared for weird emotions that you have never felt before and ones that kinda sneak up on you and show themselves in seemingly harmless, or fun, or pretty packages. While you were expecting "missing" Dane, you were not prepared for the impact of the decision you made in regards to the level of commitment with this man. Be prepared for confused, angry emotions surrounding the level of commitment and sacrifice on your end vs. the lack of ring or formal commitment on his end. Be prepared for harmful situations that seem fun at the time but might not be the best thing for you in the short and long term. Try not to treat this summer as a prolonged bachelorette party....

Moving - it is a lot of work to pack and move a house, even when you plan it the way you did. Things never work out the way they do on paper, you know this, but it is still good to have a plan. It is also good to leave a lot of extra time to get things done that might have been pushed to the side (again, you know this but I'd like to reiterate it). You will be tired in body and mind and unable to get a good night's rest during the last week, but this is normal. You will be tired of fast food. The kitties will act out. You will resent Dane for not being there. This is all normal and life WILL stabilize. It will NOT be like this forever, dear. Hang in there.

Work - you will suffer from short-timer's syndrome whether you admit to it or not. Your anger at how the company is managed and the way the nonprofit money is spent and how the employees are not rewarded will compound and you will run your mouth. I'm not going to say this is good or bad, I'm simply going to tell you that you will do it. You may wish to keep your mouth shut at times, others you may wish to shout from the roof top. Regardless, when you leave, your attitude towards the company will be known by most employees.

Dane - you still haven't learned how to handle love have you? Will you ever, I wonder? It seems that ever since Isis died you have shut people out - oh, don't get me wrong. You let people in, care for people, let them know you love them, but you haven't ever really let anyone "get" you. Perhaps this is fallout from Mike, though I know you never loved him. Maybe it is from letting yourself fall in love too quickly with the man that killed Isis. That is probably it, you are worried that once you let someone get to you like that, they will turn around and do something so autrocious you will never be able to forgive yourself for what you consider selfishness. So why would Dane be any different? He's not. In fact he's been the only candidate for your love since Isis died. You would think that after 3 full years you would budge. I wonder why you find it so necessary to constantly threaten him with a break up. Is that your own insecurities? Is it that you think you settle for Dane? I would suggest you spend these next couple months thinking about that. Think about what you want Dane to be vs. what you know he is. Think about what you desire more. Think about his efforts to change. Think about your need to improve. Rather than building a Plan B, think about polishing up your Plan A. It IS your first choice, after all. Perhaps you should consider letting Dane all the way in and if you lose him, then you can deal with that when that day comes rather than living every day with him as if it has already been ended. He is not your enemy, he is your number one resource and reason for not going off the deep end. You better recognize, Crystal.

Parents - for as much as you give your mom or your family shit for being "obligated" to attend family functions, you are sure going to miss them. And it won't be obvious till you realize how much you still depend on them to bail you out certain situations. You will miss your mom's stories and fits. You will miss your dad's advice and his gentle demeanor. You will miss your sister and her whole family. You will miss Ashley and Zach growing up. You will probably never be prepared for cutting the family ties.

Conclusion - you have so much ahead of you Crystal, but you are sometimes entirely too stubborn and cocky to realize it. You are so busy getting to the destination, you forget to process and learn from the journey. There were so many lessons you could have learned without the hardships this summer. There were so many times you could have gained from just slowing down. I hope in Seattle you will learn the value of relaxing and spending quality down time with the ones you love. You don't always have to be accomplishing something in order to feel accomplished. Good luck to you, deary, I fear you will need it for a long time coming.

As We Speak

I am on the 2nd interview with Salvation Army as we speak. Well, not yet - I am waiting for them to call....And then I will write more. I am trying so hard not to be nervous and just let it go - I think I am so nervous because I think I really want this job even though it is a significant pay cut and all the way downtown. But to have SA on my resume, and the job just sounds so challenging and wonderful. Okay, okay. Worse case scenario I don't get it. I've had numerous calls from temp agencies the last two days, so I will call them if I don't get hired on at SA, and who knows - maybe the Hopelink job is still available. A cursory check of Craigslist and their own website indicates that the job is still there. And that job pays more and is in Redmond. When I originally sent my resume out, the CFO emailed me back and asked what my timeframe was, I responded and have not heard back from her since, even after I emailed a second time. If I don't get the SA job, I will email her a third time and say that I noticed the job was still available, would she still be interested in a phone interview. For now, I am going to sit and look out my beautiful office window at the amazing Colorado scenery and take it all in and calm down. *deep breath* More in a moment....

UGH!!!! I take that back - the worst case scenario would be waiting for ANOTHER two weeks!!!! I have an in-person interview on 9/2 at 9:00. I said "Would it be too bold to ask where I rank among the candidates?" LONG PAUSE "Well, we are still in the interview process, but I'd say you rank quite highly." Me "Great, thank you so much for your time, I look forward to meeting you on September 2nd at 9:00 am." Them "Great, nice speaking with you too, Crystal, see you soon!"

ARGH!!! Well I am going to continue calling these other places that called me and set interviews up as well, but I will hold off on calling Hopelink till I actually arrive in Seattle. It is, afterall, still another 3.5 weeks before I can start work.

Greater Things Than I

So there are greater forces at work here. Even more so than I thought possible. I've always been a firm believer that things happen for a reason, regardless of whether that reason is known or not. I will not get in to all the crazy details of the past week, but suffice it to say that the Universe was already preparing for decisions not yet made. There were bodies and events in motion long before we knew what the end result would be. To capitalize on a few events:
1) Randy offered on Tuesday to take my car on Friday to Seattle via the trailer that we are purchasing from him - took care of my car, our need for a trailer, and freed up the moving van from towing.
2) On Tuesday we were offered a house which would work wonders for our living situation with any guests. As it turned out, we opted out of that house in favor of a bigger house with a bigger lot for lots and lots of parking room.

There are other things going on as well, but all good things. I am confident that Rhi needs to get away from Denver in order to dispose of all her excess baggage and move on with Kate. I have no doubt Kate will be a good friend for her regardless of what happens in their relationship, but she realizes and encourages Rhi to make this move in order to mop her life up. I'm glad Rhi's going - for selfish reasons and because I know that it is the right thing for her.

I've never denied being selfish - no one can ever accuse me of that. I'd like to meet one person who is truly selfless - maybe Ghandi, Mother Theresa? I also want what is best for those around me and I truly believe that Dane and I can help Rhi the way she needs it. We've agreed to be harder on her (I know some would say that I am too hard on her - but what do they know about my relationship with Rhi behind closed doors, probably about the same amount as I know about their countless relationships) when it comes to finances and money so she can really get a grasp on her checkbook. Besides, we won't know anyone in Seattle, so the invitation to go out weekly won't be there.

So in all these rambles - I guess I just have to say that I am glad with how things are going. And I truly miss Dane. It's funny cause this whole summer I've been like "WHHHOOOO!!!!!" And now that I finally start to REALLY REALLY miss Dane, it's time to leave. So I'm like "Eh, I'll see him in two weeks. WWWHHHHOOOOOOO!!!" HAAH! Just kidding. I missed him a lot this weekend.

*raises cup* To Seattle AND BEYOOONNNDDD!!!!

This Just In!

I haven't heard from the Salvation Army in over a week and a half so I think that they filled the position. I'm a little shocked that I haven't heard from them telling me that they filled it, but whatever. I thought since they were talking about flying me up there that I was at least in the finals. Whatever.

AND THEN I got a call this morning from Becca at The Salvation Army apologizing for not calling me back and asking if I could fly up for an interview. I said I was fairly booked over the next 3 weeks between meetings, packing, lunches, dinners, seminars, finals, and other stuff so we worked out a second phone interview with the Director of Finance and the Director of Human Resources. It's next Wednesday at 4:15. I have a feeling that they want me, but I'm still nervous and scared that the director's might not like me. We'll see.

AHHH, it will be so nice if I have a job when I get to Seattle, then when I take a week off - it will really be like a vacation. Well, if it was meant to be, it will happen.

http://destroyusall.ytmnd.com/

Out of the Frying Pan....

And into the fire! These last 3 weeks are going to FLY by!! I have so much to do!! The garage sale was a success, after I took my cut, paid for breakfast and 2 lunches for Rhi and I, and expenses, Dane and I pocketed over $300. Considering most of this stuff was given to us to begin with and/or we would have been happy donating it, I think $300 is not bad! Basically it will pay for the passage to Washington which includes gas, meals, and one stay at a hotel. I got the kitty sedatives, started packing the garage, sorted through throw away stuff and donation stuff - I'm on a roll!!

This weekend was fun yet exhausting, you would not believe how tiring it is to sit in the shade and sell stuff. Well, we were also moving stuff around, jumping up and down all over the place. On Friday it was nonstop from 6:30 am - 12:30 pm our longest break lasting 10 min and 48 seconds (I was on the phone w/ Dane the whole time, that's how I know). Saturday was really slow, I closed by noon. In the evening I joined Rhi for a hockey game Kate was playing in, MAN can she skate and play or what!! She was the cleaniest skater out there, very graceful. All the other skaters where tripping over themselves trying to keep up with her. Afterwards we went to D&B with some teammates. That was fun for a while, but I wanted something more upbeat, so we went to Croc's. Had time for one drink then went home. We stayed up for a while but I was exhausted and crashed out in my comfy bed. Rhi time traveled on the couch. Sunday was a completely useless day, spent entirely on the couch watching movies and reading (I am reading The Thorn Birds). I broke down and went grocery shopping - I am so sick of fast food, but frozen food isn't much better. :( I am packing up the kitchen next weekend, so the food I had to get had to be something that wouldn't dirty a dish.

*sigh* Life is moving fast around me. A girl is just lucky to keep up.

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Time is moving slower than a pregnant snail. Now that I want to leave, things seem to be excruciating. I can't believe it is only the 2nd of August at the same time that I can't believe it IS the 2nd of August! In four weeks I will be driving to Tri-Cities, Washington. Wow.

I am so wishy washy. I think it's just my general age in life but also the events that I am working through. One second I don't want to go and I'm all confused, the very next second I'm all gung ho ready to go. I need to find the happy medium and just hang out there for the next 4 weeks. Enjoy my last moments in Colorado but positively look forward to my future in Washington. I've developed a list of things that I want to change about myself and habits I want to break somewhere between the Oregon and Washington borders.

1. I want more time with Dane and less time with acquaintances.
2. I want to eat healthier, I hope to find one of those Super Supper places in WA. http://www.suppersolutionsinc.com/
3. I want to wake up earlier and have more time for myself in the morning (actually eat breakfast at home, read the paper or a magazine, go for a walk)
4. I want to start going for evening walks with Dane
5. I want to cut back on spending and do my belly dance on tapes
6. I want to do yoga at least 3 times a week
7. I want to make my home a comfy place that I want to live in and come home to with decor and personal touches - I don't want it to be a mess or boring or anything like the Lameria house was.
8. I want to have more time for art, music, and dance.

Crap - this blog is tragically cut short due to my need to train the LOSER JOE!!!

Seattle or Bust Revisited!

I went back and looked at my April postings surrounding the initial idea to move to Seattle - as soon as we got the news, the waiting period, the offer, and since. And I thought I would revisit the FAQ's from April. I have decided to post both the original post and the revised post (in that order).

1. When will you leave?
Dane leaves for Seattle on April 24th. He will be back in Denver the end of May and *maybe* June (if we go to Jamaica/other). I will not leave till the end of September. I have school, work, rental lease, and other loose ends to tie up in Denver.

By now we all know that Dane has already left. My last day at the office will be August 26th, I am having a moving party August 28th, and I will leave with the truck, FXYLADY, 2 cats, and the Rhi on Monday morning, August 29th. Bon Voyage!

2. Does this mean I will never see Dane again?:
No. Friday, April 22nd, we are going to have a get-together to congratulate Dane on his job and see him off with warm hugs and wishes. Special guest appearances by Peck and (hopefully) Paula. The end of September will host the official going-away party for me and Dane.

At this point, Dane has already come and gone several times throughout the summer. We are not planning another visit for Dane nor are we having another going-away party, mine was July 15th.

3. What about the Luau?:
I am sorry, but the Luau is cancelled.

The luau was cancelled but we enjoyed a great luau at Randall and Shawndell's house in June.

4. Why are you moving to Seattle?:
Dane is moving because he was offered a great job opportunity complete with better pay, benefits, fringe benefits, better/bigger company, etc. I am moving because my options are: move with Dane or leave him. There is no question what I am choosing. I am excited to go to Seattle because I can learn the art of belly dance from the dazzling Delilah delightening and the lucious Laura Rose. :) Seattle is also bigger and has a bigger accounting community - for reasons I do not know. Seattle also has great universities for me to attend.

Dane is enjoying his great job and glad he made the move. So far he loves Seattle. I don't know if I will belly dance with Delilah live, I may just use her videos and occasionally attend workshops. I think I will be very picky about how I spend my free time and I would prefer to focus more energy on yoga. In the end though, I am moving to Seattle for a fresh start with Dane. I have a lot of baggage and weight on my "tree" in Colorado. Uprooting to a new place will give me the chance to shake the dead wood and branch off in new directions.

5. Is there a UOP in Seattle?:
Yes - there are 5 UOP locations for me to choose from. From there I will most likely attend Seattle University for my dual master's program.

While there are 5 UOP locations, there is only one location that teaches my program...on Saturdays...half online half on campus....But it will be okay. Since the accounting program there is 6 months behind me, I will fill September through March with 3 elective courses and a couple weeks off here and there. I will start my accounting program where I left off here on March 18 in a southern Seattle campus. From there I don't know what I will do, probably continue on with my Master's and get my CPA no later than 2010. After that I am still considering a law degree, however I don't feel that I will do it concurrently with my Master's in accounting.

6. Where will Dane live when he's in Seattle?:
Dane will reside in corporate housing until I come up in September. The house has high speed internet.

He still lives there but is currently house hunting for us.

7. Are you going to see Dane after he moves to Seattle? Will you be lonely?:
I will see Dane in May and June in Denver. I will probably fly up to Seattle to see him in July, August, and September so I can assume a job and help with the house hunting process. Yes, we will be extremely lonely and miss each other a lot, but we will both have a lot going on to keep us occupied. And there's always late night yahoo. :)

We have both been really lonely and confused and this has definitely taken a toll on us. I have been up to Seattle once, he has been to Denver twice, we went to Moab together, and had a rendez-vous in Portland. There has not been late night yahoo. There has been too much going on to keep us occupied.

8. How is Rhi handling this?:
Rhi is a trooper. She realizes this is a step Dane and I have to make and is supportive and helpful to the enth degree. She is considering her options at this time and will probably make more concrete decisions as the summer wears on. She is sad, but understands (better than I did at her age I might add) that this is a simple fact of life. We are all aware that distance in location does not mean there has to be a distance in friendship.

Rhi is still handling it well. We both feel that the relationship is not ready to be over yet, but we aren't sure what that means at this time. It will definitely be an adjustment for both of us to acclimate to life without each other, as we are both very dependent on each other in some ways, but we will persevere. It will be okay. I know we will always keep in touch.

9. Are you scared?:
I'm spooked outta my g*d-d*mned mind!! I have never cut the apron strings (so to speak). Although I have lived on my own for a while, I have never really been away from mommy and daddy and that will be a big adjustment for me to make. But I'm just as excited as I am scared.

I am still scared. But that comes and goes and now I tend to feel more excitement. Course that will change in another week so keep posted.

10. Will you have to rely on Dane?:
For what? No. Dane and I have always been both self-sufficient and each other's number one resource. I plan to have a job upon my arrival in Seattle. If not, then Dane and I will help each other out so that we realize the right path in the right time.

At this time, I will be paid through September which gives me the whole month of September without cutting into my savings to find a job. I have not heard back from Hopelink or Salvation Army so I assume that I did not get the job. Which is fine, I get the feeling that I have some worth while qualities and won't have any difficulty finding a job when the time is right. If nothing else, I have several contacts for temp work. To answer shortly - no, I will not be relying on Dane financially. For everything else though, he will be my #1 resource!

11. How do you feel about leaving C&C?:
I am very sad. Again, there was/is no question regarding my decision to follow Dane out to Seattle. Having said that, I am making certain concessions to be with him. Leaving an absolutely fabulous dream job is one of them. I have all the flexibility, benefits, mentoring, great pay, etc. that a 25 yr old could possibly want here. I love the people, I love the mission, I love what I do, I love my office, I love it. However, having said that - there is something to be said for being too comfortable and (as my friend Joe pointed out today) stagnant. He never stays at a job longer than 2 years and explained that he gets more experience that way, never gets bored or comfortable. I like that. I never planned on staying at C&C my whole career (thank you Paula) and as the beautiful Gwen Stefani would say "Whatchu waiting for? Take a chance, you stupid hoe. Take a chance cause you might grow."

If I wasn't already leaving, I would be leaving. I cannot believe what the powers that be are doing to such a formerly great nonprofit. They are raping the mission, depleting all funds, and ignoring the public outcry. Our employees have not received a raise in almost 2 years, many who were hired on at entry level have accepted promotions without pay increases and still work for their entry level pay. On the other hand, the company is so frivilous that they pay TWO CEO's a total of $210,000/year!!!!!! What they make individually is outrageous for a nonprofit our size let alone paying TWO PEOPLE that amount!! And one of the CEO's is completely unqualified!! No degree, no experience, she micro-manages, she belittles her employees. A horrible, horrible CEO. On top of that, I have climbed as far as I can here. My job no longer has any challenges, I can do it in my sleep. It's time to move on.

Ready...Set...GO!

I wish I could time travel to August 29th! This weekend was a lot of fun. We got a lot of work and play accomplished. Sam has started moving out, items that we don't want have made their way to the garage for sale. It's becoming physically obvious that Dane and I are moving. What has also become obvious is how I feel. I am ready to move. No longer confused, I am simply just waiting for time to pass. I'll explain further.

I've met a lot of new people in the past two months. Unfortunately I have been very confused during the last couple months and that presents a false image of not only who I am, but who I am with Dane. These wonderful people pick up on my fears and confusion and unwittingly perpetuate it - probing me for answers and justifications. Even people I have known for a while have second guessed my quest. All this and many other things have contributed to my craze. I have done an enormous amount of soul searching the last couple of weeks and have made immense progress - both over the course of two weekends and sometimes in a matter of two seconds. It boils down to the following: when Dane and I made the decision to go to Seattle (it was a joint effort for those who don't know or remember - I knew from the get go that the only way Dane would go is if I would, it sounded fun, I was ready for something different, and I would never stand in the way of this opportunity for Dane), we were in a stable, comfortable position. There was low drama in our life and the idea of a new, exciting city was irresistible. Understand, however, that that was over 4 months ago. We have been in limbo for a while. Had there only been 4 weeks between the decision and move, things might have been different - perhaps easier. Instead, we have had to deal with a myriad of emotions and hardships that even under normal circumstances would cause difficulties. Dane and I are away from each other, I am moving for the FIRST time in my life - I am a Denver native. Digging up my deep, deep roots and putting them in new soil is scary! I am in the middle of INTENSE accounting classes with an overwhelming amount of homework and material to cover. I am training my replacement at work - a task that I am almost ill prepared for. I have not had the time to do the things I love like yoga and belly dance. All these things have contributed to the unstability I feel in my life. Add a cute guy on that and you've got one freaked out chick. And understandably so.

It's taken 2 weeks and lots of rooting around for the causes of my confusion and anxiety, but I have discovered them as well as my conclusion. When my life was stable and I was in a calm atmosphere, I made a decision to move to Seattle. And no matter how scary it is, I know in my heart of hearts that it is the right move for me. Making a decision to stay in Denver just because of fear would be rash and possibly lead to even more heartache and confusion. Once I realized this, my fear literally evaporated and the anxiety was overcome with excitement to leave Denver and join my partner for my new life in Seattle.

Time Travel

Peck is in town. Really the blog would be complete with that first sentence, but for story's sake I'll divulge.

So I met with Rhi at Lodo's and we quietly drank a beer waiting for Peck, Amy, and Dee to show up. They showed up one by one during the second beer and we sat and chatted, caught up, played music trivia, and heckled the Time Warner employees from all over the states: Memphis, Orlando, Atlanta, Manhattan, Santa Barbara, Orange County, Portland, and a few others. Before I knew what happened, we were toasted!! Dancing, talking to everyone at the bar, play fighting, text messaging Dane in incomplete thoughts and sentences. It was a great time!!! I got home around 1 I think and immediately passed out on the lawn. After bugs started crawling up my legs I decided to muster up all my strength and sobriety and make it up to my room or inside at least. I staggered up the stairs and crashed into poor Sam's door, waking him up. I passed out there for a while, Sam came out and was like "Wow. On a Wednesday?" I finally made it to my room and that was it. Dee and Peck came over soon after that and Dee helped me take off my jewelry and jacket and put a cold cloth on my head. She was going to put me in the bed, but we all stopped her from making that mistake. That's the last thing I remember. I time traveled to 7:30 am and then jumped into bed and slept till 10 arriving at work at 11:45.

In other news, it sounds like I have a real shot at the Salvation Army job - I will post more as the information comes in.

Note to self: do not forget to pick up Dane tonight. YEAH!!

All I've Ever Wanted

So we all know that I have been confused and scared lately for a variety of reasons, namely - I am moving away from all that is secure and known to a place that is literally exotic compared to what I am comfortable with. I am scared of the constantly changing relationship I have with Dane. We all know that I sought some sort of comfort with Blue then quickly realized that I didn't want to push the boundaries with Dane. So in an effort to allieviate the confusion and find a ground zero I met with Dane in Portland for a rendez-vous.

I flew standby to PDX and got on the 8 o'clock flight by the skin of my teeth. I arrived in Portland and immediately went to work at the C&C PDX office - this was cool because I was able to log a full days work, get stuff done at the PDX office at little expense to the company. I spent the afternoon training Kelly and waiting for Dane. We met up at 5:30 and went to the Mark Spencer hotel, the only hotel available. We got ready, I wore my new black cocktail dress that Dane purchased for me the last time he was in Denver but in my haste to pack, I neglected to pack a pair of undies and each time the wind flared up, so would my dress. On top of that, I only packed what I was going to wear, nothing extra - a first for me, I always pack extra stuff "just in case". I didn't even pack my glasses - I had no room. Well my one and only black halter top with built in bra combusted, so I had no shirt for Saturday. So Dane and I made a B-line for a mall to look for undies and a shirt. We found a mall downtown and luckily Express had a really cute top on sale ($14.99) and across from Express was Victoria's Secret where I found the most comfortable, perfect thong ever!!!! With the crisis adverted, Dane and I walked to 4th and Washington to a Greek restaurant that had great food and live entertainment. We listened to Greek music, danced and participated in Greek traditions including flinging plates and the famous "Oupa!" shots. It was a great time. I ended up drinking more than I should have so Dane and I called it an early night.

Saturday we walked the Pearl District, got my nails fixed and a pedicure, ate lunch at a great Chinese restaurant, drank Starbucks on the street car, browsed used book and clothing stores, and then made our way to the hippest boutique hotel in Portland (how Dane pulled strings to get us in is beside me) the Jupiter Hotel. Think college dorm meets Travelodge. People would pull kegs into their rooms, leave the doors wide open, party all night, urban decor, awesome awesome place. Except I had a killer headache and my eye was swollen and red. We took a nap then decided to find a place to eat. Not convinced that the food at the Jupiter would be any better than a greasy spoon pad, I wanted to walk around. Dane thought we should stay. We walked around for almost 2 hours over 35 blocks and found nothing worth while. We finally went back to Jupiter exhausted and sat down for dinner to find ourselves having amazing food at amazing prices. I had to smile at myself and the situation and the irony of it all. I put my fork down, grabbed Dane's hand and said "Sometimes you have to look all over town at what's available to discover that what you wanted most was right there all along, all yours." He sat there stunned for a moment then admitted that he wasn't sure what to feel but that it was an astounding analogy. I smiled, he smiled and we enjoyed the rest of our night very quietly admist the partiers of Portland.

Sunday we made the most of our urban, freaky room before checking out. We took a cab to the Lloyd Center and arrived just in time to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. During the trailers, the lights came on and the movie stopped. Confused, we looked around to find that a woman in the back row had died - not breathing, not moving, just sitting there mouth agape. There was no panic, just silence, stillness, and confusion. Dane and I were wondering why no one was doing anything but almost instantly the paramedics arrived. An older man claiming to be the woman's son said "Please do not rescusitate her, I have her DNR orders right here, this is not the first time this has happened." The paramedics obliged and moved to pick her up and move her out of the theatre, when they did so, the woman's neck flopped forward and it was obvious that she was not alive. I ran out the theatre to fake stand in line at the concession stand just to see if the paramedics would honor her wishes. Normally paramedics don't (and shouldn't) honor DNR orders. A piece of history, DNR orders are for people who are already admitted into a hospital for a procedure or surgery of some sort, they are not meant to be honored in emergent situations where you are not stabilized. But in this case the son had the orders and provided all the information necessary and we all just stood around and waited patiently and compassionately for the woman to die. When she was pronounced dead, they put a blanket over her and wheeled her away, the son apologized to the theatre who in return shouted their condolences. The staff members passed out free movie passes for the "inconvenience" and the movie went on as planned. After the tramatic events and the good humored movie, Dane and I walked to the mall but could not stash our bags anywhere while we shopped. Instead we noticed an ice rink and it just so happened to be public skating. We rented skates and had a very impromptu, romantic afternoon ice skating. Afterwards we left each other, I to the East on the Max, Dane to the West in a cab. I was bound for a plane, he for a train.

It was sad leaving him again, but not quite as bad this time for I will see him again soon. I maintain that airports are the place to go to pick up on people - once again I was hit on at the PDX airport, I was flattered and embarrassed. I always feel bad when guys have enough guts to ask me out and I have to tell them that I have a partner. It makes things so awkward. I got a seat on the plane right away and slept most of the way back to Denver. Once home (for now) I talked to Peck all the way home, she is in town this week. We had fun and giggled and made plans for the week.

All in all it was a good weekend. I'm less confused now and things are settling back into place. I interviewed with the Salvation Army for an hour yesterday - first time I wore a tank top, Cubs hat, and smoked during an interview (I like this whole phone interview thing). We'll see if I hear back from them. I'm nervous about joining such a right wing religious nonprofit, but the Salvation Army is as people-compassionate as one can get. I'm not sure, we'll see.

THESE are the facts.....

I love Dane. I miss Dane. My life is with Dane.

I am freaking out because I am scared. I am scared he will leave me now that he's well-to-do and can find someone better so I prepare a plan B, or Blue as the case may be. I am scared to leave Denver, I am scared to start a new life in a new city far away from all that is comfortable. I am scared to admit that this long-distance thing is really hard. I am scared to admit how much I really do love Dane.

Faced with the tormenting thought that he might not be around or that I might do something to compromise our relationship brought me to my knees in tears. I can't imagine losing him, especially to someone as silly as Blue. Blue is not even 1/10th the man Dane is - I'm such a silly woman. I am just scared and acting out.

Immediately I booked a flight to go see Dane this weekend - I have so much to do at home but I will lose my mind if I don't see him...NOW!!! I didn't even think about it, I just booked the flight and now we have all these arrangements to make and who is going to care for the cats and where will we stay - it's totally crazy!! I don't do stuff like this. But I have to see him, I have to. I can't wait another week, I don't care what I have to do or push off till next week or whatever - I HAVE to see him.

So toodles Blue, you are a great man - but I have an even greater man who is already in love with me and who I love back. There is no room for Blue in my black and white relationship with Dane. Only lots of polka dots. :)

Sleepless in Seattle or Confused in Colorado

I am totally confused and I have absolutely no reason to be. Here are the facts:
1. I love Dane, he is my life partner, I am moving to Seattle to be with and grow old with him.
2. I am attracted to a blue collar, divorced man with 3 kids and a Datsun.

When I follow my thoughts through to conclusion, there is only one - but it doesn't clear any of my confusion. And then THAT confuses me why I am so confused?!?! I think "why am I even confused, I've been with Dane 4 years, I've seen Blue 4 times." But I can't explain it. He constantly probes me about Dane and what am I going to do and "if things were different". I just stare at him and think - "what am I doing". I look at him and all I can do is think of Dane. Every word that comes out of Blue's mouth is compared to what D would say. And I think - so what's the deal Crystal, why are you confused.

Then I get depressed and crawl into a dark place and wonder what is wrong with me. After doing a lot of soul searching last night I am still confused, but I realize that I am probably just going through some weirdo emotions because Dane is gone. Yeah sure Blue is sexy and a perfect gentleman and the amount of respect he has for me and Dane and our relationship makes him that much more attractive to me, but Dane is....Dane is...WOW. Dane is my Mr. Man. No one can replace him. No matter how good looking or how strong the mental connection is.

I love my Dane. I miss him. I want to be with him. *SIGH*

Going Away

This weekend is my last weekend to cut loose. After this it's all work and no play. I planned my summer so that I could relax and have fun the 1st half and then work hard the last 6 weeks to complete all the tasks necessary to move. In retrospect I am glad I planned it that way. May and June were all about partying hard, whooping it up, and acting bad cause "dad's gone" (his words, not mine). Well now all that has worn off and I'm sitting here like "I really miss Dane" so luckily there has only been a few weeks of missing Dane and shuffling my feet around wondering what to do and where to go. After this weekend, I have my work cut out.

So here is my itinerary for the next 6 weeks/weekends:

3rd weekend in July: Dinner with Vince and Joe from JoeAb, SATC, lots of yardwork/cleaning, going away party at Bennigan's and Brunswick Zone in Lone Tree, Donor Dash, Botanic Gardens, and homework.

4th weekend in July: Organize and price all garage sale items and move into the garage, go through already packed/stored items and organize or prepare a trash/donation run, Zach's 2nd b-day, homework, yardwork.

5th weekend in July: Dane is in town to help with packing and pricing his garage sale stuff and stuff to take with us, move the heavy stuff into the garage for the sale, develop a packing/organizing method to easily ascertain what is in what box and where it will be located, pack the stuff we don't need.

1st weekend in August: Garage sale round 1 on Friday, round 2 on Saturday. From 7 - 2 (or later) Rhi and I (with special guest help) will be manning the garage sale. Other than that, we will do yardwork and rest!

2nd weekend in August: If I need to, I will have another garage sale on Saturday. If not, then I will make a couple trips to the Goodwill. Then once the garage is clear, I will start moving already packed boxes into the garage for easy loading.

3rd weekend in August: Rhi's dad will be in town, so I imagine I will go out once or twice with them to the Cubs game and maybe another place. Otherwise I will be packing up every room in the house save the bedroom furniture - I will pack the loft, computers, tv room, books, dance room, misc living areas, my clothes, most of the bathroom, all of the kitchen, most decorations. Rhi and I decided that the 3rd week in August would be "Honor Take-Out Restaurants" week where we would celebrate restaurants that offer take-out by eating take-out with plastic-ware. Actually all our dishes and cooking utensils will be packed.

4th weekend in August: Pack the bedrooms, pack any remaining stuff, move boxes into garage, clean the house like no tomorrow, stain the scratches on the doors, have a moving party on Sunday at 6:00 with pizza and beer where everyone comes over and for one hour we move all the stuff from the garage into the rental truck and then enjoy food and drink and fellowship.

August 29th, 9:00am: Push off for Seattle via SLC and Umatilla, WA.

Six Minutes

In six minutes I will begin training again. So this will be fast. The weekend was nice - I've had some pretty confusing times this last week. I think it has to do with:
1. Dane coming and going
2. Outside influences
3. Tons of homework, housework, errands, and chores
4. No time to do yoga in over a week
5. Training Joe and the overwhelming task of replacing myself (that sounds worse than I mean it)
6. The "whoo-hoo Dad's gone" has worn off and I really miss Dane
7. I've lost weight but kind of let my diet plan slip away

All these things have contributed to a very irritated, depressed, confused Crystal. I will write more later as things become more clear to me and I have sorted out my feelings. I look forward to yoga tonight and so far my diet is back on track. I have also deleted some outside influences that have contributed to my confusion - I felt better immediately.

Life

*sigh* I think the rep I have is somewhat unearned. I have this reputation for needing to control things and being bossy and whatever. Here's my take on it - some of the best managers and seminar leaders will tell you that delegation is one of the hardest things to learn for managers. Well I have that skill down pat. I also know that when I delegate things that it is my responsibility if they screw up. So I delegate the easy stuff and complete the rest on my own. Call me controlling but shit gets done and gets done right most of the time. Every now and again something slips through the cracks or in rare circumstances when it is not appropriate for me to control things, I let it go and hope for the best. And time and time again I am disappointed. Then I have to realize that what is easy to me is not easy to others. It is my fault that things didn't turn out right, or rather "the way I wanted them". I take a deep sigh and realize that I should have just handled things. It's not a big deal in the small picture, but I am not a small picture person - I always look at the whole forest, not just the trees. For me small events similar to the ones mentioned above only affirm my fears of delegation and NOT controlling things. I don't know what to do!! Should I just let go and let everything fall to shit?! Should I control more?! ARGH!!! I will now share something my dad wrote to me, it's what I read in times like this:

"The point I have been working toward, is that although you are one of the most brilliantly gifted persons I know in your strengths, you will never be able to fully attain alone, you need a team. Your team members are (in order of importance): your life partner, your family, your friends, your associates at work. Anytime you degrade any of your team members openly or in your mind and attitude you also degrade yourself. The closer they are to you on the team chart, the more it affects you. Anytime you see someone stumble in something you are strong in, like your dad misspelling a word or your boyfriend lacking a little organization, resist the urge to react critically of them. Because there are things you are weak in, like economics, and there are things they are strong in, even if it is only keeping their cool when you have lost yours."

8 Truths and 2 Lies Revealed

1. I think Marilyn Manson is sexy.

True - I admire his musical and artistic talent as well as his unique identity. I think his work is powerful. He is not afraid to break free of the Hollywood norm and that is a very respectful trait.

2. Birds stress me out.

BIRDS ARE FAT CREATURES THAT DON'T DO ANYTHING!!! THEY ALWAYS SIT AROUND IN THE MOST OBSCURE PLACES AND JUST SIT THERE AND DON'T DO ANYTHING!!! OR WHEN THEY ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING - IT'S WEIRD!!! AND THEY ARE ALWAYS IN CLUSTERS JUST MILLING AND DOING NOTHING!!!!

3. I failed math in high school.

This is true. I had to take Algebra I and II at the community college the summer after I graduated in order to get my diploma. And now look at me! HA!

4. My high school sweethart was Isis' father.

This is a big, fat negative. My high school sweethart was Brendon C. - a wonderful, gentle human being. Isis' father is Mike N. That's the nicest thing I can say about Mike.

5. I love love love Sex and the City.

Yes yes yes!! SATC is a great, entertaining yet somewhat realistic show that has great stories and connections and dynamic. I really feel like I am friends with those women - great, captivating show!!

6. I have matured and calmed down a lot in the past 2 years.

Believe it or not, this is true. It's actually not that hard to believe, most people tend to calm down and mature over the years with age and wisdom. Alas, I too am subject to this trend.

7. I get a pedicure every two weeks.

False!! I get a manicure every two weeks. If I could afford a pedicure both in dollars and time, then I would get one every two weeks, but I have never habitually received pedicures.

8. I am a Denver/Colorado native.

Word.

9. I am very active in my community and support a myriad of nonprofits, charities, and other volunteer projects.

This is true. I am a member of the Botanic Gardens, Colorado Mountain Club, and Compassion & Choices (as well as work there). I contribute my money to the aforementioned organizations as well as Denver Rescue Mission, Child Help USA, Donor Alliance, and a variety of other random charities at nonmaterial amounts (Children's Hospital, Susan B. Komen Fund, etc.). I have volunteered at the Botanic Gardens, Children's Hospital, Compassion & Choices, and Donor Alliance. Nonprofits are GGGGRRRRRR-E-A-T!!!!

10. Dane and I have been together going on 4 years.

We celebrated 3 full years together this year in Seattle in April when we visited our new home for the first time together. As we progress through the year, we are celebrating our 4th Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, Christmas, etc. It is quite fun to look back and reminence about what we did each year.

8 Truths and 2 Lies

1. I think Marilyn Manson is sexy.
2. Birds stress me out.
3. I failed math in high school.
4. My high school sweethart was Isis' father.
5. I love love love Sex and the City.
6. I have matured and calmed down a lot in the past 2 years.
7. I get a pedicure every two weeks.
8. I am a Denver/Colorado native.
9. I am very active in my community and support a myriad of nonprofits, charities, and other volunteer projects.
10. Dane and I have been together going on 4 years.

To Be Bad

So I thought I was horribly bad with my diet this whole weekend and I felt guilty and blah blah and then I calculated everything out on my diet manager and while I broke my caloric limit, it wasn't anywhere NEAR what I thought it would be. Now if I had actually done my yoga on top of this - I probably would have been A-OK. But here's the break-thru, I can be a little bad here and there (in moderation) and still be okay. I satisfied my Taco Bell, Chinese food, and KFC craving and still kept within a decent range of my caloric intake - GGGGOOOO me!!!

Last weekend was a lot of fun. My intermediate class is killing me...and the other students apparently - the teacher let us go early on Thursday. I could have met Amy and Rhi for drinks but I am trying to watch my calories and I have NO money - they offered to pay, but I didn't even *hangs head and mumbles* have the money in gas to get there. I tried coercing them into Lodo's so I could go, but it didn't work. Oh well - wasn't meant to be. Instead I went home and completed my homework for Friday and Saturday. Then when that was done and I wasn't tired I decided to just sit in the quiet of the night and be. Not call anyone, not do anything, not think about the upcoming move or Dane or work or school. Just be. I listened to all the noises the night had to offer, paid attention to the details of the clouds, the moon, the planes crossing the sky, made myself aware of my inhales and exhales. Just when I was relaxed and calm my phone rings and its the girls wanting to know what I am doing. I am still broke and watching my weight so I decline the additional invite to go out with them. *sigh* To be young and not care - I want it back!!

Friday I watched my diet all day, consuming a grand total of 600 calories in food. That was only so I could consume a lot more in alcohol. I went over my limit, but not by much. I can't believe I had enough discipline to sit at Dave & Busters and only order a salad with no dressing. My roommates ordered burgers and ate fries and cake and I poked at a dry, flavorless salad. But in the end, I am happy - it shows I am really starting to do what it takes to lose weight. After much fun at D&B it was time to go to the Deadbeat. Rhi and I danced to Wolfschiem - formerly Dane and I's song (I am not sure how to grammatically say that correctly). Then we had fun and talked and danced. Barry (as in Barry White but not really Barry White) talked with us for a while and had fun. He is a Forensic Animater - he recreates accidents for insurance companies and other outside companies. He came back with us to the house and played a couple rounds of Taboo before I had to hit the hay. It wasn't quite a floor night but I did sleep on top of the covers.

I woke up Saturday morning (okay afternoon) to my cat in the CUTEST position in the world and a stomach about ready to go on strike. I rallied the troops and together we ordered from our favorite Chinese restaurant. Rhi and I prepared for our 4th season SATC-athon. The boys did their own thing and we watched almost every episode in the 4th season. We ate our Chinese food all throughout the day never really stopping for lunch or dinner, just constantly munching. We thought about showering (not together!), or maybe hanging out on the lawn, or doing something productive. Instead we decided to take a nap on the couch and "rest" before watching anymore episodes. That was 10:00 pm.

Next thing you know it was 11:30 am on Sunday - there Rhi and I are on the couch, cats and soda cans EVERYWHERE, Chinese food laying out, PBJ stains - it was bad. It looked like a parcel of 13 year olds spent the night, not two twenty-something women. We are so bad!!! Not wanting another day of doing nothing productive, Rhi and I decided to raid the house for any change lying around and hit Taco Bell. Then we spent the afternoon sunning ourselves at my parent's pool. Then, as Rhi said we "ate everything that wasn't nailed down". More Rhi than me though. Once we gorged ourselves and had family fun at my parents house we went home and actually cleaned up, I did some homework, we made plans to weed tomorrow. All in all a good, productive day.

It was a great weekend and even if I didn't accomplish everything on my "to-do" list - I accomplished a lot of nothing that I never seem to have time to pencil in and sometimes that's just what you need to do.

This week and weekend will be a tail spin!! Tonight and tomorrow is weed-pulling, homework, yoga, and nail night - trying to get ready for the weekend, which almost starts on Wednesday at 11:30 am for lunch at Lodo's and then a baseball game at Coors Field. Thursday is school and then Drew's birthday celebration at McDunnah's then off to pick up Mr. Man at midnight. Friday Dane and I will prepare for the garage sale and generally clean up the house for game night in the evening. Saturday we will make Dane order Chinese food and watch SATC S1, then probably go downtown in the evening. Sunday is a pool party and BBQ followed by the foam party at Pollyesther's. And so far we have nothing but relaxation and fun planned for the 4th. Probably an early night as Dane will need to be at the airport by 5 am and ready to work upon arrival in WA. I CAN'T WAIT!!!

The Cat is Out of the Bag....

Or house as it were. My landlord knows (for how long I'm not sure) that we have cats. I don't know if he knows how many cats we have or how he found out, but he knows. *sigh* He was actually more upset about the weeds in our backyard and how dry the lawn was than anything else. So I'm hoping that if I really crack down and make the lawn pretty, then we will get all or most of our deposit back (cross your fingers!!).

I am training Joe on my job and he is doing a great job, bless his heart, but he's asking a lot of GOOD questions that are way too complex to explain this early in the game. But it's good that he's asking them, it shows that he's understanding and/or at least picking up on fundamental concepts. But on my end it is overwhelming. I never really have to think about my job I've been doing it so long. And I picked up on the elements of my job over a long period of time through experience and learning from school. So what my job has morphed into has been over time and as I have been ready and willing to take it on. Well now the company's accounting department hinges on all the tasks that I inherently know how to do now. And training someone how to do all the things that I do when they don't have any basis is hard. I actually had to take a break yesterday, Joe was all ready to keep going but I was like "BREAK TIME!!!" He really is smart and I have no doubt that he will do this job great, it will just take all the time I have left to get him there.

Intermediate Accounting is kicking my ass. Since I only have 2 more months of a flexible schedule, I am taking advantage of it. I told Marcia that I'd like my schedule to be "in and around 8:30 or 9 to in or around 5:30 to 6 leaving at 3:45 on Fridays". She said no problem. So instead of 4:30 yoga at Highlands Ranch, I will do 6:30 yoga at Cherry Hills. Should work out fine. So now I won't get home till around 8:30 or so, but I will have more time in the evening to do my 2 hours of homework. It's so intense - I can see why people abandon the accounting profession. Furthermore, I've decided to NOT do a concurrent degree at University of Washington, instead I will continue at UOP right through my accounting master's program, hopefully sitting for the CPA exam early 2010, then I can have the summer off to apply for law school at UW. That way I can study for the LSAT's and if I can't make Fall 10 admissions, I can try for Fall 11 but still have my accounting degree and certification, so my career isn't on hold (a possibility if I can't make Fall 07 admissions for the concurrent degree). Why do everything at once? I can do it, there's plenty of time - no need to do everything NOW NOW NOW.

Other than the pressures of school, training Joe, and the landlord complaints life is really good. I am sticking to my diet and loosing weight. I am back on track with my yoga despite the Seattle vacation. The move and what not seems to be progressing just fine, course ask me that in a few weeks when I'm preparing for the garage sales and stuff - I'm sure I'll have a different outlook. Dane was almost shocked and scared last weekend. Several times he asked me if I was okay and I had to turn to him, quietly smile and tell him that I was absolutely marvelous and content - a state he has rarely seen me in but will see me in a lot more I imagine. *sigh* To grow older and calmer - seems we are all "doomed" for this! *laughs* I love it.

Fremont Summer Solstice

What an amazing weekend!! Here it is:

Friday - Apparently the airport is the place to go to be hit on. I tried to get my homework done in the smoking lounge however there was a really cute and really drunk man from Alabamer who was interested in talking to me. He gave me his business card, though I don't know what I would do with it even if I was single. He tried to say he was 30 but looking at his laugh wrinkles and salt and pepper hair - I'd have to call his bluff. Then I got as much homework done as possible sitting next to the stereotypical horny old man who would not shut up and Mr. Seizures in the seat in front of me. Not a big deal except my laptop was on the tray and everytime he would have a "fit" it would earthquake my laptop off the tray!! So finally I had to cradle my laptop and TRY to read while the old guy next to me propositioned me to live on Bainbridge Island with him. *sigh* Once off the plane I ran into Dane's arms and cuddled him for a while. I changed and then it was off to Kobleh for a Persian dinner. AWESOME FOOD!!!! I hardly ate any of it though, I felt so bad. Then Dane got me a real gold and diamond heart shaped necklace - AAAAAWWWWWEEEEEE!!!! He took me to Starbucks Corporate office with a HUGE clocktower and just the top of the Starbucks lady's face peering out over the clock - it freaks Dane out, I was in awe. Then we met up with Laura Rose and crew at the Buckaroo for some.....beer. And that's it. Apparently there exists a law in Washington that says if you serve hard liquor, you must also have "hot dishes" on your menu. So a lot of bars serve beer only. Odd but true. Then we walked down to another bar but met some of LR's friends on the way and decided to go back to the Buckaroo. We drank and laughed and had a great time till it was time to cab it home.

Saturday - Up and at em at 7:00. Dane and I got donuts at the shop next to our hotel and headed out towards Fremont. Laura Rose and I got ready while Dane napped. The only thing that I wore that was mine was my underoos and skirt - everything else was courtesy of Laura Rose and man did she do a good job dressing me up!!! We looked amazing - she went for this way cool fro-hock look with awesome eye-makeup and dressed me in tribal coins and jingly jangles with dread falls and a touch of sunburst flowers and accessories. I did my eyemake up like a sun and it was off to the parade. The parade was absolutely amazing, there is NOTHING like it anywhere else in the world!! I come from a town that gets upset over the proper language of their EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS parade not from a town that celebrates the beautiful Pagan Solstice and all the beauty diversity has to offer. We saw nude bicyclists, a nude woman just watching the parade, and many political opinions about Bush, gay marriage, marijuana legalization, and others but all done without words or logos - simply art. The Visionary Dance troupe was over 100 women strong this year! I am so lucky to be Laura Rose's friend, she could have just as easily made me a water girl or go-getter, instead she dressed me all up and plopped me smack dab in the front of the troupe - I had the time of my life. The easiest thing to do would be provide the link to my pics posted on yahoo. http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/blondninjachick/album?.dir=/b835 After the parade it was manditory nap time then off to dinner and the Noc Noc for good old fashioned Goth fun. We hung out at the studio after the club closed for drinks and fellowship.

Sunday - Dane paid extra for us to sleep in thank God. After we checked out we went to lunch at an upscale Southern dining restaurant - pretty good. Then we hit Pike Place again, the port, and then said goodbye to downtown Seattle and made our way to the movie theater by the airport and saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith, a good movie. I was at the airport with 5 minutes to spare before my two hour mark. I said goodbye to Dane, I already missed him, then tried to study with my Starbucks, but couldn't. Instead a took a nap till we boarded the plane then once on the plane I watched Hitch for the ride home. I was fortunate enough to sit next to Offensive Chinese Food man - I had to hold my nose and mouth for almost the entire trip to keep from vomiting. It was horrible. Once in Denver I found Rhi and drove home.

Today I have spent the day doing laundry, catching up on homework and my rest - I was supposed to go to work but I was just too damn exhausted to do so. Wuss, I know.

I can't wait till Dane comes back in two weeks - it will be so fun. I can already feel myself detaching from Denver - it's weird not having a home. I mean, this is home and it's nice but it doesn't quite have the feel it once did. I really cannot wait to pack everything up and move. I just want to get rid of most everything I own, like shedding a skin. This rebirth will be amazing and I can't wait!!!

YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!

I leave for Seattle in a matter of hours!! I can't wait!!! I look like Goldilocks right now with my hair in tight curls but they will loosen up on the plane. I am in my going out outfit already though it is covered up for work. I totally cheated on breakfast and so now I had to cut other calories out of my diet. Babble babble babble. Okay so here it is, the schedule!

Friday evening: The plane will land at 7:30 and then Dane is taking me to dinner at a sooprise location. After that we are meeting friends for drinks at their Fremont loft. I probably won't drink much as I totally ate too much for breakfast.

Saturday: I have to be at Delilah/Laura Rose's studio by 9:00 am to get ready for the Fremont Summer Soltice parade in which I will be a "Gong Girl". YESSSS!!! The link to the parade, in case you are interested is: http://www.fremontartscouncil.org/ After the parade it is scheduled nap time (thank God) then it is off to party at a show at the Fenix http://www.fenixunderground.com/ and/or the Noc Noc http://www.clubnocnoc.com/ I got the BEST outfit to wear - I can't wait till Dane can see it!! It's from Hot Topic, now the link is the top only, the skirt is black with red satin ribbon corsets on the sides, strappy black shoes, red scarf around neck, and 40's glamour style hair with classy barettes. http://www.hottopic.com/store/product.asp?LS=0&ITEM=265793&RN=155

Sunday: Hang out all day with Dane doing whatever - movie, shopping, both. Back in Denver by 11:45. WORD!!

I CAN'T WAIT I CAN'T WAIT I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

Purity in the Park

So last week while talking to Jamie, I realize that I miss my youth and want to go to Six Flag Elitch Gardens. I message Jamie and invite her to come on out, course now that she is married I invited her and her wonderful, hysterical husband Brandon out as well. So not wanting to be the odd man out, I called upon my tried and true date, Rhi. We make plans for Wed, the 15th.

The 15th - Rhi and I left work slightly early so we could get a good 5 hours in at Elitch's. Arriving at 5 on the motorcycle (hey - it costs NINE BUCKS to park a car and FREE on the bike!) we walked inside to find the screaming deal *ba dump dump* of the Sling Shot (300 ft yo yo catapult) and XLR8R (I call this the St Louis Swing) for $30 for both rides. Always one for a bargain and a perpetual broke ass bitch - I decide to go for it and Rhi takes plunge just as willingly. Now I have seen both these rides and riden the XLR8R twice, Rhi on the other hand has no clue what the rides are and literally blindly signs on the line. Then she notices what we are in for and glowers at me then cowers in fear. I say my patented "WHAT?!" and we jump on the Sling Shot. Very appropriately Metallica's Freight Train song was playing, which I thought was a nice touch. Well the Sling Shot was awesome, I made sure to scream my loudest EFF YEAH (only this time I didn't say "eff" I said the real deal).

XLR8R was even better, I forgot how high you get. At the last minute I thought about the "what if's" and decided I was moderately scared, then quickly came back to the moment and said "let er rip!!" Rhi was skeered to pull the cord, she had me and the guy manning the machine yelling at her to pull it. She did and off we went - IT IS ALWAYS SO EXHILERATING!!! After that the rest of the rides were just child's play.

We had a great time practicing our yoga inhales and exhales on the rides, making fun of (and being made fun of by) teenie bopper girls. Jamie and Brandon met up with us around 7:30. We had fun squishing each other on the Rainbow. The Half Pipe was not worth the wait. The Thunder Bolt was out of order. I lost the meditation round on the Troika. We never did desicrate the park like we wanted to - the "God Squad" was busy at the Purity concert so the timing never lined up. I was good and only had a couple bites of Rhi's root beer float. Hmm, we never rode the carosel either...But we f*cked the tea cups up hard core!!! I just can't spin like that like I used to. *sigh* But we hung in there and worked out our arms.

In other news my diet is going well. I have been monitoring my consumption (every calorie) and my exercise as well as my daily weight and I am progressing. I can tell a difference when I look in the mirror too. Maybe I will drop these stubborn pounds!

Tonight - last minute touches for my newest goth costume, it has a STRONG 40's Burlesque touch to it - I wish I knew how to style my hair in 40's glamour though (to the internet), pedicure courtesy of Dane (I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!), Noodles (cause there are none in Seattle), school, and then I have to pack for Seattle but I have my trusty list ready and all the clothes are clean, it's just a matter of putting them in my bag.

Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.
 

Slow it Down!

What a great weekend!!!

Thursday night I bombed the accounting exam and then promptly went for 7 stiff drinks with Paula. We had a great time, I always forget how seemingly different she is in person. She really isn't different, but so much can be said and soothed with a gentle laugh or bouncing brown eyes. It was great seeing her.

Friday night was meant for a mellow time at home, hanging out. Amy came over and we played games all night. I drank a bottle of wine and had a great time. Just the two of us playing Battleship, Trivial Pursuit, and Two Man Taboo. We had PBJ snacks at midnight and talked and laughed and listened to music and I wondered why I would ever go to a bar or club when all I needed was at home. No trouble, no drama, no sleezy men, no bar tab. It was great. Even though I drank so many calories it was a good night - I didn't spend any money!

Saturday was spent completing homework, napping, yoga, and misc chores around the house. Amy, Rhi, and I ate Chinese food while watching SATC when we noticed an issue with Stinker that Dewey was trying to tell us about all day. We immediately rushed her to the vet and two hours later took a trippin kitty home complete with meds. Amy left with a headache, Rhi and Sam left for Denver, and I curled up with my kitties in bed and watched another 3 SATC episodes. It was awesome to relax in the quiet house. I figured since I drank Thursday and Friday that Saturday was my Sunday.

Pause - I am trying so hard to lose weight and it just isn't coming off and then Dane talks about all the petite women he's hanging out with and I don't get jealous, I get frustrated that *I* can't be that petite woman. And I never will be!!! So then I get down on myself and sad and I just don't understand what the deal is. I watch what I eat and consume from 1200 - 1500 calories a day - not a lot. I go to yoga 5 - 6 times a week, ride my bike 2 times a week amongst other exercise. I eat healthy food, never have fast food, and when I do eat out - I eat healthy salads, or soups, or sandwiches. So the bottom line is that isn't enough I guess. So I will cut drinking down to one night a week (from 2 nights a week - HEY! I can't annhilate ALL my fun), Starbucks to one time a week (from 2 - 3 times a week), and eating out to 3 - 4 times (from 5 -6 times a week). That seems like a lot of eating out, but like I said - what's the difference between a homemade salad and a salad from Black Eyed Pea? I just wish I could drop these stubborn 20 lbs. I think back and realize that I have been 20 lbs heavier and I should be happy to have shed those, but I only have 20 to go and they just WONT come off!! ARGH!!!

Sunday was spent working at work to make up for Moab, homework - I got it all done for the day! Laundry, more cleaning. I went to a new yoga class "Foundations of Core Power Yoga" it was a great class with a great teacher. But I fear that I am suffering from Yoga Hangover today (just like the teacher warned) - I went too far into pidgeon pose. *sigh* After yoga I continued with my chores, ate a balanced meal, completed my homework and went to bed.

Great stuff this weekend. I feel great today. I can't wait to go to Seattle this weekend, I need to see my Dane. I miss him. *whimper* Soon enough.

Choices

Since April I have made a lot of choices. And every choice I have made I have countered, buckled on, withheld, defended, let go, retreated from, come back to, thought about, jumped into, and mulled over till there was nothing left to do but accept the choice(s) I made. Then during a yoga session it dawned on me. I can accept my decisions without all that hoopla. Huh. What an interesting concept. And not only can I accept my decisions, I can think about them before I make them rather than doing everything NOW NOW NOW.

Since that yoga insight I have learned to respond instead of react. I have been quietly reflecting in and listening to my breath and my inner voice. And you know what?! Not everyone will agree with what my breath and voice says. And that's okay. I understand that everyone has their own life and their own choices to deal with. And more importantly I understand that only the individual has to live with the choices they make. If Sally decides to do ____, then Beth can accept Sally's choice and respond accordingly or not at all. And Sally may or may not like how Beth responds to her choice. But it is Beth's response and choice to make for herself. Sue, an outsider, might have tons of wisdom to dispense on both Sally and Beth and Sue may or may not agree with either, but it is her choice to remain silent or speak out. Everything in life is about choices. Is it any wonder that I work for a nonprofit that advocates for personal choice?

It's important to realize and respect an individual's choice, whether you agree with it or not. The name of the game is not to draw forces against each other, or to be bitter, or plot revenge. The name of the game has always been respect the ones you love and/or interact with. If no respect exists, or breaks down under certain circumstances, then at least respect the individual's decision/response to protect themselves in the future from disrespectful situations.

Obviously this entry stems from recent events in my life. Let's not dance around this or try to imagine what it is. I am not going to claim that this entry, while closely resembling a certain situation actually is about another completely unrelated situation. Nope - I don't need to hide behind a veil. This blog entry pertains to events that unfolded last weekend.

I would like to mention that I am very sad to have made the choice that I made, but I feel that I made the right choice for me and my partnership with Dane and the well-being of my long-term friends. It was not an easy choice and came after much meditation on the matter. After considering the facts, the decision I made best suited the circumstances. I did not want to simply "drift" away without my reasonings being known. That is not beneficial or progressive for anyone. Additionaly I would like to say that I hold nothing but best regards and warm thoughts for the person most effected by my individual choice. She is an amazing woman - beautiful inside and out. I am sorry to have surrendered our friendship.

Why did I do this you ask? Why would I give up on something that I love? I'll tell you - I LOVE fatty foods. I used to eat Popeyes, MacDonalds, fast food of any kind all the time and I'd top it off with a regular soda!! But after a while, my body changed and it became obvious that fast food was no longer good for me no matter how much I loved it. *sigh* So I gave it up. I found other, more healthy replacements sure, but every now and again I wish I could just pick up a quarter pounder with cheese and love every minute of eating it but I can't. Not as long as I know what it does to me internally.

Hot Luau Mammas!!!! 

Crystal and Rhi crossing Golden Crack 

JoeAb 2005 Updated Version/Real Life

What an AWESOME trip!!!! It would take up entirely too much space to endlessly write about it, so in formal bullet fashion form I shall recount the tale.....

1. I won the award for "most bravery" which contributed to "best crash" which led to "environmentalist". I am most shamed for the last award because it is highly facicious as I was awarded it for bashing into a tree. I felt so bad for hurting the tree even though it had already been mangled. *hangs head* The tree didn't go down without a fight though, as it took out my passenger rear window. Luckily one of the guys on the trail owns a salvage yard and donated his window to us since Dane had to tow it to Seattle.

2. Rhi won the award for "most changed slash most likely to hit on a female waitress". Rhi and Vince made their silent amends. All is well now.

3. Dane won "most improved driver". He barely needed spotters this time around and took the wheel each time I faltered and then took over driving when I couldn't make it over the Golden Crack without the "hoe strap" and proceeded to take a 2 hour pout nap.

4. Lots more people this year, tons of comradery - it was great. Campfire stories, watching Team America in the Pilot (those are nice cars!!), rafting, shopping, tanning - I feel amazingly refreshed.

Pics will be available soon. Individual tales can be told if anyone so dares to ask. :) In the meantime, I shall post one pic for good measure.

Back to life...back to reality.....
It's good to be back!! Got a lot of great stuff going on this weekend - the luau, Paula will be in town the following weekend, and then I will be in Seattle for the Fremont Summer Soltice Parade, then Rhi's friend will be in town after that!! AND THEEEENNN Dane will be in town for the Fourth of July - yep you heard it here first, Big D is coming down for a weekend of partying in D-Town, be sure to make it out for one of the events we hold/go to - I imagine it will be much like Halloween - a party every night. I can't wait to see what Rhi and I get in a fight about this year! *laughs* So far we are definitely going to a foam party on July 3, Sunday. Aside from that, it's up for grabs. Then I will have four whole weekends to enjoy the summer and hang out before August brings two weekends of a garage sale at my house, then two weekends of packing and moving.

For those who are interested/concerned, I will be having a "moving party" at my house on Sunday or Monday, August 28th or 29th. I will need people to help me load the big stuff into the moving van. Dinner and drinks provided for those who lend their time to my cause. Other than that, I do not anticipate needing more help than I already have. Rhi has volunteered to help with the garage sales, anyone else interested is invited to come on down and help! As for packing...we all know how weird and anal I am, so I think I will do that part entirely on my own. :)

Rhi and I will leave Denver either Monday or Tuesday, August 29th or 30th for SLC, UT in a 24 foot U-Haul with trailer for Fxylady and two cats. We will stay in UT at Dane's mother's house the first night then continue on into Oregon resting around the OR/WA border for the second evening then finishing up in Seattle on the the third day with plenty of time to unpack the truck and start organizing the essentials. Once that's over it will be party party party time!!! Laura Rose will be starring (as she always does) in a burlesque show on Thursday then we will take Rhi out for a tour of Seattle on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday sending her back to Denver via plane well rested and partied out. Anyone interested in joining us for this weekend (incidently it is Labor Day weekend) is welcome to come out to Seattle and join us, it might make for a great end-of-summer trip!

That's all for now.