Well it seems like the other shoe has fallen. Last night Dane and I spent the better part of the evening arguing about money and then, of course, the bigger issues. I'm beginning to understand that a lot of couples seem to go through this sort of cycle. ~phew~ Not that I wish this on anyone but it's nice to know I'm not alone.
I'm not unhappy in my marriage to Dane, quite the opposite. And the poor guy. He got me roses last week for no reason. I love that. But at the same time he totally makes me feel inferior. Everything has a value with him and coming from an accountant that means something. Like I'm not upholding my end of the deal if I don't weed when he mows the lawn. Seriously? Are we REALLY arguing about this?! I just looked at him. His favorite thing in the world is to attack me with some obscure irritation whenever I confront him. And most the time the irritation means little to him but sometimes he packs such a hard punch that it leaves a mark on me and I learn to walk on eggshells with whatever irritation it is. Later when I bring it up, he oft has no idea what I'm referring to. Then I can usually pin point something else that was going on in our lives at that time that he was really frustrated about. Again, those frustrations were probably aired to me when I least expected it, out of nowhere, and with half a bottle of booze. It gets old. Can't we talk like adults? Don't you think it would be easier to tell me how you feel when you feel it or when the scenario comes up so I can figure out a productive way to alleviate your stress?
Ugh - I'm just bitching at this point. But let's just say my excitement from last week is definitely muted.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
What Am I, 14?!
Ugh - I couldn't stop myself. Before I knew it I gave in to my guilty pleasure. Instantly I thought "what would my husband think?" I didn't care - I just had to do it.
Your Results:
Jasper Hale
You are Jasper Hale. You are very charismatic and have an uncanny ability to put others at ease. You are also a dependable leader and intuitive friend. You have a hard time ignoring temptation, as you are not naturally inclined to repress the way you feel.
Yep. I took the "Which Twilight Character Are You?" quiz. And on top of that I was duped in to liking a Miley Cyrus song. ALL IN THE SAME WEEK!!! What am I, 14?!
I've been very distracted this week. Not sure what it is. I'm all happy and sing-along Crystal. I've even gone so far as to dissect what this time of year means to me and I'm beginning to think my rebellious tendencies go beyond Isis. As long as I can remember Fall has always been a crazy time of year for me. It's like I'm rebelling that Summer is over or something.
Anyways - I'm particularly excited about nothing in particular these days and I'm waiting for the bomb to drop. Or something to happen. I'm all quued up and no where to go. I haven't felt this silly since I was 14. What's going on? Is it Dane's birthday? Is it work? Is it school almost being over? Is it the thought of me in my yellow Fanta Soda girl costume? I don't know what ~it~ is but it sure has me going.
I'll post more as something comes up. I'm dying for answers here. Check this nonsense out, it's my horoscope:
Are you getting bored? The best cure for an uninteresting life is to take risks!
You are way out on the cutting edge today, but the people who matter most are right behind you! It's a really good time to experiment with new ideas and ways of living to see what you like.
What sort of risk should I take?
Your Results:
Jasper Hale
You are Jasper Hale. You are very charismatic and have an uncanny ability to put others at ease. You are also a dependable leader and intuitive friend. You have a hard time ignoring temptation, as you are not naturally inclined to repress the way you feel.
Yep. I took the "Which Twilight Character Are You?" quiz. And on top of that I was duped in to liking a Miley Cyrus song. ALL IN THE SAME WEEK!!! What am I, 14?!
I've been very distracted this week. Not sure what it is. I'm all happy and sing-along Crystal. I've even gone so far as to dissect what this time of year means to me and I'm beginning to think my rebellious tendencies go beyond Isis. As long as I can remember Fall has always been a crazy time of year for me. It's like I'm rebelling that Summer is over or something.
Anyways - I'm particularly excited about nothing in particular these days and I'm waiting for the bomb to drop. Or something to happen. I'm all quued up and no where to go. I haven't felt this silly since I was 14. What's going on? Is it Dane's birthday? Is it work? Is it school almost being over? Is it the thought of me in my yellow Fanta Soda girl costume? I don't know what ~it~ is but it sure has me going.
I'll post more as something comes up. I'm dying for answers here. Check this nonsense out, it's my horoscope:
Are you getting bored? The best cure for an uninteresting life is to take risks!
You are way out on the cutting edge today, but the people who matter most are right behind you! It's a really good time to experiment with new ideas and ways of living to see what you like.
What sort of risk should I take?
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Along Came a Spider Who Sat Down Beside Her
*sigh* I've had THREE run in's with spiders recently. I'll explain:
The Wall: Dane was out of town. It was Tuesday (the 9th). I had just gotten done with an hour long Body Pump class at the gym, ate dinner, and was ready to crawl in to bed to read Breaking Dawn. Yes, I'm reading the Stephenie Meyer teenie-bopper vampire series. I'm on the phone with Dane when I notice a HUGE spider on the wall where it meets the ceiling over my bed. I panic. I try to use a broom, can't do it. I'm too scared. Of what? I don't know. I'm a sane, rational (most of the time) person with a completely insane, irrational fear of spiders. I try a vacuum. Worse. Even with the extension. I tell Dane I'll call him back. It's just too hard not to be the damsel in distress around him. I look at my phone. 10:45 pm. Too late to call my dad. I try texting HG. Nothing. I stare at the spider while holding the broom. 5 minutes goes by and I'm sobbing because I'm a grown woman that can't "take care" of a spider. I give up and call Dane again, fueled by the anger for crying over a spider. I yell at poor Dane because clearly it is his fault there is a spider in my room when he's out of town. Dane is stressed, he doesn't mind my yelling he's just trying to provide options for me. "Put my motorcycle helmet and gear on...Try the hot tub vacuum...What about a blanket or paper?" I finally gurgle "I have all the tools to complete the task, I just lack the gumption." My voice cracks like I'm going through puberty on the last word. Dane suggests his walking staff. That's not a bad idea. I grab the 10 foot staff. I put the phone down - Dane has to at least hear this if he's not going to be here to save me. I work up the courage, get my aim just right, and stab the staff at the wall. I keep it there for a minute, twisting it to make sure the spider is dead. I finally release and see the squished spider on the wall. Crap. Now I have to get him down because I don't want him falling on me in the middle of the night. Okay, I try the broom and barely manage to sweep him off the wall onto the floor. Now he's on the floor, he's not going to fall on me, so I can finally vacuum him up. I get the vacuum and just as I'm going for gold the spider twists up and scurries under the closet door!!!! THEY ARE NEVER DEAD!!!! So like any horror story, what do I do? I run UPstairs! I grab the phone but not before having a complete and total nuclear meltdown. I was able to get upstairs, grab a beer, open said beer, and drink 1/3 of it before I finally calmed down enough to blubber what happened to Dane. Till that moment all he could hear were my shrieks and shaking sobs. I'm not sure he's ever heard me cry like this before. I finally have to get off the phone with him - it's too much. I need to call HG. I get a hold of her and tell her right away that I sound much worse than I am and I'm being silly. As I start to unfold my story I slowly calm down and HG infuses humor into the situation and by the end of the call I'm laughing and she's helped me build a safe fortress around my bed so the spider doesn't come back to get me. I jokingly think to myself that I'd rather deal with ghosts than a spider. Of course late that night I wake up because something stirred and I look up the stairwell (outside of my room -I've been sleeping downstairs in the comfy bed) and see a glowing light. From the computer obviously, but why is it on? I decide it's because my prayer has been answered and instead of a spider I now have a ghost to contend with. It's a full minute before I assume that a cat must have bumped the monitor. Or maybe it was the spider?
A Fair Match: So last night I'm laying in my bed on my side reading. I feel something fall across my chest. Some of my hair probably. Then the something extends down my arm. Odd. I look - there's a spider. A teeny tiny itsy bitsy spider. No bigger than a large freckle. And clear so I can't really see his freaky legs (all spiders are "he's" except for black widows). I calmly brush him off me and squish him with my bookmark. I make a point to tell Dane though - just because it's almost humorous. Dane agrees the size of the spider made it a fair match.
Below the Belt: This morning I'm driving my car to the MB service center. It's due for its 1000 - 3000 mile inspection. Free, MB just wants to make sure all is well and topped off. How sweet. So I'm in the fast lane of I-90, on the floating bridge part, traveling at about 70 MPH. A spider makes his way from the left side of my car dash to the middle. I start hyperventilating. This is a serious situation. I'm driving (my NEW CAR), nowhere to go, and I can feel myself start to lose control. The spider runs up to the front of the middle of the dash to inspect my current speed. I blow on him knocking him back to the back of the dash. That works. He runs up, I blow. This goes on for 2 miles. I leave Dane a scathing voicemail (not directed at him but definitely asking "why me?", how dramatic can I be?!), I try calling HG. Nothing. The spider gets tired of being blown (perhaps proof that it is a female spider?) and settles on the passenger side dash. I'm okay with this till I see the spider start to spin up a storm. Instantly I ascertain that the spider is preparing my cocoon for death. I need to act quickly! I'm watching him so intently that I miss my exit! Now time really speeds up. I'm trying to figure out where to go and the spider starts ascending to the top of the car. Now he's ABOVE ME!! (I really have a problem with spiders when they are above me and can jump or fall down on me) He's webbing towards me, I don't have much time to get to my destination. I start wondering if I passed it. The spider closes in on me. I don't know what to do. I turn but I'm not sure it's the right street. The spider is at my rear view mirror. I'm not there yet! I panic - I blow on him, it worked last time, right? This time he's on his web and swings away only to swing back towards me with velocity. I lose it. I look up just in time to see I'm going to hit a curb and continue on to a tree. I swerve then slam on the brakes in the middle of the road (it's not a busy road) and shove the car in park and quickly exit. I'm vaguely aware that there are no cars around but there could have been. I run to the back of my car and start shaking - TREMBLING in my boots! I'm crying now and hoping that a passerby will help me. Nope. They scream and cuss at me. Even a bicyclist yelled at me. Why? Did I really cause him any grief? He certainly didn't have to go out of his way to go around me. I call my MB service rep hoping he'll come save me. I can barely get his name out - the receptionist wants to know the nature of my call. I tell her "CAN I PLEASE JUST SPEAK TO BILL IN SERVICE?!" my voice shaking from trying to conceal my tears. He answers and I tell him that I'm in the middle of the road (due to a spider) and how do I get there. He says I'm half mile away - see ya in a minute. I ask about the spider. He says what about it? Since I wasn't getting anywhere with him I decide to call out the big guns: Dad. It was too late to call him last time but not this time. He answers. I blurt out the situation. I'm sure all he heard was "spider" and "help." He gets me to turn my hazards on and take the keys out of the car so I can remotely take the top down. That way the spider doesn't have the upper advantage. Success! Then he coaxes me into my car - I only have a half mile to go. I assess. I jump in, slam it into D and jam on the gas. Instant gratification. We are doing 60 in no time and practically turn on two wheels into the MB service station. I jump out, leaving the keys in, car running, top down, and purse inside. I tell Bill I'm here for the inspection and to get a spider taken out.
Clearly I have a problem. HG and I have agreed that the spiders have put a hit out on me. I wont live long. Unless I face my fears. It's a terrible feeling being a sane person with completely insane fears and literally uncontrollable responses. I can't believe I almost wrecked my new car over a spider. A spider. And trust me - the fact that I put myself, others, and my car in danger has not been lost on me. I've been brainstorming all day what I can do to help myself. Control my reactions. I'm not coming up with anything. Thoughts? How have you overcome your fears?
The Wall: Dane was out of town. It was Tuesday (the 9th). I had just gotten done with an hour long Body Pump class at the gym, ate dinner, and was ready to crawl in to bed to read Breaking Dawn. Yes, I'm reading the Stephenie Meyer teenie-bopper vampire series. I'm on the phone with Dane when I notice a HUGE spider on the wall where it meets the ceiling over my bed. I panic. I try to use a broom, can't do it. I'm too scared. Of what? I don't know. I'm a sane, rational (most of the time) person with a completely insane, irrational fear of spiders. I try a vacuum. Worse. Even with the extension. I tell Dane I'll call him back. It's just too hard not to be the damsel in distress around him. I look at my phone. 10:45 pm. Too late to call my dad. I try texting HG. Nothing. I stare at the spider while holding the broom. 5 minutes goes by and I'm sobbing because I'm a grown woman that can't "take care" of a spider. I give up and call Dane again, fueled by the anger for crying over a spider. I yell at poor Dane because clearly it is his fault there is a spider in my room when he's out of town. Dane is stressed, he doesn't mind my yelling he's just trying to provide options for me. "Put my motorcycle helmet and gear on...Try the hot tub vacuum...What about a blanket or paper?" I finally gurgle "I have all the tools to complete the task, I just lack the gumption." My voice cracks like I'm going through puberty on the last word. Dane suggests his walking staff. That's not a bad idea. I grab the 10 foot staff. I put the phone down - Dane has to at least hear this if he's not going to be here to save me. I work up the courage, get my aim just right, and stab the staff at the wall. I keep it there for a minute, twisting it to make sure the spider is dead. I finally release and see the squished spider on the wall. Crap. Now I have to get him down because I don't want him falling on me in the middle of the night. Okay, I try the broom and barely manage to sweep him off the wall onto the floor. Now he's on the floor, he's not going to fall on me, so I can finally vacuum him up. I get the vacuum and just as I'm going for gold the spider twists up and scurries under the closet door!!!! THEY ARE NEVER DEAD!!!! So like any horror story, what do I do? I run UPstairs! I grab the phone but not before having a complete and total nuclear meltdown. I was able to get upstairs, grab a beer, open said beer, and drink 1/3 of it before I finally calmed down enough to blubber what happened to Dane. Till that moment all he could hear were my shrieks and shaking sobs. I'm not sure he's ever heard me cry like this before. I finally have to get off the phone with him - it's too much. I need to call HG. I get a hold of her and tell her right away that I sound much worse than I am and I'm being silly. As I start to unfold my story I slowly calm down and HG infuses humor into the situation and by the end of the call I'm laughing and she's helped me build a safe fortress around my bed so the spider doesn't come back to get me. I jokingly think to myself that I'd rather deal with ghosts than a spider. Of course late that night I wake up because something stirred and I look up the stairwell (outside of my room -I've been sleeping downstairs in the comfy bed) and see a glowing light. From the computer obviously, but why is it on? I decide it's because my prayer has been answered and instead of a spider I now have a ghost to contend with. It's a full minute before I assume that a cat must have bumped the monitor. Or maybe it was the spider?
A Fair Match: So last night I'm laying in my bed on my side reading. I feel something fall across my chest. Some of my hair probably. Then the something extends down my arm. Odd. I look - there's a spider. A teeny tiny itsy bitsy spider. No bigger than a large freckle. And clear so I can't really see his freaky legs (all spiders are "he's" except for black widows). I calmly brush him off me and squish him with my bookmark. I make a point to tell Dane though - just because it's almost humorous. Dane agrees the size of the spider made it a fair match.
Below the Belt: This morning I'm driving my car to the MB service center. It's due for its 1000 - 3000 mile inspection. Free, MB just wants to make sure all is well and topped off. How sweet. So I'm in the fast lane of I-90, on the floating bridge part, traveling at about 70 MPH. A spider makes his way from the left side of my car dash to the middle. I start hyperventilating. This is a serious situation. I'm driving (my NEW CAR), nowhere to go, and I can feel myself start to lose control. The spider runs up to the front of the middle of the dash to inspect my current speed. I blow on him knocking him back to the back of the dash. That works. He runs up, I blow. This goes on for 2 miles. I leave Dane a scathing voicemail (not directed at him but definitely asking "why me?", how dramatic can I be?!), I try calling HG. Nothing. The spider gets tired of being blown (perhaps proof that it is a female spider?) and settles on the passenger side dash. I'm okay with this till I see the spider start to spin up a storm. Instantly I ascertain that the spider is preparing my cocoon for death. I need to act quickly! I'm watching him so intently that I miss my exit! Now time really speeds up. I'm trying to figure out where to go and the spider starts ascending to the top of the car. Now he's ABOVE ME!! (I really have a problem with spiders when they are above me and can jump or fall down on me) He's webbing towards me, I don't have much time to get to my destination. I start wondering if I passed it. The spider closes in on me. I don't know what to do. I turn but I'm not sure it's the right street. The spider is at my rear view mirror. I'm not there yet! I panic - I blow on him, it worked last time, right? This time he's on his web and swings away only to swing back towards me with velocity. I lose it. I look up just in time to see I'm going to hit a curb and continue on to a tree. I swerve then slam on the brakes in the middle of the road (it's not a busy road) and shove the car in park and quickly exit. I'm vaguely aware that there are no cars around but there could have been. I run to the back of my car and start shaking - TREMBLING in my boots! I'm crying now and hoping that a passerby will help me. Nope. They scream and cuss at me. Even a bicyclist yelled at me. Why? Did I really cause him any grief? He certainly didn't have to go out of his way to go around me. I call my MB service rep hoping he'll come save me. I can barely get his name out - the receptionist wants to know the nature of my call. I tell her "CAN I PLEASE JUST SPEAK TO BILL IN SERVICE?!" my voice shaking from trying to conceal my tears. He answers and I tell him that I'm in the middle of the road (due to a spider) and how do I get there. He says I'm half mile away - see ya in a minute. I ask about the spider. He says what about it? Since I wasn't getting anywhere with him I decide to call out the big guns: Dad. It was too late to call him last time but not this time. He answers. I blurt out the situation. I'm sure all he heard was "spider" and "help." He gets me to turn my hazards on and take the keys out of the car so I can remotely take the top down. That way the spider doesn't have the upper advantage. Success! Then he coaxes me into my car - I only have a half mile to go. I assess. I jump in, slam it into D and jam on the gas. Instant gratification. We are doing 60 in no time and practically turn on two wheels into the MB service station. I jump out, leaving the keys in, car running, top down, and purse inside. I tell Bill I'm here for the inspection and to get a spider taken out.
Clearly I have a problem. HG and I have agreed that the spiders have put a hit out on me. I wont live long. Unless I face my fears. It's a terrible feeling being a sane person with completely insane fears and literally uncontrollable responses. I can't believe I almost wrecked my new car over a spider. A spider. And trust me - the fact that I put myself, others, and my car in danger has not been lost on me. I've been brainstorming all day what I can do to help myself. Control my reactions. I'm not coming up with anything. Thoughts? How have you overcome your fears?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)